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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Deterioration of IE" 1 2 Deterioration of IE (12) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Mon 14 Dec 09, 10:54 AM 520-621-669 US(NC), 4 yrs Y! I have been away from these boards for awhile. I popped in tonight as I am at work and bored, but stressing badly. I feel so lost and confused. Master, whether intenionally at first or not, was working toward IE. The more we learned about it the more we realized that was what was taking place. I was a loyal and devoted slave and Master was always my first thought no matter what the task at hand. I was completely under his control even if not physically in his presence. It is very hard to describe. The hold on my was stronger than any chain and believe me my devotion has been tested. We were nearly torn apart October last. Master's hold was to strong. Even though I was offered my freedom, I could not leave Master. Even though painful, I felt that as a slave I must stay. When I gave myself to Master years ago, there were no conditions placed on my offer. It was my duty. Nothing has been the same since. I do not mean because of that incident, but it seems in the year and months that has followed we have drifted more and more apart. Up until recently I was able to carry on and maintain my place at Master's feet. But with less and less attention and guidance it is becoming very difficult. Tonight I began to question am I even still a slave. I am....but this is what led me back here. Does IE begin to deteriorate and wither and fade if the Master fails to maintain the bonds that hold the slave at his side? Am I expected to maintain my own training????????? I have tried this but the longer it goes on the less I am able. Master never touches me anymore. He looks at me sometimes as if I am a disease or he is disgusted with me. (I think this is partly my imagination because of how I am feeling about myself.) I am loosing all confidence. Master worked very hard to "catch" me and in my initial training. I tend to be very negative and depressing and have many demons in my past. Master has worked hard to help me move on and deal with these issues. Is it all to be thrown away? When with Master I am usually happy and smiling. I feel content and safe at his feet. When apart Master never calls me anymore. He used to call often to give me direction or extra tasks. I could call him if I needed permission to do something or purchase something. He would text me and always acknowledge my texts. When traveling he would call me and talk for hours. If away he would talk to me over the computer for hours. That slowly faded and is now non existant. These days Master doesnt even tell me he is leaving until he is walking out the door. I used to spend time kneeling or curled at Master's feet while he worked in the office. Now he says he cant get any work done with me there and I must go out. I know he is very, very busy!!! But it is taking it toll...and to be so busy for so many months. He used to say he was sorry for neglecting me. He will not let me wait on him any more or help him. I get no more task or assignments. I try to follow my rules and requirements that were set long ago, but I am begining to find it difficult. What is worse, not only an I putting up walls and defenses.....I am becoming hostile and defiant! I never would have snapped at Master or raised my voice!!! It would NEVER have crossed my mind to disobey! Now I find myself thinking "What does it matter"? I would never have been disobedient when Master was away or not with me. Even if Master did not know, I would know, and that is unacceptable to me. If I did make a mistake I would always confess to Master. What am I to do???? Am I being abandoned??? That is how it feels....even in his presence I feel alone. I feel he is training me to be sarcastic and disobedient. There is no positive renforcement. Hell, no punishment either. I am no longer needed in service and I feel unwanted and worthless. I have tried to talk to Master but he is so busy. He gives me a minute here and there but it is for "Hurry up, what is it you need now?" I am afraid to try to talk to him. Is there anything that I can do??? Is there any hope? Over time does IE fade or was I not thoroughly enslaved and therefore failed as a slave to my Master?? More importantly, as a slave what am I expected to do???? a very discouraged hizslave (sorry for the length, I needed to vent somehow). "i am Master's property. i am owned by Him. my purpose is to bring my Master pleasure and do as he commands. my master protects His property and insures His slave's needs are met. my every action and thought are focused on my Master and His pleasure or desire. yes Master, thank You Master." 