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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Master Cheating Over Email... what do I do?" 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Master Cheating Over Email... what do I do? (69) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. 13 Nov 10, 6:22 AM MasterMetal US(GA), 19 mths Emailing back and forth doesn't really constitute cheating. However the type of communication given your situation is definitely inappropriate. I don't agree that in your relationship with your Master you should just shut up and do what your told. Also his show of affection for you offers proof that he wants you in his life. I would decide whether or not you want to try again. Trying again would me letting go of what happened and moving forward. You can help him figure out what he thought he might've been missing through talking with him and finding out. I won't lie, as a Master I've had various situations happen to me and one very much like yours. I had no intention of pursuing a sexual or intimate relationship with my previous slave but still I talked to her. I lost the love of my life, a submissive of mine, due to this distrust that built between us. If you believe your Master is the love of your life and you feel you are his then you need to work it out or risk regret. As a Master I must ensure my slave is protected, cared for and train them to the best of my ability. As my slave you must submit completely to my will and forever be mine. 13 Nov 10, 8:37 AM DaS_13 US, 4 yrs 1. As a 24/7 D/s Mistress of three years, I think the whole "A Dominant can do whatever they want, including getting another" is utter bullshit. D/s is a very special and different lifestyle than marriage, yes. I believe it's even stronger than marriage. I believe when people say a Dominant can just choose another, that's an easy out for cheating or in there case, not cheating, just having fun. For some, like clover and I, there is trust. I would never ever cheat on her, as a Mistress with another slave or as a wife with another woman. We don't really have a contract, we made one but the contract doesn't hold as much importance as our words do. I've promised my heart to her and she has done the same in return. 2. Do you have a contract? Has he actually said he's interested in being in a monogamous relationship or has he specifically told you you two were in one? Just because your a slave, doesn't mean your feelings have no backing. I mean, that's like saying a slave in an abusive relationship should just "take it" because she's a slave. Again, bullshit. 3. Talk to him. Try to work things out. If you love him, truly think about what you can and cannot handle. Think about if you can trust him again. Think of him not only as a Master, but also as a partner. Trust is a very important part of a D/s relationship, if he's sworn never to cheat or to be in a monogamous relationship - what else will he go back on? Without trust, things can go very awry. Use your own judgment. Only you can truly decide if you trust him with yourself completely. Owner of 465-186-919. My beautiful wife and slave <3 13 Nov 10, 10:32 AM Sir_Aldric 5 yrs GerardVanDam wrote: The "very special about that man" often is him being a (potential) criminal. Oh dear.. oh dear.. I never saw anything as disrespectful towards Masters in general at TSR. If you tried to insult me personally, all good Master here as well as the sub/slaves that look up to us, then I guess you did an excellent job. Suggesting that what makes us special as Masters is related to a background of being criminal is committing social suicide since it leaves all Masters here the choice between admitting that they are either not special or just plain criminal. Well, if you coming from the country of Geert Wilders (who makes a habit of misusing the 'right of free speech' just to insult people), wanted to make an impression here that will be remembered for a long time, then let me assure you: you just did.. Sir Aldric Relax, life is too short to get upset. 13 Nov 10, 11:32 AM GerardVanDam NL, 4 yrs Sir_Aldric wrote: GerardVanDam wrote: The "very special about that man" often is him being a (potential) criminal. Oh dear.. oh dear.. I never saw anything as disrespectful towards Masters in general at TSR. If you tried to insult me personally, all good Master here as well as the sub/slaves that look up to us, then I guess you did an excellent job. Suggesting that what makes us special as Masters is related to a background of being criminal is committing social suicide since it leaves all Masters here the choice between admitting that they are either not special or just plain criminal. Well, if you coming from the country of Geert Wilders (who makes a habit of misusing the 'right of free speech' just to insult people), wanted to make an impression here that will be remembered for a long time, then let me assure you: you just did.. Sir Aldric I think you just misunderstood me. I did not want to insult anyone here, certainly not you! Here, on TSR, we find the beautyful stories. There are millions of people who are (somewhat) "D" or "s" by