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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "dealing with loss of IE..." dealing with loss of IE... (5) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Sat 30 Jan 10, 9:20 PM slaveofMark US(TN), 4 yrs i am not sure if this is where it belongs or if i should put it on the ownership boards, oh well. Here it goes. Over the last 8 months, the relationship and control my Owners had over me disintegrated. First i had to remove myself from Their home due to the way the two of them had degraded in their personal relationship. (They say that things are much better now and from what i saw it was.) The consequence of Them not keeping Themselves where they needed to be resulted in neglect of me. (it became extreme, i will not go into details as i still respect Them.) None of this is disputed by any of us. (yes, i realize my typing is back and forth as i struggle to once again find my place in this world as an un owned individual.) It was planned all along for our family to be put back together as it once had been with me happily serving and them gladly owning, both sides dealing with the positives and negatives that this style of relationship entails.... However, after the initial physical separation, a short visit followed, which went well. Additional communication was to follow and i was to go back home. Several times i said no out of fear that things had not changed enough. Eventually i did go back with such love and desire it is hard to describe. i truly felt that i would never leave again and They would never give me cause to leave again. It was even understood among all of us that i had not left originally for any other reason than to leave a chance for things to be fixed, instead of everything becoming completely lost. When i finally arrived back home, with Sir and Ma'am, i cried for joy and couldn't get enough. It was only a couple of days before i realized that something had changed inside of me and i couldn't live the life i had promised Them. i could not get over the past and had fear of my own failure, my hurting them. i felt such guilt and pain. i asked to be sent away. They did after sitting me down and making sure that i was sure of my decision. Here is my real question to all of you in this community... How i get past Them? How do i learn to live without Them? i have a girlfriend who was with me for part of the last year i was with them. she is supportive and tries to be understanding. It just seems like nothing will fill the emptyness that is left by my cutting them completely out of my life. Sir even asked me if it was another family that i wanted and that He would help me find it if so, He has always had my best interest at heart and i cry and become nausious daily over this. i responded that no, it was not someone else that i wanted to live this life with but Them and i did not feel that i could do it and i could not bear to cause them anymore pain. If anyone has any advice... i look forward to hearing it. Thank you to all..... s s 30 Jan 10, 11:34 PM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings s s..... I think you put it on the right board. I also believe that I recognize what is going on inside of you. For whatever reasons and they are really not important at the moment, your owner's situation caused them to stop reinforcing your slavery, your enslavement. There may have been some other good reasons for you leaving them as well. Once you were out of their control and reinforcement, your enslavement dropped rapidly. This is normal. Given what we do and how we do it, the reinforcement needs to keep being there or there is nothing holding either party. Marriages work the same way. People have to reinforce the reasons they are together or they end up going their own ways. In a marriage it is done by both parties. In an Owner/slave relationship most of the reinforcement is done by the owner. Yes, there is self-reinforcement by the slave but it can only carry things so far; eventually the enslavement will fail. That was the first part. Now the second part. You are having problems going back because of several reasons. I think the biggest one is fear. Fear of it happening again. Fear of being left on your own again without that controlling and it sounds like loving presence there. You are also afraid that you will never find someone else who can enslave you and then not eventually fail to reinforce. In other words, fear of a repeat situation. I don't know what didn't happen when you went back but there was either something missing, probably from their side that you were looking for and didn't find or there was no re-enslavement from their side because all of you were thinking you could just step back into where you were. Depending on your time away and the amount of drop in enslavement, that trick seldom works. The third part is what do you do now? Good question. If you can answer the following questions, you may have the answer you are looking for. What is more important for the rest of your life; being a slave or living a regular life without slavery? Is being a slave more important to you than whom you are a slave to? Have you had previous owners and if so how many? If you have had more than one, how long were the gaps between being owned? What techniques did your last owners use that you feel made you a slave? What things did they do that made you respond the strongest as a slave? What of those last two questions did they not do when you returned to them? I could go on but these questions and their answers should give you some direction for what you should do now. You do not have to answer them publicly but give them your best and most honest answers. Be well...... Malkinius 31 Jan 10, 2:03 AM slaveofMark US(TN), 4 yrs Malkinius wrote: Greetings s s..... I think you put it on the right board. I also believe that I recognize what is going on inside of you. For whatever reasons and they are really not important at the moment, your owner's situation caused them to stop reinforcing your slavery, your enslavement. There may have been some other good reasons for you leaving them as well. Once you were out of their control and reinforcement, your enslavement dropped rapidly. This is normal. Given what we do and how we do it, the reinforcement needs to keep being there or there is nothing holding either party. Marriages work the same way. People have to reinforce the reasons they are together or they end up going their own ways. In a marriage it is done by both parties. In an Owner/slave relationship most of the reinforcement is done by the owner. Yes, there is self-reinforcement by