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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Timelines" Timelines (3) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Wed 7 Dec 05, 5:18 PM 798-955-220 US, 6 yrs £ Y! Hello everyone! i have some questions for those Owners and slaves who have had longstanding relationships together. i have been with my Owner/Daddy for about a year now. i started out being under His collar of protection, was eventually collared to Him, and have recently begun slave training with Him. i live with him full time and we are working towards a TPE relationship. i am finding that i'm struggling with it more than i thought i would. Although i understand the concepts mentally and I trust Him to take care of me, i'm having a hard time breaking old habits and giving up control. i want very much to be His slave and i believe that i will eventually be successful in being the kind of slave that we both want me to be; however being an over-acheiver i am frustrated with myself that i seem to be taking longer than i thought. My biggest problem currently is doing what i am told reliably and consistently. i have no excuse for why i disobey, because it is unexcusable. But as far as reasons go, i find that in my attempt to serve Him, i often end up doing what i THINK is best instead of what i'm told. And then He is understandably upset. It seems to me and to Him to be a basic concept that i'm just not able to put into practice. i'm getting better with his help and guidance, but i'm still working on improving. From reading this board i'm finding that several of the slaves here are extremely intelligent and capable people. i have read a few comments that these slaves have found in thier lives that they were often the ones who knew the best, fastest, most efficient way to do things until they met thier Owners and found someone who had a stronger will even than them. i find that to be the case with my Daddy, and it gives me hope that i will turn out to be a good slave for Him. i believe that my intelligence and even my strong will can eventually allow me to be a better slave, but they need to be re-directed in a manner that serves him. So my questions for you all relate to what it was like for you in the beginning of your relationship. Did you slaves struggle with similar issues and if so, how did you overcome them? May I ask that the Owners respond as well with how they guided thier slaves through the early times? And how long did you all find that it took for you to really feel settled into your agreements so that everything was running smoothly and the beginnning hurdles were overcome? Thank you all for any advice, suggestions and comments you might want to share. I am new to this site, but my Daddy speaks highly of it and has sent me many excerpts to study and think about, so I am very excited to be here! Respectfully, Daddy's precious hope 8 Dec 05, 12:55 PM slavejanet US, 6 yrs 798-955-220 wrote: It is not uncommon for you to struggle. Letting go of our past lives is difficult. Learning to totally trust ones owner is an easy concept until put into practice. I too am an over achiever and still support myself and have my own household. But, Master rules the roost. It is not so much that he wants to control my every movement. We chose eachother because of intellect and our strengths. It is learning his way of thinking. It has taken me 6 months to even begin to understand his life concepts. I believe that this is an ongoing process that will get better with time. You just need to be patient with yourself. Being a consentual slave is not easy. You have opted to give pretty much every idea and thought up for this Master. He seems patient enough. My Master does not believe in corporal punishment. He does however know how to make me suffer. He can correct me with a look. And often does. We talk, a lot. Communication is key, and time. Do not be so hard on yourself. Talk to your Daddy about it. WHen you want to do things your way instead of his, ask him about it. If he does not allow this, think about why you are going against the grain, and what the reprecussions will be. Blindly obeying is difficult. I think our Masters set us with these tasks to see what we are about sometimes.Since you have agreed to be his slave, learn to obey. That will make your life much easier. Learn to let go and trust him. You must have believed in him enough to become his slave, not trust yourself and be a good slave. Good Luck, slavejanet 8 Dec 05, 5:48 PM s_sunny_tx US, 6 yrs Y! 798-955-220 wrote: My biggest problem currently is doing what i am told reliably and consistently. i have no excuse for why i disobey, because it is unexcusable. But as far as reasons go, i find that in my attempt to serve Him, i often end up doing what i THINK is best instead of what i'm told. So my questions for you all relate to what it was like for you in the beginning of your relationship. Did you slaves struggle with similar issues and if so, how did you overcome them? Respectfully, Daddy's precious hope Dear hope, Welcome, and if it helps, know that you are not alone. This was something I still struggle with at times, but I think I am getting better. Here is my best advice. 1. Be an extension of the Master. His mind should control your actions. Try not to stop and analyze each command. Do them without hesitation, and think about them more deeply afterwards. 2. During your training, learn how He wants things done and why. Understanding "What was He thinking?" will help you to know He thinks, and why, and will help you to make the same choices as you learn to anticipate His needs. Open communication is critical here. 3. Focus on His needs, let His will be done, first and foremost. I have found that everytime I failed it was when I was thinking of my own selfish desires. 4. Remain an humble, work-in-progress. Never stop learning. Just when you think you have totally mastered something, you realize that you are still a diamond in the rough. Not quite a gem, always room for improvement. slave sunny "what have you done for One today?" Edited 12 Dec 05, 2:58 PM by s_sunny_tx 9 Dec 05, 9:59 PM 139-715-032 US(MA), 6 yrs I've found that when the way I think is best differs from the way I have been told to do something, it is because I have different priorities than my master. Over time I have internalized more and more of his priorities, but it is useful to me to understand his priorities and why his decisions made sense from that standpoint, even if I haven't internalized those priorities. From there, obedience comes naturally and gracefully. I know that some masters do not care to share their motivations or reasons with their slaves, but mine has always done so quite readily, time permitting. Also, a mindful servant can pick up on patterns of behavior even when the master doesn't care to explain every last thing. While I am expected to obey whether I agree with my master or not, he has a strong preference for me agreeing with him and believing him to be right. He doesn't think highly of a person who would gladly serve someone they continually believe to be in error. In some service situations it is best to develop a habit of instinctive, unquestioning obedience. In others, a certain inquisitiveness is more appropriate. I find the second to be useful in developing a deep TPE/IE sort of dynamic. One works from the outside in - You first create the appearance of obedience, supported by external motivation, and this is meant to bring about the internal desire to obey and act rightly. The other works from the inside, attempting to give the innate desire to obey a natural mode of expression. This is intended to bring about a strong internally-motivated obedience. Rather than supressing the will of the slave, you bind it and align it with the master's will. Coming to a deep state of obedience is a slow process by any method! I found that much of my drive to be perfect, to be the slaviest slave, the best boy ever, was motivated by vanity and pride, not a desire to serve. A genuine desire to serve has a great degree of humility to it, and patience. My master described the internal training a slave as being like shaping one of those little bonzai trees. It is a long and subtle process, and the desired result is a form that looks entirely natural. The method desired by many slaves (myself included) is more of a Martha Stewart method of cutting all the limbs off a little tree and gluing them in an artful and uniform arrangement to a sturdy dowel. *laugh* -- Joshua