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Safeword
A safeword is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used
in BDSM to mean that a bottom or submissive is
reaching a limit or for the Top/Dom to stop the scene. Safewords are
agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants. Many organized
BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to
avoid confusion at organized play events. Use of safewords in BDSM
In BDSM, the safeword is generally used so that the
bottom can scream "no, stop", etc. as much as they
want without really meaning it, and still have a way of indicating a
serious desire that the scene stops. Accordingly, a safeword is usually
a word that the person would not ordinarily say during sex, such as
"red", "tree", "anomaly", or even "safeword".
Some partners have different gradations of safeword, such as "yellow" to
mean "that hurts" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and
"red" to mean "let's stop the scene". In other circumstances the
safeword may not be a word at all, but a signal like dropping a ball or
similar, or making three clear and rhythmic grunts or vigorous motions,
in the case of a person who is gagged or bound. A common convention of
tops putting a finger in the bottom's hand is used if the bottom has
become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach
subspace. In this scenario the bottom squeezes a
pre-determined number of times to indicate OK.
A common request from the top to the bottom, is to ask "What is your
color?" In addition to red and yellow, green is a common safe word used
to indicate, "I'm fine".
In the case of role-play, some simply drop out of character to safeword,
such as having the submissive address the
dominant by his/her first name.Objections
While many in the BDSM community consider safewords an essential part of
safe play, there is a significant contingent that does not have any such
term in their relationships or their play. Some of these people simply
use the word "stop". Others rely on the top to monitor the condition of
the bottom and stop if necessary, at their discretion. In such
circumstances the bottom or submissive must have consented not to have
control over the duration of the scene in advance.
Interestingly some of those who recommend safewords do not, themselves,
use them - though this is not often discussed in public. There is an
undercurrent assumption that play without safewords is an "advanced"
technique and should not be advocated in the hearing of novices. BDSM
activity without a safeword is regarded by many as inadvisable and
dangerous. Ignoring safewords is considered dishonorable and a deeply
immoral practice in the BDSM community.See also
(This article incorporates text from the
Safeword
article in Wikipedia.)
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