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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Please.... some input!" 1 2 3 Please.... some input! (21) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Fri 8 Apr 11, 3:36 PM butterfly_63 14 mths This slave is very new to this lifestyle... slave is about to be introduced to ankle/wrist cuffs and retrained. The question slave has is has anyone ever suffered from flash backs? slave was raped several years ago and is afraid of a flashback, has anyone ever had this experience? slave has never been in a restrained position since. Master knows everything, there are no secrets...slave trusts Master, but is afraid of a flashback. Could someone please give some input... Shayla Forever Owned, Loved and Respected by Watchdog_880 Edited Fri 8 Apr 11, 3:38 PM by butterfly_63 8 Apr 11, 4:54 PM Lord_Uther UK, 6 yrs Shayla_0102 wrote: Please.... some input! This slave is very new to this lifestyle... slave is about to be introduced to ankle/wrist cuffs and retrained. The question slave has is has anyone ever suffered from flash backs? slave was raped several years ago and is afraid of a flashback, has anyone ever had this experience? slave has never been in a restrained position since. Master knows everything, there are no secrets...slave trusts Master, but is afraid of a flashback. Could someone please give some input... Shayla Yes, I have, and unfortunately for me it resulted in the termination of the relationship. We had been going out for awhile (it was a vanilla relationship) & had been out for the night. We had participated in various mind altering substances (absinthe, alcohol & weed) & that night while enjoying each other we ended up in the same position I was raped in with him saying the exact same words my rapist had used "You're so horny I can't stop myself' (the difference being he said it with love whereas my rapist was saying it to excuse his behaviour) & I had the flashback. I threw my partner off of me and went feotal. I thought I was only like that for a few minutes, it wasn't till later I found out I was like that & unresponsive for a couple of hours. My ex knew about the rape but he just couldn't deal with what happened, we were both unprepared for the possibility of this. So my advice is talk it over with your master. Let him know this could happen. Let him know that any rejection that you show isn't for him but about what happened in the past. Help him to understand that in a flashback you no longer see what is around you but with every sense that you have you are back where you were. Be sober. Let him know that if it happens you need to be released from the restraints ASAP and given space to deal with it as you see fit. You will 'return' when you are ready. Communication is the key here. I hope this all works out well for you. xxx My name is Lord Uther, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! 8 Apr 11, 5:22 PM butterfly_63 14 mths Lord Uther, Thank you for the advise, I will do my best to remember what you have told me. My Master has promised to be very watchful of signs, and I have promised to keep the lines of communication open... Sorry for your experience Lord Uther Thank You, Shayla Forever Owned, Loved and Respected by Watchdog_880 8 Apr 11, 6:41 PM Sir_Aldric 5 yrs To Lord Uther & the OP: I'm really sorry to read what happened to you and sympathize with both of you. To the OP: the simple fact that you bring it up shows that the (subconscious) fears might be stronger than you imagine. My advise is to built your M/s relation & activities up very slowly, stay away from anything that might trigger bad memories, because once they start you might fall back on a mental level. Better keep it safe and take baby steps. In case you want to go on with cuffs watch out for physical warning signals, like getting hot, dizzy, sweating, etc, as a reaction that your mind & body is starting to feel like reliving that bad experience again. Good luck, Sir Aldric 8 Apr 11, 7:42 PM 978-291-889 2 yrs Rapists are cunts... actually... thats a lie... cunts are quite useful... (apologies to dc!) Please dont give the bastard who raped you any more power... Could you be restrained by your Master fully clothed, lots of positive, lots of love, then let free... build up slowly, restrained again on another date, clothed, kissing... then another time restrained naked, lots of strokes, cuddles, gentle words, rewards after... you get the idea. Please talk to your Master... flashbacks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes... Rapists are scum of the earth... particularly those who hide behind the disguise of M/s... They give M/s a bad name... 'ooh, i took what was mine...' yeah... fuck you... Trust your Master... He is not your rapist... the man who raped you had to take what he wanted by force.... control what you can and submit yourself trusting your Master to make it enjoyable and full of love... you may hit subspace and float off to a lovely place of wonderfulness that rapists only dream of.... Edit for spelling Be who you are. Want what you have. Do what you can. 'Come to the edge' He said. 'I'm afraid' she said. 