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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Dealing with the other women" 1 2 Dealing with the other women (16) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 27 Oct 11, 8:58 AM Goober 7 mths So I have been married 6 years and we have done some fetish Slave and master and I was always Sub. Now we have taken another women in, it is like a 3-way marriage. I get my nights in bed with him which are Sun, Tue, & Thurs, She gets Mon, Wens, Fri and us two girls sleep together on Saturday night. That is his day off, he goes and hangs out with him guy friend. I do really well with this whole thing till my nights on the couch while they are together. I start to feel envy and want more. I am trying to learn to control that. I want to feel love and be happy for their love. The other girl and I have been really getting close too. Our love is growing and the love with my husband is growing also. So any suggestions to not feel so bad when I am the one on the couch. I'm sure she feels bad when it is him and I together. Sorry for going on and on, just struggling and want to deal with it better. 27 Oct 11, 9:51 AM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! This is something you and your Master are going to need to talk about to work through. Your arrangement would not be something I would be comfortable with, even as a poly minded person. When my Master decided he wanted another slave. Sleeping arrangements were a major point of discussion. He decided on having his room which he shares with the alpha slave, being me. The second slave would have her own room and he would not spend the night in her room. We both know that for me, sleeping on the couch is not something I could emotionally handle. Something that may help is if you and the other woman each had your own room. That would help a little bit then he could rotate between the two rooms. This way no one has to sleep on the couch. Sleeping on the couch, in general, doesn't bring up a good feeling in most people and it is not terribly comfortable. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 27 Oct 11, 3:20 PM Goober 7 mths slave_emma wrote: This is something you and your Master are going to need to talk about to work through. Your arrangement would not be something I would be comfortable with, even as a poly minded person. When my Master decided he wanted another slave. Sleeping arrangements were a major point of discussion. He decided on having his room which he shares with the alpha slave, being me. The second slave would have her own room and he would not spend the night in her room. We both know that for me, sleeping on the couch is not something I could emotionally handle. Something that may help is if you and the other woman each had your own room. That would help a little bit then he could rotate between the two rooms. This way no one has to sleep on the couch. Sleeping on the couch, in general, doesn't bring up a good feeling in most people and it is not terribly comfortable. Best wishes, slave emma That is the plan, we are looking for a bigger place now so we can do that. The couch does make you feel bad. She is not a slave but she is very submissive. I am his slave, he wants me to take comfort in knowing that she can't be a slave like I can be for him. He told me to understand that I alone have the privilege of giving him the Dom that he treasures so much. So you think once we have another room I might feel better about it all? 27 Oct 11, 5:15 PM naughtyslave US, 2 yrs i agree with emma, if you each had your own room it would seem to go smoother. your room would be a safe place...with all your things in it... your ways of entertaining yourself when you are not the one being used that night. It would't be so shoved in your face that it was not your turn. Is there a reason He just doesn't get a bigger bed and have you both in it? Then all of you would be included all the time “ you can't take power from the powerless. Dishwater isn't soup, weakness isn't submission”~Jeff Mach His naughtyslave 27 Oct 11, 6:14 PM Goober 7 mths naughtyslave wrote: i agree with emma, if you each had your own room it would seem to go smoother. your room would be a safe place...with all your things in it... your ways of entertaining yourself when you are not the one being used that night. It would't be so shoved in your face that it was not your turn. Is there a reason He just doesn't get a bigger bed and have you both in it? Then all of you would be included all the time Well when we get a bigger place he is talking about having one master bedroom that we all share. Wens and Thurs in bed all together. Sun and Tue would be my days with him and Mon and Fri her days and her and I on Sat night, with him in the spare room we will have for the other person. We can't all sleep together all the time because he does stuff to me that she can't see. He and I have a special relationship that he wants to stay between us. Edited 27 Oct 11, 6:15 PM by Goober 28 Oct 11, 11:20 PM Hawklord UK, 6 yrs I'll pitch in here because it's very close to my experience. Having set days is probably a good idea, although I don't practice it. It sounds like "Big Love". I just choose whichever I want. Having said that I have to be careful to be equitable. Also they each have their periods about 2 weeks apart. Obviously when one is on period I use the other. My no.1 sleeps on a squab or mattress on the floor by my bed. She is happiest like that. My no.2 has her own small room and she is happy with that. Most mornings I have them both in my bed, one each side. I strive to make sure they feel equal. One thing I try hard to avoid is making either one feel excluded. And being sent to the couch is just that. Therefore I do think that once you move house and get a room each that will be better. You will each have your own space which is yours whether it is "your day" or not. And as part of not being excluded, more often than not when I am using one, the other is next to my bed in nadu, or actually in my bed next to