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	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "trust" 1 2 3 trust (30) This post is on the O&P web board. 24 May 10, 5:28 PM 222-320-624 UK, 2 yrs I have to say (and I know everyone is different so its just my opinion) I dont't understand how one can consider onself owned and collared so quickly before trust has been established. 24 May 10, 6:12 PM NeilansLittleMoon 2 yrs charlotte wrote: if i may,, it all sounds like everyone is bickering amongst them selves, Master and i have talked about and have sorted out the problem, Master understands that i have been let down and lied to before by others, i do very much appreciate wot everyone has to say, and i know everyone has there own opinion and everyone has the right to say wot ever they like, thank Y/you all, i have taken no offence to wot any one has said, i appreciate that people would take the time to reply, and i value all views, thanks again, Why do you compare your Master to others from your past though? It does seem like trust issues you need to move through that your Master can't fully help you with. If he thinks he can, he will learn the hard way that it is a personal thing. It just seems unfair to your Master that you are doubting him because of your past and that you really don't trust him much at all. ~I am Coco, the collared slave girl and kitty owned by her Daidi~ 24 May 10, 7:10 PM curious_bina US(TN), 2 yrs charlotte wrote: trust im not sure where this belongs, but im after advise, i am a new slave in training, owned and collared, i questioned my Master, on where He was, things didnt add up and i asked for prove with a photo by txt of Him and where He is, He says i will b punished but i need to know if He is honest with me, i hav not recieved this photo as yet, it has been hours, is this something a slave in training or any slave would ask from Master, hav i dun the wrong thing, thank u/U for any advise, This slave would first have to agree with what Sir Aldric previously posted. While a Master isn't always in the wrong, he should give no reason to have a slave question his trust. Which kind of makes her agree with 222-320-624 as well. 222-320-624 wrote: I have to say (and I know everyone is different so its just my opinion) I dont't understand how one can consider onself owned and collared so quickly before trust has been established. How could any couple start an M/s relationship without a firm foundation of trust? To pursue this type of relationship trust is a must. thegildedlili wrote: As you said, every relationship is different, and every couple are going to have different expectations of what goes on in that relationship, and I don't think it's for any of us to say what is valid and what isn't, or what behaviour is or isn't acceptable. To the OP, clearly this goes deeper than your guy not producing "proof" of where he was or what he was doing, and while you may have got his back up by demanding it (and I don't see that as topping from the bottom, I see that as a frightened person seeking reassurance, and yes, in my world there is a vast difference between the two), I'd suggest he needs to work with you to ensure you feel secure and don't resort to this kind of behaviour to get what you need. I would also suggest you consider what might be making you feel so insecure, and also ways in which you could express yourself that will be less likely to annoy him, it is after all a two way street. This slave also agreed with what thegildedlili said. Everyone seemed so stuck on what a slave “should” and “shouldn't” do and what “is” and “isn't” acceptable behavior. Everyone has different types of relationships, and different methods of gaining and giving trust. If a slave must ask to have proof over something, then a Master shouldn't deny it. If he does, shouldn't the slave be worried? Why would he refuse to? What would he be hiding? It builds up insecurities. And it's the same way for a Master too. If a slave went out for a night, and the Master wants to know where they were, and he wanted proof, why would a slave deny that if the slave weren't doing anything wrong? Another thing to consider is that @charlotte sounds to be in an LDR or online relationship. With these types of relationships it's a lot harder to get proof, and a lot harder to gain trust. It also takes a lot more time. If Charlotte has insecurity issues, they'll be confronted and worked out with her Master. But just like a Master shouldn't always be at fault, a slave shouldn't be blamed either. And even if she does have these issues, what caused her to question her Master? -s Always the curious one ~ s 24 May 10, 7:33 PM mutable 2 yrs NeilansLittleMoon wrote: Why do you compare your Master to others from your past though? It does seem like trust issues you need to move through that your Master can't fully help you with. If he thinks he can, he will learn the hard way that it is a personal thing. It just seems unfair to your Master that you are doubting him because of your past and that you really don't trust him much at all. I'm not sure that it's realistic to expect people to form a new relationship (of any type) without bringing some of their experiences with them. Not all experiences are good ones, and while some may be sincere in their hopes, they may still struggle with the actualities. I know I do. A clean slate may be nice for some D/O/Ms, but I like to think that there are those who are aware they will likely have to deal with some sort of 'past bad experience' at some point. Caveat : Non offensive and always learning. 