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	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "I need advice regarding a 3-some partner " I need advice regarding a 3-some partner (10) This post is on the O&P web board. Mon 17 May 10, 3:58 PM slave2master US, 5 yrs Master and I have invited a woman to become a threesome partner with us on occasion. I have always fantasized about being with another woman and Master would also enjoy seeing me with another woman. She is someone that we had many discussions with and got to know before we ever had an actual sexual experience together. We have been together once, but are planning for another time in a few weeks. The woman is not into the BDSM lifestyle and has never experienced anything in regard to it. We have told her some of the activities that we enjoy just to see what her reaction might be. She seems a bit shocked, but very intrigued...and said that it would probably excite her to view Master and myself engaged in some of these things. She has also expressed an interest in perhaps trying some of them. Since our first meeting, she has become a bit smitten with me. She calls me several times a day...as well as every night. When she can't get ahold of me, she acts devastated. I have told Master and He told me that He believes her enthusiasm will wane a bit after we meet a few more times...and that she is just in the honeymoon phase of the relationship at this point. I am curious as to other's experiences in this regard and if anyone has a similar story. I would also love any advice that anyone could give about maintaining boundaries in a threesome relationship...Thank you 18 May 10, 6:23 PM GerardVanDam NL, 4 yrs Hope this helps. I have been in several threesomes. This was long before I knew much about non-vanilla relationships. Any time a new relationship is started, no matter the number of people already in it, be careful: it will change the dynamics. Jealousy may (and often will) interfere. I know from experience that this may occur totally unexpected. My (beautiful and very attractive) girl #1 had no problems with another girl that was even more beautiful and even more attractive. However, when I f*cked a girl that was not nearly as beautiful as she was, she was upset. My #1 knew I would never leave her for any other woman. Still, she was jealous and all three of us suffered. (Now, 25 years later, I know I should have been the leader. In those days all three of us were vanilla.) I agree with many that the central person, your master, must try to avoid any unnecessary complications. But the feeling of jealousy can not always be avoided. IMO, acting jealously is always bad. In your case, it is unknown what will happen. Remember: all three of you may be affected by the changing dynamics. Time will tell. Hope for the best! Surely any experiment will be exciting! English is not my first language. Be aware that for many here it is difficult to express their feelings. If I make mistakes, please tell me. Edited 18 May 10, 6:38 PM by GerardVanDam 18 May 10, 9:21 PM 375-295-503 UK, 2 yrs This kind of relationship can work, but requires a lot of open and honest discussion first. As you have invited a third party in, I would assume that the fundamental issues such as jealousy, trust etc have been dealt with, (at least in theory) between yourself and your Master. The one thing that does raise alarm bells is the fact that she does seem to be fixated with you, and that may become a problem. It seems as if she is trying to separate you and may wish to exclude your Master. It is important she understands that the dynamic involves all three, and that you are slave to your Master first and foremost. Additionally, you must ensure that sexuality only occurs when you are all together; at least until the relationship is well established and you all feel secure within it. If there is any deception or dishonesty then your relationship with your Master will quickly fail. However, a third person can certainly enhance the dynamic that you have and can and should be an enjoyable relationship for everyone involved. Hope it works out for you. 19 May 10, 2:56 PM GerardVanDam NL, 4 yrs I agree with all you said in your post. You very rightly say at least in theory My girl(s) and I had discussed all the important questions. Essentially my #1 and I acted as a pair, even when the other one was not there. This meant that whatever fun she had (so not only the f*cking but also any other non-sexual fun) was shared with me. Nevertheless, whenever I had a #2 who somehow my #1 felt was a threat, #1 became incontrollaby jealous. She was NOT just unfair. Her feelings were stronger than she was herself. *sigh* theory I know many couples who decided to live monogamous lives just to avoid the horrible feelings called "jealousy". Jealousy is not easy to understand. Ask six people how to describe it: you will get six very different answers. English is not my first language. Please be aware that for many here it is difficult to express their feelings. If I make mistakes, please tell me. 19 May 10, 3:12 PM SeanT70 9 yrs I wonder... Phay and I have had threesomes in the past, and whilst they were one-offs, they were OK, with no problems; further, under my