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	TSR : Web boards : M/s and D/s : "Please help me" Please help me (10) Moved from O&P Sun 20 Jun 10, 11:43 PM 409-937-171 EG, 15 mths Y! Please help me to get back to my mistress. my story: W/we met 4 years ago on a chat program. W/we clicked right away and She knew from my alias that i'm slave. She wasn't so into the relarion but W/we talked about it and She liked it so much. She began to read and surf the net and learned. i used to help Her understand things and let Her know how slaves feel and think. She fast became the Mistress that any slave on earth would die just to serve Her for one day. O/our only problem was the distance between U/us. She is in South Africa and i'm in Egypt. W/we lived together for two wonderful years. i did everything She said. i obeyed every order and whish. She controlled my everything through 24*7 connection. Even my punishments, i used to perform them and She watch through web cam. Then, all at once she disappeared and did not come online again.. i begged her through mails, sms and calls but She said She has no connection to internet.. i told her that my life without her is not worth and that i prefer to die.. i told Her that i'll do it but she just hang up.. So i tried to kill myself. I cut my wrists but my parents took me to hospital and saved my life.. i tried to contact Her again and told Her what happened to me.. she sypathised and said W/we'll be back as before.. Tried to contact Her many times with no luck so i tried to kill myself many times while at hospital that they had to tie my hands to stop me.. Y/you may be saying lots in Y/your head but all i can reply with is that i loved her more than my life.. Serving Her was all i ever wanted to do.. She is the core of my life and without Her.. i collaps. Since 1 year 4 months and 19 days, was her promise that She will be with me as we used to be.. But, it never happened. Everyday since then i send Her mails begging Her but no feedback is received.. What shall i do? i need my Mistress back.. Please help me.. i can't be a normal guy.. i cant get Her back.. i cant find another Mistress.. i really wish to die 21 Jun 10, 3:23 AM NaughtySlave US, 11 mths Y! Please get some help. Find someone to talk to. i understand your nightmare but truly nothing is worth dying for.Maybe find another slave to talk with on here to help calm you a bit. Its a truly terrible thing that has happened to you and i am so sorry for your loss. Maybe a doctor can give you depression pills to start with. Might help a little while going through counseling. You need to do something to crawl from the darkness...You also need to think how your family would be if you ended it. How hard it would be on them.Suicide is NEVER the solution. Find the inner strength you have and start the steps to recovery.As far as your mistress goes. you need to rebuild the strength of the slave in you. take care of yourself first before worrying about service to her. contact me anytime... Take care, naughty 21 Jun 10, 9:34 AM Master_IanNZ NZ, 7 mths I can only support the very good advice that naughtyslave has given, while the circumstances with your Mistress are extremely sad - you have everything to live for in my view, one day you may find another Mistress (or Master?). Most of all, please take care of yourself. 21 Jun 10, 3:11 PM pet_ka_MJ CA, 9 mths There is nothing we can do to help you get your Mistress back. Your online relationship has ended. You need to accept this and move on. This happens all the time, and with great frequency. Relationships, as a whole, are hard to maintain at the best of times. Even harder when there is no physical contact. Your former Mistress, in all likelihood, discovered this and ended your relationship. Your frequent attempts at suicide need to stop. They do not serve any purpose, unless your goal is to make your Mistress feel guilty about your circumstances and are an attempt to force her to take you back. This is nothing more than emotional manipulation and it does not serve you or your former Mistress here. Your ongoing attempts to contact your former Mistress need to stop as well. Your daily attempts to contact your former Mistress are not helping you to accept your situation. So long as you hold out your desperate hope that she will take you back, you cannot move on in your life. From reading your email, I sense a desperation to get your former Mistress back that borders on obsessive, coupled with your frequent suicide attempts, I question your emotional stability and maturity to even be in this type of relationship at all. Rather than focusing all your energies on attempting to re-capture a relationship that has clearly ended, your time and energies could be better spent seeking help for your ongoing and pressing mental health issues. Given that you are located in Egypt, I am not sure what types of counselling, psychiatric or other services might be available to you. If they are available to you, please use them. Other than that, you have access to the internet and might consider looking up the following: anxiety disorders, depression, mania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bi-polar disorder, and grief and loss. With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. - Keshavan Nair 21 Jun 10, 7:48 PM 409-937-171 EG, 15 mths Y! Given that Mistress and i signed an enslavement contract. And after your replies, does that mean i'm no longer her slave? I've been trying to get Her back and lived by Her rules all this time just because i respect that contract.. Many thanks to all the advices however i dont accept judging me that i do not fit for such relation. If i had half the chances you have i would've never complained. It is almost impossible to have a Mistress in EGypt that is after the relationship only.. They always need money.. And this is not how i see this relation. i suffered lots of deceivers and liars till i found my Mistress that is why i cherish Her so much. Though W/we had a remote relation, however She controlled every thing in my life.. I really miss Her and after all i wish Her happiness. to all slaves out there.. Appreciate what you have. 21 Jun 10, 11:13 PM concise US(CA), 4 mths I am sorry for your loss and as others have stated you should seek help for your depression. As a slave do you not find you are being disobedient if your Mistress has ended the relationship but you insist on trying to contact her? Obviously she doesn't want to hurt you any further, but if you continue trying to contact her when she does not want to be in the relationship you are being a very disobedient and disrespectful slave. 