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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Coping with falling short" 1 2 3 4 Coping with falling short (39) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 6 Nov 11, 1:16 PM Sir_H_302 UK, 18 mths None of U/us are perfect - that is a fact of life. D's and s' types alike and I am no different. For most truly dedicated slaves they spend their life striving for excellence and to please their D/O's which brings Me to the question. How do slaves cope with the fact that they are human and cannot be perfect, that sooner or later they might make a mistake or have an accident and incur the displeasure of their D's?? As perfection cannot be achieved or maintained 24/7 do slaves see themselves as failures or do you accept, as a fact of life, that you will not meet the required standard from time to time and even be punished? The reason I ask the question is that it would be easy for My slave to focus on what she sees as failures, focus on the negatives and get herself into a real stew for not being perfect all of the time. I have made it clear to her that what is important to Me is that she shows effort and strives for excellence, accepts the consequences of any poor performance and moves on. But I wondered if striving for something impossible was an issue for other slaves and how they deal with it. Regards Sir H My precious slave - cadance....dancing to the rhythm of My life! 6 Nov 11, 2:17 PM pet_ka_MJ CA, 2 yrs If anyone is striving to be perfect... who defines perfect? To my way of thinking, this is the first failure of both the Master and the slave... to cultivate the illusion that a slave must be perfect. As you said yourself, we are all human, and humans are NOT perfect. I find that the only time I truly fail at anything in life/slavery is when I fail to learn from my mistakes. As for the rest, it is all a matter of self-esteem. Cultivate healthy self-esteem in a slave, and well, they will take their failures in stride and see them for what they really are... opportunities for learning. This ties in very nicely to your thread on slaves making mistakes and whether a Master should show leniency. "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin must be shed before a new one can come." ~ Joseph Campbell 6 Nov 11, 2:23 PM 470-772-848 UK, 4 yrs Sir_H_302 wrote: Coping with falling short How do slaves cope with the fact that they are human and cannot be perfect, that sooner or later they might make a mistake or have an accident and incur the displeasure of their D's?? I know I am not perfect....so I dont have that feeling to cope with. I would serve my Dom to the best of my ability and know that he would teach me how to be better. Sir_H_302 wrote: As perfection cannot be achieved or maintained 24/7 do slaves see themselves as failures or do you accept, as a fact of life, that you will not meet the required standard from time to time and even be punished? How can I be a failure when I am not perfect? That is not to say that at times I will not fail a Dom...when that happens he would correct me and I would endevour to learn from it. jxx 6 Nov 11, 3:36 PM 766-003-205 US(CA), 11 mths Y! Sir_H_302 wrote: Coping with falling short None of U/us are perfect - that is a fact of life. D's and s' types alike and I am no different. For most truly dedicated slaves they spend their life striving for excellence and to please their D/O's which brings Me to the question. How do slaves cope with the fact that they are human and cannot be perfect, that sooner or later they might make a mistake or have an accident and incur the displeasure of their D's?? As perfection cannot be achieved or maintained 24/7 do slaves see themselves as failures or do you accept, as a fact of life, that you will not meet the required standard from time to time and even be punished? The reason I ask the question is that it would be easy for My slave to focus on what she sees as failures, focus on the negatives and get herself into a real stew for not being perfect all of the time. I have made it clear to her that what is important to Me is that she shows effort and strives for excellence, accepts the consequences of any poor performance and moves on. But I wondered if striving for something impossible was an issue for other slaves and how they deal with it. Regards Sir H To me a part of perfect is recognizing perfection is a subjective term. Doing your best is always good to aspire to but learning to move forward and learn from errors and not letting them become your life is extremely important. Rather keep your eyes on the brass ring, the goal and eliminate the barriers and build bridges. It is good you are there to balance her. 6 Nov 11, 6:57 PM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! No one is perfect and life rarely goes as planned. People get sick, the car breaks down, other things get in the way of chores, and etc. It is just part of life and it requires some degree of flexibility. I am far from perfect, but I still know what is required of me. I think it is always good to strive for perfection, but it's not something to beat ourselves up over if we have flaws. Sometimes when I fall short, it was unavoidable so my Master makes accommodations for that. It's not something to beat myself up over. Now, if my Master took anything short of perfection to mean I needed to be punished. I can see how the relationship would start to strain. Eventually, nerves will reach a breaking point and things will start to go downhill. If my Master said he understood how something happened and finished discussing it with me. Then changed his mind and decided to either punish me or ponder changing his mind on it. That would have a negative impact on me moving past an event. It would also reflect on any future events, because it goes back to trust and honesty. If the Master says it is okay and he understands, then changes his mind or become fixated on the failure. It would say to me, that the Master is not being completely honest with me and if he brought it up again with a different opinion or a punishment after he said it was okay. That would violate my trust. Dwelling on a failure and pondering possible punishment is in a way punishing a slave, because you are making her continually think about her actions. Anyways, a lot of how the slave reacts when they fall short has to do with how the Master reacts. If he says, it's okay and he understands why it happened. It is easier to let it go and move on. If he makes a big deal out of falling short, then it will be more difficult for the slave to move on. