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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "New guy with questions seeking answers." 1 2 New guy with questions seeking answers. (11) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Wed 13 Oct 10, 4:07 PM Star109 US(VA), 19 mths First off, allow me to apologize if I have posted this in the wrong section. Please feel free to get a mod to move this to the correct forum if needed. Now, for why I'm here. I'm new (completely new, as in virgin new) to the BDSM culture. I've seen things and heard things about it, but never really considered it to be my sort of thing. I'll admit that, up until this point in my life, I've been a "vanilla" person. However, with the train wreck that was the end of my last relationship, I've taken a closer look into this lifestyle that has caught my eye. I already know that, if I do choose this life more myself, I am a submissive/slave. I like to please others and generally "go with the flow", not worrying about my own decisions. I'd have no problems letting go of my decisions to my Master/Mistress. The only problem I'm seeing so far is that I'm a creature of comforts. I like having my games to play, my things that I do, my friends that I talk to. Honestly, I don't know how easily I could give such things up if that was what was asked of me. Maybe this makes me unfit for something such as this, it's why I'm here with questions. For a little bit of a bio I'm a 24 year old male, a shade under 6-foot, and a bit on the heavy side (my friends refuse to call me fat, though I call myself that all the time. they prefer the term big, though I'm not sure if they just say that to be nice). If my stats matter for anything at all. I guess my first question is for the slaves here: Is it hard giving up everything for a master for the first time? Is there anything that I will be able to do to maybe help ease the loss if I do have to give up those things that I love to do? For the masters: How harsh are you with a new slave? Can I expect to be eased into the lifestyle or will a master throw me into the lion's den so to speak? Also, I'm not positive I want to be a 24/7 TPE slave. I might just want to be used in the bedroom, but have an otherwise "vanilla" relationship. How often do these sort of relationships start in the bedroom and expand out into the rest of one's life? To be completely honest, I'm sitting on the fence about trying to adopt this sort of lifestyle for myself. I've lurked these boards for a little bit before finally registering for an account and posting here, and most of the people I've seen post are extremely happy in their lives, whether slave or master. I wonder if I would be happy in their situation. Please don't suggest that I try with an online master first. While I know it might work for some people, it would just feel fake to me. If I do this, I want to experience the real deal, with my Master or Mistress there to guide me in person. Thanks in advance for the answers to my questions, and, undoubtedly, I will have questions concerning your answers. Also, forgive me in advance if I say anything out of line, I am ignorant of what the norms and values of this particular community. 13 Oct 10, 4:38 PM property_of_MacCain 4 yrs Star109 wrote: Also, I'm not positive I want to be a 24/7 TPE slave. I might just want to be used in the bedroom, but have an otherwise "vanilla" relationship. How often do these sort of relationships start in the bedroom and expand out into the rest of one's life? i'm short on time, although i'll likely come back to post more on this thread ... i did want to start with this bit. What about this lifestyle appeals to you? Is it the kink? If so- and control isn't something you want to give up 24/7... there are plenty of people who are into a little weekend ass slapping and nothing more. Nothing wrong with that, every dynamic is different. You are really putting the cart before the bull. You can't build the relationship without the Master. There are too many variables. You may want to be 24/7 with one person, but just a kinky in the bedroom with another. Slow down and go meet some people. Try looking up local munches. Ask as many questions as you want, until you feel comfortable. p 13 Oct 10, 5:14 PM Star109 US(VA), 19 mths property_of_MacCain wrote: i'm short on time, although i'll likely come back to post more on this thread ... i did want to start with this bit. What about this lifestyle appeals to you? Is it the kink? If so- and control isn't something you want to give up 24/7... there are plenty of people who are into a little weekend ass slapping and nothing more. Nothing wrong with that, every dynamic is different. You are really putting the cart before the bull. You can't build the relationship without the Master. There are too many variables. You may want to be 24/7 with one person, but just a kinky in the bedroom with another. Slow down and go meet some people. Try looking