instruction, I've allowed her to sleep with someone alone (the same person from that threesome, but that's beside the point) Looking to our current situation and the future though, I/we have been in discussion with a man about adding him into our relationship as a third, potentially as a threesome, but potentially as a poly situation too. All his previous relationships have been completely vanilla and ended badly for one thing and another. We've worked through all the whys and wherefores of jealousy etc, and the fact that I'm in control of the situation, given that I own Phay anyway; the problem comes from this - how do we progress when he can't see the difference between what we're doing and where he's come from? There's no comparison to make at all. The stupid (wrong word perhaps) part is that just because we're talking in terms of having threesomes and perhaps forming a poly relationship from that, he's automatically equated that to the nearest thing to being married for the rest of his life and I don't see how it's happened, given all the hours of talks we've had in complete open honesty with everyone involved. And yet, he won't go so far as discuss talking about it to anyone close to him at all - even to make himself feel better - I find this odd. It's just like he's brushing it off as not happening and almost as if in certain ways the three has been factored into two (I haven't furnished parts of the information here because there's not much point, but I can if necessary) He's putting it across that Phay, especially is trying to blackmail him into something he doesn't want to do, when this couldn't be further from the truth given that he's the one that does all the pushing all the time; and yet his execution of the English Language leads us to believe one thing when he means another. Personally, I think we'd be better off keeping him at arms length, but Phay would like to proceed - obviously, in terms of threesomes and what we set out for in terms of those threesomes in the first place, she has to be happy too; it's not just about me being her owner at all. No, we haven't actually met yet for what it's worth, but we're all from a circle of very close friends online, and know some of the people in that circle that have; we talk to him regularly etc etc, and have no qualms about what we want and hope for from the piece (as it were), but honestly some people make life hard work at times. It's not that he's not a decent enough guy - he is, but he's trying to equate a normal bog standard 'go down the pub, meet a girl, start dating type...' relationship, with an 'M/s Threesome Poly from Online beginnings type...' relationship. And he seems to think he's the only one that stands to get pranged into the bargain..hmph! Raven's post on the Poly Thread made a whole bunch of sense. If anyone has any input, I'd be grateful. Cheers, Sean. 19 May 10, 6:23 PM softline US(CA), 2 yrs slave2master wrote: Since our first meeting, she has become a bit smitten with me. She calls me several times a day...as well as every night. When she can't get ahold of me, she acts devastated. This nothing to be concerned about. It is a popular misconception that all things are equal in a threesome. A psych book I read once said that the quickest way to kill a threesome was by "keeping score". Its just human nature that the third person will like one partner more (smitten) than the other. So long as their behavior is acceptable don't worry about the persons feelings. The previous warnings about jealousy are something to worry about. Particularly if they manifest in the form of your friend trying to "break up" you and your Master. Something you can do that really helps the situation is for you to have a conversation with her over coffee or something. Make it absolutely clear to her that you are commmitted to your Master and not leaving him under any circumstances. Further if she does any thing to displease, upset or disobey (added this one because of your M/s relationship) you and she are done (mean it). This conversation is best held after at least on threesome has has occurred (not before). I was in a vanilla threeway for several years. At the start my partner had the same conversation I described above. It was obvious the other women really cared about my partner (they were work collegues and saw each other nearly every day). However throughout the entire relationship the other women saw that she fullfilled all my needs enthusiastically. A good way to test how the relationship stands is to have the other woman have sex with your Master when you are not around. If she refuses or is a less than enthusiastic participant, you know where you stand. slave2master wrote: The woman is not into the BDSM lifestyle and has never experienced anything in regard to it. We have told her some of the activities that we enjoy just to see what her reaction might be. She seems a bit shocked, but very intrigued...and said that it would probably excite her to view Master and myself engaged in some of these things. She has also expressed an interest in perhaps trying some of them. In my opinion you have a vanilla that is ripe for plucking into a M/s relationship. If I were your Master, before even a "demonstration" or trying to something