us. Having sex with both slaves is not only good for Master it bonds the slaves. So you might suggest that. Finally, although your other woman is sub not slave, I suspect that if your Master is true to his heart, it will not be long before she is a slave also. Sic volo. sic jubeo. stat pro ratione voluntas 29 Oct 11, 12:10 AM Goober 7 mths Hawklord wrote: I'll pitch in here because it's very close to my experience. Having set days is probably a good idea, although I don't practice it. It sounds like "Big Love". I just choose whichever I want. Having said that I have to be careful to be equitable. Also they each have their periods about 2 weeks apart. Obviously when one is on period I use the other. My no.1 sleeps on a squab or mattress on the floor by my bed. She is happiest like that. My no.2 has her own small room and she is happy with that. Most mornings I have them both in my bed, one each side. I strive to make sure they feel equal. One thing I try hard to avoid is making either one feel excluded. And being sent to the couch is just that. Therefore I do think that once you move house and get a room each that will be better. You will each have your own space which is yours whether it is "your day" or not. And as part of not being excluded, more often than not when I am using one, the other is next to my bed in nadu, or actually in my bed next to us. Having sex with both slaves is not only good for Master it bonds the slaves. So you might suggest that. Finally, although your other woman is sub not slave, I suspect that if your Master is true to his heart, it will not be long before she is a slave also. Thanks for your reply, my husband(dom) does not want two slaves, I am the only one who gets a period and on our days when I have my period he has other things to do with me, he loves anal and we do that those days. We do start all mornings in bed together, him in the middle and one of us on each side in his arms. I get up and make breakfast for both of them since they both work outside of the home. He does have sex with both of us, who every is sleeping on the couch comes in the room before bed to play before everyone goes to bed. So tonight is my night on the couch and I will go to bed with them and she will please me before I go to sleep on the couch than they will do their thing and go to sleep. Tomorrow we are going on a trip out of town and we will be going to a fetish ball and we got a room for the night with a king size bed, will be the first night we all sleep together and play together to see what we think of that. The bed here is not big enough for that. 29 Oct 11, 1:32 AM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs Goober wrote: Dealing with the other women I do really well with this whole thing till my nights on the couch while they are together. I start to feel envy and want more. I am trying to learn to control that. I want to feel love and be happy for their love. The other girl and I have been really getting close too. Our love is growing and the love with my husband is growing also. There are ways to deal with emotions that may be of help to you. To describe them I am going to change the emotion from “envy/jealousy” to “fear”, for clarity and to get a bit of distance to allow prospective, but the basic ideas and ideals apply. Emotions are sources of energy/power. A raw recruit and a combat veteran both experience the same fear emotion when the battle is engaged. The power/energy of fear gives the untrained inexperienced recruit what he needs to run away. That same energy/power is used by the trained/experienced combat veteran to heighten their senses and prepare for battle. The combat veteran has not eliminated fear, but channeled it to use in a positive way. It may appear that they have no fear, but in actuality the redirection of fear has simply become so ingrained that it has become an automatic response, just like dotting an “I” or crossing a “t”. Before you decide if/how to channel this emotion there are some things I suggest you consider. 1. How does your Owner feel about your emotions during your nights on the couch? Do they please Him? Is He drawing off the energy for His own uses? Does the idea of you pining/suffering while He is with the other girl serve Him in some way? If so then rather than not feel bad you will want to find the joy in the emotional masochistic service, same as if you were tied to a post and required to thank Him for each lash of His whip with physical masochistic service. 2. What are you doing with the energy now? What affect does your night of anguish have on the next day? Many times things in life seek a balance. For every low there is a high. The question is; if you reduce the depth of the low on your off night, will it reduce the height of your high the next day? 3. If after these two questions have been considered you still want to mitigate the feelings your (commendable) positive posts towards His other are good starts. You could pour the envy/jealousy energy into making T/their evening together better. Prepare finger foods/drinks to make their evening more sensuous? If both He and she work outside the home, use your nights off to do the chores (even hers?) Take up leather work? Belly dance? Sewing? etc. Spend the time/energy in productive work towards reinforcing the bonds of the relationship, wearing yourself out in the process so that when you hit the bed, you go to sleep quickly. The goal is to create an upward spiral that turns the emotional energy you are experiencing in a positive direction that will feed your Owner and His other emotionally, which in the end will almost certainly create a positive energy current cycling back through you. Unfortunately, just as with combat fear, training (while necessary) doesn't accomplish nearly as much as simple experience. It is tough now, making changes to mitigate your negative feelings will be tough, especially in the beginning. But just like the combat veteran, once you have been there and done that a while, the response will become automatic. These are just some general thoughts, take what works, pitch what doesn't. <selah> There is no authority, only responsibility. 