'Come to the edge' He said. She came, He pushed her and she flew... Edited 8 Apr 11, 7:46 PM by 978-291-889 9 Apr 11, 1:01 AM Watchdog_880 14 mths To all My/our new F/friends: As W/we are new to this lifestyle and newer still this this website, I am touched to learn of Shayla's contact with such caring people as Y/yourselves. I am committed to my slave and her development, happiness and well-being. To have her share such a horrific memory took incomprehensible courage and I'm sooo very proud of her strength of spirit. I am intending to take as small of 'baby-steps' as need be in order to get through this with her; she knows I love her very much and would literally do anything for her. And now she also knows she can tap into the strength and compassion Y/you have all shown her. On behalf of Shayla and Myself, I am indepted to you... and thank Y/you. Watchdog_880 "Pain is temporary, pride is forever." Edited 9 Apr 11, 1:03 AM by Watchdog_880 9 Apr 11, 3:35 AM pet_ka_MJ CA, 2 yrs Okay... here is some input. Rape creates two types of trauma... the immediate victimization and then the after trauma commonly called post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The victimization part is dealt with when you are come to terms with what happened to you and deal with all the emotions associated with that... guilt, shame, anger, fear etc. I call this the thinking/mental response... it is how the rational thinking you responds to being raped. This is what many victims of rape seek counselling for... the nightmares and flashbacks, rebuilding self-esteem, etc. Post traumatic stress is completely different... this is your physical response caused by stress. It encompasses all the physiological responses... headaches, body aches and pains, upset stomach, vomiting, etc. It is not rational... it is the flight or fight response. PTSD is much more complicated to treat as PTSD is like layers of an onion... incorporating the untreated aspects of victimization with the physiological aspects of PTSD, everytime the body experiences stress it creates automatic trigger points that cause the body to respond to a stressful events, over time the triggers become disconnected from the cause and effect link... so any similar situation will trigger a PTSD response... a smell, a touch, a sound... and it may or may not be linked to being raped. What you have to be aware of when you act out a situation with your Master is that you might trigger on something completely unrelated to the rape itself. And your response, developed over time, could be extreme or not... it all depends on how well you cope with stress to begin with. Depending on how traumatic the rape was at the time and how you dealt with the trauma then or not, you may have to accept that some triggers points will never be undone... and this is okay. It just means you and your Master will have to learn what they are and engage with each other a little differently in order not to trigger them. I think Lord Uther and 889 gave some great advise... go slow, communicate and stop immediately if you start to feel the least bit stressed. You might have to dig deep to unlearn all the triggers one by one... it is hard work but with care, communication and time it can be done. Realize that everyone recovers from victimization and trauma differntly, there is no wrong or right way to do it... there is just your way. Get outside counselling help if your PTSD symptoms persist. You might contact your local rape crisis center to get the name of a counsellor that has some specialization dealing with sexual victimization and PTSD. Other than that... I hope all goes well for you. You are more than welcome to contact me if you wish further information. "If I have been of service; if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good; if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action; if I am at peace with myself; it has been a successful day." ~ Alex Noble Edited 9 Apr 11, 4:48 AM by pet_ka_MJ 9 Apr 11, 3:18 PM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings pet_ka.... I have to step in here and disagree with you. Rape can cause PTSD but it is not a certainty. It does not happen in every one and for those who have been raped, not every time. The difference is in how the victim deals with the rape as it happens. I will give a couple of examples. In a 'legal' rape situation such as the date rape where the victim is pushed and pushed for sex and while not wanting to finally gives in, you will have much less initial damage and the chances of PTSD are much much less, especially in situations where the two have had sex before. The major exception to this is the cases where so called friends decide that sex after the fact, or the above situation, was rape and the victim has to have all their anger, fear, stress and damage brought out and dealt with so they can "heal". This usually results in damage after the fact where there was none before. I refer to this as the Brownmiller (after Susan Brownmiller) assault and victimization of the victim. The second situation is where the victim decides during the rape that they will get through it and will not be damaged by it. Where they maintain some to large amounts of control during the rape itself. The more control the gain and or maintain, the less damage they suffer in the short and long term. Case studies I read years ago indicated that controlling the situation was more important than whether or not there was