nature. Millions more show their Holy Books that clearly say women should be property of some man. Only a small percentage live this life knowing what they are doing. Some in a more or less extreme way. Most on TSR belong to this group. The (potential) "criminals" can be found outside of the Lifestyle/TSR. Believe me: There are MANY (s-)women who let themselves be taken by the first man that takes control, even knowing he is abusive or cheating. But even on TSR we find stories of cheating, stories of physical abuse et cetera. Please don't compare me to this horrible G. W. . You gave a good description of him. If you wanted to insult me, you just did I hope I made myself clear English is not my first language. For many here it is difficult to express their feelings. If I make mistakes, please tell me. 13 Nov 10, 11:52 AM GerardVanDam NL, 4 yrs DaS_13 wrote: 1. As a 24/7 D/s Mistress of three years, I think the whole "A Dominant can do whatever they want, including getting another" is utter bullshit. D/s is a very special and different lifestyle than marriage, yes. I believe it's even stronger than marriage. I believe when people say a Dominant can just choose another, that's an easy out for cheating or in there case, not cheating, just having fun. For some, like clover and I, there is trust. I would never ever cheat on her, as a Mistress with another slave or as a wife with another woman. We don't really have a contract, we made one but the contract doesn't hold as much importance as our words do. I've promised my heart to her and she has done the same in return. I don't believe this is utter bullshit. Some s-types want it this way. Personally, I prefer LOVING relationships. This implies I want to know all of her heart, mind, body and soul, and it also implies (s)he should try her best to know my feelings. This, in my case, means I could never have or want some secret relationship. English is not my first language. For many here it is difficult to express their feelings. If I make mistakes, please tell me. 22 Nov 10, 5:22 AM 684-455-155 US, 2 yrs Please kindly forgive these people with their narrow-minded opinions of BDSM is telling you to shut up and get over it. Every person's relationship and experience in BDSM is different. Frankly, i believe this isn't a question of BDSM or ethics, but about relationships and trust. As a couple others have said, can you rebuild the trust you have with your Master? Do you truly believe what he said about the email, or do you deep down believe he's cheating? If He does this again, what kind of implications will it hold for you? you'll need to ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly. None of U/us, regardless of O/our status can tell you what to do. 22 Nov 10, 7:15 AM T_M_Q_M_B US(WA), 2 yrs Y! 321-347-898 wrote: Master Cheating Over Email... what do I do? This morning after spending a blissful weekend with Master... I woke up early to make him a tea and breakfast. He let's me use his laptop when doing so most of the time - and today I did the same thing. When I opened up the laptop his email was open and I noticed an email with a subject line that was sexual in nature -- also from a woman. When I read the email Master was wishing her a Happy Halloween... telling her to be his good girl -- and adding alot of sexual innuendo into the conversation. He signed off the email "with love". I started to shake... and immediately got dressed and left. He must have heard me leave because he ran down the street after me after reading the note I left behind ending our relationship -- and asking about the woman who he was emailing. He then tried to stop me - and was visibly shaken trying to explain the email to me. Saying that there was more too it - that i was taking it out of context ... and so on. I stopped and listened to what he had to say. Saying that it was his ex girlfriend who lived on the other side of the country. That she had a thing for him - and yes he would care if something happened to her - but that he was not interested in anything with her. Even though she was willing to pursue a long-distance relationship. He went on to mention something about her wanting to spend the weekend with him a few months ago ... and also inviting him to fly to New York with her as well. I had not read anything about this. We went back to his house -- and we talked it out ... and the conversation ended by him saying he was in love with me... and that what is holding him back from making a real commitment to me was his career and finances and wanting to make sure that his career was more stable before he proposed or made that leap. And that at present he loves the way things are between us. He went on to discuss is wants for having a l/t relationship with me -- when the time was right. I guess as a sub/slave -- i am divided. Because his happiness means the world to me -- and i am trying so hard not to be needy here -- but i just don't believe him when he says he hasn't cheated. He agreed that it was wrong that he didn't disclose any of the details around his past with this girl - and the fact he communicates with her. I was quick to point out