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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Determining the best slave" 1 2 Determining the best slave (16) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 29 Mar 10, 9:27 PM Rockie2216 US(OR), 2 yrs Y! Recently I have become very interested in the world of M/s and now i am moving into the practicing of it. I have been approched by two so far that want to help me move forward withmy discovery. One has told me she is fairly new as well but wants to discover more together, However I am not sure if this is a good idea. I almost think I should take the more experianced one on to learn more of what is to be expected. I guess the real delema is can/would it be wise to have both if they slaves are willing. One that would be more of a tool to help Myself and the new slave advance in this lifestye. 29 Mar 10, 10:03 PM Kay_kay US(NY), 3 yrs First of all, welcome to the lifestyle. Secondly, i want to commend you on looking for advice. It shows that you are mature and serious about this. Thirdly, what you're proposing is very very dangerous. Some might think i'm overstating this but i want you to understand the seriousness and difficulty. Poly situations are difficult for even expereinced Masters and slaves. Poly relationships can be beautiful things but they can also turn very bad very quickly. My impression from what you said (and i could be wrong) is that you are actually more interested in building a relationship with the inexperienced girl and only interested in the experienced girl as someone to help you learn. So that is what a lot of my advice is based on. There is nothing wrong with goign to someone experienced to help you learn regardless of your role and theirs. However, you have to be clear that you are only looking for a mentor and advice. Taking her and teh one that you want the relationship with at the same time is a bad idea because, as you learn, you will spend more time in practice with one than with the other. This can cause a lot of jealousy, it could also result in the experienced girl feelign slighted and used and i don't think you want that. In addition, since you are the inexperienced girl are just learning together, you will already have difficulties and challenges just from learning basic D/s, adding in poly is just making things more difficult for yourselves. It's doable but it's going to be very hard and very dangerous with the potential of hurting all three of you deeply. Before you go further with either girl, you need to sit down and decide exaclty what you want from each of them, what you are willing to give and talk openly and honestly with them separtaely to discover if their thoughts are in alignment with yours. Honesty and communication can not be over stressed in your new life. It is the basis of any and all successful D/s and poly relationships. Don't be afraid to take this slow and don't be afraid to be honest and make sure everyone has the same expectations before you begin. Build a strong foundation of trust and understanding and you greatly increase your chance of succeeding and havign a wonderful and long standing experience in this lifestyle. Good luck to all three of you. 29 Mar 10, 10:49 PM Rockie2216 US(OR), 2 yrs Y! Kay Kay you hit it on the nose really. The one I really want to experiance is the inexperianced one. Right now it is just bedroom play but I am really wanting to carry it further in the future. I agree on the comunication the reason I am even searching is the one who turned me on to this life style and I was in a relationship with was unwilling to communicate. So now I am on a search for a partner but I really do well in a life not just playing around. I seem tohave a problem in vinilla relationships with finding women with daddy issues and ultimatly end up cheating. I thank you for your advice and will sit down with them both and see what each want and make a better decision after. 30 Mar 10, 12:19 AM Umbramajoris_01 US(AL), 2 yrs Y! I read this post and it just made me cringe. How can you expect to control an experienced slave much less train an inexperienced slave without experience yourself? I just hope you are EXTREMELY well read, have a Dominant Mentor, or a good Lawyer! Welcome to the Lifestyle, I wish you ALOT of luck, not getting sued, OR thrown in jail for assualt with bodily harm. Edited 30 Mar 10, 12:21 AM by Umbramajoris_01 30 Mar 10, 12:28 AM curious_bina US(TN), 2 yrs Umbramajoris_01 wrote: I read this post and it just made me cringe. How can you expect to control an experienced slave much less train an inexperienced slave without experience yourself? I just hope you are EXTREMELY well read, have a Dominant Mentor, or a good Lawyer! Welcome to the Lifestyle, I wish you ALOT of luck, not getting sued, OR thrown in jail for assualt with bodily harm. Actually taking on an experience slave isn't a bad idea. With one he might not necassarily control her well, but he will learn how to. The experienced slave shouldn't have any problems worrying about "assault," because they know when something's wrong and know how to say so. With an inexperienced slave you would make the journey together, but you won't know how to be a dominant. Getting a dominant or Master as a mentor would work out better. -s Always the curious one ~ s 30 Mar 10, 12:40 AM Kay_kay US(NY), 3 yrs Umbramajoris_01 wrote: I read this post and it just made me cringe. How can you expect to control an experienced slave much less train an inexperienced slave without experience yourself? I just hope you are EXTREMELY well read, have a Dominant Mentor, or a good Lawyer! Welcome to the Lifestyle, I wish you ALOT of luck, not getting sued, OR thrown in jail for assualt with bodily harm. Don't you think you are overstating things just a little and trying to put the poor man into a catch-22. You say that he can't train and experienced slave until he gets experience but he can't control an experienced slave because he's too new. So how's he supposed to get experience? Add to this, if the experienced slave knows that he is new and is ready to try to aid him, then he doens't need to figure out how to control her, does he? This is something i've mentioned in other posts that bothers me...all this talk about having to KEEP a pet/slave/submissive/enter appropriate name here in his/her place, how to CONTROL them, how to PUT them there. If the slave is truly a willing slave and loves the Master/Mistress then the slave wants to be in that place under the controlling hand and will stay there on his or her own. There is a difference between a submissive testing limits and seeing if the Dom/me is strong and a submissive that has to be KEPT in his