This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Reactance, fear and depression" 1 2 Reactance, fear and depression (11) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Fri 11 Jun 10, 12:30 AM 978-291-889 2 yrs Ok... so i feel like i'm asking a stupid question here, but i just dont understand enough and need clarification... Is it possible that reactance can cause or contribute to depression? How 'long' does reactance last? I have been going through a couple of grizzly months with my submission, feeling like i am banging my head against a brick wall and just not able to 'let go' fully... I know that some (if not most) of this is fear based. On top of this, there have been various external factors which have led me to become depressed. One of the factors is a chemical imbalance caused by contraception - this will be out of my system by mid july... the other 'external triggers' *should* be sorted and also removed (these are all fear-based and lack of control about my environment - non to do with Master) That is not to say the depression will vanish overnight, but i'm hopeful (i'm not that naive to think on the date my chemicals should rebalance, i'll wake up full of beans, skipping and singing - positive mental attitude right?) I'm getting to the point! In the middle of all this, i am looking at myself under a magnifying glass, trying to 'unpick' myself and find ways to reduce the black cloud which seems to be following me around. I have found that i can see behaviours clearer and know more what i should be doing/how to better myself... the only trouble is the black cloud won't seem to let me do the things i can now see... Can reactance take place in the middle of depression? I've been reading up on fear, depression and reactance, but nowhere can i find, or rather, make sense of how they are all linked together... it feels as if they are. I hope that made sense...if it doesnt, i can try explain myself better. Thanks in advance. The cuffs and ropes might have to be removed in the morning... but the bonds of love stretch as far as 2 people can roam. Edited Fri 11 Jun 10, 12:53 AM by 978-291-889 11 Jun 10, 2:27 AM 898-443-818 US, 4 yrs i don't completely understand (i'm sorry) but, i kind of do. i understand being frustrated when you want to move your submission "forward". i have learned that submisesion & slavery is like Shrek the ogre like an onion. It has layers. i know that sounds totally ridiculous. i have been with Master five years, and when He reads my mind practically, when He calls me on something i thought i had buried so deep & hidden so well it's another layer peeling away. i am not sure how many layers there are but it's a journey. i feel the layers so close to my core now, that it moves me. So my point is... 1. it's OK to think about things, alot. Eventually, it really will help (perhaps try journaling?) 2. Time will reveal alot. 3. Trust your Master to have insight into you that you never would have ever guessed, especially the longer you are together. Masters knowledge of my mental state is almost scary sometimes. But like i said, we have been together awhile. HTH a little bit 898-443-818 i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. 11 Jun 10, 6:39 PM 375-295-503 UK, 23 mths You seem to be going through a difficult time right now, but all credit to you for trying to dissect the problem in order to seek a solution. I imagine with depression it can really cloud your judgement and become all consuming so that rational thought can become quite illusive at times. Whether there is a connection between fear, reactance and depression, I cannot say (not sure I understand the term reactance), all I know is that you cannot have two conflicting emotions at the one time, and the dominant emotion overrides all others. Therefore it makes sense to work on trying to make the dominant emotion one that is pleasant until it becomes automatic and part of your psyche. I would say that the best thing you could do right now is to trust your Master. Really communicate with him; talk about your feelings, the problems you are having with submission, your fears, and your aspirations - what you hope to achieve when you feel more like yourself. Let your Master take control of you, until you are ready to regain control of yourself. You need him to be your guide, mentor and rock right now, so let him prove to you he is worthy of being your Master. I wish you luck 11 Jun 10, 10:33 PM 978-291-889 2 yrs 375-295-503 wrote: You seem to be going through a difficult time right now, but all credit to you for trying to dissect the problem in order to seek a solution. I imagine with depression it can really cloud your judgement and become all consuming so that rational thought can become quite illusive at times. Thanks, it can *really* cloud everything - all thoughts become murky and tainted... but the thoughts i am referring to are the ones that are crystal clear - the rest is so very murky, but these stand out so clearly, like diamonds on a coal face... so its these i'm focussing on. I am not gonna be beaten by this... 898-443-818 wrote: i understand being frustrated when you want to move your submission "forward". i have learned that submission & slavery is like Shrek the ogre like an onion. It has layers. I love shrek onions have layers, ogres have layers, so do Slaves I am struggling with journalling at the minute as i can't get it all out quick enough, but i am 'mentally dumping' on Master - between long periods of silence while i unravel it all... I can confuse myself easily (and others) at the best of times - so when i start talking, i need to be clear where i'm going with it! All that seems to be coming out is an endless stream of fear... better out than in though The cuffs and ropes might have to be removed in the morning... but the bonds of love stretch as far as 2 people can roam. 11 Jun 10, 10:40 PM 898-443-818 US, 4 yrs i would say an endless stream of fear is OK for now. It is a start! Your Master will put the information He gains to use in the future. Trust me, i was in your place once 898-443-818 i am a slave-i have no rights, no safewords, i do not say "no" to my Master. i do not have "limits". i have entered into consensual slavery, so that may help explain the views in my post. 13 Jun 10, 8:44 PM mutable 2 yrs Has your depression (black cloud) manifested itself at other times before your ownership, or wholly disregarding this? If so, it may be that you need to seek professional help. I suffer with depression but have had some success with medication. Some of the underlying causes are still there, but I am better able to 'cope' and so deal with them. Certainly, this is not something that he could have 'managed' without this intervention and it would be ludicrous to think otherwise. Just a thought. (Editied 'cos I missed a bit). 