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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Lessons Learned" 1 2 3 4 Lessons Learned (33) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 7 Jun 08, 12:35 PM dorine_van_Frank NL, 4 yrs charlie wrote: Relating to the concept of having distance from the emotions, I do know what you mean. My view is that the technique is not dismissing or ignoring emotions (not that you suggested such), but acknowledging the emotion, checking out the reasons behind it, then letting it go. It requires recognition of the transitory nature of emotion, and that negative emotions are given the power they have because the person has a vested interest in holding tight (like my desire for validation above - which is that I can't let go of wanting to control and wanting approval). hello Charlie, i wouldn't say this is bollocks, anything that helps and i guess it is very good to have an active attitude in these kind of things. for me i think it works best in interaction with others, especially my Dom. Because it is hard, sometimes, to acknowledge that somehow, deep inside, i do not even WANT to change or let go. i usually do not allow myself these kind of things. Because i 'should be' open, willing to release everything etcetera...never be mad, angry, impatient and unreasonable... rationally, i do not agree, i've managed to get a distance from these things, the idea of 'what a good girl is like' But then, i find myself in this situation again where i experience these 'negative' emotions (are emotions negative or positive at all??) and i judge myself for it, which makes everything worse. it helps (although it can be a struggle) to talk about this (on al later time), to analyze and hear Frank say that he doesn't judge me and he doesn't want me to judge myself. And he pushes, so i cannot escape..which i will if i have the change... oh, and i'm really cooperative in my slavery. Just so you know. i hope this makes sense, i can't really find the right words today. greetings, dorine 7 Jun 08, 12:40 PM dorine_van_Frank NL, 4 yrs anjuli wrote: I've just realised what my best lesson is: Living in the moment! This is a real challenge for us worriers with depressive or anxiety tendencies! And the realisation that I had spent much of my life worrying about what might happen and, perhaps even more crucially, striving and seeking and wanting something else, something more... as life itself sailed by, was an important one for me, dumb as it may sound. <rolls eyes> Life really IS what happens while you are planning it. hello anjuli, i couldn't agree more! it is probably a process of life-long-learning. yoga helps, meditation helps, learning from your children helps a great deal too! How a child can enjoy the moment: there are still pieces of that inside us as grownups, don't you think? Another thing what i learn and have learnt already quite a bit is to look back from time to time and see where you came from. So many things have changed for the better, even just little things. So many things shared, struggles survived....whatever. My point is that i learn to look at the things that ARE, not (only or mainly) at the things that AREN'T there (yet). sounds logical and yes: it is dorine 8 Jun 08, 5:02 AM 662-935-655 5 yrs re: lessons learned - among others already listed, all great ones to learn, commitment and to trust at least one person to the max level possible for me. Esp.to learn that commitment is more important than love because love comes and goes - i mean the real passionate love - however commitment and loyalty are a decision. i've heard it said i/e - intellect ruling emotions. re: kneeling - from the beginning my knees have been bad and Master would graciously allow me to kneel on hands and kneew, bowing forward with my forehead on folded hands. when my knees got too bad for that a bow or a curtsy - it was intent that mattered to HIS way of looking at things. to quote a slave i know - alpha in a poly - my Master also kept me on a long leash, but knew when to tug a bit. i may be crazy but i think sometimes that perhaps He still does. but wouldn't it be, as with a safe word, probably good for all of us in the slave or even sub mode of life to get a good physical and maybe a good osteopath and/or chiropractor -possibly an acupuncture or accupressure specialist. And i have heard Masters/Doms can learn accupressure and or hypnosis and massage to assist their slaves in training their body. but Master always told me that both Masters and slaves can only give what they have to give - and it's good to go into it with both sides knowing what individual body tolerances are and if the envelope of that is to be stretched, doing it slowly would make sense to avoid injury to One's property - or so it seems to me. Which comes back to that oft thrashed out topic of disabled Masters with healthy slaves, Healthy Masters with disabled slaves and disabled Masters with their disabled slaves. i know of a submissive - a close friend - who is in a wheel-chair, as "legally blind'/partially sighted as i am. she has MS yet found ways to serve. i have heard that even those who have become - i think the term is quadrapalegic or something like that, paralyzed from the neckdown- has served as a S/switch and a sub and even a slave. How that works out specifically, i am not sure. by the by, i have been told Valerian root mixed with chamomile can do wonders for muscle pain - along with the NSAID meds, which are over the counter. i would suggest taking the valerian in capsule as it tastes just plain awful. also - and i'm not kidding - you may want to keep it away from cats, as some like it better than catnip and won't move much from a spot where a valerian/catnip mix is regularly sprinkled. as always, check with a doctor or pharmacist before using - and esp. if you have allergies or are on prescription meds or over-the-counter stuff that you take regularly. Not every herb is for everyone and i am not an M.D.or even a N.P or R. Ph. so....... CHECK Before use please. Hatha yoga sounds good and i've had enough experience where i can see where that and/or mindfulness would be helpful. What about the pulati - sp/ - craze? I'm not real familiar with the exercises; however, it seemslike a good idea. As always i reccomend Jay Weinstein's booklet on Dungeon Emergencies and first aid equipment as He's an e.m.t. or paramedic and knows what the score is on our lifestyle medically. There are times in this when i know for me the spirit is willing but O/our flesh - Masters as well as mine - was week. Anyways, i 've come up with this crazy idea that perfect submission may not be attainable in this life and that the joy is in the journey. i definitely know how it is when O/others decide that you really aren't M/s because you don't do it the way they do it. Master was more into D/s than B/d and definitely way more than S/m. And we were - oh no - monogamous and hetero all the way. it was hard for me to get past this - still is. Oddly here i am responding in part to what O/others have said on the kneeling issue and my knee just popped real loud from sitting at the desk so long. would an exercise bike strengthen knees? What about allowing a knew slave a thin pillow to start with and gradually building up him/her by degrees to longer times and wean him/her off the pillow? what about reiki - which is non-sectarian, i believe - i know little about it. i'm thinkint in terms of what a Master can do without professional medical and psychological training. Just random thoughts from a random mind - take anything that helps and delete the heck out of the rest, if you please. j/L Papa's owned, always - ALWAYS!