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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "?" ? (8) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Fri 30 Oct 09, 5:01 AM crystalredroze US(OH), 4 yrs Y! deleted Edited Fri 25 Dec 09, 5:22 AM by crystalredroze 30 Oct 09, 3:07 PM 898-443-818 US, 5 yrs i too feel an ever - increasing need for structure even though i already have very much. You worded some of the very thoughts i have had very well. i am trying to do some different self talk and change my point of view on some things. For example, i love being MADE to do things, but as a Master, i am sure He gets much satisfaction out of me serving, and anticipating, and doing without being told. i always was like this but i am trying to really amp it up. When i do this, i get more structure & more play time in return i have noticed. Also, since Master is married to me and we do live together, i try to remember that sometimes life gets in the way. That is my time to shine as a slave and be on my best behavior. Then when things settle down, He will have more time for attention to me. i also tried this: i took several of our old versions of our rules and i changed it to "my goals". Yes, Master had written and approved of those rules but as always some of them fell by the wayside during a busy spell. i try to remind myself it is my GOAL to behave in that sense not His job to always make me. i hope i have communicated my thoughts well, but i feel like you are sort of in the same situation. i used to feel i needed it for my mental health. Now i still do, but i feel also like it is less of a NEED because i am focused on what i can do better. i hope that made a bit of sense, 898-443-818 31 Oct 09, 2:10 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs I go through periods on and off where I need the reigns tightened and loosened. communication is key in making us both get our needs met with as little of stress as possible. Talk to your Master. tell him how your feeling and see what he says. Sometimes, when things become so routine, it feels like your not putting any effort into your relationship. Even if what used to be a struggle.. is something you now do every day with out thinking about it. You can start adding layers on top of it now to keep it challenging and fresh. You reach one mile stone and set a new goal. Its a never ending journey. Good luck! 31 Oct 09, 6:24 PM slave_emma US(OK), 6 yrs Y! JJsslave, I don't think a need for higher amounts of structure is part of the natural progression of all M/s relationships. In my relationship, there is a lot of structure, but that is for the most part self maintained and self originated. My Master doesn't have to write a list for me to know I have to go to work, cook breakfast, or do the laundry. If there is something out of the ordinary he wants done then he will advise, but other than that I am expected to know what needs to be done. I have found that over the course of my relationship with my Master, I have been better able to anticipate his desires. If there is something that seems a miss in our relationship then we talk about it and work through it. But one thing I don't want to do is become so involved with myself and where I think the relationship should headed that I become unwilling to serve my Master. Best Wishes, slave emma Master Howard's little girl 3 Nov 09, 6:05 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs jjsslave wrote: jakesemma wrote: Sometimes, when things become so routine, it feels like your not putting any effort into your relationship. Even if what used to be a struggle.. is something you now do every day with out thinking about it. You can start adding layers on top of it now to keep it challenging and fresh. You reach one mile stone and set a new goal. Its a never ending journey. i think thats exactly what it is, ive settled into my routine and have it all so down pat that i need something else to kind of remind me of my place at times. i find myself trying to look at things different and really going the extra mile which pleases Master but its still feels the same. i think part of my issue is also that since i'm so used to my routine that i tend to get things done faster now and am left with more "free" time. Master puts a lot of effort into me and i realize and see this on a daily basis. He's been working really hard on complete transparency with me and its a struggle. i wonder if my "boredom" isnt in a way my way of pushing back without realizing it. hahah, if boredom is a way of being a brat, do what most parents do.. find something to distract them and have them focus on something productive. I get bored easily. I can self-entertain when Master is busy, and when he is not, he often gives me things to do that he feels benefit him in some fashion. Having a routine down pat and having stuff done quickly is a good thing. It means you can either enjoy your freetime.. (I play video games in mine, or read, or write, or go online!) or you can find other things to do to add to your schedule that your Master would prefer. I personally enjoy not over taxing myself to the point where I can't even think straight... (we have a new puppy and are in the process of moving. with everything going on, i've been so tired I have been falling asleep the minute my head hits the pillow at night.) While this