14 Dec 09, 1:00 PM masterfiremaam US(WV), 5 yrs 520-621-669 wrote: Deterioration of IE Tonight I began to question am I even still a slave. This statement points to Our biggest beef with the idea of IE (which also reflects Our feelings about any relationship we're in "for life"). When We hear this and it is supported by feelings such as yours, Our first response is, "Maybe it's not that you're not a slave, but that you are no longer meant to be HIS (or HER) slave. Some relationships are simply not meant to last for a lifetime... in fact, We believe that most are not. This doesn't mean that we give up relationships quickly, just because they get hard, but that we are able to make an honest and objective as possible assessment of our current situations and decide if it is healthier to leave. Our mom shared some very good advice near the end of Our first marriage. She said, "Ask yourself two questions: 1) Would you miss him (or her) if he (or she) were gone? 2) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer to either is no, you might consider ending it." Because We feel that there is a sense of destiny to our relationships and who we serve or receive service from, We feel the above assessment is of particular importance. We hope that, no matter what steps you do or don't take, that your situation improves. Master Fire **The power of who we are can be intoxicating.** **The power of who we could be is humbling.** **Yet, we are assured we are exactly as we should be.** 14 Dec 09, 6:51 PM 650-736-585 GR, 2 yrs Greetings, If I may say so, I would say that Mistress masterfiremaam said things wisely. I think, that just like marriage, some M/s relations also have a time-span which ends at some point. Maybe, that's the case. As I see it, there are two main possibilities: 1) You Master has lost interest in the M/s lifestyle, either "just because...", or either "'cause of the heavy work load" you mentioned. Maybe, managing his heavy work-load exhausts him so much, that when he comes back home, he feels so tired and gets pissed knowing he has to "manage" and order around a slave. Maybe, he thinks that his slave should be on some level of automatic functioning, without needing guidance all the time. Though, from what you say, the "gap" goes also in your emotional life. 2) You Master has simply stopped having feelings towards you. YES! This hurts, but, alas, it happens... If I may say, I think in BOTH cases, you need to have a SERIOUS discussion. And I mean: face to face, with open hearts. It can be as partners, or Master and slave -it doesn't matter. Ask him to find time; FREE time! Ask him to drop all M/s formalities and ask him serious questions as those I've mentioned above:. Is he bored of the M/s style of life; is he tired; does he need a break; ... is he tired with you?... Hard questions, and serious talking is needed. If he's not ready, ask him to sleep on it. Ask him to think seriously, of what -he- thinks is the problem. You do the same, and set a new appointment in the near future to discuss. When the problem emerges, and you both think it's too big to deal with it at that time, again, take some time for both to sleep on it. Then, finally, have a serious talk. If it helps, arrange it in some other place out of home, where no work-load will distract him. Talk, communicate, think. If you see that there's a serious hope for a new start, set rules, and go ahead. If not... Well... As Barbara sings: "I've got a feeling... the feeling's gone... My heard belongs to me..." Embrace the change and hope for a new beginning. It's better to make a new start, before things go too wrong and you end up hatting each-other... My wishes for the best. *Hugs and kisses" • I humbly ask for your tolerance and forgiveness to my ignorance. Edited 15 Dec 09, 12:34 PM by 650-736-585 15 Dec 09, 2:52 AM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs I can't think of anything else to add to the last two posts. I am very sorry you are going through this difficult time. Whatever you decide to do, please ensure it is is in your best interest and that you look after yourself. All the best to you. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away 15 Dec 09, 11:50 AM slave_sarah56 UK, 3 yrs I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation, I can only imagine what you are feeling. Talk with him, I do not see any other way around this other than to face the problem head on. This is a painful time for you, and mythoughts are with you. Owned by Master Andrew (probably edited for typing errors) 20 Dec 09, 1:52 PM 520-621-669 US(NC), 4 yrs Y! Thank you everyone for your support and kind remarks. I wanted to post an update. The morning after I posted, I went to Master and asked to speak to him. He granted my request, but also stopped working and pushed his chair away from the desk and gave me his full attention. It was a very brief talk but I felt Master heard and understood me. He said we would continue it at a later time. He wanted to have time to think about my questions and concerns. He even gave me a couple of assignments! Afterward he gave me a long hug and sent me to bed (as I was just getting off night shift). I am grateful to Master for listening. He was not angry at my questions and was very thoughtful in his answers. Later in the week, he not only gave me another wonderful hug but even petted me before sending me off to work. Respectful, honest communication has great benefits. Communication is difficult for me and opening up to Master has always been a challenge for me. This is something that Master worked very hard to overcome in the beginning. It is still a work in progress and I have my good and bad days. Master does allow me to write freely in a journal and sometimes that does help. I must put more effort in doing my part to keep these lines of communication open. I may have given the wrong impression in my previous post that I need constant direction and hand holding. I do not need