that the nature of their conversation was sexual -- and that he signed off with a very loving sentiment for someone who is over their past subbie. So I called him later this afternoon telling him I needed a break from us. That perhaps we should end us because although he says he is happy I can't trust that he is with me out of a sense of love vs. obligation. I went on to tell him how much i loved him... how he is the love of my life - and that if he needed the space and openness to flush out something with this girl -- for closure's sake then i am alright with walking away from us for him to be happy. And if he wants an "out" i am giving it to him right now without hard feelings or reservation. He then went on to note that he loves me and that he is happy and isn't looking for an "out" from us ... and i could hear him crying on the other end. He hung abruptly saying that we were good -- but it devestated me to hear him crying. He does NOT cry. He is a dominant for godsake! Anyways... I am at a loss for what to do now. I plan on giving him his space to pursue whatever issues he is grappling with - and whatever guilt for whatever cheating he has done. Should I stay in this??? Or should I look for another Master? I say give it some time, one thing I liked about your story is that you faced your problem, and that is half of the battle. The healing can now start, and hopefully in time you can cherish each other. I learned this the hard way, I lost respect and trust in the one I was interested in, I can reflect now that is a lesson learned. So in short look before you leap, love and devotion is a power thing. It can make and break empires as history has shown us. There is a saying my father said before he died (those who dont know the past are comdemed to repeat it in the future) 22 Nov 10, 6:44 PM 119-812-164 US, 3 yrs there is no right or wrong answer, and i will not profess to tell you that there is, or what you should do, but only the way i see things, which amounts to this: a Master dictates the protocol of Master's household. Master keeps a slave because the slave relinquished physical and emotional well-being to the Master, as a matter of trust. the type of enslavement that is common among those privilege to this discussion is an enslavement that is initially consensual. remembering that enslavement is initially consensual seems the basis for the relationship between the Master and the slave. after enslavement, consent, or the level of consent, is a matter to be decided within the constraints of protocol for the household dictated by the Master. a Master who breaks the protocol that the Master has dictated as the circumstances of enslavement in Master's own household, in a way that is 'hidden', would be a Master that seems, for whatever reason, to not trust his own authority to change the protocol of his household, and so the circumstances of enslavement. we collectively agree that trust is the basis for successful and fruitful enslavement. a slave cannot trust unless the slave is ensured the slave will be cared for by the authority and responsibility of the Master. a slave cannot trust unless a slave feels comfortable in the word of the Master. being a slave does not mean you put yourself in harm's way. if a slave feels that a Master cannot be trusted, and that the slave is no longer physically, and emotionally cared for in the way the Master has dictated, then service to the Master will be compromised, whether that service is to receive pain, or that service is to relinquish control of the slave's life. if the slave cannot trust the Master, cannot submit to the Master, cannot assume that what the Master says to be so will actually be so, then the Master is no longer a Master, and the slave, consequently, is no longer a slave. i am sorry, and mourn, your loss of trust and hope that you can find it again, whenever, and with whomever, you allow dominion over you. 22 Nov 10, 6:59 PM 119-812-164 US, 3 yrs i do not understand how consensual slavery is ever non-consensual. non-consensual slavery would mean that you are taken, against your will, and kept, against your will. if at some point you relinquish your 'will' to be enslaved beyond consent, then the absence of that 'will' is another indication of consent. and, last, non-consensual slavery is illegal in the free world for a reason. this does not impede on the fantasy of non-consent, but the fantasy of non-consent is not a reality of non-consent. i can say nothing more than the way i see things to be and do not profess to understand the way things are for you. There's no dearth of kindness In this world of ours; Only in our blindness We gather thorns for flowers. --(Thomas) Gerald Massey 24 Nov 10, 12:54 PM slaveNo95125 18 mths You act like He has brought her in your house, in your bed and chained you beside. So what if He talks to her. Like you dont love your ex partners. And if he told you He is only with you, be honoured and trust Him!! i didn't know i was a slave until i found out i couldn't do the things i wanted. Feel free to humiliate me. Master wants me to feel small everywhere, including here. Thank You. Next page