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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "sub needs help in giving suggestions to Master" 1 2 sub needs help in giving suggestions to Master (18) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Tue 19 Jan 10, 10:28 PM 180-815-354 US(IN), 2 yrs Y! i have been with my Master for 7 months now and it has been in different forms. When W/we first started, it was all Master/sub because His kids were on vacation. When his kids returned, it went into only at night. It then changed to at night full on and during the day simple things like getting permission to eat, use the bathroom, get up etc. Then i had gallbladder surgery and all play stopped because i was unable to tolerate any sort of pain or anything. After that, He stated He liked being able to play around with me and joke with me but still have me as a sub. He thinks the only way He can do that is have me as a sub in the bedroom. i'm trying to get Him to see the little things like giving me permission to eat, go to the bathroom etc remind me of my place and keep U/us in that relationship outside of the bedroom. my question is, what types of things can W/we do in vanilla life that W/we would know that they meant but it's not blatantly obvious to others? i can't think of anything and all i am coming up with is Him picking out my clothes. i hope this makes sense because i really need some suggestions! Please and thank you!! 19 Jan 10, 11:16 PM francesca 2 yrs let Him order for you at a restaurant. get His food/drink for Him when entertaining guests or at a friends. stand just slightly behind Him. hope that helps. 19 Jan 10, 11:54 PM 898-443-818 US, 4 yrs In my humble opinion from reading your post, it seems as if perhaps He feels He must take His role of Master completely die-hard serious 24/7. And while most of us who live 24/7 know when to shut up, most of us also probably joke around with their Master's too. Master and i joke all the time. We laugh much more often then He has to "sternly" tell me something. i actually think 24/7 is nice because we know our place and that frees us up from all those vanilla power struggles and we can basically, have a lot of fun i have things i need to ask permission for, i was going to write them all down, but i realize it is basically everything. To go to the bathroom (somewhat flexible), to stop anywhere/go anywhere besides what He already knows about; to spend money; to have any cash on my person at anytime; to touch any of my fun parts; to cum; to get into bed at night.... just throwing some of those out there to give you some ideas. If you are worried about vanilla's or kids being around, i usually call Daddy and ask Him in more of a conversational way "i was just going to stop because i need some gas, and to go pee, so i thought i'd call" kind of thing. He understands if i am around others that that is all i can do. i have found the better i am at asking, the more in control He feels, and the more He expects from me & the more He does control me, so it is a bit of a cycle that feeds off each other. Just some food for thought 898-443-818 20 Jan 10, 12:26 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs Are the two of you in agreement on the type of dynamic you want? D/s,M/s,24/7, bedroom? The way I read your post, it sounds like you both may have different ideas on what you may want. A discussion on this subject may clarify both of your thoughts. If you want/need to be constantly reminded of your place and want to have more outside the bedroom, it sounds like you may be interested in 24/7 D/s or M/s. There are things you can do in your everyday life to keep this alive, but remember, everyday life is everyday life and usually feels somewhat the same, regardless of your dynamic. Hope that makes sense. It is possible that your Master may not want to micromanage you or may not have the time when it comes to things like permission to go to the bathroom etc. Of course, that is his choice. You could try texting the requests and waiting for an answer. Maybe he could give you set days for no bra or panties, a way he wants you to groom, a set bedtime, needing permission to buy something, doing everything he asks of you. That is all part of it even if it seems mundane at times. Let him lead and you follow even if you don't always feel like it or agree with a decision. You could try other things, like asking in the morning what to prepare for supper or having him give you a schedule or tasks/chores to do with time limits. Serve his meal first, get his slippers, drinks, snacks. Any kink involved is a plus or a bonus but not something you would want out of a private place if there are children around. Of course, if it deals with things under your clothes, (nipple clamps, bullets, remote vibes etc.) no one but the two of you would know anyways. All the best to both of you. Good luck 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away 20 Jan 10, 12:29 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs 898-443-818 wrote: And while most of us who live 24/7 know when to shut up, most of us also probably joke around with their Master's too. Master and i joke all the time. We laugh much more often then He has to "sternly" tell me something. i actually think 24/7 is nice because we know our place and that frees us up from all those vanilla power struggles and we can basically, have a lot of fun Oh, this too!!! 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away 20 Jan 10, 12:44 AM pinklucy UK, 3 yrs My first thought is to listen to what your Master is saying to you. He is saying that being able to have fun and joke around with you is more important than his desire to control you day to day. I think it's important though to find out whether this is because he thinks he has to choose between the two or because he actually isn't interested enough in controlling you day to day. I know it is hard work for a Dominant to remember and deal with little details in day to day life and perhaps that just isn't appealing to him? I have found that it usually pays with Dominant folk to always approach it from the perspective of striving to give them exactly what they want. Perhaps reassure him that you love the time you spend together having fun and joking around too. Perhaps make an extra effort to ensure you are spending that kind of time together. Be playful and lighthearted, laugh when he's funny, have fun! Take the pressure off him to constantly manage you in a Dominant way. Perhaps when he is feeling more reassured you could present the option of him being able to have your active submission day to day *as