sex in a rape situation. Remember folks, there are several types of rape. There is the legal kind where it is rape even if it really was consensual. There is the date and friend/family/known person rape which often has little to no force or violence in it and the blitz rape where force is often used and the victim is less likely to know their assailant. There are other and finer distinctions than that, but those work for the purposes here. Be well.... Malkinius 9 Apr 11, 5:43 PM Watchdog_880 14 mths Malkinius wrote: Greetings pet_ka.... I have to step in here and disagree with you. Rape can cause PTSD but it is not a certainty. It does not happen in every one and for those who have been raped, not every time. The difference is in how the victim deals with the rape as it happens. I will give a couple of examples. In a 'legal' rape situation such as the date rape where the victim is pushed and pushed for sex and while not wanting to finally gives in, you will have much less initial damage and the chances of PTSD are much much less, especially in situations where the two have had sex before. The major exception to this is the cases where so called friends decide that sex after the fact, or the above situation, was rape and the victim has to have all their anger, fear, stress and damage brought out and dealt with so they can "heal". This usually results in damage after the fact where there was none before. I refer to this as the Brownmiller (after Susan Brownmiller) assault and victimization of the victim. The second situation is where the victim decides during the rape that they will get through it and will not be damaged by it. Where they maintain some to large amounts of control during the rape itself. The more control the gain and or maintain, the less damage they suffer in the short and long term. Case studies I read years ago indicated that controlling the situation was more important than whether or not there was sex in a rape situation. Remember folks, there are several types of rape. There is the legal kind where it is rape even if it really was consensual. There is the date and friend/family/known person rape which often has little to no force or violence in it and the blitz rape where force is often used and the victim is less likely to know their assailant. There are other and finer distinctions than that, but those work for the purposes here. Be well.... Malkinius Malkinius: I am commenting here on behalf of Myself and my slave (Shayla_0102-the original poster). Please let's not lose sight of the point of this/these topic strings (and why I haven't cared for them much in the past), and that is to primarily respond to the original thought/question. In particular, a request was made originally for helpful infomation re: flashbacks and possible relevant anecdotes. Thus far, everyone else has offered their share of helpful information, mixed with their own thoughts on the matter. If your intent was to be helpful, I'm at a loss to be able to glean your remarks' usefulness from the original question. Perhaps a private memo to your intended recipient of your specific comments would better suit your purpose(s). I would like to make one final comment/recommendation. Given the emotional nature of this topic and the genuineness of all the respondents, perhaps your 'clinical' definitions, (a little out of context for the existing stream, btw) might better be reserved for some high soapbox elsewhere. Watchdog_880 "Pain is temporary, pride is forever." Edited 9 Apr 11, 11:37 PM by Watchdog_880 9 Apr 11, 6:38 PM Dagobert US(WA), 21 mths We as masters need to always be very aware of the fragility of our slave's psyche, and that means having a fairly comprehensive history. There are almost always trigger points that are best left alone. I have found a couple in my slave purely by accident; things that she neglected to tell me about until after I had already caused an episode. While it can be extremely confusing and trying on the master's end when such a thing occurs it is downright traumatic for the slave. To directly answer the OP, I can speak a bit from experience. In my case it was not a rape situation that had set her off but rather being struck on the back. I was absolutely baffled when after a fairly light flogging across her back she rolled into the fetal position and started balling. My first instinct, and I am not proud of it, was anger. "Why in the world is she being such a baby when she has received strikings 100x harder?". But within a split second I realized there was something much deeper going on. I held her and gently asked her what was wrong. When I found out the reason I understood. But I also felt compelled to help her overcome it. She was told that *I* am not the person who hurt her, etc etc etc. I didn't go so far as to tell her she needed to get over it (advice that is utterly worthless by the way) but that was the underlying gist. A few days later the flogger was out and I struck her back, gently (very very very gently). I told her that she is cherished and that I am not here to cause her emotional distress but that I also did not want her to see me through the eyes of something that happened a very long time ago. I did not strike her back after that but I had made my point: that I understood the trauma but her life is