sexual, I would start to exert control over her through little things like controlling behaviour and dress outside the bedroom. Some things you could do include: If you have a special way of addressing Master (like calling him "Sir"). Tell her she needs to also address your Master as "Sir" rather than his name. If she is smitten with you she will do this to please you. When she calls even if you answer the phone tell her she needs Master's permission to talk to you and hand the phone to Master so she can ask. If you and she have non-sexual dates (such as meeting for coffee) make sure she has Master's permission. Make sure she is the one who does the asking of Master (not you). If the three of you date outside the bedroom (like going to dinner), make sure she gets Masters approval on whatever she is wearing. Once she is used to the new realastionship with Master you can work up bedroom M/s encounters. If she continues to be smitten with you, Master can use access to you (and your body) as the reward part of a training program. 21 May 10, 9:22 PM mutable 2 yrs SeanT70 wrote: I wonder... Phay and I have had threesomes in the past, and whilst they were one-offs, they were OK, with no problems; further, under my instruction, I've allowed her to sleep with someone alone (the same person from that threesome, but that's beside the point) Looking to our current situation and the future though, I/we have been in discussion with a man about adding him into our relationship as a third, potentially as a threesome, but potentially as a poly situation too. All his previous relationships have been completely vanilla and ended badly for one thing and another. We've worked through all the whys and wherefores of jealousy etc, and the fact that I'm in control of the situation, given that I own Phay anyway; the problem comes from this - how do we progress when he can't see the difference between what we're doing and where he's come from? There's no comparison to make at all. The stupid (wrong word perhaps) part is that just because we're talking in terms of having threesomes and perhaps forming a poly relationship from that, he's automatically equated that to the nearest thing to being married for the rest of his life and I don't see how it's happened, given all the hours of talks we've had in complete open honesty with everyone involved. And yet, he won't go so far as discuss talking about it to anyone close to him at all - even to make himself feel better - I find this odd. It's just like he's brushing it off as not happening and almost as if in certain ways the three has been factored into two (I haven't furnished parts of the information here because there's not much point, but I can if necessary) He's putting it across that Phay, especially is trying to blackmail him into something he doesn't want to do, when this couldn't be further from the truth given that he's the one that does all the pushing all the time; and yet his execution of the English Language leads us to believe one thing when he means another. Personally, I think we'd be better off keeping him at arms length, but Phay would like to proceed - obviously, in terms of threesomes and what we set out for in terms of those threesomes in the first place, she has to be happy too; it's not just about me being her owner at all. No, we haven't actually met yet for what it's worth, but we're all from a circle of very close friends online, and know some of the people in that circle that have; we talk to him regularly etc etc, and have no qualms about what we want and hope for from the piece (as it were), but honestly some people make life hard work at times. It's not that he's not a decent enough guy - he is, but he's trying to equate a normal bog standard 'go down the pub, meet a girl, start dating type...' relationship, with an 'M/s Threesome Poly from Online beginnings type...' relationship. And he seems to think he's the only one that stands to get pranged into the bargain..hmph! Raven's post on the Poly Thread made a whole bunch of sense. If anyone has any input, I'd be grateful. Cheers, Sean. For what it is worth, here is my input Sean... Poly, 3somes, whatever, can be hard enough to navigate when all seem to be onboard and happy. You already know this. If you are having second thoughts then you need to address them fully and to your satisfaction. If you cannot, I personally would not proceeed. One reason for this would be that communication with this man already seems fuddled in some way. You are trying your best but he seems incapable of understading your point of view, and is choosing to believe only in his. So, how much harder would it become if the 3some were to proceed? Also, I know that Phay appears keen, but you know that you are the one who must manage, not only the new dynamic, but any possible fallout. This would be very difficult to do if you are not approaching it from a position of knowledge and strength. Perhaps you could arrange for him to 'view' your dynamic with Phay. I don't mean sex necessarily, but the control etc. Maybe this would help him understand the positions you both hold and what would be expected of him. It may also prove to Phay that you have behaved responsibly and sincerely, keeping your current dymanic safe and within your control. Caveat : Non offensive and always learning. 