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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Introductions" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Introductions (93) This topic is now full - if you want to reply, please make a new post on the board itself. This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. 25 Sep 05, 8:30 PM 852-537-706 US, 6 yrs Y! Hello all....new here yet not to the lifestyle...here is a little info about me. Forgive the length. Nice to meet you all. Who am I? That is a good question, one it seems I am still figuring out. I am 'd', a thirty-eight year old married male that while being a switch, has found my home as an owned submissive. I will try to explain who I am, as best I can, here. And as painful as it will be for me to write, this is all truth…there is no joy in dishonesty or fiction. And forgive the length of this diatribe. For years I have played on both sides of the coin in virtual realms, following my heart, topping and bottoming by how I felt, and what felt right in my heart to me. Come to find out, some of those things were right…and some wrong. It wasn't until late April of 2004 that my whole world was about to change. I met Mistress online in a place we both used to frequent a lot at that time. We talked, just as people getting to know one another, quickly becoming friends. You know how you meet someone and they click with you and you feel you've known them all your life….that is Mistress. At that time, I didn't know she was a Domme at all. We just talked and slowly conversations turned to other things, our likes, and my interest in bdsm. We talked a lot more, me doing a lot of listening, She explaining things to me. Her having been in the lifestyle for quite some time (over ten years now), made it easy for Her to impart knowledge and insights to me. I had always yearned to be owned, to learn, and to feel what it was truly like. After more talks and things, She made the decision to collar me. Nervousness doesn't come close to how I felt at first. Nervous of letting go, giving my all to Her, opening myself up freely. I had always been a walled up sort of person, guarding myself from outside forces….and now I had to tear them down. She required me to do a few things for Her at the outset. Some were easy, like keeping a daily journal or reading certain non-fiction bdsm books. Others, like not being able to climax, unless She let me, were much harder. I strived to do my best, wanting to please Her. I stumbled once at the beginning, and I was punished for it. One thing I do know is that I hate punishments. I relish pain, but being punished for failure hurts me to the core. It means I failed myself, and more so, that I failed Her. Slowly I fell into a safe pattern with Mistress. Each day made my role more defined, and in hindsight I realized why every thing She had me do was important. We went along for six wonderful months…me serving all Her needs….She taking me to places I had never been, expanding my horizons, teaching me. Knowledge is important to Mistress. Learning, sharing and growing I found out all help me become a better submissive. So I tried to learn what I could, and share what I can with others. Years of life had hardened me to certain things…one being not crying….no matter what, I 'don't' cry. Well, even that wall fell down in a scene and I was sobbing so much. Yet being in Her care, being safe, even that fall was pure bliss. We had shared so much, given to each other not only as Mistress/pet, but as friends, lovers, and many other things. Then the world we had created started to fray apart. For the life of me, I still do not know what happened inside of me to cause it all. Yet for the next six months, I seemed to grow further away from Her. Even with my other friends, I was growing distant. The relationship with Mistress, which once was so blissful, became strained. She tried Her best to see to me, yet every passing day seemed to bring another brick added to my growing wall. Even after one year of being together as Mistress/pet, it was a time of quick joys followed by days of hurt. Then in late June/early July, it all ended. My closing up had caused Mistress to leave. And even at that time I truly didn't know what I had, or what I had lost. So here I was, unowned and feeling quite alone. Yes, I had my own pets and playmates online….but I had lost the one thing that made me feel whole and calm inside. It wasn't until a week or so after She had left that I felt a huge kick in my gut. How could I have forgotten my place? How could I have forgotten that it was my job to see to Her needs, to be completely honest with Her, to open my heart and let Her see it…good or bad? I knew then that She had tried Her damned best to see to me. Yet in my own selfishness I was unable to be what I was supposed to be for Her. The phrase 'you don't know what you have till it's gone' never applied more. I became sullen, withdrawn, mentally sad, and physically sick. A good bdsm relationship takes two, it is 50/50 though a bit slanted to the Domme's side. I failed to be the other half, I forgot the 'four rules' and due to it all I lost my place by Her side. This brings us to August of 2005. Mistress and I while apart, share a common bond between us…kids. My son was going through a tough time physically and I was not sure if he was going to be ok or not. Mistress sent some kind and reassuring words to me, and I guess that started off our talking once again. Very guarded small chats at first, feeling each other out. Then one eve we let it all just fly, what had happened, the whys, the hurt, everything. It was a very emotional night for me, it is very very hard for me to admit I was wrong. Yet I did and things moved on. Our friendship was healing, we were seeing each other again as the person we once had loved. Deep down in me, I wanted Her so badly. Not just as my Owner, I needed my friend, my lover also, yet I couldn't say the words. I had hurt Her so badly before, how could I ever be trusted again? We talked more, this time both of us being completely open and unguarded. The spark was faint yet every day it started