This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Training hiatus: a rather irksome conondrum" Training hiatus: a rather irksome conondrum (7) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Thu 5 Aug 10, 4:50 PM Be_loved US(AR), 23 mths Both masters' and slaves' opinions are greatly appreciated. Master gave me the task to write about the things I think He isn't doing. It's a bit daunting because I do not want to seem like I am daring to tell my Master that He is doing something wrong. But He said that I can always speak freely, as long as I do not disrespect Him, so here it goes. We have encountered a rather irksome obstacle. Or maybe I am the only one who thinks it's irksome, hence why I would like to pose this problem to you all. Master is not continuing with any kind of training (sexual or otherwise). You see, we married 6 months ago, but our relationship started as purely M/s. At the time we began our relationship, neither was interested in having a loving relationship. We wanted to be just Master and slave. Love, with time, blossomed, which I guess it's always a possibility in M/s. After we married, He kept training me sexually and around the house. But that stopped 2 months ago. I still think I need more training, I make a lot of mistakes and I want to be as flawless to Him as possible (perfection is unattainable). It seems Master doesn't consider I need any more training, that's the only reason I can come up with for His refusal to continue. Unless, of course, He is not interested in the M/s aspect of our relationship anymore. My fears are many, sometimes I believe that He doesn't want me as His slave anymore and that's why He stopped training. Other times I wonder if He just wishes to have a vanilla relationship with me. Is Master tired of the responsibility having a slave presents? Is there any way I can talk to him about this and not seem like I consider myself as knowing better than Him? Or am I coming across as such? 5 Aug 10, 5:26 PM 445-627-203 CA, 22 mths Please do not take my response as law; it is only my experience and opinion that i would like to share. i am glad that your Master has allowed you to post this now as opposed to you posting this later. i ran into this problem about three years ago. i had been with my Master for about 6 or 7 years by then. i tried to talk to him so many times. He seemed to listen and things would get better for a couple of days, but then would go back to the way they were. i suffered so much over the next few years. i became like a roommate. i lost all connection, emotional and physical to my Master. i didn't even know how much the pain was affecting me until i actually asked for my release. i can't find the words to tell you how important communication between the two of you is. i have a new Master now who talks me through everything. Last night i told him how thankful i am for this and He said, “How else is a Master supposed to train his slave?” “How else is a slave supposed to know what her Master wants?” my answer to him was that i didn't know, but that it made all the difference in the world. Last weekend i sat at His feet while we ate dinner and i told Him about my problems. He sat in His chair and listened intently as He ate. Then He shared His wisdom with me and made me feel so much better. After i had removed our dinner dishes, i lay my head on His lap and He pet my hair as He talked gently to me about things He expected of me. The feeling of knowing what is expected and not having to try to anticipate it myself is so freeing. i no longer deal with the stress and pain of not knowing. As always, when we moved to the bedroom, He was clear with what He wanted. He guided me, taught me, pushed me, but never stopped communicating. i have never been so relaxed and the outcome of that is a pleasure that i never could have even dreamed of. Please share this with your Master if He will read it. i can't stress the importance of communication enough and i wish you both all the best! 203 5 Aug 10, 6:14 PM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs Be_loved wrote: Training hiatus: a rather irksome conondrum Both masters' and slaves' opinions are greatly appreciated. Master gave me the task to write about the things I think He isn't doing. It's a bit daunting because I do not want to seem like I am daring to tell my Master that He is doing something wrong. But He said that I can always speak freely, as long as I do not disrespect Him, so here it goes. We have encountered a rather irksome obstacle. Or maybe I am the only one who thinks it's irksome, hence why I would like to pose this problem to you all. Master is not continuing with any kind of training (sexual or otherwise). You see, we married 6 months ago, but our relationship started as purely M/s. At the time we began our relationship, neither was interested in having a loving relationship. We wanted to be just Master and slave. Love, with time, blossomed, which I guess it's always a possibility in M/s. After we married, He kept training me sexually and around the house. But that stopped 2 months ago. I still think I need more training, I make a lot of mistakes and I want to be as flawless to Him as possible (perfection is unattainable). It seems Master doesn't consider I need any more training, that's the only reason I can come up with for His refusal to continue. Unless, of course, He is not interested in the M/s aspect of our relationship anymore. My fears are many, sometimes I believe that He doesn't want me as His slave anymore and that's why He stopped training. Other times I wonder if He just wishes to have a vanilla relationship with me. Is Master tired of the responsibility having a slave presents? Is there any way I can talk to him about this and not seem like I consider myself as knowing better than Him? Or am I coming across as such? i have some thoughts, as we also started out M/s and are now married. One is, i often find myself