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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "as unsure as can be.." as unsure as can be.. (10) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 12 Jul 10, 5:06 AM 125-868-766 2 yrs i don't know if this is the right place for this, but... Currently, i am sitting in the living room with my Master and one of his friends. What i need answered, is, why is Master still hiding in a closet about O/our relationship? i feel like He's embarrassed by me, or something along those lines. He's amazing when we're alone, but then He switches to being submissive and vanilla around other people. i don't know how to react to this, and everytime i bring it up with Him, He shrugs it off. Can any other Masters/Doms relate to this? If so, could You please give this slave some insight into the inner workings? i would very much enjoy knowing why He is like that... With regards, pet. 12 Jul 10, 6:45 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs How is your Master hiding in the closet in regards to your relationship? Are you referring to the two of you being in a relationship or that you are in a M/s or D/s relationship? It may help some answers if you were to clarify. I am going to assume that it your question is in regards to the M/s,D/s aspect of your relationship as you are sitting with your Master and his friend now. If I am on the right track, why would you think he would be embarrassed by you? Do you feel that he should be informing everyone about how the two of you choose to conduct your life together? If so, why? Not every D/M/O or s type are comfortable showing the inner workings of their dynamics to "outsiders" or those they may not feel would understand. It has nothing to do with being embarrassed about their partner. Society in general can be funny and fickle, not everyone approves or would see things as you know they really are. Besides those I know involved in this lifestyle, only a couple of my vanilla friends are aware. Master is a bit more open but he is still very choosy about who and what he tells. There are some threads on the site you may want to search regarding telling family and friends. Maybe your Master feels that it is no one elses business how the two of you conduct your life. You might want to have a discussion with him about how you feel, in a way that cannot be shrugged off. You have to have good communication in this lifestyle and if this is something that bothers you, then I would think it is important to do so. Maybe instead of feeling like you are being brushed off or relegated to the background, you could so some things to keep serving your Master when friends are around or when you are out in public. In the big scheme of things, it's only the two of you who need to know your places. For instance, you could anticipate your Masters needs, be polite and a good hostess to his friends, showing your Master you are attentive and obedient even when he is not telling you to do things instead of sitting at a computer. After all, being a slave goes beyond waiting for instructions. Everyday life has to rear it's head at some point during a normal day whether through work, friends, family, paying bills, etc, etc, etc..... This life is not acting a part for others to see, it should be a part of you, regardless of what you are doing. All the best to you. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away - unknown 12 Jul 10, 9:57 AM Master_IanNZ NZ, 2 yrs I'd probably be similar (although not submissive) to your Master if I had friends/family visiting who are not in the lifestyle. I would lay out very clear groundrules for slave's behaviour, and that would depend on who was visiting. slave would still be my slave, nothing takes that away - it is simply about adapting to the situation. Let's face it, a lot of people would have issues with our chosen lifestyles - so some appropriate discretion is necessary. I think that is probably where your Master is coming from. In my opinion, it is not appropriate for you (as a slave) try and undermine your Master's wishes. you just do as your Master requires - clearly he doesn't want/need to explain it to you. Maybe I'm a bit black and white on this, so will be interested to see what others say. Master Ian 12 Jul 10, 12:19 PM 831-465-365 3 yrs Master_IanNZ wrote: I'd probably be similar (although not submissive) to your Master if I had friends/family visiting who are not in the lifestyle. I would lay out very clear groundrules for slave's behaviour, and that would depend on who was visiting. slave would still be my slave, nothing takes that away - it is simply about adapting to the situation. Let's face it, a lot of people would have issues with our chosen lifestyles - so some appropriate discretion is necessary. I think that is probably where your Master is coming from. In my opinion, it is not appropriate for you (as a slave) try and undermine your Master's wishes. you just do as your Master requires - clearly he doesn't want/need to explain it to you. Maybe I'm a bit black and white on this, so will be interested to see what others say. Master Ian I agree. But.. It can't hurt to have a good conversation about these feelings after something like that occurs. Wil it not make the relationship between Master and slave stronger if these doubts are taken away. It undermines the trust when a slave is having these questions. It can turn into a bigger problem after a while. It would be nice to know what you can expect in a situation like that. You would know how to behave, you would know why your Master behaves like he does. Nothing wrong with being clear on that. Good luck to you both.. 831-465-365 Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Aristotle 12 Jul 10, 3:22 PM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs i am sure you understand that some vanilla people will be spared your situation's details-however here are a few ideas that may explain what you are feeling? 1. Perhaps you are dealing with issues due to lack of attention. Not to imply your Master should only be paying you attention, but there is most likely more a level of attention given to you when friends are not around 2. Perhaps you are concerned your Master is not monitoring your behavior when vanilla's are around and that is making you feel as if your relationship is unimportant? The only bit of advice i can offer is to continue to be submissive and remember it is not "all about you" (no offense if that is not what you think the problem is). By being a very good slave when your Master is not in a position to correct and monitor you, you are most likely making Him proud. my Master *loves* how at home i make His friends feel because most of their wives would not do the same for Him. i think it makes Him more proud than many other situations Just a few thoughts.... i hope they helped! 