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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Conflicting emotions as an x-partner/x-submissive" Conflicting emotions as an x-partner/x-submissive (9) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 3 Jan 10, 9:05 PM pinklucy UK, 3 yrs Sadly my D/s relationship of over 2 years has recently ended. I was a submissive, not a slave and therefore free to leave if I chose and it was primarily my decision to end the relationship. I do not wish to go into details except to say that I simply felt we were not happy enough too much of the time for varied reasons beyond anyone's control. I feel no blame or animosity towards my ex partner and Mistress and still think she is a wonderful person and certainly the most amazing Mistress I could have wished for. I hope we will be friends when the wounds have healed. At the moment though I feel like I have a split personality. My submissive side had become fully integrated into who I was as a person, but during this break up I have sectioned off my submissive side and (unintentionally) shut down all my emotions in order to make a difficult decision which I feel is for the best in the end. Now that some emotions are beginning to resurface I find I have a very angry and hurt submissive on my hands. The decision to break up has not come from my submissive side and it seems her devotion to her Mistress cares little for my sensibly thought out decisions based on the realities of day to day life. I feel as if I won't ever be able to submit to anyone else because although I have ended the relationship my submissive side is unhappy about it. Unhappy is an understatement! Over all though I still feel I've made the right choice. Has anyone been in this situation? Is it just a matter of time, or can submission remain loyal despite your own decision to leave? It feels very confusing. We do have plans to finalise the D/s aspects more clearly by removing the symbols I am still wearing. Perhaps that will help but at the moment I just feel like I don't want it to happen even though I know I have chosen this myself. 3 Jan 10, 10:55 PM 571-532-532 UK, 3 yrs hi amatae (hope ive spelt that right) i was a slave in an Ms relationship that split - actually i asked for release and it was given. this was months ago and i still feel owned by Him. i still cant move on submissively. the rest of my life putters along as usual, but i cant muster up any real enthusiasm to seek another Master. this, by the way, is really unlike me. i never ever look back, i have never been this affected by a relationship. i am in the same situation as you, in that W/we are planning to meet up to talk things out. part of me wants to see Him and be with Him because i know it will probably go back to Ms and i miss Him and our relationship. my sensible head tells me i should refuse to meet Him and carry on as i am. part of me knows i asked for release for the right reasons, but those reasons are no longer an issue between us. its all water under the bridge, though it was turbulent and awful at the time, months have passed but my love for Him hasnt and He has kept in touch with me all of this time too. so, what do we do - i dont have an answer for you, im in the same muddle youre in (would put a smiley here if i knew how) 4 Jan 10, 2:35 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs I am very sorry to hear about your split amatae. It is never easy ending a relationship, especially when the two of you had gone through so much together in the past couple of years. Hopefully, your submissive within will start to feel stronger in your resolve once you have been able to take some time to come to terms on why your rational? side felt this was the best thing for you. Sometimes we hurt even though we know we have done the right thing. All the best to you. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away 4 Jan 10, 8:16 AM kutsuuaijin 2 yrs I'm sorry to hear of your break up. I recently went through something similar only it was his decision instead of mine that ended things. We are still friends and have no hard feelings, but the consensus that I and others who have gone through similar things is that the feelings never actually go away. I still love him very much and will continue to do so. I still feel the urge to submit to him. I have been trying to force myself to search for a new Master but get emotional when one does try to dominate me. It has gotten better. It will get better for you. I know I quickly grew to hate the saying but it does just take time. The love and feelings of submission will never go away completely but you will be able to move on. 4 Jan 10, 8:38 AM mamabear NL, 2 yrs I can understand this a little. Even though my situation was different(see profile), I had conflicting emotions regarding my Mistress's death. I was angry, hurt, and at the same time very loyal and, of course, mourning. I was almost afraid to have feelings for a new Master (even though She chose Him) because of the loyalty. But as strange as it may sound...it was the loyalty that gave me the push to move on...I didn't want to disappoint Her, She wanted me to move on. I would even venture to say that that loyalty is what originally made me so attractive to my new Master. Best wishes. 