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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Feeling a bit lost" 1 2 Feeling a bit lost (13) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 7 Nov 11, 5:08 PM Masters_dirty_slut UK, 10 mths Hi everyone I don't know if I am posting this on the right bit but here goes. Most of you guys would know me as Masters_dirty_slut or slut. I guess am just posting on here today as I have no one else to talk too about it and to have a little rant if that's okay. I am going through a real hard time these last few days. I have been falling out with my Master non-stop and I guess am one of those people that act then think. Am so hot headed and bad tempered that I seem to mess everything up for myself. . Am no good at opening up and I don't find following rules that easy either. I am finding it hard to submit to my Master and I keep holding back which drives him crazy. Yesterday again we fell out and I guess I took upon myself to give up on the whole thing. I know already that I have no choice and I have to ask for permission to leave but for me enough is enough. I have three young kids and I work and I find it hard to spilt myself from slave to mother to slave. I know my Master 8 months now but have only been his slave 4 months. We live worlds apart which make things even worse. But I love my Master and all I want to do is please him but I just can't seem too. He told me not to contact him till Saturday that we would talk then, that I needed time to think. But in my head its over, who knows it might change by Saturday. He is a really good Master and deserves the best and I just don't think I am it. I have deleted all his photos, his phone numbers. I have taken him off my profiles and I still can't seem to get him out of my head. I know it will take time but I guess am finding it really hard at the min. has any other slave been through this? Or am I a crazy nut who has just been let out for the day. Sorry for going on I just need to talk to someone and share I guess. I am also sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. Am really upset at the min and can see two computer screens….LMAO Thanks to all for letting me have a rant and getting it off my chest. 7 Nov 11, 5:32 PM naughtyslave US, 2 yrs i am really sorry to hear you have broken apart. Relationships are a ton of work and not everyday can be wonderful but they shouldnt be that hard either...It should have a sort of fitting like a glove kinda thing..in my opinion..otherwise you are just beating your head against the wall. i have kids as well and it is an adjustment to switch from the one who controls to the one who surrenders.Somtimes the lines are smeared and of course that finds trouble. i had a Master once tell me to stop acting on emotion...stop and walk away until you regain some sort of control. i try to do this but not always succeed. if you are truly done then i guess your "ripping it off like a bandaid" method is a good one. It is gonna take time like anything else to fill the place of him.But you will in time get over it for the most part... i am not sure if you are online or realtime but either way you are a full time mother and working a job plus being a slave is difficult at best. Your entire day consisting of following orders and making others happy and taking care of their needs. No where on that list involves taking care of your needs first..so i can imagine where it becomes difficult to control your behavior or temper... i dont really have any advice for you other then do take the time to think about it even if it is over in your mind. If it is, now you know yourself a little better and what some of your expectations might be of the next time around. Learn to think clearly on what You need in a relationship so that you are not left short and feeling lost. Make sure these expectations are made clear to the Dom in the beginning..because truly if they are not He can't really be held responsible for making sure they are met.The number one i would think in your case is patience of who you are and your obligations as a mother and the difficulty you experience flipping back and forth sometimes. i also wanted to let you know you are not alone in this hardship with the flipping..and to tell you if you ever need to talk..drop me a note,Slut hugs to you..hope it gets better i am at His feet each and everyday..spending half the month under His roof..hoping this is enough to allow me to speak on all boards... His naughtyslave 7 Nov 11, 7:14 PM Masters_dirty_slut UK, 10 mths Naughty thank you for your kind words. xx 7 Nov 11, 10:06 PM ThrallofShades 10 mths This slave can understand your frustration. If you feel its over, it is best to end it. Though, it would be considerate to bring it up to your Master how this struggle has been hard for you. This slave recently went through some trouble where it was holding back from my Master. After a difficult day, this slave confessed to a lot of what it had been holding back out of fear, and it only brought my Master closer to this slave. The overall experience wasn't a bad one at all but this slave doesn't want to go down that path again and is focusing on consistent honesty and openness with my Master, despite fear. This slave has had to struggle with maintaining being a slave that is still technically living with its parents but working towards moving out and in with my Master. Just the other night, we had just got home from a larp where we are unable to have this slave cannot continue the same protocols as in my Master's house. Transitioning back from that and being tired, let to a misunderstanding that my Master handled well because of how our communication is getting a lot better.