or her place through punishment, etc. If the experienced submissive is willign to take on a new Dom/me then it is part of her responsibility to be extra careful to stay in her place in order to make her Master proud and pleased with her. In addition, this new Master is obviously studying and reading to try to help himself become a good master and is asking for advice. You telling him that he can't possibly be a good master without experience that he can't get in your opinion is not helpful. Instead of advising him to get a lawyer, why don't you point out some good threads for him to read, give him some examples of what you did when you were beginnign to make yourself a good master, or keep silent if you can't be encouraging or helpful without sarcasm. If this post is found offensive, i will happily put you in contact with my Master and you can see if He agrees. Thank you. 30 Mar 10, 1:26 AM curious_bina US(TN), 2 yrs Kay_kay wrote: Umbramajoris_01 wrote: I read this post and it just made me cringe. How can you expect to control an experienced slave much less train an inexperienced slave without experience yourself? I just hope you are EXTREMELY well read, have a Dominant Mentor, or a good Lawyer! Welcome to the Lifestyle, I wish you ALOT of luck, not getting sued, OR thrown in jail for assualt with bodily harm. Don't you think you are overstating things just a little and trying to put the poor man into a catch-22. You say that he can't train and experienced slave until he gets experience but he can't control an experienced slave because he's too new. So how's he supposed to get experience? Add to this, if the experienced slave knows that he is new and is ready to try to aid him, then he doens't need to figure out how to control her, does he? This slave agrees. It is a catch 22. An experienced slave should be the better choice because they would want to help, and not want to cause problems. This is something i've mentioned in other posts that bothers me...all this talk about having to KEEP a pet/slave/submissive/enter appropriate name here in his/her place, how to CONTROL them, how to PUT them there. If the slave is truly a willing slave and loves the Master/Mistress then the slave wants to be in that place under the controlling hand and will stay there on his or her own. There is a difference between a submissive testing limits and seeing if the Dom/me is strong and a submissive that has to be KEPT in his or her place through punishment, etc. Very true, Kay Kay. Instead of advising him to get a lawyer, why don't you point out some good threads for him to read, give him some examples of what you did when you were beginnign to make yourself a good master, or keep silent if you can't be encouraging or helpful without sarcasm. Very well said -s Always the curious one ~ s 30 Mar 10, 3:31 AM EvaMaria US(CA), 3 yrs I think all of the scenarios offered here are possibilities rather than likelihoods in a general sense. And whether they'd be likely in your specific case would depend entirely on your own way of approaching things. As in, the significant parts of O&P relationships (positive or negative) are the same as with any other sort - they don't happen overnight or without cause and for the most part come with plenty of advance notice. A person's willingness to pay attention to and make use of these indicators is what makes the difference between a happy and long-lasting relationship and a catastrophe. But I think this idea: Rockie2216 wrote: I seem tohave a problem in vinilla relationships with finding women with daddy issues and ultimatly end up cheating. is more important than all the others. I'm not clear on whether you're saying that you believe you're less likely to find women with "daddy issues" among those in the BDSM community (or that you're less likely to be attracted to them), and/or whether you believe the blame for your infidelities can realistically be assigned to your former partner's personality issues. If you are, I don't think either is true. I think you ought to consider these ideas more closely before committing to any new relationships. Eva (The property formerly known as Camille ) 30 Mar 10, 3:52 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs Rockie2216 wrote: I seem tohave a problem in vinilla relationships with finding women with daddy issues and ultimatly end up cheating. I was wondering about this statement as well. Maybe the OP could clarify what was meant by it. Do you have a problem finding women with daddy issues so you end up cheating? The problem is that the women you find have daddy issues, so you cheat? Or are they cheating? It doesn't really matter what type of relationship you are in, vanilla, M/s, O/P, D/s, same sex, etc. Cheating is possible in all of them. It has nothing to do with the lifestyle, or what/who anyone is seeking, but more a conscious decision, IMO. In this lifestyle, having open, honest communication is one of the most important things. Without it, the amount of trust necessary will not build in order to really grow and walk together in this journey. From what you said, there can't be real, honest communication, if there is cheating involved. If there were, any issues, problems and concerns would have been brought up, if they couldn't be resolved you both would go your seperate ways rather than cheat. So really, maybe you should look at the big picture before deciding which one would be better suited for you. I concur with the rest of what EvaMaria wrote. That of course is my opinion but one I feel strongly about nevertheless. All the best to you. Have a good evening all. 333-528-841 Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not, Remember that what you now have, was once among the things you only hoped for. ~Epicurus~ (greek philosopher, BC 341-270) Edited 30 Mar 10, 3:59 AM by 333-528-841 30 Mar 10, 4:23 AM Umbramajoris_01 US(AL), 2 yrs Y! I was just refering to the fact if he hasn't gotten experience from reading, online research, a Mentor, a book (s), that what can he learn about HIMSELF even from an experienced slave except on how to be a slave? (I am NOT trying to be sarcastic, just real.) If you wish to BE a Master then train as one FIRST, THEN worry about what/which/slave to go with. (To those who don't know, I started IN COLLAR Myself FIRST to even learn WHAT and WHO I was. I had no clue whether I was a submissive or a Dominant. This is where I am coming from with My previous posts.)I mean no disrespect, but I will take none either. Umbramajoris 30 Mar 10, 4:27 AM Umbramajoris_01 US(AL), 2 yrs Y! I agree with 333-528-841...once cheating starts, you either have to fix it and go on, or end it right there. Again, Umbramajoris Next page