4 Jan 10, 3:49 PM pinklucy UK, 3 yrs Thank you to everyone for your replies. I knew I wouldn't be the only person to have felt these conflicting emotions and it is helpful to hear your experiences. mamabear, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mistress, but pleased that your journey has taken you to a positive place in the end. Submission certainly adds a dimension to a break up. A friend has helped me realise that these feelings are not separate to myself, they are just part of my range of feelings about this situation. When I look at this from a submissive perspective then of course I don't want this to happen. This break up has caused my Mistress so much pain which I regret on every level, but as a submissive I feel particularly strongly. We talked about forever and took it seriously and tried so hard to pursue that dream. My submissive side in particular wanted this to work, because we came together as a D/s couple. So it's the submissive aspects which are going to find it the hardest to let go. Thanks again everyone for your words of support. 5 Jan 10, 6:07 AM slave_monika39 US(CO), 2 yrs i am so sorry to hear about this pain You are enduring. This is the part of this type of relationship that scares the hell out of me. Of course there are understanding people to help you through this online...but i would like to suggest that you ask around your area and BDSM friends to see if there is professional assistance available should you need it. i know there are BDSM friendly practitioners, it might be hard to find them, but they are around. You should have some alternative handy...in fact...i sould do this for myself in case i ever need it, as well. Blessings to you friend. May your saddness be brief. slave monika slave_monika39 5 Jan 10, 7:03 AM His_little_one 3 yrs I'm so glad you posted on this subject. My master broke up with me for another woman who lives in the vanilla world. It wasn't 3 weeks later that we were back together because in spite of how messed up the situation was we both need to be in that kind of relationship. I feel bad about it sometimes. Its even effecting my ability to submit to him. It hurts because I'm upset at him but I keep trying to bury those emotions so we can get back on track. Ugh! Its not a good situation. I'm the first girl hes ever owned and hes my first master so its tough for us to not be together. Edited 5 Jan 10, 7:06 AM by His_little_one 6 Jan 10, 12:12 AM pinklucy UK, 3 yrs Hi slave monika, I am lucky in that one of the first things my now ex-Mistress did for me when our D/s relationship became more serious was to ensure i had a mentor to go to in times of difficulty. My mentor is also a good friend and she is being very supportive. I'm also lucky enough to already know and have experience with a BDSM friendly counsellor/therapist who works in my area, so should I feel the need I could also seek professional help. His little one, I can imagine the pull that brought you back together. I can feel such a strong submissive pull towards this relationship, but to be honest, I know that in choosing to end it I have damaged it beyond repair, so I do not believe there is any realistic chance we could try again even if we did feel that way inclined. I also know that I still agree with all my own reasons for deciding it needed to end as well, but they all feel less important when viewed through the lens of submission. Edited 6 Jan 10, 12:16 AM by pinklucy 7 Jan 10, 10:26 PM nequam AU, 6 yrs Hello amatae and everyone else, i had this with my first Dom, he was training me and because of his living situation, couldn't be there for me 100% and would even cancel 'dates' without prior notice. i'd only find out by checking my email after the time he was supposed to pick me up to find a message saying he couldn't make it. This relationship was an emotional rollercoaster for both of us. After 2 months, i ended it because it was damaging my emotional health. i did try finding others and went back to him for a short while, but finally pulled away for good. That was 10 years ago and even today, when i pass a certain street that shares the same name as his surname, i am reminded of him. For me it doesn't bring up any good associations, i'm glad i was his submissive for all that he taught me, but the emotional struggle was too much. You will move on and you will find another to submit to. It's the nature of life that all things change. This won't necessarily happen tomorrow but when you are ready it will. When submission is so much a part of you, after a while of neglecting it, it will come up again. i found mine coming out in not so great ways, like wanting to please really inappropriate people. i have now been with a Master for 5 years and couldn't be happier. Finally, i get to integrate my submissive/slave self with my 'nilla for the villagers' self. It will happen for you as well. Just give it time. Allow the submissive self within to grieve, after all she had finally gotten a chance to live and now it's been taken away from her. owned property of Sir Trisk