Tue 7 Feb 12, 8:33 AM
SeanT70
9 yrs
 |
The Grammar Monster - An Original Screenplay (sort of), Written by Sean.
- For an All-Star Cast.
NB. naughty plays herself. I said..herself. not with. Jeez.
Are we sitting comfortably kiddies..?
Good. Then I'll begin.
Once upon a time, there was a website called TSR..there were many members on the website who spent long arduous hours sitting beside their nice, warm log fires, rubbing their hands together, waiting for the next post to roll in so they could flame it.
"HA! What can we write about this one?", they cried, "Nothing! Flame the Usurper, the spelling is atrocious...", booms the loudest Grammar Pilot of them all, handing out baseball bats.
"Uther, get the girls together, we've got ourselves a poster to lynch!", shouts Dagobert.
Uther peels the wrapper off a fresh cigar and dusts his Cap'ns cap off, thinkin' 'Ah well, no boats about, but what the heck, I look the part!', and saunters off to round up Adela, pet_girl and nau...where 'is' that girl again?! Never around when ya want her these days 
While the group of troublemakers get themselves together and pile a nice stack of sugar lumps up, and enough booze to sink a small cruise-ship next to the camper van (because we're waiting on you, Uther, to provide pictures and details of the road equivalent of one of your yachts. So, when ya ready, Cap'n!), Tanos sees a site-growth opportunity and scurries away to run off some tickets for the new 'Lynching Venue' (behind the potting shed in the darkest part of the woods at Bridgewood)
With pencil behind ear, Tanos shows the gentlemen the newly printed tickets to be sold at the front of the very makeshift 'driveway' (Tanos..wellies..mud, you get the picture), and at that very moment, a Jeep pulls up, driven by Valyrian, and with him, of course, his pet, Glinda, and naughty.
"We found naughty running down the road in her heels, figured on picking her up before she got arrested for jay-walking!, said p_o_V.
Another thought bubble appears above Uther's head 'This is weird, all this lot have turned up, and no-one made any phone calls. Must be the free sugar they can smell'...................
...anyway, this is a digression**, someone else can take over; I'll get to the point of why I made the thread 
Borrowing this thread;
http://www.slaveregister.com/posts/182647/ (and very nice it is to, btw, it's just a point of reference) , to name but one example of the differential, and taking note that, ironically, there is little evidence of de-personalisation from the posters on that thread, I've decided, on this albeit thawing, and nevertheless chilly morning, to have a rant.
On..grammar.
Now, pet, for one, I can see you sighing a painful sigh of dread, so please hear me out on this one.
My name is Sean, I'm English, I didn't do so well at school, but I can spell, read and write (I didn't say legibly on paper, did I?, lol. Aren't I lucky?
I know full well, as do we all, that there are those amongst us that are linguistically, academically, medically challenged, in all manner of ways, whether that be by living in different countries, speaking different dialects, having accents, learning a new language, some amongst us have various degrees of Dyslexia, and the rest are just plain illiterate to the point of it being unreadable - although there have been some utterly remarkable posts by the less than blessed secton of this community, I hasten to add, sad some of these people are no longer with us.
On these forums, we come across people, new and old, and they should be openly encouraged, by the way, to use whichever method of speech they choose to employ to write their posts, whether that be first person, de-personalised, third person, animalised, mechanised, tinned, canned (laughter, 'scuse pun! ), or one that I haven't mentioned here.
So, what's the problem?
For those that choose to employ these different methods of speech, it would do you, the writers, and us the readers, a better service if the grammar for 'what exactly you are' is consistent.
I won't bother quoting from a recent thread (I can if need be), but suffice to say as much as I enjoy well-spoken third-person, I don't enjoy having my head twisted in and out of whack when first person pronouns are constantly mixed in, inappropriately to a sentence, or, given the people using them, I shouldn't think they would apply at all.
Jus sayin', because for a start, we all come here to talk, and come here to question. What I don't like is getting a headache when I read something because it makes less sense than it perhaps might.
If ya speak English, with English grammar usage, fine, or ya write in Pemba, do that too..just don't be mixing the lingo 5 times in the same breath, or switching the appropriate grammar for your particular usage. That's not to say I think I write in the best possible Queen's, btw, 'cos I know I don't, and never will.
Point in short; if ya can't do grammar, don't do grammar, fine. But don't do grammar and fuck it up immorally all the time; if ya can't do it, say so, and ask for help, or..do you actually know there's a problem? There's a thought.
Oh my, I think we're done. Are you? Some people will get it. Others really won't.
Apologies pet, have fun all..in any language,
Sean.
** How ya digress before the event is anyone's guess, but hey, it's cold, I really don't care! |
