KinkPodcasts.com - podcasts about BDSM, Fetish and Kink    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Dominant psyche" Dominant psyche (7) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Wed 2 Nov 05, 7:32 PM Michael_X UK, 6 yrs I suspect it might be interesting to pose the same question that has started an interesting thread about slave's psyche to those here who identify as dominant:- "...what where you like growing up?..." I'll post my own response in a while but I'm curious to hear others first. Michael 3 Nov 05, 3:20 PM Skinowner AQ, 6 yrs Y! Title: Life as a lonely thinker (or how society incarcerated an innocent) I for one think I have always felt Dominant in a way but the path to self recognition and acceptance was long and arduous. Ever since I was a child I had a very vivid immagination - on anything under the sun. When I would speak out about something I was thinking (ie: imagining) I was mostly told to shut up and/or laughed at, both by peers and my supposedly loving and nurturing mother..... and it got worse. I was at the point in my teens were I would not even dare speak up for myself. Many times I knew I was right, or had a better idea or opinion on something, but never dared speak. Statement: I was just lying still, immobile, lest someone notices I do exit. During puberty I would see pics of women (any man has not???) but the ones that most kicked it in for me were not the naked ones, or the highly pornographic, but ones with women bound, whipped, gagged, caged, in full catsuits, corsets, high heels aand what have you. I would be more exited by a catalog pic of a woman in a latex mini dress than a Playboy spread. Now here I must state that I had a catholic upbringing that, though not strict, was enough to impress on little me images of the fires of hell. So seeing the pics I mentioned above I started considering myself kind of sick, depraved and maybe even a danger to society. I was intelligent and bright and did not want to risk being labeled as something I felt I was not, but still was afraid. Statement: I could feel the fires burn, but did not understand the chemisty Normal sex was never really fulfilling for me. I had a couple of serious relations were I would dare suggest 'special play'. It always ended the same, they would complain it hurt, it was too this or too that. All failed. None solely due to SM needs but it was surely one of the causes. Statement: I was lost in a stormy sea with no light At one point I decided to stop dating altogether. I took time to find myself, who I am and what I really want in life. I should mention a small turning point that got me started on the walk to self discovery. Around when I was 19 I was at this conference organized as part of our studies and I was talking to my friend and telling him my opinion about what the speaker was saying. My friend said I had a good discussion point and PUSHED me to go 'public' with it. I did, and lo and behold I was listened to, commended and applauded. My past, weakened self starting crumbling and the real me started emerging, slowly and cautiously. Statement: I: a phoenix egg However, without a reference point (like 'open' BDSM oriented clubs or meets) it was hard to face this on my own. Sites like this one helped a lot in satisfactorily defining the Dom part of me which now I know is as big a part as the professional I am in my career. Statement: I: A Phoenix taking flight Edited 27 Nov 05, 10:39 AM by Skinowner 6 Nov 05, 8:09 AM Michael_X UK, 6 yrs Hi Skinowner, Thank you for sharing that, and congratulations on being the first to respond. I hope others will join in and share, as on the slave psyche thread, something of their childhood, their response to authority and authority figures and so forth. Michael Edited 6 Nov 05, 8:12 AM by Michael_X 7 Nov 05, 12:01 AM Dracarys AU, 6 yrs michael_mwd wrote: I hope others will join in and share, as on the slave psyche thread, something of their childhood, their response to authority and authority figures and so forth. Interesting question. Looking back, I guess I didn't have much of a problem with rules or authority during my childhood. That being said, I did have quite a rebellious streak that surfaced when(and only when) I felt that certain authorities(parents, teachers, etc) were being UNFAIR, within the framework of rules as I understood them. I enjoyed hobbies that allowed me to be both creative and in control. Even today that holds true, as I'm an avid fiction writer, photographer and designer. I've always been fairly gentle, with the exception of roughhousing with my three brothers. I remember accidentally hurting a girl when I was 8 or 9, with a piece of rope I found on the playground. From memory, I was swinging it around, and hit her wrist, leaving a bruise. Not my favourite childhood memory by a long shot. Nowadays, administering any type of "pain" punishment always requires me to break through a mental wall. In a way, the maxim "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" does hold true to some degree. I was the oldest of four children, so I grew up with a fair bit of trust and responsibility given to me once I neared adolescence. Generally, I was calm, overimaginative and happy as a child, and these traits become even stronger and more obvious when I reached adulthood. Dracarys, Master of freckles. 12 Nov 05, 7:02 AM Michael_X UK, 6 yrs Hi Dracarys, Dracarys wrote: Interesting question. Thank you. Dracarys wrote: I was the oldest of four children, I too was the eldest (also of four). I suspect birth order is a factor in the probability and age at which people... But perhaps we had better leave any speculation or analysis until more have posted. Given how well the slave psyche thread is running I hope that, given time, more will post here with parallel answers to the questions asked there. Michael Edited 12 Nov 05, 7:10 AM by Michael_X 12 Nov 05, 1:23 PM Dracarys AU, 6 yrs michael_mwd wrote: But perhaps we had better leave any speculation or analysis until more have posted. Given how well the slave psyche thread is running I hope that, given time, more will post here with parallel answers to the questions asked there. Michael While we're speculating, I have also noticed there seems to be a lot of "Michaels" in the world of Doms. Myself included. Probably a coincidence, but having a name that means "He who is like God" probably messes without our heads at some point. Dracarys, Master of freckles. 12 Nov 05, 1:58 PM Skinowner AQ, 6 yrs Y! Dracarys wrote: michael_mwd wrote: But perhaps we had better leave any speculation or analysis until more have posted. Given how well the slave psyche thread is running I hope that, given time, more will post here with parallel answers to the questions asked there. Michael While we're speculating, I have also noticed there seems to be a lot of "Michaels" in the world of Doms. Myself included. Probably a coincidence, but having a name that means "He who is like God" probably messes without our heads at some point. Pls. For anything's sake! We're not kittens. !!!!! Hello to all the kittens though. I liked their girly musing. 12 Nov 05, 2:18 PM allalone47 US(OH), 6 yrs michael_mwd wrote: I suspect it might be interesting to pose the same question that has started an interesting thread about slave's psyche to those here who identify as dominant:- "...what where you like growing up?..." I'll post my own response in a while but I'm curious to hear others first. Michael Didn't have time to check spelling and finish so I am fixing this and adding to the line.. A little about me. I am the youngest of three boys. So I was the one tht had to do everything that my bothers didn't want to do weather I wanted to or not. NO chise just the pecking order set by my Father. To please my Mother I still have to. To include pay for a house that my older brother began to by so as to take better care of my Mother, and on the last part I do agree but not the part of it being required to do, do to I am the youngest. That and the part I reley do dispise having to let my oldest brother stay here.The one person I can't say no to is my Mom. Not do to she is dom in her own self she isn't jist that is the way I was raised. But for the rest I need to and desire to be in charge. I just can't do to having to pay the bills and or other responsablitys. So I have to do what others say. And then have to fix the messes that they make or are coused do to they don't now what they are doing.Hy that is life and work and something that even as a Dom I have to get use to. Me if I don't now what I am doing I don't let my Dominance over power my judgement and do or have done something tht is going to break or make a mess I let someone that nows what they are doing do it. Edited 12 Nov 05, 4:23 PM by allalone47