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 6 Nov 11, 7:35 PM Master_SL CA, 5 yrs slave_emma wrote: No one is perfect and life rarely goes as planned. People get sick, the car breaks down, other things get in the way of chores, and etc. It is just part of life and it requires some degree of flexibility. I am far from perfect, but I still know what is required of me. I think it is always good to strive for perfection, but it's not something to beat ourselves up over if we have flaws. Sometimes when I fall short, it was unavoidable so my Master makes accommodations for that. It's not something to beat myself up over. Now, if my Master took anything short of perfection to mean I needed to be punished. I can see how the relationship would start to strain. Eventually, nerves will reach a breaking point and things will start to go downhill. If my Master said he understood how something happened and finished discussing it with me. Then changed his mind and decided to either punish me or ponder changing his mind on it. That would have a negative impact on me moving past an event. It would also reflect on any future events, because it goes back to trust and honesty. If the Master says it is okay and he understands, then changes his mind or become fixated on the failure. It would say to me, that the Master is not being completely honest with me and if he brought it up again with a different opinion or a punishment after he said it was okay. That would violate my trust. Dwelling on a failure and pondering possible punishment is in a way punishing a slave, because you are making her continually think about her actions. Anyways, a lot of how the slave reacts when they fall short has to do with how the Master reacts. If he says, it's okay and he understands why it happened. It is easier to let it go and move on. If he makes a big deal out of falling short, then it will be more difficult for the slave to move on. Best wishes, slave emma Hi emma, precious and I were discussing this post earlier this morning over coffee and I must say you and your Master's methodology resonate our position quite similarly. Master_SL 7 Nov 11, 2:46 AM Amcara MY, 2 yrs Y! I like my slaves to follow the precepts described in "The Four Agreements". If they do that, I will understand when behaviour "falls short" Of course, I will "encourage" them to strive for higher standards but the last thing I want is guilt laying them low. http://www.toltecspirit.com/ 7 Nov 11, 2:58 AM naughtyslave US, 2 yrs He told me right from the beginning that He doesn't expect me to be perfect (thank god) but He does expect me to try my best. i have found that on the rare occasions that i find myself not pleasing Him it scares the hell out of me. Due to the swift way i was released in the past,this fear sometimes can become a severe panic attack for me. i work very hard each and everyday to be as close to perfection as i can as far as my service to Him. The way i handle all of this...to keep myself grounded and not an insecure trembling slave that needs constant reassurance..is to repeat His words in my head and i calm myself down and let go of what ever i felt i let Him down on. Usually it is just time...i sucked back then with time and sometimes i still do. So you can imagine where the panic might set in. Unlike the past, i have gotten to where when i lay my head down at night i remind myself..tomorrow is a new day and i can do better.Letting go of the guilt and the negativity for myself and setting new goals of trying to be as close to perfect as i can. i am at His feet each and everyday..spending half the month under His roof..hoping this is enough to allow me to speak on all boards... His naughtyslave 7 Nov 11, 5:46 AM Prolixitys_Saphira US, 16 mths Perfection is unobtainable and to believe that it is failure to not obtain perfection is really setting yourself up for a lifetime of serious self-esteem troubles. I accept that I am not perfect and that I am going to make mistakes. It is all about learning from my mistakes and allowing myself to grow and come to a greater understanding of what it expected of me in the dynamic. I'm like naughty in that I have abandonment issues as well and at times live in fear that if I mess up badly enough he will leave me. There are real issues in my dynamic that need to be addressed. From time to time I experience great anxiety and can become very wound up. As a result it takes very little to make me angry and meltdowns can and do occur. We work together to make these meltdowns happen less and sometimes I do fail and let stress get to me, but it is all about learning and moving forward. I admit that can be difficult for me because I tend to get into very negative moods and he must talk me off the edge at times. I am not normal and will never be totally normal which can at times greatly bother me, even though he does not expect me to act like a non-autistic. Discussing the problem and solutions really helps me as I work well with clearly set goals and rules. Owned, loved and protected by Prolixity. 7 Nov 11, 6:36 AM 822-492-813 US(KY), 17 mths Hello, I try and look at being a slave as a journey rather than a goal or set of tasks. Since people have flaws I will always have a higher standard to reach for. If I continue to work at it in an honest way, then my Mistress can see my dedication even if I slip up sometimes. In my opinion all you can do is get up every day and try to learn from your past and push to make better choices ahead. Note: for those into astrology I am a Virgo with 5 planets in Virgo. So perfection is always on my mind I had to learn to enjoy the journey and not just at the outcome. Finger painting with a kid is not going to make great art, but it can be be a lot of fun. peace 7 Nov 11, 8:09 AM Sir_H_302 UK, 18 mths Lots of open, honest and sincere responses here (as usual) and lots of good advice. I appreciate you sharing these with U/us. I have forbidden cadance from joining in this and the Leniency thread but ask that she observes the responses - which she has and she also appreciates your openess. Thank you A/all Regards Sir H My precious slave - cadance....dancing to the rhythm of My life! Next page