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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "who's job is it?" 1 2 3 who's job is it? (30) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 6 Mar 11, 5:55 PM 703-817-797 GR, 2 yrs It is my stern conviction that when i feel lost, in doubt, not safe enough or insecure, it's Master's job to guide me, reply to my questions and quiet down my insecurities. He claims i'm too spoilt, i'm used to having men run after me etc. True, i'm a little spoilt, i'll admit to that much. i've been lucky enough in life, having partners who cared a lot for me and did not want to lose me. i recognise the problem {my attitude} and i sincerely want to solve it. i requested for guidance, orders, training, His lead to adhere to. In vain. Is that too much to ask? Does it mean that He does not care enough? P.S. We live in different cities and i serve Him when He calls for me. non sibi sed suis 6 Mar 11, 6:09 PM 979-723-051 CA, 15 mths If you need to be comforted and reassured, then I would agree that your Master needs to meet that need when you ask him to. There are many times where my insecurities and doubts start getting the better of me, and my Master *ALWAYS* makes sure to do what He can to settle my thoughts, even if He might think that I'm being silly in letting those thoughts get to me in the first place (which He does tell me). Just because you're a submissive or slave, doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated with love and respect if that's what you need from your Dominant. [::~ His sweet prey ~::] 6 Mar 11, 6:25 PM mistressK CA, 16 mths On the other hand. . .if it is a constant, daily thing, about many issues - your Master may wish for you to learn better coping skills. I don't know which applies correctly to your situation. But something to think on. -K Mistress of all she surveys except for cats and they who choose not to submit. Dominant without a whip. No cat suit either (too allergic to the fur) Silly, serious, sinful and smart. "Do not try to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly." - unknown 6 Mar 11, 6:32 PM 703-817-797 GR, 2 yrs 979-723-051 wrote: If you need to be comforted and reassured, then I would agree that your Master needs to meet that need when you ask him to. There are many times where my insecurities and doubts start getting the better of me, and my Master *ALWAYS* makes sure to do what He can to settle my thoughts, even if He might think that I'm being silly in letting those thoughts get to me in the first place (which He does tell me). Thank you, it's very close to my opinion. mistressK wrote: On the other hand. . .if it is a constant, daily thing, about many issues - your Master may wish for you to learn better coping skills. I don't know which applies correctly to your situation. But something to think on. -K It's not constant. i might have such questions or doubts once or twice per month. Usually during my pms for example. non sibi sed suis 6 Mar 11, 6:35 PM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! Maybe he doesn't see a problem with your attitude or perhaps in one of your conversations you stated how it could be resolved, thereby putting the work on you. The fact of the matter is you do not live together, so the only person that knows your attitude and can correct it at any given time is you. I think the key to overcome being spoiled is meeting people and helping people who are less fortunate than yourself and understanding that they are human just like you. Perhaps, some volunteer work in your local community will help and donating unused items in your home. Even if it is an activity you do not particularly enjoy, it will teach you that in life we all have to do things we dislike. If we only did what suited us there would be no progress. On a personal note, my Master doesn't typically do a lot of handholding when it comes to training and/or direction. If he says to stop doing something, then I stop doing something. If he says to learn about X then I find away to learn about X. I suppose that has to do with obedience to my Master which is something he values greatly in a slave. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 6 Mar 11, 6:52 PM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs I personally think it depends on what you have insecurities or doubts about. You say it is usually once a month when you have pms. IMO, that sounds like a repeating pattern. Maybe, as MistressK posted, you Master wants you to learn more coping skills if this is an area you are having problems with. You also state that you Master thinks you are spoilt and used to having men run after you. You agree with this. Well, question for you, what has that got to do with anything? If it involves one of your insecurities, you may benefit from concentrating on your service with your Master. Your dynamic involves two of you, not everyone that may find you attractive. While yes, one of the responsibilities of a D/O/M is to reassure and guide you, you have to do your part. Some things aren't broken down to "his" job and "your" job. it takes two and while he may assist in "quieting your insecurities", it is up to You to work on You. To be the best you can be for your Master. Only you can work on you and what is going on in your head. The only way to find out why your master may, in your perception, be avoiding this or declining to "help" you is to have a discussion with him, maybe asking him if he can think of ways for you to help yourself. Just remember, if you tell him he should be doing this or that, well, that's his call, he is the Master. As I mentioned earlier, it depends on where you are having difficulties. It may make it easier to answer if you clarify. Have a great Sunday all. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away - unknown 6 Mar 11, 9:13 PM isolai AU, 16 mths He might be upset that you seem to *expect* to be comforted, and he's teaching you a lesson. He might have faith that you will get through this on your own and is showing you thats possible. Or perhaps he's just being an ass. Masters can get tempermental as well. 6 Mar 11, 9:51 PM 703-817-797 GR, 2 yrs slave_emma wrote: Maybe he doesn't see a problem with your attitude {...} I think the key to overcome being spoiled is meeting people and helping people who are less fortunate than yourself and understanding that they are human just like you. Perhaps, some volunteer work in your local community {...} On a personal note, my Master doesn't typically do a lot of handholding when it comes to training and/or direction. If he says to stop doing something, then I stop doing something. If he says to learn about X then I find away to learn about X. Dear emma, He definitely sees a problem, because He even told me so. Plus, when i am that way, i nag and get on His nerves. Being spoilt refers to a personal level, i did not mean being rich. It means having one man after another, people who loved me, some of them wanted to spend their lives with me etc. i left each and every one of them, even if in some case(s) i have some regrets. Finally, i agree that when He tells me to do something, i need to comply. Believe me, i try my best. But, can i? When He says "don't be insecure!" is it something i can do, without help? 333-528-841 wrote: I personally think it depends on what you have insecurities or doubts about. {...} You also state that you Master thinks you are spoilt and used to having men run after you. You agree with this. Well, question for you, what has that got to do with anything? If it involves one of your insecurities, you may benefit from concentrating on your service with your Master. Dear 333-528-841, Well, i think most women have one insecurity: does He want me? i know {plenty of} other men want to be with me. But as you point out, that's got nothing to do with Him/us. Because i want to be with Him. So, my question remains: does He want me? And the way to solve it, i.e. concentrating on my service to Him, is very hard to do when we're apart. When He knows i'm into this tunnel, why doesn't He do something to pull me out of it? Shouldn't He? isolai wrote: He might be upset that you seem to *expect* to be comforted, and he's teaching you a lesson. Dear isolai, Yes, i think that's His point. But i can't deal with it, from a distance. non sibi sed suis Edited 6 Mar 11, 9:53 PM by 703-817-797 7 Mar 11, 1:17 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs 703-817-797 wrote: When He knows i'm into this tunnel, why doesn't He do something to pull me out of it? Shouldn't He? Why shouldn't you work on getting yourself out of it? Why is it his responsibility? You have to take responsibility for you, even in this lifestyle. You seem to be concentrating more on all the men who want you, who you could be with, rather than the man or Master you are with now. There must be a reason for you to be with your Master, rather than the droves who want to be with you. You may be used to the others fawning all over you and dropping to their knees to worship you but see, this man is your Master.... if he were to act the same as the others, he wouldn't be a Master now would he? It's like apples and oranges. Obviously he wants to be with you or he wouldn't be. I don't mean that in a mean way but, do you see where I am going with this? If it's more the distance you are concerned abut then the two of you should discuss being closer either from you or him relocating. If it is more attention that you are searching for, well, you may have to reconsider finding a D/O/M who is suited better to you, a daddy Dom or similar, or look inside yourself and figure out if this lifestyle is what you really want. All the best to you. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away - unknown 7 Mar 11, 5:07 AM Lord_Uther UK, 6 yrs 703-817-797 wrote: When He knows i'm into this tunnel, why doesn't He do something to pull me out of it? Shouldn't He? Newsflash! It's actually the slaves job to do things for their Owners! From reading this thread I can understand exactly what your master means, yes you are spoilt. Yes you are used to having men fawn all over you and your insecurities come about because he doesn't. Newsflash! He ain't gonna! It's actually your 'job' to sit at his feet and tell him 'how great' he is not for him to sit at yours. The car doesn't chase the dog. Have you ever wondered how feels when time after time after time after time after time he constantly has to tell you that he does want you and you tell him you don't believe him. Have you considered that everytime he tells you he wants you and the next month you question him and the next month and the next month and the next month you're actually calling your Master a liar? Have you ever wondered what that does to your Masters feelings? I come from this from a personal perspective as I had a similar problem with a prospective last year. EVERY