(This slave has been with my Master for 8 months now.) Maybe you can also work on communication with your Master by talking about this trouble you have with the transitioning? Maybe you can find a way for you to not feel like you are compartmentalizing your role as mother and your role as slave. If there is any way for you to feel your slavery to your Master expressed through your being a mother, that would definitely be helpful. If you have communicated and tried all you can regarding this, then this slave would support your leaving the relationship, more due to incompatibility than your inability to be the "perfect slave" for him. You are someone's perfect slave. Thrall, the slave of Master Shades13th. His slave, property, pet, adult little girl. 8 Nov 11, 12:51 AM Masters_dirty_slut UK, 10 mths ThrallofShades wrote: This slave can understand your frustration. If you feel its over, it is best to end it. Though, it would be considerate to bring it up to your Master how this struggle has been hard for you. This slave recently went through some trouble where it was holding back from my Master. After a difficult day, this slave confessed to a lot of what it had been holding back out of fear, and it only brought my Master closer to this slave. The overall experience wasn't a bad one at all but this slave doesn't want to go down that path again and is focusing on consistent honesty and openness with my Master, despite fear. This slave has had to struggle with maintaining being a slave that is still technically living with its parents but working towards moving out and in with my Master. Just the other night, we had just got home from a larp where we are unable to have this slave cannot continue the same protocols as in my Master's house. Transitioning back from that and being tired, let to a misunderstanding that my Master handled well because of how our communication is getting a lot better.(This slave has been with my Master for 8 months now.) Maybe you can also work on communication with your Master by talking about this trouble you have with the transitioning? Maybe you can find a way for you to not feel like you are compartmentalizing your role as mother and your role as slave. If there is any way for you to feel your slavery to your Master expressed through your being a mother, that would definitely be helpful. If you have communicated and tried all you can regarding this, then this slave would support your leaving the relationship, more due to incompatibility than your inability to be the "perfect slave" for him. You are someone's perfect slave. Wow, this has helped more than you know. I make things hard for myself and really hard for my Master. Am very hot headed and act then think. I hate that about myself. My Master is very understanding. It's me and I know it is. I am going to talk it out with my Master and try and make things work with him- if he will still have me. Thank you so much. xxx Thank you to all that has replyed. I will keep you posted and let you all know how it goes. Master_dirty_slut 8 Nov 11, 6:36 AM 766-003-205 US(CA), 11 mths Y! Masters_dirty_slut wrote: Feeling a bit lost Hi everyone I don't know if I am posting this on the right bit but here goes. Most of you guys would know me as Masters_dirty_slut or slut. I guess am just posting on here today as I have no one else to talk too about it and to have a little rant if that's okay. I am going through a real hard time these last few days. I have been falling out with my Master non-stop and I guess am one of those people that act then think. Am so hot headed and bad tempered that I seem to mess everything up for myself. . Am no good at opening up and I don't find following rules that easy either. I am finding it hard to submit to my Master and I keep holding back which drives him crazy. Yesterday again we fell out and I guess I took upon myself to give up on the whole thing. I know already that I have no choice and I have to ask for permission to leave but for me enough is enough. I have three young kids and I work and I find it hard to spilt myself from slave to mother to slave. I know my Master 8 months now but have only been his slave 4 months. We live worlds apart which make things even worse. But I love my Master and all I want to do is please him but I just can't seem too. He told me not to contact him till Saturday that we would talk then, that I needed time to think. But in my head its over, who knows it might change by Saturday. He is a really good Master and deserves the best and I just don't think I am it. I have deleted all his photos, his phone numbers. I have taken him off my profiles and I still can't seem to get him out of my head. I know it will take time but I guess am finding it really hard at the min. has any other slave been through this? Or am I a crazy nut who has just been let out for the day. Sorry for going on I just need to talk to someone and share I guess. I am also sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes. Am really upset at the min and can see two computer screens….LMAO Thanks to all for letting me have a rant and getting it off my chest. Okay- so you are pissed off, frustrated and feeling hopeless. WHO are you really mad at? Him or you? Do you know why you get so mad so fast? Is it hormonal, increased stress that day, tired, hungry, lonely, the way your family responded to things? Were you rewarded for having a lightening temper in the past? If you feel he is a good Master then perhaps you can try to learn to slow down a bit for a cooling off time. Perhaps focus on what he is doing right and try to build yourself around that. Perhaps being in a submissive position isn't for you right now, you may have "too much on your plate" as they say. Submission DOES have a learning curve and just wanting it doesn't seem to be enough. We have to work to overcome social training, social attitudes and internal resistance based on past experiences and PAST need to protect ourselves from inappropriate people. That makes us combative at times and reactive when we don't know we don't need to be. It all takes time. It is a process. It is not an overnight event. You seem to be impulsive and that also takes some time and a HUGE effort to learn to circumvent and modulate. Instead of counting to 10, maybe use a certain number of hours, days etc to delay an impulsive act. 8 Nov 11, 7:33 AM 470-772-848 UK, 4 yrs I have never been the best communicator...what I can put down so elequently on paper or email always seems to come out differently when I say the actual words. So maybe when things are a little calmer or maybe just to get things