29 Oct 11, 6:30 AM Goober 7 mths Master_Odin wrote: Goober wrote: Dealing with the other women I do really well with this whole thing till my nights on the couch while they are together. I start to feel envy and want more. I am trying to learn to control that. I want to feel love and be happy for their love. The other girl and I have been really getting close too. Our love is growing and the love with my husband is growing also. There are ways to deal with emotions that may be of help to you. To describe them I am going to change the emotion from “envy/jealousy” to “fear”, for clarity and to get a bit of distance to allow prospective, but the basic ideas and ideals apply. Emotions are sources of energy/power. A raw recruit and a combat veteran both experience the same fear emotion when the battle is engaged. The power/energy of fear gives the untrained inexperienced recruit what he needs to run away. That same energy/power is used by the trained/experienced combat veteran to heighten their senses and prepare for battle. The combat veteran has not eliminated fear, but channeled it to use in a positive way. It may appear that they have no fear, but in actuality the redirection of fear has simply become so ingrained that it has become an automatic response, just like dotting an “I” or crossing a “t”. Before you decide if/how to channel this emotion there are some things I suggest you consider. 1. How does your Owner feel about your emotions during your nights on the couch? Do they please Him? Is He drawing off the energy for His own uses? Does the idea of you pining/suffering while He is with the other girl serve Him in some way? If so then rather than not feel bad you will want to find the joy in the emotional masochistic service, same as if you were tied to a post and required to thank Him for each lash of His whip with physical masochistic service. 2. What are you doing with the energy now? What affect does your night of anguish have on the next day? Many times things in life seek a balance. For every low there is a high. The question is; if you reduce the depth of the low on your off night, will it reduce the height of your high the next day? 3. If after these two questions have been considered you still want to mitigate the feelings your (commendable) positive posts towards His other are good starts. You could pour the envy/jealousy energy into making T/their evening together better. Prepare finger foods/drinks to make their evening more sensuous? If both He and she work outside the home, use your nights off to do the chores (even hers?) Take up leather work? Belly dance? Sewing? etc. Spend the time/energy in productive work towards reinforcing the bonds of the relationship, wearing yourself out in the process so that when you hit the bed, you go to sleep quickly. The goal is to create an upward spiral that turns the emotional energy you are experiencing in a positive direction that will feed your Owner and His other emotionally, which in the end will almost certainly create a positive energy current cycling back through you. Unfortunately, just as with combat fear, training (while necessary) doesn't accomplish nearly as much as simple experience. It is tough now, making changes to mitigate your negative feelings will be tough, especially in the beginning. But just like the combat veteran, once you have been there and done that a while, the response will become automatic. These are just some general thoughts, take what works, pitch what doesn't. <selah> Thanks for the reply Master_Odin I found that so helpful, I have been able to do some of that and it is helping. My sir told me to channel love when I am on the couch(he does not want me to feel bad, he even ordered that i not feel upset) since we all love each other, only think of positives. Also now he said if I hear them(old house always hear them) I am to masturbate till i cum, than i can try to sleep if I wake to them playing again repeat the masturbating till i can sleep because I don't hear them anymore. It did help when she talked about her feelings and says she feels the same way as I now having issues with her nights on the couch too. 30 Oct 11, 2:04 AM slavegirl_nima FR, 2 yrs How about having a big bed where you can always sleep together (cuddly, lovely etc.) and move the "private play" to a sooner hour in a special play room? Then during this time the other woman can browse the internet, read a book, go out whatever and later all cuddle together. I think it could be possible to separate sleeping bed and sex-bed somehow? Of course you could still have sex in the sleeping room all together, if that is something you do Best regards, nima 30 Oct 11, 2:35 AM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs Goober wrote: Thanks for the reply Master_Odin I found that so helpful, I have been able to do some of that and it is helping. My sir told me to channel love when I am on the couch(he does not want me to feel bad, he even ordered that i not feel upset) since we all love each other, only think of positives. Also now he said if I hear them(old house always hear them) I am to masturbate till i cum, than i can try to sleep if I wake to them playing again repeat the masturbating till i can sleep because I don't hear them anymore. It did help when she talked about her feelings and says she feels the same way as I now having issues with her nights on the couch too. You're welcome. Assuming your Master's permission, there is a member of this site, Raven Kaldera, that is an author and has two books in particular that I have found useful and you and yours might also. One is “Power Circuits”, a book on polyamory in a power exchange and the other is “Dear Raven and Joshua”. Raven has a writer's knack for simple direct communication that cuts to the chase. They can be found at http://www.alfredpress.com/books.html#PC One can also gain a lot of insight by reading his posts. <selah> There is no authority, only responsibility. Next page