is nice for a short period of time to wear myself out this much, I really don't want it to go on for an extended period of time. I miss spending as much time with my Owner and being too tired to hang out with him in the evenings the way I normally can. Life itself is a balancing act. 3 Nov 09, 8:13 PM baklavaglue 2 yrs "i guess what i'm asking is.. is this normal?? Is it noemal for a slave to need more structure added on over time, is that part of the growing process or is there something wrong with me that i just cant feel content once i settle into things being a certain way?" You are not alone. For me structure keeps me in a subservient state of mind and it is also a driving force behind my service. If i begin to feel like i'm on equal footing or that my relationship is drifting back toward vanilla, emotionally i shut down and begin to feel dispensable and extraneous, it is not a very good feeling. Unfortunately i do not have any advice as i was in this same situation and did not handle it well. i will be watching for responses that hopefully can help us both out! Best of luck. 3 Nov 09, 8:58 PM 741-498-880 4 yrs jjsslave wrote: today has been really boring. Master is gone all day today so i had my chores done by 10am. ive spent the rest of the day so far knitting and i did have to go out and get a few things at the store and now that i'm back home i'm thinking that the dogs are about to get baths. i do enjoy my spare time and usually use it online or different projects that i'm trying to get done but i feel those things are more about me than Master. Does anyone think it would be a bad ting if i came up with a list of things i may be interested in trying or adding to our dynamic? Keep in mind i wont change a thing on my own, this would just be something that Master could read and see if he likes my ideas and may want to try them out. Ultimately it would be to benefit us both so i think i would be safe with this idea. I always bring my ideas to my Owner to veto or approve. My Owner likes that I am willing to offer suggestions and try to keep our dynamic and our life moving forward. While control is our kink, he doesn't mind me using my brain and bringing things to his attention. While my Owner wouldn't forget I existed, I do believe that he'd probably walk all over me if I wasn't such a feisty wench. LOL 4 Nov 09, 3:20 PM Beardedknight US(AR), 2 yrs Y! Greetings, As a Master I would say that needing structure is a very good thing. And I think that it is normal to feel the need to have more structure over time. If nothing else just to get out of the rut of normal daily routines. If you feel like you do not have it or that you need more than you should bring it to your Master/Owners attention. If you don't it may lead to not only feeling like you are heading towards a vanilla relationship but you may start having animosity(sp) towards your Master/Owner and your relationship. When I started this Life I knew that I was Dominant but started as a sub so that I could learn the ropes and see what I would be doing, etc., when I took the upper hand, so to speak. I didn't realize it until I made the mistake of not having enough structure with a slave later on, because there was no real structure to my training. So, I learned the hard way by losing a good slave because I did not provide enough structure. There were other things on both sides but I think that was the major reason for the break. All that being said, I have known "Masters" who do not want to hear anything or listen to anything a sub/slave/property has to say. And to them I feel sorry because they are always on a slippery slope of losing what they have. Not trying to change the subject, but I am currently looking for a slave, as a second. And the number one thing she/he must be is honest and then open with their communication. Not just in the negotiation stage but continuing into the relationship. There is no place for dishonesty or lack of communication in my house. So, if your Master/Owner isn't giving you enough structure you need to let him/her know. If you can't do it vocally then write it down and leave it for your Owner to read and hopefully he/she will take the bull by the horns. Also, for myself, I do want a slave that can take the initiative but in a way that is beneficial to all in the household. And one that is not afraid to respectfully speak her mind. I may not agree but I will listen and then make my decision based on what I feel is best for my household. I do hope this helps in some way. With respect, Sir Tim the Beardedknight Edited 4 Nov 09, 3:23 PM by Beardedknight 16 Nov 09, 1:58 AM 186-306-559 US(NC), 2 yrs As a slave, there are times when I find myself needing more structure than at other times. Master now knows me well enough to recognize when those times are without me having to say a word. He can sense it in my actions and my demeanor. It takes time to build any kind of relationship, including a Master/slave relationship. Your feelings are perfectly normal. If you trust your Master (and you should!), find a way to approach Him in such a way that is respectful. Let Him know Your feelings, but do not try and top from the bottom. Letting Him know how you feel is not the same as telling Him what to do. Make sure you approach him from the aspect of how you are feeling rather than what you wish He was doing.