being "trained" without even knowing it. i never went through a formal training period, i just wanted to please, and He showed me how. So we are not formal people to begin with, yet somehow, i have completely changed from my old self. Additionally, you are perhaps just viewing "life" with your Master-not realizing all the little things that happen daily. "Life" for you now may consist of constant, small techniques He is using you may not be aware of. Also, perhaps your Master is pleased with your level of success Perhaps He is allowing time to adjust to "marriage" or perhaps He needs some time to decide which direction He wishes your training to go. i know i personally think of everything as black and white... it must be "training" and then i will reach perfect slavery and all will be well-well life doesn't really work that way. you are a constant work in progress. Ebb & flow of formalities, kinky time, and mental progress on your part will all probably affect life. So, i try to remember, i am never really "done" training i also do not think you are coming across disrespectful-i am sure He will be very open to your communicating with Him. Also, perhaps your Master, like mine, expects to put down the rules and expects you to follow them. He doesn't want to have to repeat things for "kinky fun"... He wants you to just live. i do apologize if this is rather random. i tried to type all the thoughts before they fluttered away 898-443-818 i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. 5 Aug 10, 9:56 PM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings Be_loved..... Be_loved wrote: Training hiatus: a rather irksome conondrum Both masters' and slaves' opinions are greatly appreciated. Master gave me the task to write about the things I think He isn't doing. It's a bit daunting because I do not want to seem like I am daring to tell my Master that He is doing something wrong. But He said that I can always speak freely, as long as I do not disrespect Him, so here it goes. We have encountered a rather irksome obstacle. Or maybe I am the only one who thinks it's irksome, hence why I would like to pose this problem to you all. Master is not continuing with any kind of training (sexual or otherwise). You see, we married 6 months ago, but our relationship started as purely M/s. At the time we began our relationship, neither was interested in having a loving relationship. We wanted to be just Master and slave. Love, with time, blossomed, which I guess it's always a possibility in M/s. After we married, He kept training me sexually and around the house. But that stopped 2 months ago. I still think I need more training, I make a lot of mistakes and I want to be as flawless to Him as possible (perfection is unattainable). It seems Master doesn't consider I need any more training, that's the only reason I can come up with for His refusal to continue. Unless, of course, He is not interested in the M/s aspect of our relationship anymore. My fears are many, sometimes I believe that He doesn't want me as His slave anymore and that's why He stopped training. Other times I wonder if He just wishes to have a vanilla relationship with me. Is Master tired of the responsibility having a slave presents? Is there any way I can talk to him about this and not seem like I consider myself as knowing better than Him? Or am I coming across as such? You may have hit one of the common problems with Master and slaves getting married. The relationship changes from Master/slave to Mister/spouse. The love of one's property changes to the romantic love between two people and that puts them on an equal footing and often one higher than the other. This usually destroys a Master/slave relationship. It could be that he either ran out of things to do to train you, you are where he wants you or he no longer wants that sort of relationship and wants a more normal husband/wife relationship. You miss the attention and perhaps discipline of training and want it back because you miss it or perhaps need it. I don't know your situation so I don't know for sure. What do you do now? Good question. It depends on the two of you. You can go love each other, have a happy and slightly kinky marriage and raise a wonderful family together. You can both work at going back to what you were. You can go train with someone else. He can release you (see first option). You can decide you want to be a slave more than a loving wife to him. He can work at learning more things to do to train a slave. There are too many possibilities to mention. I have no clue which one or ones ir right or best for you. However, you are on the right track to get the issue resolved. You defined the problem and are trying to find out how to resolve it. The you must choose an option and make it happen. Be well.... Malkinius 5 Aug 10, 11:26 PM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs i personally do not think it as dire as of all of this-we have been O&p the whole time, and married for three years & together five. Of course, no one has ever accused us of being normal LOL 898-443-818 i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. 