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	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "seeking advice" seeking advice (3) This post is on the O&P web board. Tue 19 Oct 10, 9:26 PM 812-736-040 US, 20 mths Hi everybody. i truly hope i don't waste your time with my posting but i would really value any and all advice or opinions. First, please let me apologize in advance if i jump around a bit, run on too long (i've been told i tend to do that), or don't quite make things as clear as i think i might have, i'm living with 40 years or confusion and self-denial after all. That being said, a little background then the questions... i should have said this from the onset, but i hope transgendered people are welcome here (i know we're not welcome everywhere). If not, please accept my apologies for posting. i am diagnosed gender dysphoric, born a male but in all ways except outward appearance i am 100% female, and do view all females as being superior to myself - meaning i could never be as wonderful as any other female, but i do try to be my best, and i hope my life is viewed as "me just trying to be myself". i'm diagnosed dysphoric- i am transgender by every definition but have not undergone any hormonal or surgical procedures to date, up until recently out of necessity i've lived mostly as a male and done the things expected of me. i do act more like a woman than a man, not on purpose or to mock anybody but it's just my personality (no lisping or falsetto or anything like that), but general mannerisms and preferences are typically female. i always wear undergarments associated with females and visible clothing as i can get away with without embarrassing my family (i couldn't care less what anyone but them thinks). i've been successful in my career and have raised a family of 3 well adjusted young adults. Outward appearances would seem nothing out of what's considered "normal". Also i am and have always been a slave, or at least a very submissive and meek servant. One of the best feelings i get out of life is knowing i make my Wife's life easier by doing things for her she would rather not do. i've been married to the most wonderful woman in the world for 20 years. We've had alot of good times, but also some bad - the bad chalked up to me realizing that what i had been trying to deny to myself all those years was in fact real, and much bigger than myself. When we met, i was still heavy in denial, as a result my Wife (and myself) both mistakenly thought what i was dealing with was just a fetish, and in that capacity she was a willing participant. A little dressing, some light bondage during sex, etc. Throughout my life i did all the typical things - tried acting overly macho, indulged in typical vanilla male pastimes although they held no interest for me, and tried adopting a dominant personality. i eventually started realizing what i thought were my kinks were much more and became quite self-destructive for awhile. When it became clear to my Wife that these were more than fetishes, we started having problems. Since then She has become more accepting, and does like it when i serve her also. The things i'm seeking your advice on are hard to explain, but hopefully i can. my Wife is a very understanding person, and She does try but She has reservations which i understand completely. She is much more vanilla than not, but She does have interest in truly permanently enslaving me and has asked me many times for help with what i crave. We've talked, read, looked at websites and movies, and have engaged in light scenes, but i always come away feeling something's missing from it (although i never say so) and She comes away feeling conflicted. At Her request i've even written out exactly what i was looking for, and the way it wrote out closely resembles a contract, everything ideal to me there word for word. The problem is basically She wants me to Top from the bottom, which from her perspective i understand (given her reservations), but when it comes down to it that takes away alot. i do realize that my desire for something other than what we currently do is still somewhat Topping from the bottom, but we both know it's there, She wants to do it, but something is stopping her. In Her words, it seems wrong to Her to hurt someone She loves, and again, i get that. i really do. i'd not hurt Her for anything so it makes sense to me that She feels that way. But, She has stated She wants to do this for me but doesn't really know how to get started in earnest, and doesn't know the questions to ask - so here i am, basically asking for guidance for Her as to how to proceed from here. If nothing further came of our situation, so be it. i'd much rather be with Her than live the way i think i should without Her. i'm sure with proper counseling i could bury it and live life - i've done it for 40 years so far anyway. my ideal? Spending what remains of my life in service to my Wife, and being bound, gagged, and tortured as much as possible, even if that meant being locked away somewhere permanently, never to see the light of day again. Short of that, i'd gladly work as a waitress or maid (or other profession typically held by women) for my Wife's financial benefit, regardless of hours, only to be restrained and locked away when not needed. i'd really loved to be owned by Her as just an object - just as she owns and uses a vacuum, car, whatever - an object for her use and be put away when not needed until next time. Why do i want this? i have no idea but it's something i've known for my entire life - just as i've always known i was different from all the guys. i am so sorry for going on so long. i just re-read this and there's probably a lot of information missing and a lot here not needed. If so and you'd like to know something, please ask - if it helps us i'll tell anything you'd like to know. i just want to be happy, but furthermore want that for Her. Based on my ramblings, any advice for Her? Thank all of you so much, 812-736-040 or Melissa Edited Tue 19 Oct 10, 9:27 PM by 812-736-040 19 Oct 10, 10:41 PM NeilansLittleMoon 2 yrs I know there is a link on BDSM for Nice Guys (http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdniceguy.html) that helped me when I introduced my fiance to this. I know it's of the Dominant male/submissive female in how it's described by I am sure you could give the link to your wife and she might get some understanding from it. How long have you two been experimenting with this though? The biggest thing I had to learn with my fiance, who is my Master/Daddy now, is that he had to take it at his own pace, I couldn't force him to move as fast as I would like. Let her figure things out at her own pace and be patient is the best advice I can give in your situation. ~I am Coco, the collared slave girl and kitty owned by her Daddy~ 8 Nov 10, 11:17 PM 689-844-503 2 yrs Hi think your so lucky, am very similar to yourself, but left my wife because she couldnt accept what I wanted. Would like to chat more if you wish email me Jackie 9 Nov 10, 2:13 AM SeanT70 9 yrs You've given a lot of good grounding for a lot of reasonable questions, but if you both really want honest answers as to how the dynamic is supposed to work with her topping you since she's never done it before (etc, etc...), I get the distinct impression that it should've and still can be your wife that writes the questions (on her own profile, even) to get the answers. For you to ask them is just fact-finding, but for her to ask them might actually seem that the answers do really apply to her - not you. I know that doesn't help you in context of the questions you asked in your post, but if she were to do that perhaps you'll find it of bigger mutual benefit than you think before actually doing it. See, the thing is, when she's getting you to, or by your own volition, you're doing this fact-finding, if she does something you're not comfy with, you can step back (none of that today, dear!); but if she's really acting in the spirit of doing what you're talking about, then what you're gonna find is that she's uncomfy while she finds her feet, and yourself thinking my, what did I let myself in for..because the chances are, you're gonna end up with seriously sore nuts while she's learning, and she'll run a mile thinking she's done something wrong. No, she hasn't, but everyone has to learn, just as you do being her sub.. Reading and keeping it light is not the same as doing and making it full time. Oh, and having a sub top from the bottom because it suits is fraught with problems. not only is it kinda lazy, but it leaves the door ajar for the sub to bend the rules, and we can't be having that now, can we? Less rules, but well kept is better than a billion rules never tended to. A lot is just plain common sense, and that's before we even get into the dysphoria side of it, although that doesn't necessarily matter; what we're really talking about is an accepted FemDomme dynamic, and if all of that can be made to work for you guys, all is well. Regards, Sean.