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	TSR : Web boards : Website help : "Why People Leave" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Why People Leave (96) This topic is now full - if you want to reply, please make a new post on the board itself. This post is on the Website help web board (moved from M/s D/s O&P). Wed 12 Oct 11, 7:18 PM mistressK CA, 16 mths I would have titled it 'why people are leaving' but I believe that to melodramatic crap. I've been poking around web boards since about 1995, when I discovered the old BBS system. It's a cycle that happens, like the other cycles in groups of people. Doesn't matter if it's online, or real life, or whatever (if there is anything else!) I doubt this behaviour is driven by anything 'monstersouly different' or the topics at hand or anything else. It's the same as 'things were better back when. . .' but if you do actual comparisons (economy plus inflation, crime rate plus population growth, etc) generally things are the same as they were now, and in some cases better than they were before. The cycle (by person, as an example and not ANYONE I can think of): Person A joins new site. Enthusiasm! Lots of questions! Meets/exchanges emails/notes etc with B, C, D, E and F! Fun! Hmmm B and E are not quite what they seemed. F is too easygoing and C thinks it knows everything. D complains about things which aren't even problems. Oh wait, B has this strange ethereal wisdom, think I'll follow what they say. No, E is more rational here but now B and F want me to disagree with E because C had a run-in with E last year. Withdrawing. Still watchful. Comes around to poke a few questions out, or make comments which (may) become increasingly more cynical. Watches person from 'before' magestically return with the widsom. Observes power struggles between E, B, and D. Becomes disgusted with how 'mundane' this group has become. Leaves (either by not returning, deactivating account, or announcing in a posting that this site has gone to crap and I am out of here, prompting G, H, I, J and K to send sympathetic messages such as 'please don't go we'll miss you'.) Returns after a time period away with better perspective. Interesting new ideas. Some new people to 'meet' as well. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with this place after all. LOL That's how groups work. Take what you can from them, help those you're able to. Ignore the rest. You don't do anything less than that in person, so why change tactics for online discussions? That'd be. . .too 'L' like and we all know what 'L' did after it got drunk at the last meeting. . . . . - K ------------------- "I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying." (Shawshank Redemption) Seeking single gay/straight male or slave couple for 24/7 O&P adventure of a lifetime. 12 Oct 11, 7:26 PM 000-734-445 US(DE), 8 yrs This is so true. From My Little Pony collecting communities to here. It all rings true. I've been hanging around forums of different types since about 96 myself and it's just cyclic. I use capital letters as they are meant to be used in proper grammar. No disrespect is intended or meant. 12 Oct 11, 8:14 PM Dagobert US(WA), 21 mths People get their proverbial panties in a bunch over very silly things and then say things on a forum such as TSR that they would NEVER dare say in real life. Blatant and vocal disagreement with another is not necessarily a bad thing... if you cannot stand being disagreed with you should probably just lock yourself in a closet and stay there. I am not afraid to disagree and nor am I afraid of having others disagree with me... no matter how "disrespectful" it may be. The chance of me meeting anyone (outside of Adela, of course!) from TSR in real life is a percentage approaching zero. Sometimes that does factor into how I respond, but usually not. Then there is the fact that sometimes those who disagree with me may actually have a ... gasp!... valid point. Once you remove your panties from your oral cavity and look objectively at what was said you may actually learn something. I have had a handful of situations on TSR where in the midst of a perceived flame war I was able to grasp what others were saying and even agree with some of it. Finally, we are not talking about knitting here on TSR. We are discussing topics that do not have any sort of definitive guidebooks. Opinions, sometimes backed by essays or established philosophies but oftentimes just gut reactions, rule the roost here. Our topics are usually controversial and prone to knee-jerk reactions. This is to be expected. Again, if you cannot take criticism (even if you view it as being 'disrespectful') you probably shouldn't be engaging in the sorts of conversations you will find on TSR. Proud owner, master and husband of @princess_adela. Edited 12 Oct 11, 8:15 PM by Dagobert 12 Oct 11, 8:16 PM 000-772-096 US, 7 yrs Hey! I resemble that letter...and those people resemble those letters... and look, those poeple fit those letters... Oh! OK, I get it now Wait! There are after hours office parties? I missed these? Does L come to all of them or only after late meetings? I spend a great deal of time at the water cooler and I still missed learning about the after hours parties? I like parties! Well, there was Lord's birthday party but that has been a while back. This is so not fair. I am complaining to someone as soon as I figure out who is still here and in charge of taking complaints. I use Master & slave (M/f) because it's familiar & comfortable to me. I'm wordy & one of "those" people. All disclaimers apply-my thoughts, opinions, experiences & words I believe in Him. Be who you are, say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss 12 Oct 11, 8:53 PM SL_precious CA, 3 yrs *waving hand in the air madly* Me! Me!.... I'll take complaints!.... But I'll probably promptly tell you where to stick em You are absolutely right Mistress K, it is a cycle. I agree with you