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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Dom stuck in Vanilla" 1 2 Dom stuck in Vanilla (16) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 24 Oct 11, 5:27 AM MasterMetal US(GA), 19 mths I just needed to vent on how much it sucks being a Dom in a vanilla relationship. I've never really been in a real vanilla relationship before, it's actually quite difficult for me. I still maintain all my fetishes (even though my girlfriend finds them weird and strange), but without the satisfaction of having my desires fulfilled. She let me try bondage on her once and she seemed to like it, but that was it no repeats on that one. Just sucks overall lol. Oh well, it was my choice to enter into this relationship. As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. As my slave you must submit completely to my will and forever be mine. 24 Oct 11, 6:08 AM 766-003-205 US(CA), 11 mths Y! How did you end up in this one? Well you are right- you did choose it. Perhaps over time she might loosen up a bit. Slow introduction to the least threatening things, maybe a munch. 24 Oct 11, 9:18 AM Cynder UK, 9 mths 766-003-205 wrote: How did you end up in this one? Well you are right- you did choose it. Perhaps over time she might loosen up a bit. Slow introduction to the least threatening things, maybe a munch. I agree, taking her to a munch would be a good thing...the whole bdsm scene can be very scary. Cyn 24 Oct 11, 1:50 PM SL_precious CA, 3 yrs Or.... This is a novel idea I know...you could tell her the truth. Have an open discussion with her, tell her what your true feelings are and ask her if this is something she wants to be a part of. Keeping it from her and trying to manipulate her into trying and liking things is only going to frustrate you both. You may be pleasantly surprised and she will be willing to explore with you or you might find out she is vanilla through and through. Either way, it's important to know where you stand, if you truly feel you can't live as vanilla and she can't submit do yourselves both a favor and end it before it ends badly. Best Regards, SL_precious "Amazing what happens when we let go, surrender all and embrace the painful changes that are necessary to bring wholeness, and a brighter tomorrow." Suzanne Sondberg 24 Oct 11, 2:56 PM Sir_Aldric 5 yrs MasterMetal wrote: Dom stuck in Vanilla I just needed to vent on how much it sucks being a Dom in a vanilla relationship. I've never really been in a real vanilla relationship before, it's actually quite difficult for me. I still maintain all my fetishes (even though my girlfriend finds them weird and strange), but without the satisfaction of having my desires fulfilled. She let me try bondage on her once and she seemed to like it, but that was it no repeats on that one. Just sucks overall lol. Oh well, it was my choice to enter into this relationship. "As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. " Sigh.. How is it possible that words such as "vent", "sucks" and "Dom" are used in one line? You state in your bottom line that you consider yourself to be a Master, so why are things seemingly out of your control? What separates Masters from average men (in my humble opinion) is that they always are in control of what happens around them. If something sucks, they fix it. They don't 'vent' because there never should be a reason to 'vent' that you lost control. If you as Master decide to enter a vanilla relation, perfect, ok, your decision as Master. No problem whatsoever. You are the Master, the One, you know what is right, what needs to be done. But venting that it sucks that your partner doesn't go along with your needs as dominant and by doing so indirectly shifting the problem onto the shoulders of an innocent unaware partner indeed sucks in my eyes; your partner doesn't deserve this venting in a TSR post. I know this sounds harsh, sorry, I don't have the intention to be harsh. I just feel that claiming the status 'master' comes with a more than average responsibility. Just a personal opinion, Sir Aldric 24 Oct 11, 4:13 PM 287-365-523 US, 14 mths That does suck. If you are in a vanilla relationship, I'll assume that you are there out of love - and, in my opinion, we do not necessarily choose with whom we fall in love. It just happens and we love whomever we love, sometimes even when it isn't good for us. I'm a slave stuck in a vanilla relationship with someone who wanted to be a dom but isn't mature enough to actually pull it off. Relationships are complex, and sometimes we just don't get exactly what we want. I can say that, for me, the love I once had for my partner gradually faded and died after over a decade of not having my needs met. Give your relationship some time if you think it is worth it, but don't wait too long. You do not want to wake up 10 years from now still thinking about how much it sucks. 24 Oct 11, 5:10 PM Blackhorse US(TX), 7 mths One would have to agree with the common thread here...you brought into this relationship, as the dominant partner. If you have lost control, really that is your own fault and no-one but yourself can change or fix that situation. If in fact you are dominant and not just playing at it, then your feelings have got in the way of your brain, and your best course of action would be to dominate or leave. Although this site is useful in being able to get opinions from other doms or slaves, one should be careful in venting here as a "master" because predominately the submissive/slaves here will know full well your abilities as a "master" are not what they are needing. I would recommend you go back to the basic principles of who you are and what you want from the lifestyle. If this relates well to the definitions of the lifestyle, then perhaps you are suited to being dominate over an submissive. If not, then return to the straight vanilla lifestyle and never cast a look over your shoulder at what might have been. Blackhorse If it's worth doing...do it right first time. 24 Oct 11, 5:38 PM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! I'm with SL_precious on this, you need to talk to her and explain to her what it is you want out of a relationship. She may be willing to try it or she may not be willing to try it. If she is then the two of you can start down the road of D/s. If she is not, then it is better to end things now then to wait. It may be hard to end the relationship, but it is better to do that sooner than later, out of respect for her and respect for you. Being honest with your partner and communicating with your partner are important in a D/s or M/s relationship. It is also important in a vanilla relationship. Have you ever seen a vanilla couple that has been happily married for years talk about how they never communicate their needs to each other or how they keep important things for each other? No, you do not. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 25 Oct 11, 1:47 AM 290-491-264 US(SC), 7 mths Does she show any signs of being submissive in any other parts of the relationship? I think it's important that she's naturally somewhat submissive in general in order for what you seem to want to work. Did she enter this relationship aware of your dominant nature? Surely she had to know something. Other than just a little bondage in the bedroom. Lots of vanilla couples do at least a little bit of that here and there (i think?) Try some simple straight up spankings while doing it doggy style...see how she responds to that after a few times...that's pretty tame but should give you an idea if you want to pursue more bdsm type stuff with her. I'm speaking for myself a little here..I'm still new to lots of the bdsm parts..but I have always loved some spankings...used to be ashamed I did until I learned to embrace them - and slowly but surely a whole lot more. But also...I agree...you need to go ahead and communicate with her about your needs. Before it goes any further and feelings become more prone to be hurt, you need to be honest with yourself and her. 26 Oct 11, 12:38 AM MasterMetal US(GA), 19 mths Being a Master does not mean that you have control over every aspect of your existence, to believe so would make you foolish. I don't control the weather in the field of my existence nor do I have the ability to take a Vanilla and beat her into slavery. I started this off as a Vanilla relationship, she knows my past. This is just how things are at the moment. I've moved other Vanilla relationships into D/s or M/s, she just doesn't seem the type and I don't care to teach her. As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. As my slave you must submit completely to my will and forever be mine. 26 Oct 11, 3:31 AM 290-491-264 US(SC), 7 mths Hey 096, I think he's bitching just to bitch. I started to reply to his second post just saying "well, you answered your own question", but then I realized he didn't ask a question at all. He just wanted to "vent". I agree with you, he needs to just end it if neither of them seem to be getting what they want. *shrugs* I dunno. To each his own I guess. I'm in no position to throw any kind of stones in this glass house. 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