6 Aug 10, 2:23 AM pet_ka_MJ CA, 2 yrs Master/slave relationships are hard work for both parties... and you are both adjusting to married life as well. Realize in any relationship there will be peaks and valleys as each person adjusts and grows within the relationship. To ensure you do not remain in the low, talk about this and see where each of you are. And, cut each other some slack... a slave is not trained in a day, it is a life long process that is refinded and tweaked constantly. Some days, you might not even notice it, as mentioned by a previous poster. I hardly notice my Master's gentle nudges and tweaks anymore... they just are. I do not think being married and in love happens to be a bad thing or that it will kill a M/s relationship. Have clear expectations of each other and communicate each of your needs... some where there is common ground to move forward. As for just being married and abandoning the M/s dynamic... yes, that can be done, but it does not necessarily have to mean the end of the power dynamic within your relationship. When Master and I started to seriously discuss our getting married, we looked at the www.takeninhand.com website. It was very helpful to us and we were able to have a well informed discussion about how the power dynamic would work in our relationship. You might consider taking a look. There are many long-term married couples who have lasting and enduring, and very loving M/s relationships... so please do not let a few bumps in the road deter you. Good Luck. With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. - Keshavan Nair Edited 6 Aug 10, 2:29 AM by pet_ka_MJ 12 Nov 10, 6:51 PM Be_loved US(AR), 23 mths Malkinius wrote: Greetings Be_loved..... Be_loved wrote: Training hiatus: a rather irksome conondrum Both masters' and slaves' opinions are greatly appreciated. Master gave me the task to write about the things I think He isn't doing. It's a bit daunting because I do not want to seem like I am daring to tell my Master that He is doing something wrong. But He said that I can always speak freely, as long as I do not disrespect Him, so here it goes. We have encountered a rather irksome obstacle. Or maybe I am the only one who thinks it's irksome, hence why I would like to pose this problem to you all. Master is not continuing with any kind of training (sexual or otherwise). You see, we married 6 months ago, but our relationship started as purely M/s. At the time we began our relationship, neither was interested in having a loving relationship. We wanted to be just Master and slave. Love, with time, blossomed, which I guess it's always a possibility in M/s. After we married, He kept training me sexually and around the house. But that stopped 2 months ago. I still think I need more training, I make a lot of mistakes and I want to be as flawless to Him as possible (perfection is unattainable). It seems Master doesn't consider I need any more training, that's the only reason I can come up with for His refusal to continue. Unless, of course, He is not interested in the M/s aspect of our relationship anymore. My fears are many, sometimes I believe that He doesn't want me as His slave anymore and that's why He stopped training. Other times I wonder if He just wishes to have a vanilla relationship with me. Is Master tired of the responsibility having a slave presents? Is there any way I can talk to him about this and not seem like I consider myself as knowing better than Him? Or am I coming across as such? You may have hit one of the common problems with Master and slaves getting married. The relationship changes from Master/slave to Mister/spouse. The love of one's property changes to the romantic love between two people and that puts them on an equal footing and often one higher than the other. This usually destroys a Master/slave relationship. It could be that he either ran out of things to do to train you, you are where he wants you or he no longer wants that sort of relationship and wants a more normal husband/wife relationship. You miss the attention and perhaps discipline of training and want it back because you miss it or perhaps need it. I don't know your situation so I don't know for sure. What do you do now? Good question. It depends on the two of you. You can go love each other, have a happy and slightly kinky marriage and raise a wonderful family together. You can both work at going back to what you were. You can go train with someone else. He can release you (see first option). You can decide you want to be a slave more than a loving wife to him. He can work at learning more things to do to train a slave. There are too many possibilities to mention. I have no clue which one or ones ir right or best for you. However, you are on the right track to get the issue resolved. You defined the problem and are trying to find out how to resolve it. The you must choose an option and make it happen. Be well.... Malkinius I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply. But time was needed to sort things out. There were other complications and, well, life takes precedence. We have decided to put the M/s aspect of our relationship on hiatus. Until further notice. I guess we both need to study our positions and reach consensus as to what it is we want. Marriage/Domination, plain marriage or D/s alone. I know that no matter what, putting the slave aspect of me away for an indefinite period has saddened me. But it had to be done. Thanks to everyone who contributed. Thank you dearly. 12 Nov 10, 7:06 PM mia UK, 11 yrs Having spoken about this, briefly, with other slaves and submissives. I think there is a difference with slaves and masters in that it is sometimes enough for a master to know they *can* demand anything and everything from their slave, without having to exercise this right very often at all. For slaves, i think it feels like a need to have this demand executed with some regularity, to feel fully 'slave-like', so to speak. Sometimes it can be easy to think that just because you are not being reminded to do something that it is no longer required or wanted and perhaps your master may forget that he even requested something in the first place, if it was just something frivolous. But maybe it is our duty to remind ourselves, sometimes and to keep our masters happy without constant reminders or training. As far as training goes, i think it can cover two things; one is learning new things or things done in a certain way and the other is training as to keep the dynamic. The first heavily relies on the master expressing his views but the second relies on both parties to keep up the momentum, much like training does in sports but with a personal trainer there to keep you on track should your own motivation wane. m, x