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	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "How to get back to basics?" How to get back to basics? (7) This post is on the O&P web board. Tue 21 Sep 10, 3:23 AM 000-863-756 US(MT), 7 yrs Y! This one has come across a huge barrier and needs advice on how to learn to let go. This one has worked in dungeons and received lots of training from lots of Dom's and has also had some abuse in her past. This one needs to learn how to let go of EVERYTHING to become a blank slate for her Master so He may train her how He wishes. Most of the problems are psychological and the rest is just that this one has vast knowledge from being involved with so many Dom's, Dungeons and Classes. Master is fairly new and wants to try and mold this one to His vision but is complaining that this one makes it difficult for Him because of not being able to let go of her knowledge and past. Any suggestions on how to get this one back to basics would be helpful. Thank You, 863756 "Give a slave fire she'll be warm for a night, Set a slave on fire she'll be warm for the rest of her life" 21 Sep 10, 4:20 AM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! I don't know you personally; however, I see two possible problems. One is the “know it all syndrome” as I like to call it, which is the slave who claims to have literally done everything there is to do and is the expert on all things. This is never ever the case; if someone isn't open to learning new things and to growth within the relationship than that doesn't lend itself to long-term relationship. Training and personal preferences vary from person to person. I've always looked at experience as only being valid in the relationship that you're currently in. Every Dominant or Owner is different, so one would not expect all of the training of the submissive or slave to be valid in a new relationship. For example, if one person wants their coffee ready and served them in bed at 6 AM. It is out of place to say, but the slave should be locked in a cage until the Master lets the slave out. Also, working in a dungeon and taking classes is not the same as having a power exchange in a relationship. For people in an O/p relationship, the exchange of power goes much deeper than kink and what can be learnt in a class room. The other and more likely possibility is your Owner is trying to undo pervious training and you are having trouble making an immediate change. Undoing training takes a lot longer than actually training someone from scratch according to my Master. It will take time to get up to par with what you Owner wants and it may take you longer than someone with no experience. I feel that an O/p relationship just like any other relationship, it is not a contest to see who can receive more training the quickest. Therefore, even if it takes you twice as long to get from point A to point B, that doesn't matter as long as you and your Owner are still working together to achieve a mutual goal. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 21 Sep 10, 12:20 PM seresse US(PA), 23 mths Y! i am also wondering if perhaps the expectations are a little high. You say the goal is to let go of EVERYTHING and become a blank slate. Not sure anyone can really do that. And like the other poster said, there is a difference between playing in the dungeon and actually being in an M/s relationship. The main thought that comes to my mind is trust. How deep is your trust in this fairly new Master? It may take some time and going slow for that to develop, especially if there is abuse in your history. Our instinct to keep ourselves safe runs pretty deep and strong, usually. All that said, i do understand how it can be difficult to let go of what you think you "know" about how it's supposed to go. i struggled with that a bit at first, too. My Master was new and i had some small previous experience and had read about it. i had ideas and fantasies about what it involved and how i wanted it to go in order to 'do it' for me. It took not too long for me to realize that it didn't matter what i thought, that Master would determine what He wanted and how He thought it should go to 'do it' for Him - and when i accepted that and let go of the idea that my way was the 'right' way, turns out His way 'does it' for me better than i imagined. Not sure any of that will be useful to you, but hope something is. seresse 21 Sep 10, 1:55 PM Adela_Rosa US(VA), 21 mths Having had loads more experience than my Master I understand your problem fairly well I think. The problem isn't having the experience. Merely do not act upon it. Never assume anything let him lay it out. The problems stemming from abuse concern me more, those will not up and disappear if ignored. You need to rebuild your trust and be clear about what your triggers are so that the trust can be built without pesky traps underfoot. Best of luck. 21 Sep 10, 9:14 PM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings 863756...... The simple answer is you can't. That having been said, rosa had a pretty good answer for you. My answer is that your owner should take a few things...somewhere between one and three at a time and work on them. Figure out how he wants things done differently, if at all, and concentrate on doing them until you are in the habit of doing those things the new way. Some things are easy. How he wants his coffee can be learned in a few minutes. How he wants his house kept takes a bit longer but except for certain cleaning techniques, anything you learned before will still apply. Any new ritual or protocol will just have to be practiced and practiced until you get it the way he wants it. Owners are funny people in that they will care passionately about some small things and not care in the slightest about what may seem big to you. Just keep exploring, keep notes and keep working at doing it his way. That is the only way to change. A smart owner, especially if new, will love it that you know how to do things he doesn't. It means he can learn quietly from you and not make all of his mistakes in public. <grins at the memories> Be well.... Malkinius 23 Sep 10, 10:25 AM bastets_daughter 2 yrs I wouldnt be willing to let go of *everything*, i adore myself and wouldnt find that fulfilling, so i cant really advise on that. Abuse is something ive had to deal with, though - and its consequential effects on newer relationships..... Reminding yourself that your present Master is not like the ones before is the way to go. When you're in a tight spot, just close your eyes for a few seconds and think about that. Ruminate on the reasons *why* this present Master deserves your trust. Letting go of the past is something that happens gradually, while you heal - its not something that will happen overnight. Try not to expect too much of yourself. If your Master understands your concerns, he should be able to work with you. Complaining isnt gonna achieve his goal any faster. 27 Sep 10, 3:03 PM property_of_MacCain 4 yrs Malkinius wrote: Owners are funny people in that they will care passionately about some small things and not care in the slightest about what may seem big to you. Just keep exploring, keep notes and keep working at doing it his way. That is the only way to change. These words are so true they sting. The only thing i can think to add, would be that relationships evolve. What is important today, may not be important in six months... keep it loose, just follow his lead. As he discovers how to mold you, what makes you jump through hoops, your bonds will tighten. For most of us, real life isn't in a dungeon. "Scene stuff" isn't what makes you M/s. It can be fun... i'm not knocking it, it just isn't what makes you owned. p 2 Oct 10, 3:55 AM mutable 2 yrs My advice would be to try and heal yourself first. There is much written about how Doms/Masters etc. heal broken bits and make one whole again, but this is the exception and also not very fair on the d-type. Your Master needs to understand you are a person first; a person with 'history'. If he cannot cope with this then things will be difficult for both of you. Have a good talk about it and take things from there. Also, don't be so hard on yourself because there is no such thing as a 'blank slate'. BOTH of you need to realise this and be aware of what you can, and cannot, cope with. 'We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are' Anais Nin