to grow brighter until it became a flame. My heart beat faster as I wondered if I could ever be Hers again. After losing Her, I felt that deep down, I had found my place. That I could serve fully, giving freely, sharing totally, and keeping the walls down. Yet would I get the chance? Days passed, bonds made in places, each talk bringing us closer together. Then it came down to the night of September 17th 2005. A long, deep, emotional talk between us for many hours. Many a tear spilled by us both as we finally found the path that is right for us. She asked me to be Hers once again, and I accepted. My world and myself becoming whole once more…finally at home and at peace. Which brings us to the here and now. Whilst only a short time has passed since my re-collaring, She and I have experienced nothing but true happiness since. What we have is special and being there for one another is a wonderful thing. We support each other fully, share totally…it's been great. I know my place now and I truly wish to always be by Her side. My love for Her is boundless, and I give my complete trust to Her to care for me and to guide me to many new experiences. Yes, I am still an emotional whirlwind, but I am calmer and more able to handle it now. Thanks to Her. So that is who I am, I am 'd' and I am her loving and loyal pet; and I am home by Her side. Any who wish to contact me for correspondence or just sharing things, please do. I love meeting and having new friends. "d" Mistress Lynx's Loving pet Edited 25 Sep 05, 8:31 PM by 852-537-706 26 Sep 05, 2:31 AM Master4swf US, 6 yrs Y! Tanos wrote: Let's try to get the ball rolling with some introductions ... I am a 42 year old male living on the east coast of America. I have had 2 live in subs in the past 10 years, that have lasted a little while. I am currently looking for a Sub, who wants to be totally controled, likes a caged life, and nudism in the home. Age unimportant, but have found younger than 35, more willing to submit. Let me know 27 Sep 05, 10:30 PM 685-575-197 CA, 6 yrs Zeemee wrote: Tanos wrote: Ok, who's next? Hey there, who am I? Actually, I'm an in practice quite vanilla girl, who just decided that's no reason to feel out of place. I've taken some rather theoretical (and at times somewhat practical) interest in bdsm for the past two or three years, but until some days ago I've viewed Master/slave relationships as something only lived by very very very few people (like 50 worldwide or so ) and as of very questionable ethics. Now, mind the past tense, please. A couple of days ago I came across domsub.info first and the Internal Enslavement site second, and since then I've been reading feverishly, barely being able to focus on the computer architecture stuff I really ought to be studying instead. *sigh* Those two sites gave me, for the first time, a clear and well argued view of what life in such a relationship might be like, that it is livable, and even highly rewarding for some people. I still do struggle with some of its aspects, but I'm not here to start arguments. I'm really rather intrigued by the philosophical questions this lifestyle raises, about the different meanings of freedom to different people. And about the implications of choosing a life that is so totally not mainstream. I'll probably be somewhat of an invisible reader and you won't see many posts by me... but I'll stick around a while for sure and hopefully learn quite a bit about a different way to love and live. So thanks to all for sharing your views in a place public enough for me to find, and thanks to Tanos for his eye-opening essays on enslavement. i have been a sub for as long as i can remember and find a huge sence of satisfaction from my life of servitude,so i offer to answer any questions that you may have,honestly and with no purpose other than to help you or anyone who may be curious,besides there must be a reason for you to "hang around,no?"perhaps your curiosaties reflect an internal desire of your own?(wink)#685575197 28 Sep 05, 9:46 AM the_boi UK, 6 yrs £ Y! Tanos wrote: Let's try to get the ball rolling with some introductions ... About me: I'm a mid-thirties dom near Manchester in the UK. I've had my slave, lili, living in my household for the past 5 years, and for the first 2 or 3 years we wrote a lot about M/s and TPE - some of you may remember the old Enslavement Yahoo group we ran and http://www.enslavement.org.uk is still online with some of our essays. Most of our public efforts have gone in to the BDSM scene in the UK over the last 18 months or so, including a complete rebuild of the Informed Consent website that I also run (now up to 1500 posts / 2500 visitors a day) but we're now feeling like discussing Enslavement and TPE more again, which is why I've been posting to lists a bit more and why the revamped Slave Register now includes web boards like this. Ok, who's next? Hi Master Tanos, i think its kewl - though You come from a different angle to myself, its important that such work is available. Through others experiences may we become better in our status. i run http://www.theboi.tk - its generally a personal site though its developing links to various pieces of information that i come accross on a day to day basis and is getting bigger and bigger, never sure whether to drop the personal bit and move that away or to keep it as it is. i shall keep writing and building up the info and links from the gay side of D/s in the hope that they may help, who knows. Anyway brilliant site this, i remember my registration moment as if it were yesterday and know my number by heart lol. Thanks Sir boi 000-636-428 "where will your service take you today?" 