into perspective now...write what you feel and what you think is wrong from you. This is not something you have to show to anybody, but when I do it and then start to read back on it does get me thinking. My previous Master used to say that I used to engage gob before brain and this is what used to get me into hot water alot of the time....I am still not perfect on that score but better than I used to be....like you I can be a bit of a hot head sometimes. Changing who you are and how you think takes time and you should not rush, if you feel you need to walk away and you have deleted photos etc then you have done it because it is right for you....regardless of what is happening in the relationship..if you dont feel right then it wont work. When my ex Master and I split last year, we still saw each other for several months after that, but we had some of the best talks ever and resolved a lot of issues. From what happened back then I learnt that when I walk into my next D/s..M/s relationship, I have to communicate better. I used to struggle switching from vanilla moments into sub moments, if switching from being a mum to a sub is so hard then try to look at why this is...again putting your thoughts on it down on paper or similar. Does this lifestyle feel right to you? It did not to me in the beginning...but as I learnt more and more and read more and more, things started to click into place. Now I am more at home than I have ever been. I have had some massive issues to deal with in the past year that have changed the person that I thought I was, but change is good sometimes. He may now be your ex Master, he may stay that way, but from my perspective you do both need to talk about why this went wrong even if you dont go any further with it....you both need closure. I wish you luck. jxx 8 Nov 11, 6:43 PM ThrallofShades 10 mths Masters_dirty_slut wrote: ThrallofShades wrote: This slave can understand your frustration. If you feel its over, it is best to end it. Though, it would be considerate to bring it up to your Master how this struggle has been hard for you. This slave recently went through some trouble where it was holding back from my Master. After a difficult day, this slave confessed to a lot of what it had been holding back out of fear, and it only brought my Master closer to this slave. The overall experience wasn't a bad one at all but this slave doesn't want to go down that path again and is focusing on consistent honesty and openness with my Master, despite fear. This slave has had to struggle with maintaining being a slave that is still technically living with its parents but working towards moving out and in with my Master. Just the other night, we had just got home from a larp where we are unable to have this slave cannot continue the same protocols as in my Master's house. Transitioning back from that and being tired, let to a misunderstanding that my Master handled well because of how our communication is getting a lot better.(This slave has been with my Master for 8 months now.) Maybe you can also work on communication with your Master by talking about this trouble you have with the transitioning? Maybe you can find a way for you to not feel like you are compartmentalizing your role as mother and your role as slave. If there is any way for you to feel your slavery to your Master expressed through your being a mother, that would definitely be helpful. If you have communicated and tried all you can regarding this, then this slave would support your leaving the relationship, more due to incompatibility than your inability to be the "perfect slave" for him. You are someone's perfect slave. Wow, this has helped more than you know. I make things hard for myself and really hard for my Master. Am very hot headed and act then think. I hate that about myself. My Master is very understanding. It's me and I know it is. I am going to talk it out with my Master and try and make things work with him- if he will still have me. Thank you so much. xxx Thank you to all that has replyed. I will keep you posted and let you all know how it goes. Master_dirty_slut This slave is happy it could help. ^w^ Good luck! Thrall, the slave of Master Shades13th. His slave, property, pet, adult little girl. 25 Nov 11, 9:23 PM breathe49 AU, 6 mths In my opinion you have over-reacted. ALL relationships go through bad patches, let alone in cases where the 'partners' live apart; add to that strain of your kids and your job, it's no surprise that arguments develop. My advice would be to contact your Master, apologise for your hasty actions and talk about your situation. Explain how you feel and ask him how HE feels about things. Don't just give up on it, especially if it was 'a good thing' beforehand. When you've sorted it out - let us know. P.S. you can expect some sort of punishment will be meted out to you! 25 Nov 11, 9:59 PM mindControl_Master US(NY), 6 mths Y! I agree with breathe49. And will add that there are ways around the kids & work. Have an honest talk with Him, then let Him plan out the work/kids/Master scheduling. It can be done, I have. As for the temper, and acting before thinking, He will need to program that out of you. That can be done, even to the most difficult of slaves. In the Shadows of the Darkest Places in your Mind 26 Nov 11, 2:57 PM sublj1 UK, 4 yrs I have been in a similar situation, and I also find it hard to follow rules. You need to ask yourself first is this life really for you? by the sound of your thread you are very new to this scene. You have to show your MASTER respect. If you are struggling with things ask permission from your MASTER to talk things through, your MASTER owns and controls you, but MASTER is also a human being, and as a MASTER he will protect you and guide you. Talk about your feelings your frustrations and then make the decision if its really for you. I have struggled for the past few weeks because of illness and failed to do tasks, I had to reassess what it was I actually wanted and I knew that this life is for me. My MASTER is very understanding and paitent with me. Do ask for permission to speak to your MASTER it will help. Hope all goes well Next page