898-443-818 i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. 12 Jul 10, 4:38 PM DarkSado 4 yrs From what you have said, I don't believe your Master is hiding in the closet. He has to maintain a certain amount of discretion when around vanilla friends. Some are able to stay Dominant in personality better than others. He is Not embarassed by you. Far from it. He's more than likely having a hard time finding His own balance in a vanilla / M/s situation. DarkSado 12 Jul 10, 4:41 PM 258-321-589 US, 4 yrs i am not a Master/Mistress or Dominant yet i agree with what has been stated, communication is key,guidelines for interactions within different arenas, the respect and consideration given to others regardless of their life is so rare nowadays it seems that it is commendable that your Master is respectful to what comfort level individuals are at. One can be submissive without having to be overtly on display. i wonder when you stated that you were sitting with your Master and his friend when you typed this question, was it with permission and was it while they were there? my body, my mind, my soul given to be nourished and to feed Master David of AZ's hunger and desire 12 Jul 10, 8:06 PM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! My former master used to refer to me as his roommate when his vanilla friends came over. Why? It was an easy way to keep his vanilla friends from asking too many questions about our relationship. It also kept the conversation on them and whatever was going on their respective lives. I could go about doing whatever he asked me to do beforehand without beginning bothered by his vanilla friends. I should note I didn't care for this method of dealing with the vanilla public. I too felt like he was hiding our relationship. But I don't think it is a matter of being submissive or vanilla, I feel he is only working in a manner to keep his personal life personal. With my current Master, his approach was different. Prior to us getting married I was his partner. (Neither one of us liked the term boyfriend and girlfriend. Since we were living together out of wedlock we opted for the term partner because we felt it spoke of our commitment.)Initially, I did get asked a million questions by his vanilla friends. But after the first meeting and as time went on I became nothing more than 'Howard's wife'. Best wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 13 Jul 10, 11:49 PM 321-347-898 CA, 2 yrs £ Hmmm... this is a tough one... and i shall weigh in respectfully with my two cents. There seems to be a clear lack of communication between yourself and your Master as it relates to your respective roles/lifestyle. It appears that you are less than pleased with the fact that there isn't a full-on 24/7 TPE relationship when others are around. So i think that needs to be addressed upfront. As well, i think it is unrealistic to assume or expect that your Master has to be "on" at all times. The surest way to "Domdrop" is to keep up that facade for an unworthy slave. Remember His dominance is a cherished gift that you get to see. Would you be really happy if he was wasting his precious energy on others? it seems a bit ungreatful to me to expect Him to be that way all the time. As other posters have asserted - you can't anticipate that others are as thrilled with your lifestyle choice as you are. It isn't about "being in the closet" -- a very judgmental and accusatory phrase that i think has absolutely no place in this forum or about your Master. your Master is a person - with other things going on in His life outside of You -- and to expect Him to run around like Machiavelli's "Prince" is unrealistic at best. Nor do i think the relationship would last without discretion. Now, given all my griping i do understand to some degree where you are coming from. As a novice sub/slave it is hard to understand and come to terms with the different "hats" you wear in different venues. it will come - the more you two are together to begin to anticipate needs, desires, expectations and of course perceptions. Now i have to say my Master is very alpha in ALL aspects of his life - family, professionally, and of course in our power-exchange relationship. However, he is also very cogniscent of the fact that others may perceive our relationship as abusive or perverse... so he tends to be somewhat submissive to me when we are with MY friends, family, etc. He becomes VERY chivilrous... and very, very gentle. i refer to it in secret as his "rattle snake" mode --- lulling them into a false sense of safety about the depths of who he really is Lol. However, He has these little tricks/gestures that He does with me to remind me of who is in control and who Masters me when others are around. For example, He used to tugg on my nostrils like a bull-ring... to the point where it hurt. Now when he squeezes my nose (like a daddy does to their babygirl) others think it is so sweet... but it actually has conditioned me into subspace immediately. Or he will blow on my kneck (as opposed to his hand on my throat) ... or put his hand in my hair (as opposed to the full on tug) and again subspace. Perhaps these are things that your Master can try to reassure you when He doesn't have the will to be "on" that you are still His slave? And yes it did confuse me at first - because it was so over-the-top sweet. However, he is most kind when i need him to be -- and when i experience subdrop that sweet, kind and gentle side is the side that i get to see too. Edited 14 Jul 10, 12:00 AM by 321-347-898 28 Jul 10, 6:59 PM 125-868-766 2 yrs Thank Y/you A/all for the insight! Yesterday Master and i sat down and had a long discussion about things, and everything has seemed to fall into place. E/every-body's responses really gave me a new way to look at it. :] Thanks so much! -Leviticus' pet. 28 Jul 10, 10:42 PM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs Glad to hear things are going well. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away - unknown