2 Jan 06, 12:05 AM
mogroth
UK, 6 yrs
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Tanos wrote:
autonne wrote:
Does anyone have a way to distinguish between the two?
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The most important question to ask when assessing a potential master is: "Do they take responsibility for their actions?"
Narcissists don't. |
Absolutely! And a person who doesn't take responsibility for their actions, but blames it on someone else, is a liability. Speaking from personal observation, you get that pattern in abusive relationships, such as the guy who belts his wife and then says "It's your fault - you made me angry." It's never his fault that he couldn't control his temper. 
Mogroth
Edited 2 Jan 06, 12:19 AM by mogroth
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2 Jan 06, 12:17 AM
mogroth
UK, 6 yrs
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tangie wrote:
for me, this is a titchy point. on one hand we have the "blame the submissive" routine, where the failing is nearly always the submissives, and she has been made to feel inadiquate until what self-esteem she had** either disappears or her own sense of survival kicks in and she breaks the bond. |
Hmm! My lass is quite spirited. She's had tasks before now - she's even asked if I could set her some, with set time limits, things to be achieved etc. Now if she can't complete them maybe a) I set something too adventurous or too unrealistic a time scale b) she hadn't got the resources to complete it adequately, in which case I need to review the situation and give her the resources or get her help if it is beyond her c) she's ballsed up. Any penalties are established well beforehand. It's nowhere near the same as the guy (or woman) who lashes out and excuses their violence (physical or otherwise) on the grounds that "you made me do it!" And yes, such violent, abusive people are quite weak.
Mogroth
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6 Mar 06, 6:41 PM
TheFamily
6 yrs |
As a dominant, this thread caused me to stop and consider how it applied to me, and I didn't expect what I've come up with: narcissism is a complete anathema for an owner.
People judge themselves on what they feel capable of doing in the future.
People judge others on what they have done in the past and are doing now.
Owners are not just responsible for themselves, but also for their slaves.
If an owner even once thinks that just because they've used a bull-whip for years, that nothing could go wrong now: they're ego has taken over their responsibility. "Yeah, I'm a brilliant shot with a bull-whip"... and you're back in A&E again. That would be bad because of the damage to the slave, but could be terminal to the relationship.
A good owner is more likely to consider other people's opinions of themselves to be irrelevent, but to assume by default that no one is impressed with them, or is going to be. No one likes a smart-arse, and being a dominant, especially when being referred to as something like "Master" is a vulnerable place to be in that respect.
I think I look at my dominance as a way to use up my spare energy: I love controlling my environment, so from an early age I learned how to be adept at things. Once you've learned to look after yourself, the next challenge is a partner... then when you've done the basics, BDSM is a natural progression: see how well you can control every aspect of someone elses life and make it fit around and support your own. Ultimately you'd hope to be good enough to deal with multiple slaves, then add the normal things in life: make a marriage work, then a family, and if you still have energy and resources to spare, start helping out subs and slaves who get into trouble... Thats about where I am, and it keeps me out of trouble and satisfies me, but theres no space for narcissism: if anything the torture sessions are the only time I get to see my value: when a slave demonstrates their adoration by enduring things that I know they're only enduring for me. But even then, the feeling isn't "wow, I must be great", its like a point where I stop and think: how did I get here, to be able to enjoy such a special pleasure...
It reminds me of the difference between dogs and cats:
Dogs think, "hey these people let me in their house and feed me and make me feel good: they must be Gods"
Cats think, "hey these people let me in their house and feed me and make me feel good: I must be God"
Perhaps what I'm rambling towards is that, given the above analogy, your ex was a cat. I guess the sub equivalent of a cat is a sub who tops from the bottom... But now I'm rambling and digressing and cake has arrived...
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