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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Reigning her back in" 1 2 Reigning her back in (15) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Fri 25 Feb 11, 2:45 AM Dagobert US(WA), 21 mths As many of you know Princess Adela (the "nicer" name for Dagobert's Cunt) and I have been practicing a hybrid of slavery and vanilla for the last 10 months or so. For the most part it worked very well and we were able to easily transition between the two depending on context. Over time, however, it began to become clear that she (and to a certain extent I) was having a difficult time making the transition from "girlfriend" to "slave". Vanilla-type issues began to show their faces and that serenity of an M/s dynamic became further and further away. We began to argue (previously unthinkable in our relationship) and there was even talk of breaking up... although I don't think that either of us could really contemplate what that meant. In other words confusion set into our relationship and the natural order of things flew into chaos... all of those bullshit things that manifest themselves in a vanilla relationship came crashing in on us. Recently we reached a point where we could go in one of three ways: end the whole thing, jettison the M/s portion and attempt to be simply boyfriend/girlfriend, or strip everything away and again focus on a purely M/s dynamic. We talked about it at length and did a lot of soul searching, both together and separately. No matter which way we went we knew it would be difficult. And so I made my decision: I reigned her back in. We are now working on a strictly M/s (or more specifically O/p) basis and calm has returned to the house. The transformation was almost immediate and there is a palpable difference in the air. Even the four-legged creatures seem happier. So to the old timers who have tried (mostly in vain mind you) to caution me against mixing and matching the worlds of M/s and vanilla... I begrudgingly tip my hat to you. I have not ruled out eventually getting back to a more comfortable hybrid but for now we are taking it a day at a time... making sure that each of us is happy in our own ways. I am sharing this not because I wish to air our relationship on TSR but as a note of caution to others. It is very easy when in such a hybrid relationship to allow things to slip too far to one side or the other which can have the effect of killing off the entire relationship. I am interested in hearing from others who may have gone through something similar. I am certain that we are not alone in this. I am the proud owner of dagoberts_cunt. She lives to serve me in all ways until the end of her days. 25 Feb 11, 5:02 AM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! What do you mean by a hybrid relationship? Were you playing two different roles with different sets of expectations for each? The reason I ask is because many vanilla things like paying the bills, going to work, feeding the four legged friends, and so on also happen in M/s relationships. Even in M/s relationships there are arguments. Although we do not argue often, my Master and I have certainly have had our arguments. Eventually, I will defer to him but there are times when I have to say my piece. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 25 Feb 11, 5:14 AM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings Dagobert.... It really is simple. You can not mix actual consensual slavery with anything else and expect it to work well. You can mix bedroom or weekend BDSM play with a "normal" boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife relationship but that relationship...or any relationship primarily based on love and caring will either start and stay there or devolve there or the couple will break up. End. Of. Story. Welcome to the reality most people here don't want to think about because they do a lot of this out of love of the person, not out of a love of serving or where the desire to be a slave outweighs who they are a slave to. So, I ask you. Which do you want? A slave or a girlfriend? You only get to choose one or the other. You have made your choice for the moment. It won't last. If you try to go back you will end up in the same place you were and have to make this choice all over again. Be well.... Malkinius 25 Feb 11, 1:13 PM Dagobert US(WA), 21 mths slave_emma wrote: What do you mean by a hybrid relationship? Were you playing two different roles with different sets of expectations for each? The reason I ask is because many vanilla things like paying the bills, going to work, feeding the four legged friends, and so on also happen in M/s relationships. Even in M/s relationships there are arguments. Although we do not argue often, my Master and I have certainly have had our arguments. Eventually, I will defer to him but there are times when I have to say my piece. Best wishes, slave emma Emma: We, for a while at least, were able to function exclusively as one or the other ans switch between them without issue. Of course day to day life is a factor in any sort of relationship but there are also a very different set of expectations within an M/s relationship. What basically happened is that the ballast of power became very muddied which resulted in chaos. I am the proud owner of dagoberts_cunt. She lives to serve me in all ways until