'We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are' Anais Nin Edited 13 Jun 10, 8:46 PM by mutable 14 Jun 10, 6:54 AM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings..... I don't think you properly understand the reactance theory. As I understand it, you are in the fighting against stage. The reactance point is when it tips over to surrender. Yes, the I want it, I don't want it, I want it fight can cause depression every time you get to the I want it point because you don't have it. When and if you hit the reactance point you will find your slavery coming much faster than you ever expected. Part of this is due to the struggle you are having getting to the acceptance point. The greater the struggle the greater the release. The question of when it will happen can not be answered. The more you try to force it, especially without help, the harder it will be to happen. You need to relax and let your Master and what he wants take hold. You won't hit the point until you give up trying to get there. When you understand and can do that, you will be most of the way there. Be well.... Malkinius 14 Jun 10, 12:03 PM 978-291-889 2 yrs mutable wrote: Has your depression (black cloud) manifested itself at other times before your ownership, or wholly disregarding this? If so, it may be that you need to seek professional help. I suffered from reactive depression once (approx 4 years ago) and Master was aware of the cause and treatment, He was around to support me through it, other than this, there have been no other episodes (that i'm aware of). I was prescribed anti-depressants and HATED how they made me feel... That was more black hole depression, this is nowhere near as bad (although it has the occasional day when it is) which is why i've likened it to a black cloud... Malkinius - thanks for that explanation - it makes a lot of sense to me - and yes i am in the fighting stage (definitely fighting with myself)... and need to stop as you say and let Master do His thing 978-291-889 The cuffs and ropes might have to be removed in the morning... but the bonds of love stretch as far as 2 people can roam. 14 Jun 10, 9:08 PM iggyst00ge US, 9 yrs Y! Resignation was a wonderful thing for me when it finally came. I accepted that I could not leave on my own accord, and that I would never be allowed to leave unless dismissed. At that point my status became an unchangeable fact for me and I started to focus on the positives of the parameters of my life rather than on the things I had trouble with. There are still times that it's difficult, where my independent streak still still kicks in and I get knocked to my knees, but my head is better, and that's what matters most. I find security in being owned. However, if you're dealing with depression in addition to wanting to push-back, you need to be up front about this with your owner. Obviously your own coping techniques will vary, but my owner was quite good about making sure I still got therapy, took my meds, and kept busy focusing on her instead of isolating and hiding inside my head. 15 Jun 10, 3:59 PM mutable 2 yrs 978-291-889 wrote: I am struggling with journalling at the minute as i can't get it all out quick enough, but i am 'mentally dumping' on Master - between long periods of silence while i unravel it all... I can confuse myself easily (and others) at the best of times - so when i start talking, i need to be clear where i'm going with it! All that seems to be coming out is an endless stream of fear... better out than in though Ok, so having got the 'medical intervention' question out of the way... I can only offer advice based on my own experiences of 'letting go', which are currently few. However, you mention above about struggling with your journal, and while I am not obliged to write one, I would feel similarly (perhaps this is why I don't have one). My thoughts/emotions are often all over the place. What I feel today may not be what I feel tomorrow and I have not trained myself to fully control this - never wanted to because I felt it would alter my 'core' or 'self' in some way. I can see 100 reasons to do one thing and 100 reasons not to because it is natural for me to think in this way. However, this often means I am undecisive/confused/foggy/waiting for an opposing emotion about many things - really, it's a wonder I get anything done at all! So, when bumped up against the rock of a serious, non negotiable decision he has made (his play partner for example), I am thrust into a funk of emotion that obliterates everything else. In reality I trust him. He has communicated everything expertly and I 'should' have nothing to fear - my pragmatic side understands and accepts this. However, my brain goes into overload because this is how it is used to behaving, and sends my emotions into a spin. I spent many days agonising over this particular situation until I realised I actually had no problem with it, and all I was doing was feeding my own propensity toward emotional indecisiveness, under the guise of 'deep thinking' and remaining 'true to myself'. My worries disappeared and we took a step forward. What did I learn? To listen to what really matters - to those thoughts that make a positive difference, and to try and control my musings more. They are what make me 'me', so though I cannot ignore them completely, I now know they are a behaviour trait I can try to look at objectively. Why may this help you? Perhaps because you appear to be a little similar in this regard by the posts you have made in this thread, and I hope I have managed to give you an example you can consider. Like Malkinius, I don't think it's reactence you're talking about, but 'letting go'. So, as long as the trust is there, mentally box up your 'head', take that step, and then work out how you feel. 'We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are' Anais Nin 15 Jun 10, 7:04 PM iggyst00ge US, 9 yrs Y! 978-291-889 wrote: I am struggling with journalling at the minute as i can't get it all out quick enough, but i am 'mentally dumping' on Master - between long periods of silence while i unravel it all... I can confuse myself easily (and others) at the best of times - so when i start talking, i need to be clear where i'm going with it! All that seems to be coming out is an endless stream of fear... better out than in though Journaling doesn't have to make sense or be readable afterwards to be beneficial. Sometimes just getting the words out is a good exercise, and helps prepare for your thoughts for the conversations with your owner. I was told (by a therapist, not my owner) to keep a journal of my thoughts for a while, to force myself to write, and to keep the notes as raw and as honest as possible. I was to write what I felt and did and to not try to justify my feelings or actions. It helped . . . a lot. I felt cleansed and at peace with myself. After a while, I was able to talk about some of the stuff, and later, I was able to talk about the rest. Next page