too @Dagobert that it's easier for some people to say something online than in person, it's probably the only place where someone has the balls to tell you the truth. They may be thinking it if they met you in person but will just smile politely and walk away. It's a place where both 'D' and 's' can speak freely with each other without fear, a place where everyone is accountable for their words. If you can't take the heat, it's not the place for you. I like truth, and I like people who have the courage to say it. I hate ass kissers, the only ass anyone should be kissing is that of their own 'D' .... The M/s, D/s O&P board is meant for real life 24/7 people.... Not fantasy and usually the ones throwing a fuss are those who don't fall into that category anyway. I have learned far more from the disagreements I've had and challenges than anything else. I for one hope it never changes *off to the water cooler to see if 096 found out where the next party is!* SL_precious "Amazing what happens when we let go, surrender all and embrace the painful changes that are necessary to bring wholeness, and a brighter tomorrow." Suzanne Sondberg 12 Oct 11, 9:26 PM 689-247-922 UK, 17 mths SL_precious wrote: ...The M/s, D/s O&P board is meant for real life 24/7 people.... Not fantasy and usually the ones throwing a fuss are those who don't fall into that category anyway. ...SL_precious i hope you will forgive me @SL_precious, but i'm going to use this as a typical example of why i've considered leaving from time to time... And i fully accept it is my problem, not yours! i don't know if this is how you meant it, but i interpret this to say that because i am not 24/7 i cannot voice my opinion on the M/s, D/s O/p board and that i am a fantasist - and i'm really not. i fit into the extreme category of appearing a fantasist because i have only seen my Sir 3 times in about two and a half years... Jeez, even as i write that i completely understand how 'fantastic' that sounds! But the truth is in my life i am utterly submissive to His Dominance. i live it 24/7 ... but in my head! It's part of the reason why i haven't posted much - or rather i'd compose something and not send it or, if i did manage to send i'd then delete the post a wee bit later. However, i've started posting more recently because an exception friend i've made on here has given me the confidence to do so. i have had such support and help through many folks on this site, either directly or indirectly. On the flip side of this coin, when i first started lurking here there was a huge brew-ha-ha about various aspects of the lifestyle and how people lived it and who was 'real', culminating in an argument about safety. The safety police won and a lot of folk left. Although many of them would probably have thought me a fake, i miss their presence, influence and insight into a 24/7 lifestyle. Sometimes i feel the site has been diluted by their going - diluted perhaps by the very presence of people like me. All in all, it leaves me utterly confused. i've thought about leaving but this place gives me so much, has taught me so much and been instrumental in saving my life with Sir... i don't think i'll be going anywhere. It's a fantastic space (no pun intended! ) to be able to come to and i value it hugely. So all in all, yes, i believe this place, as well as life, to be cyclical and very seldom are things truly 'worse' or 'better' - they're just everso slightly different and i am, oh so very, grateful that this space exists. jx 12 Oct 11, 9:48 PM 000-772-096 US, 7 yrs SL_precious wrote: *waving hand in the air madly* Me! Me!.... I'll take complaints!.... But I'll probably promptly tell you where to stick em You are absolutely right Mistress K, it is a cycle. I agree with you too @Dagobert that it's easier for some people to say something online than in person, it's probably the only place where someone has the balls to tell you the truth. They may be thinking it if they met you in person but will just smile politely and walk away. It's a place where both 'D' and 's' can speak freely with each other without fear, a place where everyone is accountable for their words. If you can't take the heat, it's not the place for you. I like truth, and I like people who have the courage to say it. I hate ass kissers, the only ass anyone should be kissing is that of their own 'D' .... The M/s, D/s O&P board is meant for real life 24/7 people.... Not fantasy and usually the ones throwing a fuss are those who don't fall into that category anyway. I have learned far more from the disagreements I've had and challenges than anything else. I for one hope it never changes *off to the water cooler to see if 096 found out where the next party is!* SL_precious Is there a form for me to fill out for complaints about the lack of organization for after hours office parties? I am so not sticking my forms *there* missy! Pffffttt. I'mma gunna disagree with both you and @Dagobert. I think people *do* say online what they say in person. I don't say anything online I wouldn't say in person and I talk exactly the same way in person and just as much! If anything, I say *less* online than I do in person because I can take an hour to say it if I want. Only in person I have this adorable Southern accent that doesn't translate well to the written word. I speak Southern but I refuse to write it, I've done that and it's a hot mess every time. I think there are a lot of people who are exactly like they are in person and speak exactly the same way. The big difference being of course - there's no edit button when speaking. Master calls it a mouth filter and has explained to me that other people often employ them with great success and that perhaps I should have mine checked. He tells me that other people don't feel the need to express every single thought that flits through their brains out loud and to others. On the other hand when speaking it is difficult to miss spell words, so that's