well* as the happy-go-lucky you he obviously loves to have around. I'm sure you could find ways to show him this by being extra mindful to do things the way you know he enjoys and make it clear that you are doing that because you are driven by submission. You could then explain that for you to maintain those submissive feelings you would find it very helpful if he would control you in direct ways and see how he responds. I understand that you feel the need for his control in an obvious way. I found it very difficult to submit without feeling the security of specific rules that were carefully enforced. However, it seems that at the moment you need to help your Master be in a place where doing that feels worthwhile to him. I had a lot of rules, but the majority of our time was spent behaving like pretty regular people - chatting, looking after the kids, cooking dinners etc. There was a lot of playfulness in our dynamic too. It certainly isn't a choice between one or the other. Hope you both find a solution that makes you happy. 26 Jan 10, 4:39 AM TheLegend UK, 2 yrs 180-815-354 wrote: sub needs help in giving suggestions to Master i have been with my Master for 7 months now and it has been in different forms. When W/we first started, it was all Master/sub because His kids were on vacation. When his kids returned, it went into only at night. It then changed to at night full on and during the day simple things like getting permission to eat, use the bathroom, get up etc. Then i had gallbladder surgery and all play stopped because i was unable to tolerate any sort of pain or anything. After that, He stated He liked being able to play around with me and joke with me but still have me as a sub. He thinks the only way He can do that is have me as a sub in the bedroom. i'm trying to get Him to see the little things like giving me permission to eat, go to the bathroom etc remind me of my place and keep U/us in that relationship outside of the bedroom. my question is, what types of things can W/we do in vanilla life that W/we would know that they meant but it's not blatantly obvious to others? i can't think of anything and all i am coming up with is Him picking out my clothes. i hope this makes sense because i really need some suggestions! Please and thank you!! I think your master should be making this thread. :facepalm: 26 Jan 10, 4:56 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs TheLegend wrote: I think your master should be making this thread. :facepalm: Maybe her Master has asked 180 to make this posting to get suggestions. I think you shouldn't make such assumptions...... 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away 28 Jan 10, 3:00 AM fireflies US(TX), 4 yrs These are some of the things i do when we are out and about in 'nilla situations... EVERY day i send my Master an e-mail from work (from my personal non-company e-mail account) asking if i may go to the bathroom. i am allowed to go, i just need to ask Him for permission before i go. He enjoys the e-mails and it reminds me of Him EVERY time i type Him a message that i need to go . No one knows that i did it and it also makes HIm think of me!!! Plus, He sometimes writes back and commands me to be wearing a certain outfit or tells me what he plans to do to/with me when He gets home, which makes me wet the rest of the day in anticipation!!! When at a bar, i ALWAYS squeeze the lime in his drink when it is served. Anyone with us, not in the know that He owns me, thinks i am just so nice to do that for Him, even though i am commanded to do it automatically and punished later if i ever forget! i always serve His meals first even with our children present and get up to get extra soda when His glass is getting low in liquid. i cater to His needs at meal time and to friends and family, I am just being a good wife! Finally as has already been mentioned, when we are in a restaurant, i let my Master know what i want and He orders it for me. Sometimes, He will decided what i am going to eat that evening and orders it for me. i am my Master's tattooed and pierced slave. i am His, He owns ALL of me, i do everything i can everyday to please Him. 28 Jan 10, 4:13 AM TheLegend UK, 2 yrs 333-528-841 wrote: TheLegend wrote: I think your master should be making this thread. :facepalm: Maybe her Master has asked 180 to make this posting to get suggestions. I think you shouldn't make such assumptions...... You may be right... Funny how I "shouldn't make assumptions" but you can; "maybe her master has asked 180 make this posting"... isn't that a assumption?. Look 333, I have no clue why you are hostile towards me, but I ask that you stop. I am NOT looking for trouble here, so please stop seeking for trouble. I have contributed to the thread. I made a suggestion didn't I? 28 Jan 10, 2:19 PM jakesemma US(WA), 4 yrs Y! TheLegend wrote: 333-528-841 wrote: TheLegend wrote: I think your master should be making this thread. :facepalm: Maybe her Master has asked 180 to make this posting to get suggestions. I think you shouldn't make such assumptions...... You may be right... Funny how I "shouldn't make assumptions" but you can; "maybe her master has asked 180 make this posting"... isn't that a assumption?. Look 333, I have no clue why you are hostile towards me, but I ask that you stop. I am NOT looking for trouble here, so please stop seeking for trouble. I have contributed to the thread. I made a suggestion didn't I? Actually, I have to agree with 333 as you call her. What you posted actually wasn't helpful to the thread, or on topic. (not that this post is entirely on topic either.) So, the on topic part of my post. You need to sit down and communicate with him. Figure out what you both what in a relationship so you can make sure your not only on the same page, but have the same goals and destination in mind. (its a constantly evolving journey, but you can strive for the goals together.) If you can see where your miscommunication is about your relationship, thats the part to hammer out. So, if he doesn't know how to express parts of his dominance towards you in ways that make him feel comfortable, or how to do it with out being kinky, thats a good starting point... but before you assume thats what it is, due to vanilla, child, outside stuff etc, make sure its not just because you guys have a different idea on what the big picture is and where he thought it would be going. I think its completely possible that maybe you guys have a different idea on what you want when it comes to a relationship or D/s or M/s... Its common for couples to have to hammer this out, so your not a lone. Warm regards, emma Next page