time we spoke I was having to answer the same questions, resolve the same concerns. I would take down a wall just to see it put straight back up again. I know us Masters are meant to be seen as 'Godlike' etc but (without trying to sound like a whining schoolgirl) we do have feelings too you know. I would like to post something that Naughty posted on her FL profile recently, I think it's apt, and I hope she doesn't mind. I'll also include part of my response. NaughtySlave wrote: A dear friend of mine and i have recently been talking of things that have gone wrong in M/s relationships. W/we discussed what went wrong with one of His subs. He tells me that it became a chore to spend time with this sub. That it has lost it's pleasure.... So it got me to thinking, is this the reason? Is this the reason for the release of so many newbie subs? Did it become too much of a chore to reassure them? Does the insecurities of the newbie become such a pattern that it destroys anything a Master is trying to build? Does the Master get to the point that it gives Him an emotional headache just to listen to the insecure rantings of the slave? i look back at the work i've done with troubled slaves and i think its the answer...i know looking back at my own experience i was a pain in the ass....always whining about losing when it hadnt even happened. Maybe after awhile the Master looses the energy or the desire to reassure the sub/slave. Maybe after awhile the Master needs to take a reality look at how He spends His day with said sub and decides it is just too much work to constantly bring the slaves self esteem up. i have always felt so bad for the slaves and what they are going through. maybe i should have looked at what the Master goes through. It is easy to always side with who we think the victim in it all is when maybe the reality of it is....the Master is the one who should be felt for. The Master puts out so much energy and thought into building the bond, for what....Its interesting to me that you never see a Dom/Master writing on forums of the pain of the experience when the bond has been broken...only the slaves do this. Maybe if Masters/Doms had a place to vent, as we the slaves do, it would be looked at so differently. How disrespected they must feel when they read the rantings of the slave they had no choice but to release. How sad does the Master feel when they have put so much work into bringing down the walls but in the end it didnt work out. They must become exhausted and feel as if they dont want to go through this again. Slaves will tell you they can't go through it again. That they cant expose their inner soul like that again....What about the Master and the work He put into helping the slaves experience the freedom...All the work the Master did for someone else to come along and get the benefits of the breaking of the ground. Makes me think in comparison to a builder. The builder goes in and works His ass off clearing the lot of all the rubble and trees. He puts in the well and the septic and the loan falls through for what ever reason. Then some other builder comes in and finishes the job. Building a beautiful house on the land. Does the original builder get any rewards or credit for his hard work....no he does not. Being a Master is such a thankless job. i have always thought this were true. Slaves talk of all their hard work all the time.What they have done to be the perfect slave...never mentioning all the work of the Master.People say that submission is a gift to be cherished....the work of a Master is just as important and should be equally cherished. Without the Master/Dom who would the slave/sub submit to? To the Masters out there....what incredible people You are. How incredibly unselfish You are....to be responsible for someone elses life...A Masters skill is truly a gift and is something not to be taken for granted. i know that this slave is thankful for every Master/Dom that has passed through her life even in friendship they have all helped me become the person i am today Lord_Uther wrote: I will ask only one thing of my slave, trust me, everything else is pinned to that. AA say 'Let go & let God', I say 'Let go & let Me'. When I break down a wall only to find it's been put straight back up again all I hear is that you don't trust me. No matter how loud you say 'I do trust you' I can't hear it because what you do is so much louder than what you say, and that can hurt a damn sight more than the cane I take to your arse. Seriously start looking at your behaviour and sorting it out, your Master has told you he wants you, he has put in the time and again and again and again to reassure you, don't you think if he didn't you've given him enough reason to think you're not worth the hassle? Yes we do have the responsibility of training you, guiding you & instructing you, but it's you who has to do the work, and it's about time you put in the work to sort out your own insecurities, nobody else is going to do it for you. My name is Lord Uther, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! 7 Mar 11, 6:14 AM princess_adela US(WA), 20 mths i, fortunately, caught this pattern before it progressed too far with my Master. i could have easily driven him away with my vanity. It is intuitive that you're aware of it now. i suggest, from my own experiences, that you let your ego go. your ego isn't going to "do" anything for you. However, your Master will... if you're good. Next page