the end of her days. 25 Feb 11, 2:55 PM kittenmittens222 US(MD), 15 mths i was the exact opposite. i was in a 4 year vanilla relationship that just ended at the begining of this month (and no i am not heartbroken). i tried to mix BDSM into the vanilla, and he wasn't having it. He made me choose between the lifestyle or him. So naturally i chose BDSM. For me the lifestyle is an unquenchable thirst to serve, to feed the inner darkside, to let it all out in the form of a hard session, and that is what i think most vanillas don't understand. Yes, some of the things that are done are kind of weird and a bit unorthodox, but isn't that the point? We in the lifestyle are just doing the things that people in the vanilla world are afraid of, too judgemental to try, or just so embedded in a comfort zone of their creation that they don't want to step outside of it and be adventurous. Having gotten my rant&rave out of the way, i have to agree. vanilla and BDSM are best kept separate, as there are no aspects of each that can blend. it will usually end in heartbreak. Peace and Brightest Blessings, Lady Raven Edited 25 Feb 11, 3:47 PM by kittenmittens222 25 Feb 11, 5:04 PM Dagobert US(WA), 21 mths @Malkinius: As always you are rather sage despite a rather gruff demeanor. I am the proud owner of dagoberts_cunt. She lives to serve me in all ways until the end of her days. 25 Feb 11, 5:25 PM DignifiedXDisease US(WI), 3 yrs This one will first say that it believes a slave must know why they serve. If they serve for any reason but a love of submission, and a need that comes within, the dynamic will not work. Plain and simple. That being said, a BDSM relationship can be a romantic one. So long as we are dominants and submissives with or without our current partner. To submit or dominate to please another is horribly dangerous. These things understood, this one cannot understand why you believe there cannot be real romantic love within these power exchanges. Please help this one to understand. Thank You in advance. To break me, you must hold me. hold me, and I will love you. If I love you, I trust you to break me gently. 25 Feb 11, 5:41 PM Dagobert US(WA), 21 mths 493-966-682 wrote: This one will first say that it believes a slave must know why they serve. If they serve for any reason but a love of submission, and a need that comes within, the dynamic will not work. Plain and simple. That being said, a BDSM relationship can be a romantic one. So long as we are dominants and submissives with or without our current partner. To submit or dominate to please another is horribly dangerous. These things understood, this one cannot understand why you believe there cannot be real romantic love within these power exchanges. Please help this one to understand. Thank You in advance. I DO think there can be an element of romantic love within the relationship but that feeling cannot be allowed to interfere with the core dynamic. Once that feeling goes too far it tends to undermine the balance of power. Trust me, I didn't want to believe it and did everything in my power to ignore the inevitable. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on this but my recent personal observation attests to it. I am the proud owner of dagoberts_cunt. She lives to serve me in all ways until the end of her days. Edited 25 Feb 11, 5:42 PM by Dagobert 26 Feb 11, 5:23 PM rhuafox CA, 19 mths Dagobert wrote: And so I made my decision: I reigned her back in. We are now working on a strictly M/s (or more specifically O/p) basis and calm has returned to the house. The transformation was almost immediate and there is a palpable difference in the air. Even the four-legged creatures seem happier. Lucky girl. I sincerely wish you both success! rhuafox 27 Feb 11, 12:10 AM slave_torianna US(GA), 15 mths This is my first post here...I more like sitting back and seeing what others have to say. I really appreciate someone bringing this topic up. Daddy and i also attempt to have a kind of a "hybrid relationship" but we are learning quickly that it doesnt really work that way. i follow Him so i trust however He wants to lead our relationship but i think i may see if He would be willing to read these comments here from other people experiencing the same issues. loved and owned by Daddy Will / i will forever serve Him Edited 27 Feb 11, 12:11 AM by slave_torianna 27 Feb 11, 1:33 AM sweetlittlemoon 15 mths I am confused when people try and compartmentalize their lives much like how you described you and your slave's situation. It's great you are able to work towards a goal of a more M/s and O/p type of relationship. But please remember that when you try and separate who you are and compartmentalize things it will never go well. You are who you are and she is who she is. And if you are romantically involved with her, it does not lessen the power exchange unless you both allow it to, like what happened when you tried to separate your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship from your M/s one. Remember, you are both human and humans are multifaceted. You can have both, just don't worry so much about the titles involved in your relationship. You just need to find what works for both of you. "Self-conquest is really self-surrender. Yet before we can surrender ourselves we must become ourselves. For no one can give up what he does not possess." Thomas Merton Next page