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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Dom stuck in Vanilla" 1 2 Dom stuck in Vanilla (16) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 26 Oct 11, 5:36 AM MasterMetal US(GA), 19 mths Maybe I'm just a bit misunderstood in this lol. It sucks not being a Dom because it's a part of my life that fulfills me. Though I am in a Vanilla relationship it's with someone who I might have a future with. I'm willing to give the relationship a chance based on that. She knows about my fetishes and about me being a Dom and though she doesn't seem interested it's still me and it's just who I am. I still give her spankings when she does bad things (out of habit) I'm not really extreme with her and the reason I don't care to teach her is because she doesn't want to learn. Now if she did want to learn things would be much different. I've had Vanillas in the past that I've dated show quite an interest in learning. I'm not lying to her, she knows how I feel and what I like. I'm more of an open book about who I am then you would think. The reason for venting is just that I miss Doming, I miss being a Master and training my slave to do as I please. That doesn't mean that my relationship sucks. I'm sure that we all might miss something in our past, but it doesn't mean we are completely unfulfilled in our current life. I just felt like venting somewhere where people wouldn't act like I'm some crazy, abusive, womanizer pretty much. 000-772-096 wrote: MasterMetal wrote: Dom stuck in Vanilla I just needed to vent on how much it sucks being a Dom in a vanilla relationship. I've never really been in a real vanilla relationship before, it's actually quite difficult for me. I still maintain all my fetishes (even though my girlfriend finds them weird and strange), but without the satisfaction of having my desires fulfilled. She let me try bondage on her once and she seemed to like it, but that was it no repeats on that one. Just sucks overall lol. Oh well, it was my choice to enter into this relationship. and MasterMetal wrote: Being a Master does not mean that you have control over every aspect of your existence, to believe so would make you foolish. I don't control the weather in the field of my existence nor do I have the ability to take a Vanilla and beat her into slavery. I started this off as a Vanilla relationship, she knows my past. This is just how things are at the moment. I've moved other Vanilla relationships into D/s or M/s, she just doesn't seem the type and I don't care to teach her. I may have missed the point and I have to say I am confused - if your view of the relationship is that it sucks to be in it, that you need to vent about because she isn't a submissive, that you "don't care to teach her" and that you find the relationship unsatisfying, then why bother being in it at all, that makes no sense to me at all. If I were your vanilla girlfriend, I would hate to know I was in a relationship with a guy who felt and said that it sucked to be there, who thought it was difficult and that it required venting to deal with it and who felt unsatisfied and didn't care to teach me what he wanted for whatever reason. If you aren't telling her how much it sucks to be you in the relationship then you are lying to her and that doesn't seem fair or "masterly" at all. Let her move on and have a relationship with the kind of person she deserves to be with, a guy who doesn't think that it sucks or that it is unsatisfying to be with her. I say end it and move on so neither of you have to be in a relationship defined with words and emotions like sucks, difficult and unsatisfying. Be in a relationship that doesn't make her or you feel like crap. (only personal opinion based solely upon the quoted text) As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. As my slave you must submit completely to my will and forever be mine. 26 Oct 11, 5:41 AM MasterMetal US(GA), 19 mths I've never been with anyone who wasn't at least slightly submissive. That trait attracts me to a woman and I'm naturally drawn to it, always have been. She seems the type that would like a Daddy more then a Master, but I don't spoil lol. Who knows, maybe one day she'll show more interest out of curiosity. 290-491-264 wrote: Does she show any signs of being submissive in any other parts of the relationship? I think it's important that she's naturally somewhat submissive in general in order for what you seem to want to work. Did she enter this relationship aware of your dominant nature? Surely she had to know something. Other than just a little bondage in the bedroom. Lots of vanilla couples do at least a little bit of that here and there (i think?) Try some simple straight up spankings while doing it doggy style...see how she responds to that after a few times...that's pretty tame but should give you an idea if you want to pursue more bdsm type stuff with her. I'm speaking for myself a little here..I'm still new to lots of the bdsm parts..but I have always loved some spankings...used to be ashamed