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	TSR : Web boards : Other Topics : "Where do we go from here?" 1 2 Where do we go from here? (14) This post is on the Other Topics web board. Tue 7 Dec 10, 3:30 AM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs When i first arrived at TSR i was scared to death to post anything. This is because the members were so intelligent, genuine and articulate. i felt i couldn't meet the standard they set. i learned, i read, and i tried not to beat myself up for not being as brilliant. i *truly* felt blessed to have this place and these people to learn from. One thing i brought to the table: the experience of living full time, 24/7, as a slave. i consented five years ago, and that was the last thing i ever did as an independent person. i lurked even longer than i have been registered-Master registered me after we married & i was officially collared. Thus, my history goes back truly more like four years. i was still working outside the home then-juggling a move, working as hard as i could due to financial difficulty, all while forging ahead with my new slave life. i truly couldn't have been happier. Recently, when it seemed there was a "gap" of people committed to this life 24/7 and people who thought as i did, i jumped in. i was not as articulate as those before me, but i certainly did try to keep this POV alive. i thought for sure some of those who left would return. i thought my assistance would somehow be enough to silent the cries of rape, and abuse. i thought somehow the safe haven and the conjoining of ideas that was TSR would survive, be stronger. It couldn't really be down to a minority of people. A 24/7 relationship *online* can't really be considered the same as my life. It just wasn't reconciling. Lately however, keeping my POV alive has been about as much fun as smashing my head into a wall. Today, i was digging around in old posts, and my heart HURT for those days. The wisdom, and knowledge, dripping from every post. You couldn't pop in without learning ten new things from people who live this life, day in, and day out. In that world, i didn't have to explain myself in a signature. i miss that world tremendously. At this time, i have to step back from TSR. i am not leaving and i never will. Indeed, i have a direct order from my Master to be here, and i have an SLRN tattoo, and i will be proud of what it represents. However, at this time, it is doing more harm than good for me to come here on a daily basis. i am going to go a bit jakesemma (i apologize for using you as an example, emma) and i am going to have to come here less than i did and only comment on the threads that speak to me. Thank you to all who have taught me, i do owe you quite the large debt. See you around, 898-443-818 PS, i am not trying to rehash hard times, but i felt i owed an explanation to my friends and to others who live as i do why i was trying to separate a bit. Very perhaps i need to be more comfortable with the fact that what will happen in our home will be at Master's whim and what others may feel about it really doesn't matter, but He is better at taking that stance than i am. So i am practicing now. i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. Please visit my vegan & weightloss blog: www.foodmasochist.blogspot.com 7 Dec 10, 5:21 AM bastets_daughter 2 yrs i'm very sorry to see you go dormant, and i hope you return soon. 7 Dec 10, 11:39 AM property_of_MacCain 4 yrs Sometimes this place is a battlefield. Worth fighting for- but it hurts to see your comrades fall. Please reconsider. p 7 Dec 10, 3:32 PM Valyrian101 US, 18 mths I too am saddened to see you go. Being new I'm getting used to peoples personalities and am enjoying getting to know everyone on here to one extent or another. But there are times when you need to just sit back and breathe a bit to reset yourself. I hope all turns out well and hope you are able to come back rather quickly. Valyrian101 Respect is default. Communication is mandatory. Understanding is enlightenment. 7 Dec 10, 4:09 PM 902-660-194 US(PA), 6 yrs we are always here whenever you need us the sting of His whip~ the welts from His crop~ the warmth of His kiss~ the click of the lock~ assures me i am His most cherished possession.. 7 Dec 10, 4:41 PM Lord_Uther UK, 6 yrs Come back soon xxx My name is Lord Uther, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! 7 Dec 10, 8:35 PM thegildedlili 3 yrs You know how I feel 818. i have no need, for such things, but to make you happy... Josh Pyke 8 Dec 10, 5:15 AM MacCain 4 yrs 898-443-818 wrote: Where do we go from here? Lately however, keeping my POV alive has been about as much fun as smashing my head into a wall. Today, i was digging around in old posts, and my heart HURT for those days. The wisdom, and knowledge, dripping from every post. You couldn't pop in without learning ten new things from people who live this life, day in, and day out. In that world, i didn't have to explain myself in a signature. i miss that world tremendously. I know the feeling very well. A few years ago two of my favorite posters kept their slaves in cages for long periods and chained the rest of the day. Two others were those slaves. There were many others I enjoyed as well, whose relationships varied in intensity, some milder than my relationship, and some more extreme. Now... well, I won't go on about it, but the masquerading clowns, and people who are in denial that CNC relationships exist, are more than too much. Looking back, most of it went bad before p or I made our first posts. The posts in that time period of three to four years ago, and older as well, mean a great deal to me as well. I wouldn't be as comfortable in my own skin without them. The files are still there in the archives, and there are some gems. Some items people may want to look for: Steve Vakesh' and Yarakot's writings are still extant, as are Tanos' essays on TPE, IE etc. If one looked hard enough one can find BA's amoral and unflinching analysis in essays here and there. Raven Kaldera is prolific, published and insightful. It's out there for those interested. MacCain 8 Dec 10, 3:58 PM SirSeven 3 yrs I agree that sometimes it is good to step back and take some time off to re-evaluate things. But don't be gone too long... To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. -Elbert Hubbard 8 Dec 10, 5:13 PM seresse US(PA), 23 mths Y! Just my gnarly two-cents worth - it seems this concern with safety and politically correct is a society-wide change, not just here. When my son was in second grade, some child on the playground broke their arm on the monkey bars. i bet you can't guess what happened next...yeah - they banned the monkey bars. They also banned playing tag because some kid got hurt. It is very sad to me and weighs heavily that our freedoms are being eroded "for our own good and safety". Since when did we cease to be responsible for ourselves? i suspect this whole tendency to sue others for anything and everything we can has something to do with it. We become sheep who have abdicated our freedoms in favor of entitlement. Okay, sorry. My rant is over. seresse 9 Dec 10, 12:19 PM property_of_MacCain 4 yrs In keeping with seresse's theme, i wonder how we lived through childhood. All of these apparent life threatening activities that have been banned from the playgrounds deemed too dangerous for our children... our parents thought were fine. Guess what, i survived the "merry go rounds", i was never flung off to my death. i survived the "teeter totter", was never catapulted off resulting in head trauma. i rode go-carts down steep hills, (the horror) and never wore a helmet on a bike, trike or other wheeled vehicle. i was allowed at five to take our boat out alone, with no life jacket because i was a strong swimmer. i rant because i clearly survived childhood despite having obviously negligent parents. Looking back, they must have wanted something horrible to happen to me. They must have! They allowed me to play in the woods by myself- in the yard in clear view of passers by, and in the pool by myself. they even bought me "sparklers" in the summer and let me run around the yard with the little combustible sticks! If i survived all that, i'm pretty sure the discomfort that i recieve at the hands of MacCain won't kill me. That said, if my parents saw all of the statistics available today, they may have invested in a sitter occasionally. But maybe they would have given me credit for not being utterly stupid, and left me alone anyway. That might be it. Maybe they recognized i had a brain and knew i could make decisions for myself... ETA: (yes i see the irony here... but i did decide to accept the collar and all that goes with it) p Edited 9 Dec 10, 12:22 PM by property_of_MacCain Next page