21 Jun 10, 11:56 PM pet_ka_MJ CA, 9 mths 409-937-171 wrote: Given that Mistress and i signed an enslavement contract. And after your replies, does that mean i'm no longer her slave? Given her lack of response to your pleadings, I would say the contract has been terminated. She gave you false hope of getting back together and that is unfortunate, but at the same time I think when faced with the pressure of your ongoing attempts to contact her and your attempted suicide, she said whatever she needed to say to put you off. Not a very nice thing, and it probably fed your hopes of getting back together. So back to reality, false hopes aside, the relationship has been over for quite some time and it is time to accept this simple truth and move on. Rather than wasting any more time on a Mistress who has moved on, focus on finding a new one, one who will appreciate your gift of slavery. With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. - Keshavan Nair 22 Jun 10, 3:39 AM angelik US(CA), 4 yrs i agree with what alot of the posters have said. Pet ka mj is giving you some information that you may take offense to or not what you want to hear.but she is spot on with her post. Master has told me to share a very personal situation i was in 2006. we were r/t not online but i didn't have contact with him for 6 months. He had gone to New York to see his family and for reasons i can;t share with you, i felt exactly the way you did. i felt abandoned, lost, depressed and many other feelings. i found this site during that time and reached out to people here who gave me wonderful advice even sharing that i was no longer an owned slave and probably had been abandoned. i couldn't deal with what was going on, so unfortunately i found probably the worst thing i could do to myself and that was to self mutilate. i did it quite a bit, i did not try to commit suicide and take it from me, one who knows how you feel that suicide is not the answer. all that does is leave you dead period. do you feel that by trying to commit suicide that somehow that is going to have this mistress all of a sudden decide that she wants you. you wouldn't know because you would be DEAD. i am not trying to be cold hearted but using behavior that you are doing, will never attract someone to come back to you. i understand you live in egypt and you said that everyone wants money. i truly believe that you need to work on yourself because you can not truly serve a master or mistress in your frame of mind. for me when i believed Master didn;t want me anymore, i didn't choose the right way to behave and i unfortunately have the scars to remind myself of that deep dark place i was in, within my own mind. You really need to get some counseling, get on some meds and if you can't find anyone to talk with outside of counsilling, like a slave that could possibly understand what you are going through and also could become your friend. If you can't find this in your country then search online, they have a lot of yahoo groups that cater to your needs. But please you have to fix you before you can serve anyone. You could get lucky and find someone that has experience with or has a site that would be helpful. Raven Kaldera has a wonderful website that is called i believe broken toys. google it and read the stories. they may not all pertain to you but something there will strike a cord for you. sorry for the length of this post but Master wanted to me be complete in my answer and we both hope that you don't choose the wrong decision. good luck to you and wish you all the best. edited to correct pet ka mj's screen name Edited 22 Jun 10, 3:41 AM by angelik 22 Jun 10, 6:27 AM pet_ka_MJ CA, 9 mths Thanks Angelik for the reference for Raven Kaldera's site. I have seen this site in other threads where a submissive's mental health issues are discussed. It can be found at: paganbdsm.org/brokentoys With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. - Keshavan Nair 23 Jun 10, 6:36 AM 409-937-171 EG, 15 mths Y! Thank you all for your advices.. Knowing that i'm free now has reliefed me from waiting for her to come online or checking my mail every minute.. i know now that She doesnt want me although She says She does. i was not trying to force her back by any thing i did. i was just respecting the fact that i was owned which was the best thing ever happened to me.. Now that i know the contract is void.. i will move on and hopefully find a Mistress soon. Dont worry about me: My psychological status is so stable now.. Suicide was many months ago and i never think of it now. I will read from the mentioned site and learn more. thank you love you 2 Jul 10, 6:37 AM Lord_Uther UK, 4 yrs You wish to make your Mistress happy? She has made her wishes known and you have ignored them. MOVE ON! The relationship is over. The contract has been terminated. Her use for you is over. It sounds to me that humiliation was part of your relationship. This may have been her final gift to you. The great humiliation of a slave left by the side of the road. Cherish it, get up & move on!