to be directed in every aspect (although occasionally Master chooses to do so, as is his right). I do need to FEEL that he is "on the other end of the leash". I need to feel that he is in control. Although I have made great progress over the years, I still have a great deal of insecurities. I believe that when I am stressed they become more pronounced. (Humm, something to discuss with Master). I believe that some of my concerns may be due to the "newness" of the relationship wearing off over the years. We have become very comfortable and routine and possibly Master does not feel the need to continue testing me? I mean testing my obedience and loyalty. I would also like to apologize for the spelling and grammar errors in my previous post. a very happy hizslave "i am Master's property. i am owned by Him. my purpose is to bring my Master pleasure and do as he commands. my master protects His property and insures His slave's needs are met. my every action and thought are focused on my Master and His pleasure or desire. yes Master, thank You Master." 20 Dec 09, 5:21 PM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs I am very glad to hear that things are working out for the two of you. Sometimes, routine can settle into life and put us in a funk. I think that is part of life. It is good that you talked to your Master about your concerns. As you said, good communication is important, even if used just to remind each other of needs or insecurities. Have a very Happy Christmas and all the best to you in the New Year. 333-528-841 Life shouldn't be measured by the breaths you take; but by the moments that take your breath away 22 Dec 09, 4:29 AM Lord_of_Winter US(NY), 5 yrs You could perhaps go here or here to see if any of those symptoms match your personality makeup. And of course, I am merely offering what I consider to be food for thought and discussion with your master on your journey. These are only suggestions. There could be some internal things that might be standing in the way of your enslavement and true happiness and peace of mind. However as you point out in your latter post, a little TLC from the boss has clearly done wonders for you. Do not doubt yourself... only seek to become less troubled and free of worry. It's a journey of two. Best wishes. 22 Dec 09, 10:02 PM Kaledorus US, 5 yrs If you are a normal person, i.e. not mentally ill, then the fault for this lies SOLELY with your male friend. Nobody else to blame. Lots of males think that the D/s M/s lifestyle sounds "kewl" "hot" and all the rest of fantasyland however owning a woman, 24/7/365 is work, real work, it is tough, it takes the measure of a man. I would suggest that true dominant men are few and far between. I always caution women NOT to jump into a D/s relationship let alone an M/s one. All of your fears, stresses, discomforts are understandable and very, all too very, common. I wish you well. When you "submit" to or "dominate" someone in a situation where safewords are used and when limitations are negotiated, you are not actually submitting or dominating at all - you are playing at it. 6 Jan 10, 11:16 AM 300-168-896 CA, 2 yrs Y! It may be that the lines of communication are opening once again. I was in your shoes a year ago but fortunately my Master helped me through it and was very supportive - and still is - but I find myself crying at times for no particular reason or if Master scolds me for a misdeed etc. He is now insistent that I go back to my psychologist to see if a return to medication is warranted. I think your Master may have been suffering along with you and felt that pushing His slave would only make things worse-thereby abdicating His role of Master for your sake. The irony - if this was the case - would be that it actually have made things worse as you would have felt abandoned which is the worst possible feeling for a slave. Just to be held makes all the difference. 8 Jan 10, 3:14 AM Master1Willcall US(FL), 3 yrs My question to all M/s D/s. What is the overall outcome you expect from the relationship? A M/D trains the s/s, maybe for years. The s/s performs and serves the M/D. Isn't there a point in time that a COHESEVENESS sets in? Must M/D continuly TRAIN the s/s? Does the s/s need constant orders and commands? In this era of life there are many pressures for all involved. The economy sucks, politics are out of control, pressures build. Isn't it the s/s place to maintain the home envorinment and atmosphere unconditionally, and be understanding of M/D pressure to maintain the household? I feel that in reading some of the post in this site, not just this stream, that the relationships are just for the here and now. BUT, what is the over all outcome? The life long commitment from both sides? Can we actually think beyond our own needs? I do believe that there are times when open communication is a must. However, if you are in a true relationship this is an on going practice. It is true that one side or the other may be feeling pressures the other side shouldn't have to take on, or deal with. But, this falls under the unconditional aspect of the relationship, which I believe is estabolished when true IE is obtained. I'd like to hear a little feed back from both sides of the collar. I mean this as true statement and hope all bantering can be put aside for the good of the unconditional aspect of this stream. Next page