up local munches. Ask as many questions as you want, until you feel comfortable. p Thanks for the reply, and I am currently in search of some like minded people to meet face to face and talk with. However, I live in an area that frowns heavily upon people who don't conform to a certain lifestyle (SW VA, snuggled tight in the Bible Belt). That combined with the rural area in which I live will make it moderately difficult to find a munch within driving range (So far I've found only one in driving range, an hour away). Thus is why I'm asking here. I'm not interested in trying to jump right into a 24/7 relationship. I fully expect to start out slow. I think my statement and question was worded in a confusing manner. I was interested in how many people may have started out as weekenders, as you put it, but ended up turning into 24/7 slaves. I was wanting to know if those in a TPE situation knew that was what they were wanting from the very start, or if they were more like me and kinda iffy on the matter but found that they were willing to do it for their Master. I hope this clarifies what I was asking about a little. What appeals to me about the lifestyle is the giving up of power. I am finding myself quite literally dreaming of giving myself up to be used for the pleasure of another. I'm just not sure how far I'll be willing to go in such a relationship. I'm positive that I would be completely comfortable being used as a slave in the bedroom, everything beyond that I'm iffy on. Edited 13 Oct 10, 5:16 PM by Star109 13 Oct 10, 6:57 PM seresse US(PA), 23 mths Y! It is refreshing to hear someone go into this thoughtfully and with clear questions. My understanding is that a lot of folks start out as weekenders, and then it moves from there. It totally depends on the Master/Mistress you find yourself with and whether you are comfortable with them and how much you trust them. It is very important to be careful and selective as you don't want to give up power to someone who isn't going to care for you in the way you need. It can take a while and some different relationships before you find the one you want to submit to completely. The biggest thing you will hear is that trust and communication are paramount. You may wish to start out playing in the bedroom and then find it deepens and feels right to continue more and more into other aspects of your life. Or not. You don't really have to have it all answered before you begin. It is a journey of self-exploration, requiring honesty and trust. You mentioned concern about giving up your games and comforts. My experience has been that i haven't had to give up those things, as in they leave my life. i have had to give up control of them and let my Master control them. He cares very much for me and prefers to have a happy, well-grounded slave around, so He sees to it i have those things in my life that make me happy. We actually started out 'vanilla' and as time went by found out we were happier in this dynamic. It evolved fairly slowly over several years, until now it is TPE. i often find myself surprised at how content and happy i am in His power. There is a wide variety of Masters/Mistresses, some pretty harsh and intense, and some very caring and compassionate, but nonetheless controlling and Masterful. That's the beauty of it; you get to choose the Master/Mistress that matches you and your needs. So the important thing is to be very clear about what you are comfortable with and what you aren't, what you need and what makes you feel bad. Use those as a guide when choosing. Good luck, and welcome to the site - and the lifestyle. seresse 14 Oct 10, 3:58 AM Master4536 US(IL), 22 mths Choices: Mental Masturbations, Ruts, and a Paradox Talking is fine, initially, to set up expectations and limits, but too much talking can lead to a mental masturbation where nothing gets done. No amount of talking will prepare you for the first time you are kneeling naked in front of your Master, or the new level of trust (rarely experienced in any other type of relationship) when you are bound for the first time. My best advice is to find someone a bit older and more experienced so the Master can offer intelligent guidance to help insure the trust and rapid education you will need. Your interests don't need to match perfectly. Nothing will ever match perfectly. As a slave, you'll adapt quickly. Agree upon a safe word, but only use it when you are in real danger. The true Master-slave bond is in the level of trust; take it as far and as deep as you can, and then go even further. If you search your soul, you'll discover it is not the superficial bondage, pain or sex, but the inmate exploration of the soul. THAT is what truly scares the shit out of people. If you have a long list of requirements and/or likes and dislikes, you are trying to be controlling; you must let go and explore entirely new sensations and limits if you want to grow. It is being lead by your Master through the