I did until I learned to embrace them - and slowly but surely a whole lot more. But also...I agree...you need to go ahead and communicate with her about your needs. Before it goes any further and feelings become more prone to be hurt, you need to be honest with yourself and her. As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. As my slave you must submit completely to my will and forever be mine. 26 Oct 11, 5:42 AM MasterMetal US(GA), 19 mths I do appreciate all the responses, I don't want anyone to think that their response offends or upsets me. No matter what your opinion might be the situation is still as it is, I'm more indifferent about it, mostly because I'm just venting lol. As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. As my slave you must submit completely to my will and forever be mine. 26 Oct 11, 6:47 AM 766-003-205 US(CA), 11 mths Y! MasterMetal wrote: Being a Master does not mean that you have control over every aspect of your existence, to believe so would make you foolish. I don't control the weather in the field of my existence nor do I have the ability to take a Vanilla and beat her into slavery. I started this off as a Vanilla relationship, she knows my past. This is just how things are at the moment. I've moved other Vanilla relationships into D/s or M/s, she just doesn't seem the type and I don't care to teach her. Well, it seems like for BOTH of you it is time to move on. She needs a vanilla man and you need a submissive female. Neither of you can be happy really, since you aren't on the same page. The thing is, that you aren't going to be happy without it, she isn't going to be happy with it. She deserves to have the man of her dreams as much as you deserve the woman of yours. When i was hedging around afraid to tell Him about me, that was the final thing that moved me. Fear or not, love or not, it was not fair to either one of us to not deal with it in the open. Make or break. Fortunately for me, it was "make". But as you sound very mcuh like it isn't worth it- then it isn't for either of you. Edited 26 Oct 11, 6:49 AM by 766-003-205 15 Nov 11, 5:37 AM DignifiedXDisease US(WI), 3 yrs With all due respect to the M types who are suggesting this man should take control if he is a "real dominant" I understand what it is like to love someone and fall into a Vanilla relationship. I don't think you should try to take charge or throw this away just because it does not currently meet your expectations. You are right to be patient and to want to vent. If you are venting that means you aren't completely upset by this. You haven't considered leaving, it sounds like. If you have a GGG (Good, Giving, and Game) partner, then I would suggest introducing her to the lifestyle in a slow, non offensive way, suggesting she get into a scene or two. I also think you need to ask yourself if you can live without BDSM in your life. Know what you need, and what you don't. Would you be happy doing regular scenes? Do you require a true power exchange? Would you be okay with a relationship that is sexually kinky and emotionally vanilla? And when you know those things, be honest with your partner about them, because they will not change. All the best, Elyon. Mending my broken toy 19 Nov 11, 1:15 AM 138-545-876 US, 13 mths In regards to this, i am also in a vanilla relationship but I just had this discussion with my boyfriend. He and i have been together for only 6 months, so i never told him how interested i am in this lifestyle until a few nights ago. i had to wear a leather style collar for a play i was in, and he saw how much i enjoyed wearing it and offered to buy me one. i was very flattered but i ended up having to explain why i was so excited to wear it (i got to pretend >< and I couldn't hide it with him haha) and that lead to a discussion about what exactly a collar means to me. i realized that in order for him to really know me, he had to know this side of me as well. i explained a little bit about bondage but mostly about what it means to me to serve and why i'm drawn to it. i also let him know that i believe i can be perfectly happy in a non-M/s relationship because i didn't want to push my desires on him. He talked with me today though and said that what i told him really stuck with him and he wants to learn more about it!! He and i are actually planning a date to go look at toys soon and i've directed him here to TSR to see discussions and such. Obviously its something i hope he comes to be excited about, but if not, i understand too, and at least he'd understand that part of me. i mean, if he were just pretending for me that could only end badly, but if he really becomes interested i think it would just be an amazing adventure we could take together! Haha^^ anyway, i think i've rambled enough but bottom line is, it felt really good to let him know about this side of me and not hide it anymore. i think its very important to be honest in a relationship and talking openly about it felt really great! i encourage you to talk with her! thats just my two cents though. Good luck!!