different now and I am NOT her abuser. I obviously cannot speak for you, OP, and perhaps that sort of treatment is not right for you. I do know that in my case it worked very well. Good luck! I am the proud owner of dagoberts_cunt. She lives to serve me in all ways until the end of her days. 9 Apr 11, 11:45 PM 978-291-889 2 yrs Watchdog_880 wrote: Malkinius wrote: Greetings pet_ka.... I have to step in here and disagree with you. Rape can cause PTSD but it is not a certainty. It does not happen in every one and for those who have been raped, not every time. The difference is in how the victim deals with the rape as it happens. I will give a couple of examples. In a 'legal' rape situation such as the date rape where the victim is pushed and pushed for sex and while not wanting to finally gives in, you will have much less initial damage and the chances of PTSD are much much less, especially in situations where the two have had sex before. The major exception to this is the cases where so called friends decide that sex after the fact, or the above situation, was rape and the victim has to have all their anger, fear, stress and damage brought out and dealt with so they can "heal". This usually results in damage after the fact where there was none before. I refer to this as the Brownmiller (after Susan Brownmiller) assault and victimization of the victim. The second situation is where the victim decides during the rape that they will get through it and will not be damaged by it. Where they maintain some to large amounts of control during the rape itself. The more control the gain and or maintain, the less damage they suffer in the short and long term. Case studies I read years ago indicated that controlling the situation was more important than whether or not there was sex in a rape situation. Remember folks, there are several types of rape. There is the legal kind where it is rape even if it really was consensual. There is the date and friend/family/known person rape which often has little to no force or violence in it and the blitz rape where force is often used and the victim is less likely to know their assailant. There are other and finer distinctions than that, but those work for the purposes here. Be well.... Malkinius Malkinius: I am commenting here on behalf of Myself and my slave (Shayla_0102-the original poster). Please let's not lose sight of the point of this/these topic strings (and why I haven't cared for them much in the past), and that is to primarily respond to the original thought/question. In particular, a request was made originally for helpful infomation re: flashbacks and possible relevant anecdotes. Thus far, everyone else has offered their share of helpful information, mixed with their own thoughts on the matter. If your intent was to be helpful, I'm at a loss to be able to glean your remarks' usefulness from the original question. Perhaps a private memo to your intended recipient of your specific comments would better suit your purpose(s). I would like to make one final comment/recommendation. Given the emotional nature of this topic and the genuineness of all the respondents, perhaps your 'clinical' definitions, (a little out of context for existing stream, btw) might better be reserved for high soapbox elsewhere. I'm gonna stick my oar in now... Malkinius DOES give very good advice... There are different kinds of rape... and as such the individuals response and flashbacks will be different. The OP may not be affected by flashbacks depending on *what kind* of rape it was, who it was, how it was dealt with during and immediately after etc.... or as pet_ka_MJ said, it could lead to PTSD... I think, with all due respect, the good folk here are trying to advise and respond to the question posed. The ways of processing rape differ for everyone... i am somewhere in the rollercoaster... my rape was recent.... i also have an 'old' rape... so, i know i will cope, i know i will sort this and put it in its box and hide it away in the storage compartment in my head... there are lessons i need to take from it... the rest i will bin... i wont go into details cos its all quite raw... but i kinda class myself as an emotional fuck up and i have a very squewed view of the world... so my processing and someone elses will be very very different... My rape wasnt traumatic... i didnt struggle... i was drugged... so i dont remember it... With regards to the clinical definitions, i am smiling. Rape is one of the hardest things to talk about. It is meant to be hard. Thats what makes it such a wonderful crime.... it is full of shame and guilt and dirty secrets... When children are abused they dont know the words to describe what happened, which is why they use dolls and bears to reinact... we are adults... we know the words. Rape is clinical. It isnt loving, there is no positive relationship during the act of rape. It is cold and feelingless. People should be able to talk about it for what it is. How do you know that Malkinius hasnt been raped?? I didnt see a soapbox at all... please remember we dont know what *type* of rape your slave went through... Respectfully... Be who you are. Want what you have. Do what you can. 'Come to the edge' He said. 'I'm afraid' she said. 'Come to the edge' He said. She came, He pushed her and she flew... Next page