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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Subtle differences" Subtle differences (8) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 25 Jul 10, 6:34 AM mamabear NL, 2 yrs I'm relatively new to the lifestyle, dabbled in it for about 6 years or so, but didn't get submersed fully into the lifestyle until about 2 years ago. Moved into 24/7 just 7 months ago. I've begun to really notice the little subtle differences between vanilla and D/s relationships lately. I'm not talking about the big ones...the kink, etc, but just the little things. I had to smile a little the other day when I realized my Master went out every morning into our little garden I planted and collects the cherry tomatoes off the vine. It's silly really, but the fact that he notices, takes pride in every little thing like that, just makes me happy and really makes me appreciate him even more. That to me is one of the subtle differences I see in D/s relationships...the little details are rarely missed. It feels like it's so much more free. That it opens the mind more and allows both sides to appreciate each other more. I know any good relationship should have communication and appreciation, but honestly it just seems so much deeper and easier with D/s. Just curious as to what little differences others have noticed (again, not the big stuff). Plus I had to share the tomato story 25 Jul 10, 6:57 AM Lemorte US(SC), 22 mths Y! That's a very sweet story, dear. As for my personal experience, I find that my dearly beloved pets often do find themselves appreciating the little things I do for them, and I feel the same. The way in particular that my alpha greets me each time we see each other by wrapping his arms adoringly around my legs and asking me how my day was, almost (almost!) makes up for the occasional minor disobediences he incurs while I'm away from him. I'm glad you could have such a good transition from the world of vanilla to our world, and I hope it always brings you the happiness you deserve. 25 Jul 10, 4:15 PM seresse US(PA), 23 mths Y! Yes. It is subtle. i had to go off and think about it before i could articulate any of it - and still not sure i can very well. We came to this dynamic through first being vanilla husband and wife, so i can compare what it was like before with how it is now. For me it makes doing mundane chores somehow delightful, as i am doing them for Master now, instead of some arbitrary "should". So doing the books used to be tedious and somewhat stressful for me, now i am pleased to be able to serve my Master with this skill. He seems to appreciate me more deeply, too, noticing what i am wearing more and commenting on it. He shows more open, true interest in my thoughts and feelings, considering them now as part of His possessions and therefore His to manage and care for. It is subtle, you are right, and maybe i am not expressing it too well, but i recognize what you are talking about, and it is true for Him and me, as well. And of course there are many other ways it manifests, but i don't seem able to think of them right now. seresse 27 Jul 10, 2:36 AM curious_bina US(TN), 2 yrs This slave thinks the reason there's that big difference is because in D/s M/s relationships complete and total honesty is required, along with lots of communication to make it work. With a vanilla relationship most (this slave would think; from her experience) are more conservative. They don't talk about every single detail about the sex they had, they don't plan each other's schedules and check in constantly, and because of this there's a lack of communication. In an M/s relationship it's a lot deeper because it's needed. A slave can't submit to a Master without full trust. And trust is achieved through deep talks. This slave has noticed this too and it's something she mentions constantly. She's so happy to be in a good relationship with her Master, and being able to be completely open. Even about stupid things that she would never say if she were with a "vanilla" boyfriend. It's definitely something to be thankful for. She shudders at the thought of not being able to be open. Especially after becoming so used to it. -Bina Always the curious one ~ His bina 27 Jul 10, 6:35 AM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs i notice that there is a basic lack of respect in some vanilla relationships-like when they don't treat each other as nicely as they would a stranger. Also i follow manners better in this relationship than a vanilla one. Also, i feel like i treat my Master like a "lover" not how a vanilla typically treats a husband Also i greatly agree with the communication aspect. And, perhaps this goes with number one, but there seems to be an emasculation (sp?) trend in the U.s., we joke about it is "everybody loves Raymond" syndrome (OK the show makes me laugh) but even in commercials, the men are constantly acquiescing to the women, and in our household it is so not like that. It's a disturbing trend. 898-443-818 i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. 27 Jul 10, 12:57 PM seresse US(PA), 23 mths Y! i see this emasculation trend, also, and find it disturbing, too. It occurs to me that men can't really be open and present and engaged if they are constantly being degraded and suppressing their true nature. And that would make it hard for the women in their lives to feel trusting, since there would be so much defensiveness going on. (i don't have much experience with other gender relations, so can't comment there.) Sorry, mamabear, to sidetrack your lovely thread - it is the subtle sweetness that makes being my Master's slave so wonderful and fulfilling. Sometimes just His tone of voice when He talks to me, that firm confidence with such caring - i just melt. He seems to hear the details of what is going on with me in such a deep way. And i find i feel a deeper and deeper respect and devotion to Him as time goes on, too. seresse 4 Aug 10, 4:13 PM 000-671-955 CA, 7 yrs Y! seresse wrote: Yes. It is subtle. i had to go off and think about it before i could articulate any of it - and still not sure i can very well. We came to this dynamic through first being vanilla husband and wife, so i can compare what it was like before with how it is now. For me it makes doing mundane chores somehow delightful, as i am doing them for Master now, instead of some arbitrary "should". So doing the books used to be tedious and somewhat stressful for me, now i am pleased to be able to serve my Master with this skill. He seems to appreciate me more deeply, too, noticing what i am wearing more and commenting on it. He shows more open, true interest in my thoughts and feelings, considering them now as part of His possessions and therefore His to manage and care for. It is subtle, you are right, and maybe i am not expressing it too well, but i recognize what you are talking about, and it is true for Him and me, as well. And of course there are many other ways it manifests, but i don't seem able to think of them right now. seresse Your correct it is hard to compare the differences between a vanilla marriage and a Lifestyle relationship, but i find the easiest way is in our "Emotions" when doing exactly what i had done in the past before becoming his slave. Master has a way that things must transpire and has laid them out to me by way of rules and rituals, so this makes my task easier as i have no one else to please but Master. The fact also that as a slave you are in a special relationship that few understand, while others may wish they were also involved in one similar. Every M/s relationship is different yet the same, and the bond between Master and slave is usually a very strong one if there is true Commitment from both sides. Master also appreciates my striving to perform His tasks and living by His rules, and takes pride when He see's that i am truly trying to complete them in a manner that He desires, this makes for a strong bond and allows for expanding to areas He wants to reach that much easier. Master's "o" 671955 5 Aug 10, 2:39 AM tia1982 AU, 2 yrs I definitely agree with all so far. Coming from a 11yr vanilla relationship to a D/s as a submissive (6mths now) there are big differences. The ability to communicate - talk about what is upsetting/what we are curious about/what we enjoy, is something I think most vanilla couples don't do much. The knowledge that my Sir appreciates the little things I do (such as the washing etc) also makes it really special. I love pleasing him, and he knows this. The other great thing about D/s relationship is the complete trust I have in my Sir. I trust him with every fibre of my being, and have from the beginning, he knows this as well. He knows that I respect him deeply and love him unconditionally. I think in vanilla relationships it is very easy to lose trust or respect in the other, but with D/s it needs to be ever present for it to work. The best thing about this relationship is the ability to be completely who you are, free of judgement or distaste, and knowing that you are loved for exactly who you are. Now that I have found this type of relationship I don't think I could ever contemplate a vanilla one/us changing to just vanilla. 5 Aug 10, 4:37 PM mamabear NL, 2 yrs Tia1982 wrote: The best thing about this relationship is the ability to be completely who you are, free of judgement or distaste, and knowing that you are loved for exactly who you are. Very true.