the slave but it can only carry things so far; eventually the enslavement will fail. That was the first part. Now the second part. You are having problems going back because of several reasons. I think the biggest one is fear. Fear of it happening again. Fear of being left on your own again without that controlling and it sounds like loving presence there. You are also afraid that you will never find someone else who can enslave you and then not eventually fail to reinforce. In other words, fear of a repeat situation. I don't know what didn't happen when you went back but there was either something missing, probably from their side that you were looking for and didn't find or there was no re-enslavement from their side because all of you were thinking you could just step back into where you were. Depending on your time away and the amount of drop in enslavement, that trick seldom works. The third part is what do you do now? Good question. If you can answer the following questions, you may have the answer you are looking for. What is more important for the rest of your life; being a slave or living a regular life without slavery? *i don't know........ i believe being a slave... but fear of myself causing problems shows that i have a great deal of insecurity. Is being a slave more important to you than whom you are a slave to? *yes, so long as i am able to be secure in my spot so to speak. i used to think it was only about serving Him and Her, but lately, i wonder. But then i stop out of fear of disrespecting Them. Have you had previous owners and if so how many? If you have had more than one, how long were the gaps between being owned? *No, i was unaware of this relationship style until i met Him. They taught me and allowed me to research it on my own. What techniques did your last owners use that you feel made you a slave? *Took control of everything would be the simple answer. Sometimes with corporal punishment, mainly by just showing me that He was stronger than me in everyway, physical, emotional, social, etc. What things did they do that made you respond the strongest as a slave? *Put restrictions on me, did not just take what i said at face value. But pushed me and then stopped before i actually broke. What of those last two questions did they not do when you returned to them? *allowed me too much freedom of choice. i need to know that They can survive without me but not me without Them. I could go on but these questions and their answers should give you some direction for what you should do now. You do not have to answer them publicly but give them your best and most honest answers. Be well...... Malkinius Thank You Malkinius.... i could have answered them each more indepth, but it has given me much food for thought. Now to ponder and try to put it to use. just me.... ~ s s still feeling quite lost without Them... 31 Jan 10, 6:47 AM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings..... I am glad they helped and that I could see your answers. I know very well that those questions can be answered in much greater depth. If I can be of more help, just ask. Be well... Malkinius 31 Jan 10, 4:51 PM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs i just wanted to say i'm sorry you are going through this. i really have no experience with this type of situation, except that, i too felt after a break up that i was unworthy and that i wouldn't have the same feelings for another Master. Of course, i was very wrong, i just needed a little time and guidance. Also, i had a friend who was a Master who helped me. He was someone to guide me when i was overwhelmed (not sexually). Far from 24/7, but at least i wasn't alone. 898-443-818 13 Apr 10, 3:03 PM kittentakara 6 yrs Malkinius wrote: Greetings s s..... I think you put it on the right board. I also believe that I recognize what is going on inside of you. For whatever reasons and they are really not important at the moment, your owner's situation caused them to stop reinforcing your slavery, your enslavement. There may have been some other good reasons for you leaving them as well. Once you were out of their control and reinforcement, your enslavement dropped rapidly. This is normal. Given what we do and how we do it, the reinforcement needs to keep being there or there is nothing holding either party. Marriages work the same way. People have to reinforce the reasons they are together or they end up going their own ways. In a marriage it is done by both parties. In an Owner/slave relationship most of the reinforcement is done by the owner. Yes, there is self-reinforcement by the slave but it can only carry things so far; eventually the enslavement will fail. That was the first part. Now the second part. You are having problems going back because of several reasons. I think the biggest one is fear. Fear of it happening again. Fear of being left on your own again without that controlling and it sounds like loving presence there. You are also afraid that you will never find someone else who can enslave you and then not eventually fail to reinforce. In other words, fear of a repeat situation. I don't know what didn't happen when you went back but there was either something missing, probably from their side that you were looking for and didn't find or there was no re-enslavement from their side because all of you were thinking you could just step back into where you were. Depending on your time away and the amount of drop in enslavement, that trick seldom works. The third part is what do you do now? Good question. If you can answer the following questions, you may have the answer you are looking for. What is more important for the rest of your life; being a slave or living a regular life without slavery? Is being a slave more important to you than whom you are a slave to? Have you had previous owners and if so how many? If you have had more than one, how long were the gaps between being owned? What techniques did your last owners use that you feel made you a slave? What things did they do that made you respond the strongest as a slave? What of those last two questions did they not do when you returned to them? I could go on but these questions and their answers should give you some direction for what you should do now. You do not have to answer them publicly but give them your best and most honest answers. Be well...... Malkinius I agree totaly with whats been said here. I also would say thing thats going to be your greatest ally in all of this is Time. it will get easyer. it does sounds like the trust has been lost in relationship and thats very hard thing to get back once's it lost. sorry your going through this.