'We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are' Anais Nin 22 May 10, 12:52 AM SeanT70 9 yrs Thanks for your post on the above mutable. I didn't see any point quoting since you'd scooped mine up again anyway, and what I have to say addresses yours in one go in any case. When I'd posted previously, it certainly seemed as if the guy we're talking about here has very little understanding about a very great deal - not just about 'our' situation - but the simple fact is, the guy is just that - simple! To think that the authorities in this country actually put the guy in charge of a gun for any length of time to protect and serve in a fighting capacity in his apparent patriotic duty utterly buggers me, it really does. But we're not talking about that, not his academic ability are we. No. I just had to have my little rant. At one point, I'd pretty much cut myself out of how to proceed with the situation because it was at a point where I was nigh on getting physical bruises from banging my head against a virtual brick wall. But Phay and I have resolved all of our issues that lay around the subject and now have it at a point where the guy, simple as he is, actually gets his role, and *I* am comfortable in mine, given that Phay never really had that much of a problem at all in any case. The basis really for the difficulties, in the main, is that the guy just hasn't been to the places we've been in relationships, or seen the things we've seen sexually or in fetishes; all completely new to him; add that to him being a bit simple, like, and ya get us a right mess. So simplified is as simple does. And that's fine by me. We have a situation that is workable, controllable, and from which there won't be any fall-out. How? Because we left him out of the talking and told him how it was, it was that simple..(I know that sounds odd without the furniture of details, but it's not) Result? Oh..OK... >.< ; I know that's an odd way to describe how or why the 3-way discussions concluded satisfactorily, but that's the way it is - because of the simplicity in this guy's mind, we have no qualms that we have a basis to work with. No, it's not 'quite' the same deal as we had in mind in the first place, but what matters is that *I* first, Phay (jointly with me, then second), and he lastly are all happy with what we're going to be doing. Most of it anyway, is between Phay and I, because he didn't get the joke anyway, so we made some changes ourselves regarding our involvement with him at all. I'm really very confident - but not foolishly so, that we'll be OK - I'd be more concerned for the poor guy's back should he do something not on the menu while my back's turned, given that there will be times they will be alone, sleeping together - with him in a trusted position. Your input was much appreciated mutable, it's a shame there aren't a few more on the bord like yourself. Regards, Sean. 22 May 10, 2:10 AM mutable 2 yrs Then all is good Sean... but perhaps you should hold the gun Caveat : Non offensive and always learning. 'We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are' Anais Nin 22 May 10, 7:16 AM 220-430-196 US(WI), 2 yrs Master wanted to punish me by pushing my limits and bringing in another woman to help Him keep me cumming continously for nearly 5 hours. She had full access to my body from the neck down and with Master's approval could do anything she wished. At the end of the session, both of T/them were satisfied with my performance which made me happy that Master was proud of me. She and i have become friends and spent a day shopping and just hanging out, with Master's permission of course. She has made her interest in me plain and during that day she told me that she has bi-tendencies. i explained that i had no such tendencies which is why Master wanted a woman to use me. That was my first experience of any kind with another woman. Master will not share me with another man and says He doesn't want any other women, just me. There was no physical contact between Master and her, just the two of T/them using me. She seems to be willing to be just friends and not push her interest in me, but it sounds like Master enjoyed that day and watching my reactions to what was done to me so much He is considering contacting her to set up another session. i will do as He wishes of course, but while Master isn't concerned, i fear that it may make it harder for her to continue on with our day-to-day friendship. i would hate to lose her friendship and i know she would hate to lose mine, so in this case, guidelines as to where my first loyalty is are kept clear to make it easier for both of us. i consider her my friend all the time, but if Master continues to contact her for sessions with me, at those times i will only refer to her as Mistress. So after saying all this my suggestion is respectfully given that clear cut guidelines of behaviour need to be set and adhered to by all parties. Good luck, i hope it works out for you. 22 May 10, 2:13 PM SeanT70 9 yrs mutable wrote: Then all is good Sean... but perhaps you should hold the gun Now that would just be precious - dangerous, but precious. I'm a good shot too Sean.