unknown that will be the solid foundation of your trust in him. No Master will kidnap you off of the streets and enslave you, so it is totally up to you to find a Master, convince him you are worthy of his time and money to train you, and then beg to be taken. YOU are the property, market and merchandise yourself wisely. If your long list is of what you demand and not one of what you can do for your new Master, then you're fishing from the wrong end of the pole. BdSm/Dom-sub/Master-slave can all have their own levels and be combined in infinite ways. There is a Master for every slave. For the best experience, be very open and honest about what you really seek. Is it the bondage and confinement, vulnerability, humiliation, the total giving in servitude, or the rush of pain? The initial chat is often a negotiation of what you can do for each other and a building of trust. Masturbating to a thousand photos and a thousand chats is NOTHING like your first minute naked and kneeling at your new Master's feet. And when you do, you will be light-years ahead of the sad ones just sitting on the side, alone, at their computer. The Submissive Paradox. Your submissiveness is strongly attracted to a Dom/Master, but it is also the same submissiveness that prevents you from exploring. In most cases, that means trying to find the courage to knock on the Master's door. This always leads to one of two conclusions: 1. You remain in your "safe" place, don't go, and totally regret for the rest of your life not taking the action, forever haunted by "what could have been", and remaining in your lifeless rut (the decision of 99% of most subs). You allow your submissiveness to work against yourself. Note that submissiveness without the presence of a dominate is actually just cowardice, a phobia of the unknown. -or- 2. Your deep desire to serve someone and make them happy, thinking of others more than you think of yourself, and bringing into your life the exploration of a human connection and trust overcomes your submissiveness for a brief moment and you knock on the Master's door. You can use your submissiveness in a rather bold and selfish way by "using" your Master to satisfy your soul's desire to care for someone, doing it in the highest extreme. I see absolutely no purpose or honor in remaining in a rut. It is not the safe place that you believe it is. Remaining there, your soul slowly withers away; dreams die. Time flies ever faster and soon you'll be in your rocking chair wondering what happened... or what didn't happen. Each day older, less marketable as a slave, the only remaining pleasure is watching other people exploring their new lives; the one you should have had. Of the many slaves that I have met, many wrongly and cruelly abused, NONE HAVE EVER REGRETTED THE EXPERIENCE, and they are far wiser and happier now than they ever have been, and still looking for another Master. No, your rut is not a safe place, anyone else sees your rut as a grave without end, a terrible place to live, grow and explore. "Sounds to me like this is your crucial year. If I were you, I would think about climbing onboard... It doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on." [animated movie, "Polar Express"] 14 Oct 10, 8:35 AM RogueAngel NL, 3 yrs Y! I agree absolutely with Master 4536. I started out as a weekend fetishist, a little spanking, bondage and the whole 'vanilla' tied to the bed, and used for pleasure thing. Even from the offset, it just wasn't enough. I knew there was more, I just didn't know how to go about finding it for myself. I read everything I could find about the lifestyle, learnt as much as possible, joined groups, sites and chatted on forums to like-minded people and those with experience. I knew what I wanted, needed even, but just couldn't bring myself to go and get it, hoping that eventually it would come to me. 5 years stuck in that rut did a lot of damage, and even now I wish I'd had the guts to jump in and experience just a small percentage of what I saw was out there a lot earlier. Eventually I did, and it's been a life changing experience. I've been a slave for a little over 7 months, and after only a few days of talking, relinquished all control to my Master (a little older than me, and with a lot more experience), who treated me with the utmost respect, granted me everything He felt I needed to be happy, comfortable and safe. I had all my creature comforts, Internet access, telephone access, friendships, etc etc, and the added bonuses of being allowed to serve and please Him, and be taught by Him. And as Master 4536 said, there is nothing like the feeling in being knelt naked before your Master for the very first time.. it is almost euphoric. In the time since I took that step, I have learnt a lot about myself and about the lifestyle I feel safe in, I have learnt to control and like (even respect) myself as a person. It is not a lifestyle that suits everyone, but if you don't take the