7 Mar 10, 11:01 PM
Kay_kay
US(NY), 3 yrs |
One thing that hit me about this thread is that it seems that there are several answers from people who admit they have no experience with poly and only one response from a person who has experience with it. i find this odd as i know that there are several people on this site who are actively poly and who give excellent advice on the situation and dynamice.
That comment aside.
i was in a poly situation for quite awhile and it was a very bad poly situation because of several factors. One of the biggest factors was the lack of understanding the roles. Let me explain, i was told i was the main pet, the only pet. Then i had a woman pretty much forced on me that obviously wanted my Master's collar and who my Master wanted to collar but didn't due to His promise to me that He would not collar another that i wasn't comfortable with. This made me feel like crap. Then i was told i was important but he took a girlfriend who suddenly got all of his attention and presence. i was told she did not mind me but that made me feel bad because what about my place, a place i had earned by staying with him through three bad previous breakups and flare-ups of his mental problems. my question was why should she mind me, i was already present but she had no boundries put on her by him and so she put boundries on me and pretty much took him away from me for quite awhile.
This is why people need to advertise for exactly what they want whether a beta slave or not. In a poly relationship, for it to work, positions and priorities have to be defined to allow everyone to feel secure and to prevent misunderstandings. The other girls my previous Master introduced into the relationship had no udnertstanding of my role and had no understanding of their role and boundries because my previous Master did not define these roles. So they acted like regular girl friends with little understanding of D/s and shoved me to the side expecting it not to matter to me. So, if you have an alpha slave that you intend to maintain as an alpha, you need to define this, otherwise, you get what i got, pushed to the side, confused, hurt, messed up emotionally to the point that when i finally did express my confusion fully i was so angry i hurt myself physically.
Besides, contrary to what some of you may think, being a beta slave is not a bad thing. For one thing, you have two people to teach you how to please the Master/Mistress and the right way to do things. you have someone of your own mindset to help explain things and to share concerns with. you have less responsibility because, for example, if the house is not cleaned to the Master/Mistress's standards, that will be more blamed on the alpha than the beta as the alpha has the responsibility of overseeing it and making sure that everything is up to previously maintained standards. Besides, beta does not automatically mean you will be loved any less just as being a pet instead of a slave does not affect how much love a Master/Mistress gives you. It is simply helping to define a role and expectaions in order to avoid the pitfalls of miscommunication and misunderstandings that can destroy a good poly relationship. |