a plus. But then there is pronunciation so I suppose that cancels it out. But if you listen to people online and you listen to them in person, you find the common ground that shows who they really are no matter how they try to alter it. People are usually exactly who they are inside. I think. They may have a persona they adopt and they may present themselves in a beautiful way but if the inside is rotten, it smells bad and it's easy to spot and if you touch it, it caves. Online or off. You can hide but really, not for long and usually the only one fooled is the person who is doing the hiding. People like to talk and they like to talk about themselves most. If you get someone to talk about themselves, they will tell you everything you want to know even if they think they aren't. Even when people lie there is a baseline of truth that they use to make it easier to maintain the lies. Find the baseline and it's easy to spot the lies and deception from there on out. As long as you know someone is lying about something, then it doesn't matter any more. A good memory for details helps. Oh sure they can change the base line and that might throw you off for a while or even allow them to get by with something they shouldn't... but there is always a place where truth is easier to maintain and doesn't change. I agree with you too precious, the talks, the debates the conversations with meat and potatoes that aren't always everyone in agreement, those are my favourites too. There is something that can be learned from each and every person one comes into contact with. I haven't spoken with anyone here that I haven't learned something from. I don't need balls to say something. Balls are delicate little dangly bits that can be crushed, I have a vagina - now that's something that can take a pounding (to loosely paraphrase Betty White, lol!) I'm feeling better! Can't you tell? I'm rambling again. I decided the flu is not going to kill me after all and I might as well live a while longer. Pity, y'all can't get rid of me as easily as D and B And I am so going to find and harass both you, @Dagobert and @princess when I make it to the West Coast just so you will have to adjust your estimates of the likelihood of meeting someone from here. *off to the water cooler to find precious* I use Master & slave (M/f) because it's familiar & comfortable to me. I'm wordy & one of "those" people. All disclaimers apply-my thoughts, opinions, experiences & words I believe in Him. Be who you are, say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind-Dr. Seuss 12 Oct 11, 10:20 PM SL_precious CA, 3 yrs 689-247-922 wrote: SL_precious wrote: ...The M/s, D/s O&P board is meant for real life 24/7 people.... Not fantasy and usually the ones throwing a fuss are those who don't fall into that category anyway. ...SL_precious i hope you will forgive me @SL_precious, but i'm going to use this as a typical example of why i've considered leaving from time to time... And i fully accept it is my problem, not yours! i don't know if this is how you meant it, but i interpret this to say that because i am not 24/7 i cannot voice my opinion on the M/s, D/s O/p board and that i am a fantasist - and i'm really not. i fit into the extreme category of appearing a fantasist because i have only seen my Sir 3 times in about two and a half years... Jeez, even as i write that i completely understand how 'fantastic' that sounds! But the truth is in my life i am utterly submissive to His Dominance. i live it 24/7 ... but in my head! It's part of the reason why i haven't posted much - or rather i'd compose something and not send it or, if i did manage to send i'd then delete the post a wee bit later. However, i've started posting more recently because an exception friend i've made on here has given me the confidence to do so. i have had such support and help through many folks on this site, either directly or indirectly. On the flip side of this coin, when i first started lurking here there was a huge brew-ha-ha about various aspects of the lifestyle and how people lived it and who was 'real', culminating in an argument about safety. The safety police won and a lot of folk left. Although many of them would probably have thought me a fake, i miss their presence, influence and insight into a 24/7 lifestyle. Sometimes i feel the site has been diluted by their going - diluted perhaps by the very presence of people like me. All in all, it leaves me utterly confused. i've thought about leaving but this place gives me so much, has taught me so much and been instrumental in saving my life with Sir... i don't think i'll be going anywhere. It's a fantastic space (no pun intended! ) to be able to come to and i value it hugely. So all in all, yes, i believe this place, as well as life, to be cyclical and very seldom are things truly 'worse' or 'better' - they're just everso slightly different and i am, oh so very, grateful that this space exists. jx Hi jx This is always a touchy subject, first of all let me say that I would not consider someone like yourself who is in a LDR to be a fantasy player, just in a different place. I would not want to stifle your input in any of the discussions, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone has something of value to add as long as they are truthful and don't exagerate their experience or try to portray their situation to be 24/7 when in fact it is not.  When someone puts 24/7 in their profile here it implies that the person is living with or is at least in the physical presence of their D on a regular basis. ...not just in their mind. There is a huge difference between 24/7 and a LDR or online relationship. Now before you go thinking that I don't understand, I had a relationship just like yours before I met Master. I saw him twice a year for a few years, I understand how it feels, the joy it can bring and the hardship of the distance, and I can also tell you first hand that it is nothing like living it...in the flesh...every day. At that time I was offended by the 24/7 crowd who said LDR and online wasn't the same, that i couldn't understand what it was like...who did they think they were! But now I get it, I was wrong...they were right. It is not the same.  