first steps to trying it, how will you ever know.?! 430-492-113 Property of Kevin Gill. 14 Oct 10, 12:38 PM property_of_MacCain 4 yrs Yep. Master4536 has said it very well. It really is a "ya do it, or ya don't" kinda thing. We could tell you about our experiences... but they won't be your own. You need to have your own experience. To be honest, i don't think you are the type. You want what you want, not what you need. Feel free to prove me wrong. p 14 Oct 10, 12:55 PM Star109 US(VA), 19 mths Thanks for the replies. You may be right, p, I might not be cut out for it, but I won't know unless I try. That seems to be the advice you're all giving me, go out and try. If it sticks it sticks, and if I turn out to be nothing more than a "weekend fetishist", well that's just fine too. Thanks again for being candid with me. Hopefully, I'll be able to find some like minded people to meet near me (I've contacted the group that hosts the munch near me, haven't got a reply yet...) and see how it goes. 14 Oct 10, 2:56 PM sweetgirlincville 21 mths I don't think you should let a bunch of people on a web forum tell you so much about yourself. You are brand new to this, and I know that when I started I wasn't a "weekend moonlighter" or whatever is popular here to say, but I was definitely not interested in 24/7 TPE. Now I am, but it took me years to get here. So the awesome thing about alternative relationships is that you get to decide exactly what kind of relationship you want. It's ok to want to be a slave and want to insure that your personal freedoms and well being are respected. Some people want to lock their slave up in a cage all the time, and some people want a human pet. There is as broad a spectrum of relationship types as there are people who want to have them. You get to define things for yourself, and then find someone who shares the same or similar definitions and desires. To go on and quote everyone else, get out there and try it. Or talk to other people. You're welcome to send me a memo if you'd like someone to talk with. If you can't yet define for yourself who you are this way or what you want, certainly a bunch of people on a web board are not qualified to pass judgement as to what your sexual orientation may be. 14 Oct 10, 3:46 PM 480-469-981 UK, 21 mths Greetings to Star109! You are talking the first steps on a long journey that will have many twists and turns and may lead you ... where? Read the postings ... think ... and go gently. It has been said that 'Masturbating to a thousand photos and a thousand chats is NOTHING like your first minute naked and kneeling at your new Master's feet. And when you do, you will be light-years ahead of the sad ones just sitting on the side, alone, at their computer'. (my Thanks to Master 4536 for this). This is so true ... Go on your journey ... i wish you success. atmos1949a 14 Oct 10, 3:59 PM Star109 US(VA), 19 mths sweetgirlincville wrote: I don't think you should let a bunch of people on a web forum tell you so much about yourself. You are brand new to this, and I know that when I started I wasn't a "weekend moonlighter" or whatever is popular here to say, but I was definitely not interested in 24/7 TPE. Now I am, but it took me years to get here. So the awesome thing about alternative relationships is that you get to decide exactly what kind of relationship you want. It's ok to want to be a slave and want to insure that your personal freedoms and well being are respected. Some people want to lock their slave up in a cage all the time, and some people want a human pet. There is as broad a spectrum of relationship types as there are people who want to have them. You get to define things for yourself, and then find someone who shares the same or similar definitions and desires. To go on and quote everyone else, get out there and try it. Or talk to other people. You're welcome to send me a memo if you'd like someone to talk with. If you can't yet define for yourself who you are this way or what you want, certainly a bunch of people on a web board are not qualified to pass judgement as to what your sexual orientation may be. I understand what you're saying, and I'm not letting anyone tell me about myself. I am still resolved to go to a munch and meet some people in my local scene to see what is out there. Luckily the group finally replied to my inquiry and I now have a date in which to look forward to next month. Sadly I missed the last brunch by less than a week... funny how these things work out. So now I have a month to reflect on what I will truly want out of this lifestyle. Though, in the spectrum you put it in, I know that, at this moment, I would much rather be more of a pet than a true slave. Of course, that's jumping the gun a bit. One step at a time, I have my date set and am willing to get out there and out of my normal routine. Thanks again for the reply and for the offer to talk via memo. I may take you up on the offer at some point. Next page