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	TSR : Web boards : Website help : "So Confused????" So Confused???? (8) This post is on the Website help web board. Tue 6 Sep 11, 5:34 PM AzLexi11 US(AZ), 10 mths I have been with my bf for 5 months and living together for 2 months. We are both in our early 50's. He has always wanted a slave and has been in the lifestyle for many many years, but has not had any luck in the past. We started off by just making it part of our sex play, but I noticed that the more he took control the better our sex life became. I agreed to give it a try. I read everything I could find and even signed a contract. He is out of town 5.5 days a week and then home 3.5 days. The first month was a big let down for us both. When he got home he was tired the first 1 or 2 so we had no sex at all. When he did try the training here and there I refused. I was confused about who I was. I had a very powerful job for 20 years and was always in control of everything. We finally had a big fight and I almpost left him. We talked for days and worked things out. This time we both agreed that if I was to be a good slave we somehow had to make it happen 7 days aweek not just 1 day here and there. Its been 2 weeks and so far so good. I am so new to this that I'm not sure of alot of things and could really use some help? 6 Sep 11, 6:38 PM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! Anytime you start a new relationship, there is going to be a transition period. Sometimes it is an easy transition; sometimes the transition is not so pleasant. For me, the focal point of my M/s (Master/slave) relationship is not anything that goes on in the bedroom. It is my service to my Master. However, if something is out of sync in the bedroom like if one person doesn't feel they are getting what they need then it can become a bigger issue. Sexual contact in a relationship goes through highs and lows. There are some periods where there is a lot and some periods when there is a low. There are many reasons for a low that range from just being tired to illness to wanting to do something else. From merely my perspective, when I transitioned from not living together to living together. There was a change in sexual routine. We saw each other when we didn't live together there was sexual contact almost every time, but once we moved in together the sexual contact lessened. I was available for use whenever, so there was not a perception that we should do this now when we have the chance. How much and how little sexual contact we have changes. My Master dictates how our sex life goes and I do not initiate. I have gone longer than the entire length of your relationship without any BDSM play, because it amused my Master and to teach me who controls that part of me. Looking back it is interesting to see how important BDSM play became to me when my Master was withholding it. Now that is a regular activity it does not feel nearly as important. Training takes time and patience. You have to be open to the training for it to work. Training in some areas may take a couple days while other areas may take years. My Master believes training to be a lifelong journey. I know from experience that changing to training in areas that are foreign can be difficult, but once I got into it things started to go better. I think it is okay to have various emotions when being trained in a new area, but what those emotions are is something I have always expressed to my Master. A refusal was not something that was okay. If your Master is tired from working. Then why not work to make his return home comfortable, so he can rest and recover his strength. One thing I have learnt is it is not about sex at all. It is about making sure my Master is comfortable and happy. If happiness for him is a back rub that puts him to sleep after a long day at work. Then that is what he will get. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 6 Sep 11, 9:19 PM AzLexi11 US(AZ), 10 mths You have opened my eyes and giving me a lot of help. Back to more research. Thank you 6 Sep 11, 10:04 PM cadance UK, 18 mths AzLexi11 wrote: So Confused???? I have been with my bf for 5 months and living together for 2 months. We are both in our early 50's. He has always wanted a slave and has been in the lifestyle for many many years, but has not had any luck in the past. We started off by just making it part of our sex play, but I noticed that the more he took control the better our sex life became. I agreed to give it a try. I read everything I could find and even signed a contract. He is out of town 5.5 days a week and then home 3.5 days. The first month was a big let down for us both. When he got home he was tired the first 1 or 2 so we had no sex at all. When he did try the training here and there I refused. I was confused about who I was. I had a very powerful job for 20 years and was always in control of everything. We finally had a big fight and I almpost left him. We talked for days and worked things out. This time we both agreed that if I was to be a good slave we somehow had to make it happen 7 days aweek not just 1 day here and there. Its been 2 weeks and so far so good. I am so new to this that I'm not sure of alot of things and could really use some help? It has to be your entire focus not just 'sex play'. A powerful job has no impact on what you want in your personal life. If you truly need to submit this can be done by text, email or phone to sustain it then when you are together all should just lead from that chemistry and dynamic as if you have never been apart - a seamless stairway to heaven. i wish you the best of luck x Each step amazing, to Sir H i submit. May respond to Masters' posts only with Sir's specific permission 6 Sep 11, 10:50 PM AzLexi11 US(AZ), 10 mths Thank you. 6 Sep 11, 11:57 PM naughtyslave US, 2 yrs i agree with Emma...there is so much more that can be done other then the sexual side.My favorite time is sitting on the floor rubbing His feet. Knowing that He is peaceful and content brings pleasure to me. I enjoy trying to think of things that make things comfortable for Him such as little housework or taking off His boots and fetching His slippers. A well taken care of man is a happy man <winks> He could think of schedules and routines for you to keep while He is away...this way you would feel His control without Him in the same house. Computer times earned or bed times enforced. It will take time to iron it all out. You might find that with each rule or tasks put in place the more connected you will be even when He is away.Even keeping a nightly journal to send to Him so that He can feel like He is on your mind all hours of the day. All of this of course is up to Him to instruct you... Good luck Because of Him, all things are possible... take care naughty 7 Sep 11, 12:36 AM Charm_City_Cpl US(MD), 11 mths As Emma and Naughty have pointed out, there's MUCH more to it than the bedroom. Consider it this way if you're 24/7, and you can only have.... fun for 2-3 hours before needing to come up for air, so to speak; you sleep say 8 hours; that still leaves 13-14 hours a day to fill with something!If all your M/s activity is in the bedroom, while awake, you are FAR from 24/7! 10 Sep 11, 6:17 AM AzLexi11 US(AZ), 10 mths Thank you 10 Sep 11, 7:19 PM starshineowned US(TX), 3 yrs AzLexi11 wrote: So Confused???? I have been with my bf for 5 months and living together for 2 months. We are both in our early 50's. He has always wanted a slave and has been in the lifestyle for many many years, but has not had any luck in the past. We started off by just making it part of our sex play, but I noticed that the more he took control the better our sex life became. I agreed to give it a try. I read everything I could find and even signed a contract. He is out of town 5.5 days a week and then home 3.5 days. The first month was a big let down for us both. When he got home he was tired the first 1 or 2 so we had no sex at all. When he did try the training here and there I refused. I was confused about who I was. I had a very powerful job for 20 years and was always in control of everything. We finally had a big fight and I almpost left him. We talked for days and worked things out. This time we both agreed that if I was to be a good slave we somehow had to make it happen 7 days aweek not just 1 day here and there. Its been 2 weeks and so far so good. I am so new to this that I'm not sure of alot of things and could really use some help? You said that you noticed the more he took control the better your sex life became. Is this control in every aspect of your lives together or just more control in the sexual area? Have you both sat down and discussed how deep and far reaching you want this way of life to become? It may very well be that for you both to thrive and be happy..the extent of control need not leave the sexual arena, especially if the other aspects of your relationship workings are doing just fine as they are. starshine