Of course a lot of the topics are common sense and just life related and everyone can comment with personal knowledge and offer advice. People who are not yet 24/7 have valid questions to ask and are fortunate to have people with experience to answer. That is what makes this such a wonderful place, if someone is sincere they are welcomed with open arms and the community is very helpful. Where I have a problem and run out of patience is when someone who has never actually had a slave kneel at their feet preaches like the mesiah about administering 40 lashes for folding their Masters underwear wrong.  Or a slave jumps in and declares they are looking for a Master "please own me" without having a clue what they are asking. Does that make sense?  I'm sorry that you feel some people left for the wrong reasons, to be honest I think most people leave because they have found something else, are bored or just don't have the conviction to fight for what they believe in.  It would take a lot more then a disagreement with someone to chase me away. I'm glad you decided to stay. Take care, SL_precious "Amazing what happens when we let go, surrender all and embrace the painful changes that are necessary to bring wholeness, and a brighter tomorrow." Suzanne Sondberg 12 Oct 11, 10:35 PM SL_precious CA, 3 yrs @000-772-096 ... I am not going to quote you cuz your post was to damn long I'm happy you are feeling better! If you notice, I said SOME people are more likely to say something they wouldn't when online. Of course I was not speaking about myself ... I call it as I see it, I'm too old to care about being politically correct Hey! *tosses map* ... I'm on the east coast remember! ... Oh and there's a shredder on the table for that paper...wouldn't want to scratch that delicate southern belle ass "Amazing what happens when we let go, surrender all and embrace the painful changes that are necessary to bring wholeness, and a brighter tomorrow." Suzanne Sondberg 12 Oct 11, 11:19 PM 689-247-922 UK, 17 mths SL_precious wrote: Hi jx This is always a touchy subject, first of all let me say that I would not consider someone like yourself who is in a LDR to be a fantasy player, just in a different place. I would not want to stifle your input in any of the discussions, or anyone else for that matter. Everyone has something of value to add as long as they are truthful and don't exagerate their experience or try to portray their situation to be 24/7 when in fact it is not.  When someone puts 24/7 in their profile here it implies that the person is living with or is at least in the physical presence of their D on a regular basis. ...not just in their mind. There is a huge difference between 24/7 and a LDR or online relationship. Now before you go thinking that I don't understand, I had a relationship just like yours before I met Master. I saw him twice a year for a few years, I understand how it feels, the joy it can bring and the hardship of the distance, and I can also tell you first hand that it is nothing like living it...in the flesh...every day. At that time I was offended by the 24/7 crowd who said LDR and online wasn't the same, that i couldn't understand what it was like...who did they think they were! But now I get it, I was wrong...they were right. It is not the same.  Of course a lot of the topics are common sense and just life related and everyone can comment with personal knowledge and offer advice. People who are not yet 24/7 have valid questions to ask and are fortunate to have people with experience to answer. That is what makes this such a wonderful place, if someone is sincere they are welcomed with open arms and the community is very helpful. Where I have a problem and run out of patience is when someone who has never actually had a slave kneel at their feet preaches like the mesiah about administering 40 lashes for folding their Masters underwear wrong.  Or a slave jumps in and declares they are looking for a Master "please own me" without having a clue what they are asking. Does that make sense?  I'm sorry that you feel some people left for the wrong reasons, to be honest I think most people leave because they have found something else, are bored or just don't have the conviction to fight for what they believe in.  It would take a lot more then a disagreement with someone to chase me away. I'm glad you decided to stay. Take care, SL_precious Thanks @SL_precious for taking the time to reply. I am so in agreement that 24/7 and LDR or OL are utterly, utterly different! i've never experienced 24/7 and have no idea if i ever will but i do appreciate that it's, well, like oranges and apples! And, i really didn't mean to make it towards you - i've never felt anything but acceptance from you and thanks for that! My reticence with posting is so much down to yet another expression of my own insecurities that i've been fighting for years! Sneaky thing keeps changing its shape, but i am getting there.... Bestest of wishes, jx 12 Oct 11, 11:44 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs Actually, I find that when activity *Drops* by a lot, and you're looking for a more active forum - people post where there's more activity. TSR is a great place, I love it, but I rarely check the boards anymore because the activity is so low compared to some of the other sites i'm on. Boards do have cycles - however, ones with a lot of activity can weather a storm, were-as ones with a smaller userbase may die off over time with out enough activity to keep it active. Some people may post on and off, and never completely go away, but if people are looking for activity - they will move on if the activity level goes down enough. Next page