Dragons_princess wrote:
Starting over
i have been on this board for a long time i have desired this life too long to count. However my Owner/husband was reluctant at first so it was more a sexual game. He has now come to relize it is more than just fun He can get everything He desires. So we have moved into 24/7 TPE so now that He and i have played with this too long it has been hard for me not to assume He is going back to vanilla life and i have seen become stronger and more of a true Master He is not going back. My point is i have not fully accepted that this is real reguadless of the punishments i have recieved. How can He get me to get it. i am also very frustrated with myself for not sticking with His rules and testing Him i want to be a good slave. He is on the road so He asked if i could get any suggestions????
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*grins*
congratulations to your Owner and yourself for taking this step.
this girl would firstly say that punishment is not always the answer, but a LOT of talking and communicating. the foundations has to be put out and firmly laid.
you both may want to start by asking some questions, and discussing this.
what do you think BDSM lifestyle is all about?
what do you want from this lifestyle?
how do you intend to serve your Owner? (OTHER than sex)
(girl had to write a bleeding 10pager on this way back when!)
what punishments has NO pleasure effects?
(as example: this girl likes spankings, but she hates being cold. Master would stick her in the shower for a few seconds... she sure as hell will do what it takes to avoid that from happening!)
why do you break the rules? (this is to figure out if you are 'lacking' something such as attention etc. example:
if you break them to get a spanking, or simply to be able to engage in an argument etc it s for negative attention)
what manner of control do you fear most in giving up?
what would you consider the perfect day as a slave? (write a story perhaps on this to describe a day?)
there are so many many many questions that one may want to consider FIRST. this girl has noticed that many makes a huge leap, and not establishing the groundwork first.
she would suggest that things starts slowly, while you continue the discussions along the way.
establish rules such as.
1. Journal. Write every single day in your journal about yoru hopes, fantasies, dreams, concerns etc. be open and honest about your feelings- this is to be available to your Owner and there will be no negative consequences for said writings. Discussion on this will follow but ONLY for an set period of time, and the minute it turns into an argument, it will be halted untill both parties are cooled down to resolve the matter properly.
2. Basic routines: clean, cook, and kneel to greet and be available without complaints whenever it is commanded by your Owner. You will soon find your submissive triggers in this.
3. Establish a clear subservient 'pose'. Just one. This pose you will assume when watching TV, or when not busy with other tasks.
4. Ask to enter or leave a room for toilet breaks. (this eventually can fall or more reasons for asking can slowly be added to it)
5. Conduct: Do not turn your back on your Owner, EVER. (this is much harder than one may think, *chuckles* and Master STILL mess with this girl by making her spin around in circles) Address Owner as [insert preference here] Serve Owner first before you take your place to eat (this girl eats on the floor... that is up to Owner to decide)
do this for perhaps a month *smiles* (these are mere examples though) and ask your Owner for CLEAR consequences.
this girl is not one to shy away from a beating, so for her physical punishment, however painful, is not a method to correct her attitude.
however:
she has a silver foodbowl that she eats from every night. if she had a minor infraction, she will get the red, ugly foodbowl. this upsets her tremendously, as it is a visual representation of Master's dissatisfaction.
a favourite 'security' item may be removed for more prominent infractions - for this girl it is her yoga mat. it may be a piece of jewelry for you, or such.
standing in the corner - facing the wall and not allowed to speak or look around. The longer you 'mess up' on this, the longer your punishment will last.
silence for 24hrs.
writing a essay on the reasons for your disobedience, and suggesting four punishments that you think is appropriate that you WON'T LIKE. Your owner may choose to actually implement one, or not..
these shoudl be things that you WANT to avoid, adn the ONLY way to avoid them is by being a 'good' slave.
back-chatting, brattyness and general 'princess/barbie syndrome' are residual habits from a life you had outside of this lifestyle. you cannot always 'cast it off' butyou sure as hell can adjust them to fit your role as slave better.
these are by no means hard and fast rules, they are truly just thoughts and ideas, based on this girl's experiences.
the Main thing to take from this is
Communication is KEY
Punishment should not be pleasurable!
she wish the best! We are all vanilla to some degree - for society will keep a foothold in our lives. We are all Dom/mes or slave/sub on some level, as there is ALWAYS someone weaker or stronger than you...
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Is it possible that too much is happening at once? Just things to think about and discuss with your Owner, if you feel it is too much at one time. 