28 Sep 05, 2:05 PM 755-349-949 US, 6 yrs swtnss wrote: Hi, my online name is swt however the one I serve calls me molly ... for almost all of my life I knew I was different and it has certainly made life difficult and almost impossible for me. I never fully understood what was going on and who I really was until I dabbled a little online and then began reading about Internal Enslavement many years ago. Suffice to say after attending munches, clubs and parties and still not finding that which I felt was 'me' I finally began to realise that what I needed was to be enslaved by a Master. I discovered that there were an endless supply of Doms but there was a distinct difference to me between a Dom and a Master. Unfortunately the one I serve is not able to keep me 24/7 at the present time but I am hoping it will occur in the near future. To be accepted for who you are and to be cherished for who you are is amazing. I am still growing and learning and it is such a relief to finally accept who I am .... I am glad you sent me an email and I am happy to be a part of this group. PS I live in Aussie Love to all swt Molly, We r Ed nd Liz, in N GA usa. we r very interested in finding our very first slave (fem) We r 42 and 38. Can u give us some advice on how to proceed? Tnx, Liz 28 Sep 05, 10:13 PM 826-843-000 US, 6 yrs Y! Tanos wrote: Let's try to get the ball rolling with some introductions ... this slave is local to Nashville area TN, and is in search of her One...and yes, she's honestly relocateable as long as her cat gets to come with her. (*giggles*) Been involved for over 12 years with this lifestyle, and when her last Master got bored with her, she was left to find her own way, which truly hurt more than she can say. greetings to A/all in the collar will she find true freedom. unowned and unnamed - la kajira 29 Sep 05, 5:57 AM sera_gordon US, 7 yrs £ i have been a registared slave for about 3-5 years maybe only 2 i am not sure i do not come often but i try to keep this updated once every 3 months. i am a bisexual transvestite i am into alot of things including orgasam denial if you are intrested in more of my personal information please refer to my number 670026 other things about me i am an armchair theologist and i guess i have too many intrests to acually put here. i guess i am kind of confused as to what to really put here because this is kind of a place for people to meet people to (excuse the lack of verbage here)play with (i guess i could phrase that better i just do not know how please do not take that as an insult). So i do not know if i am to try and find someone in these postings or what so please do not be offended by this post and feel free to ask questions of me if i need to explain things so Y/you i sometimes put the horse before the cart in these postings and people get confused or worse offended and that is not what i am trying to do so please feel free to contact me. i am not sure i can post my e-mail here so please go to 670026's profile page and get my e-mail just please try to put something in the subject so i know what it is regaurding 6 Oct 05, 7:49 PM NorCalDom US, 6 yrs Y! Hi, my name is Darren, I have only been into the lifestyle for about 2 years now, but I've gained quite a bit of knowledge along the way so far. I'm currently interested in the aspects of a poly lifestyle. I am full aware this is rather difficult, and often shunned by some people even in this lifestyle, but I enjoy challenges and I dont think that much of anything worthwhile comes easily. I am always looking for people to talk to or debate with about anything in this lifestyle to anything outside of it, and I'm currently looking for a good slave girl, preferably in the area or who is willing and able to relocate. My primary interest is simply TPE, total control is my thing, everything else is secondary. Outside of the lifestyle I'm currently attending college and hoping to pursue a career in music or business. I enjoy playing/listening to music, watching movies, and spending time with friends. Feel free to message or IM me for any reason at all Nice meeting E/everyone. 7 Oct 05, 1:20 AM 000-402-030 UK, 7 yrs Y! Tanos wrote: Let's try to get the ball rolling with some introductions ... About me: I'm a mid-thirties dom near Manchester in the UK. I've had my slave, lili, living in my household for the past 5 years, and for the first 2 or 3 years we wrote a lot about M/s and TPE - some of you may remember the old Enslavement Yahoo group we ran and http://www.enslavement.org.uk is still online with some of our essays. Most of our public efforts have gone in to the BDSM scene in the UK over the last 18 months or so, including a complete rebuild of the Informed Consent website that I also run (now up to 1500 posts / 2500 visitors a day) but we're now feeling like discussing Enslavement and TPE more again, which is why I've been posting to lists a bit more and why the revamped Slave Register now includes web boards like this. Ok, who's next? A mistress friend of mine needs a sub. female to obey her on cam. Are you willing? (She is very attractive) 8 Oct 05, 2:27 AM slavegail UK, 6 yrs Y! 000-402-030 wrote: Tanos wrote: Let's try to get the ball rolling with some introductions ... About me: I'm a mid-thirties dom near Manchester in the UK. I've had my slave, lili, living in my household for the past 5 years, and for the first 2 or 3 years we wrote a lot about M/s and TPE - some of you may remember the old Enslavement Yahoo group we ran and http://www.enslavement.org.uk is still online with some of our essays. Most of our public efforts have gone in to the BDSM scene in the UK over the last 18 months or so, including a complete rebuild of the Informed Consent website that I also run (now up to 1500 posts / 2500 visitors a day) but we're now feeling like discussing Enslavement and TPE more again, which is why I've been posting to lists a bit more and why the revamped Slave Register now includes web boards like this. Ok, who's next? A mistress friend of mine needs a sub. female to obey her on cam. Are you willing? (She is very attractive) hi everyone my name is slavegail and i am owned by Master N and Mistress G they are not a married couple just business partners. we live in the uk.i am a 24/7 slave to them for the last two years i have only been registered here for a few weeks as i was not allowed to use a pc before that would love to chat to other slaves male or female about their lives (please no Master/Mistresses) my life is as close as you could get in todays world to a slave both domestic and other wise. my regards to all owners slavegailproperty of NG1 Next page