'We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are' Anais Nin 24 May 10, 7:34 PM pet_ka_MJ CA, 2 yrs charlotte wrote: ... Master understands that i have been let down and lied to before by others... In reading your words... it dawned on me that your issue might not actually be trust... your lack of trust might be a symptom of a larger issue... FEAR that is causing you great anxiety. I can recall once hearing that F.E.A.R is "False Evidence Appearing Real." I am learning that fear is most often the byproduct of our previous life experience (this is why children often have very little fear). What we fear is usually not based in our present reality, but based on the memory of some previous hurt or disappointment and our attempts to not experience that hurt again. Anxiety manifests itself when we repreatedly re-experience these fears (and/or failures) in advance. We replay our fears in our head, substitute the new actors in the scene (in this case your Master) and we predict the outcome based on our previous fearful experiences. Fear is fed anytime we operate from that place of past hurts and disappointments. I came across these questions in a slave blog some months ago... I wish I could remember where as the blog post that went along with these questions was amazing. Anyway, I have adopted the use of her questions when I hit roadblocks on my journey and they have been very helpful. Maybe they will be very helpful for you as well. She suggested when fear manifests itself to ask the following questions: 1. What do I resent or regret? (what do I fear resenting or regretting) 2. What have I been unwilling to change (what change is being required of me?) 3. Where am I in denial or in resistance? 4. What am I unwilling to risk? Why? She also said, we are not our fear. That when we choose to step beyond our fears and look at the root causes we can transcend our fear and deepen our slavery in the process. Deal with your fears, your past hurts and disapointments and trust in your Master will surely come. Leave your fears unattended and you will undoubtedly continue to experience anxiety as part of your journey into slavery. Eventually, I expect the anxiety will undermine and sabotage the very thing you wish to achieve. Good luck. With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. - Keshavan Nair Edited 24 May 10, 7:38 PM by pet_ka_MJ 24 May 10, 8:12 PM charlotte AU, 2 yrs Kanina wrote: To me it feels that you do no trust him...i may be wrong but that is what i read from the posts... only if i didn´t trust a person i would ask for a proof. you still have doubts... i do trust my Master very much, and no, i have no doubts what so ever, thank you for your thoughts 24 May 10, 8:14 PM charlotte AU, 2 yrs NeilansLittleMoon wrote: charlotte wrote: if i may,, it all sounds like everyone is bickering amongst them selves, Master and i have talked about and have sorted out the problem, Master understands that i have been let down and lied to before by others, i do very much appreciate wot everyone has to say, and i know everyone has there own opinion and everyone has the right to say wot ever they like, thank Y/you all, i have taken no offence to wot any one has said, i appreciate that people would take the time to reply, and i value all views, thanks again, Why do you compare your Master to others from your past though? It does seem like trust issues you need to move through that your Master can't fully help you with. If he thinks he can, he will learn the hard way that it is a personal thing. It just seems unfair to your Master that you are doubting him because of your past and that you really don't trust him much at all. i havs apoligized to my Master and He understands, and as i have stated i di TRUST my Master or i wouldnt be with Him at all, and i thank you for your thoughts 24 May 10, 9:55 PM NeilansLittleMoon 2 yrs mutable wrote: NeilansLittleMoon wrote: Why do you compare your Master to others from your past though? It does seem like trust issues you need to move through that your Master can't fully help you with. If he thinks he can, he will learn the hard way that it is a personal thing. It just seems unfair to your Master that you are doubting him because of your past and that you really don't trust him much at all. I'm not sure that it's realistic to expect people to form a new relationship (of any type) without bringing some of their experiences with them. Not all experiences are good ones, and while some may be sincere in their hopes, they may still struggle with the actualities. I know I do. A clean slate may be nice for some D/O/Ms, but I like to think that there are those who are aware they will likely have to deal with some sort of 'past bad experience' at some point. I am aware of that, but it seems like the OP and her Master may have rushed into the collaring moreso than anything. There is nothing wrong with having baggage, as everyone has baggage, I know I do and my Daidi and I are working through things in our relationship. It's that this baggage still seems to be detrimental to their relationship. I don't assume that my Daidi will treat me like any of the men in my past did. I know he won't because I trust him. I don't need to ask him for proof about things. If I did it would show a serious lack of trust in him. I have a lot of baggage (which I don't want to go into as I don't want to feel like I'm hijacking this thread) but they are separate from my relationship with my Daidi. The OP needs to learn to separate her baggage from her relationship with her Master because right now she seems to assume he will do the same as the men in her past have. That will hurt their relationship in the long run no matter how much she swears up and down she trusts him, her actions and apparent worries say otherwise. ~I am Coco, the collared slave girl and kitty owned by her Daidi~ Edited 24 May 10, 9:57 PM by NeilansLittleMoon 24 May 10, 9:59 PM NeilansLittleMoon 2 yrs charlotte wrote: NeilansLittleMoon wrote: charlotte wrote: if i may,, it all sounds like everyone is bickering amongst them selves, Master and i have talked about and have sorted out the problem, Master understands that i have been let down and lied to before by others, i do very much appreciate wot everyone has to say, and i know everyone has there own opinion and everyone has the right to say wot ever they like, thank Y/you all, i have taken no offence to wot any one has said, i appreciate that people would take the time to reply, and i value all views, thanks again, Why do you compare your Master to others from your past though? It does seem like trust issues you need to move through that your Master can't fully help you with. If he thinks he can, he will learn the hard way that it is a personal thing. It just seems unfair to your Master that you are doubting him because of your past and that you really don't trust him much at all. i havs apoligized to my Master and He understands, and as i have stated i di TRUST my Master or i wouldnt be with Him at all, and i thank you for your thoughts Then why don't you try and separate those issues from your past from your Master? It just seems like you have questioned him and will continue to question his honesty with you. If you knew you could trust him, why the search for proof? Why did you need proof? And the apology may work the first time, but it seems like you have a long way to get over these worries of yours until you will fully be able to trust your Master and that you may end up apologizing again to your Master for the same issue in a few months. ~I am Coco, the collared slave girl and kitty owned by her Daidi~ Edited 24 May 10, 10:00 PM by NeilansLittleMoon 28 May 10, 5:51 AM charlotte AU, 2 yrs NeilansLittleMoon wrote: charlotte wrote: NeilansLittleMoon wrote: charlotte wrote: if i may,, it all sounds like everyone is bickering amongst them selves, Master and i have talked about and have sorted out the problem, Master understands that i have been let down and lied to before by others, i do very much appreciate wot everyone has to say, and i know everyone has there own opinion and everyone has the right to say wot ever they like, thank Y/you all, i have taken no offence to wot any one has said, i appreciate that people would take the time to reply, and i value all views, thanks again, Why do you compare your Master to others from your past though? It does seem like trust issues you need to move through that your Master can't fully help you with. If he thinks he can, he will learn the hard way that it is a personal thing. It just seems unfair to your Master that you are doubting him because of your past and that you really don't trust him much at all. i havs apoligized to my Master and He understands, and as i have stated i di TRUST my Master or i wouldnt be with Him at all, and i thank you for your thoughts Then why don't you try and separate those issues from your past from your Master? It just seems like you have questioned him and will continue to question his honesty with you. If you knew you could trust him, why the search for proof? Why did you need proof? And the apology may work the first time, but it seems like you have a long way to get over these worries of yours until you will fully be able to trust your Master and that you may end up apologizing again to your Master for the same issue in a few months. Master was to see me today, He txt me yesterday with instruction to dress my self and to sit on my bed and wait, i was expecting all sorts of things to happen, Master txt to go to the door, there was a knock and to my surprise it was Master, He was a day early, Master did punish me for my behavour that weekend, i recieved 5 smacks from my cane, after He gently rubbed and kissed each mark, Master then ordered me to sit on matt on the floor at the side of the bed while He layed on the bed. Master asked me questions, then asked if i had any questions, i am free to ask what ever i like and Master always answeres me, i also presented Master with my pledge, and my gift to Him was 2 very personal cds of me. W/we have our chats every night and i know now that i can ask questions, but not to demand from Him, Master and i dont live together but He is not very far from me, my trust in Master has grown greatly, Master understands me, i wish everyone happiness, thank Y/you