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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "complete transparancy " complete transparancy (9) This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Fri 16 Oct 09, 1:32 PM crystalredroze US(OH), 4 yrs Y! i clearly understand what it means and i know its something Master has been trying to work with me on but i'm really struggling and He knows this. i tend to hold back or hold in feelings, emotions, thoughts ect. Its nothing against Him, its just something that ive always done, i was brought up in a home where if there was an issue or concern you pretty much had to suck it up! Master dosent want me to do that anymore and has even used whipping to try and get the raw emotion and my true feelings out. Its been made clear that i'm to stop holding back and its something i want to be able to do(not holding back) but dont know how to. ive been trying to find techniques or exercises that may help me with this but cant find anything that i'm comfortable with. Or should i just force myself to go out of my comfort zone for this one?? Its definitely not honoring Him by holding back and i'm very frustrated with myself over this. He knows how i feel about it and knows i want to let go but cant find a way to. Not only when i was young did i have to "suck it up" but i used to also let things build up and would act out in a very destructive way by hitting things, screaming, and well, just being destructive. the first thing i learned when i moved here was that that kind of actions would not be tolerated and in ways that has pushed me into a shell due to no outlet. Does anyone have any suggestions on exercises or even readings that may help me with this. i really feel i'm at a loss here. thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings, and any and all suggestions will be much appreciated. 17 Oct 09, 4:27 AM 888-654-361 US(NC), 5 yrs Y! for u to open up there is a key and ur MASTER holds this key....it is ultimatly his job as ur DOM to find in the depths of ur emotions... the way for u to open up freely to him....i to as a sub find this difficult but have all the faith in my MASTERS skills to get to my core.....u will b in my thoughts my sister sub/slave MASTER VEARNE'S OWNED SUB AND HOUSE SLUT...TROPIC 17 Oct 09, 5:16 AM francesca 2 yrs Posted with permission from her Master... this girl has transparency issues as well, but slightly different from yours. My Master and I do not live together and aren't lucky enough to be 24/7. A while back, he asked that I look up Transparency and then we had a convo about it. I asked if there was an issue with us communicating and He had said no. Then, about a week back He asked for a convo log and didn't like what He read. Afterwards, He requested my password. I had serious issues with this because giving Him my password would give him access to all my personal accounts (Fubar, Facebook, Hotmail, Myspace) and would remove all privacy I had. Keep in mind, the conversation log He requested didn't cause His request for my password. Just happened on the same night. This girl fought her Master for hours on this. Granted He never said this, but it was hinted at and I feared that it came down to either I submit to His request, or He will release me. This was something this girl could not comprehend and therefore submitted to His request. Giving up my password, as He explained it, was about my priorities and submission to Him. The next day, I had extreme turmoil on it and requested advice from some Dom friends w/out letting my Master know about it. I was ready to walk away. Almost changed my passwords and just disappear. The general concensus from my Dom friends was that Transparency is normally a 24/7 function. This created more turmoil in my mind. Master and I talked that night and I explained a lot of my fears but still didn't tell him that I had sought advice. I have a habit of pushing limits that are forced upon me, and this was no exception. I started keeping somethings from him in my accounts. Emails that I didn't want Him to see I would delete immediately for instance. I allowed Him to believe that two of my friends I hadn't heard from which was not true. I deceived Him because I was trying to maintain some sort of privacy. He ended up catching me doing this last week and I almost lost Him again. Point of the long drawn out story...I hate that He has my password and my Master knows this. His reasoning is that it allows Him to be more a part of my life since we can't be together 24/7. Ok, it makes sense, but doesn't make me enjoy it. I don't like that I have no privacy, however I've learned to deal with it and bite my tongue. My Master knows that I'm doing this against my will and am doing this to please Him. Submitting to His will, His desire, His needs...that's what a slave does. Journalling is another example of something I hate, but that I do to please Him. Your will should never supercede His. The only real suggestion I can make is that you need to talk to your Master. The wonderful thing with my Master is that every restriction he's put on me has happened over time. It wasn't over night. Journalling was the first big step, then came the password trauma. Granted these aren't the only things that are imposed, but are the most relevant to the current topic. If you explain to your Master that transparency isn't something that happens overnight and ask him to slowly impose His will upon you, it might make it easier for you to do. I don't know if this will help in anyway but feel free to write me if you wish/or are allowed. 17 Oct 09, 6:17 AM LillyMoon UK, 6 yrs Why don't you try writing things down in a letter and giving it to him...or a journal? Give yourself a set time each day to sit and write for 10 minutes every day. Write just what's on your mind, it doesn't need to be great prose, just open and free form. I had to do this years ago when I was in therapy and unable to fully open and be honest...I wasn't really benefiting because like you I had grown up in a family where I had to "keep it in and not be a drama queen". The therapist suggested this method and eventually it worked. At first it is hard and all you will probably write is how stupid you feel writing things down, but eventually as doing the writing becomes more a part of "you" you will find that you are putting down your inner thoughts and feelings. It worked with my #1 despite the fact he thought it was going to be a waste of time ...it helped me to know what is going on in his head. Good luck, hope this helps you. LM 17 Oct 09, 7:13 AM 721-832-383 US, 3 yrs smiles, and just reading the title to this thread brought up many feelings that i myself am currently dealing with. Not that i don't understand Complete Transparency, because i do, and the reason for this, but my hesitation here or misunderstanding is the fact that slaves or subs are to be Transparent to our Owners, but the need for the Master to be Transparent is not an issue. Why is this? Maybe this is an issue that is not shared, but for myself, transparency is a must, through journals and questions of the day. i have been told Master does not have to be Transparent to slave. This is the issue that i personally have seen rear it's ugly head, when thoughts or feelings are not being shared it feels as if secrets are being kept. i do understand the dynamics of Master / slave but why is it ok for Masters to not disclose things, am i just to accept this, even if what is not being disclosed feels like a lie. Please excuse my words, for i am here to ask a simple question and ask for simple answers, not dancing around in circles as i feel the response has been so far. i am transparent, i am honest and i am confused, would appreciate a little objective input on this if it makes any sense at all. Thank you property 17 Oct 09, 7:57 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs This is the way that Joshua and I do it, with regard to transparency being both ways. 1) We both agree that he is required to be completely transparent to me, and that I am not obligated to be completely transparent to him. That's because I need his transparency to be able to properly mold him, and he doesn't need mine for this dynamic to work. 2) However: I *am* obligated, by my own code, and the agreement that I myself made at the beginning, to never lie to him. This means that if I don't want to discuss something, I make clear boundaries around it, reassure him that whatever it is has nothing to do with our relationship, and say, "That's none of your concern." And I don't lie to him. Ever. My truthfulness is a life raft for his trust. 3) If it is something to do with our relationship, I discuss it with him. Not because I feel obligated to do so, not because he wants it, but because I know that our relationship runs better when these things are brought up and dealt with rather than left to fester. Since I do have control over how things are discussed, it's simply common sense to do that. Joshua's likened it to this metaphor: I can walk into his house whenever I like and go through all the closets and drawers, because I've changed the locks and taken the keys myself. He can knock on the door of my house and I will almost always let him in, because it's useful to our relationship for me to do so, and because we do have an emotionally intimate relationship, and because we are committed to honesty with each other. (He's aware that it is a privilege, not an obligation, and one which I have the right to withdraw if I so choose.) However, there are a few locked closets that he can't open. They are well labeled with the general subject that's inside, and he knows that they have nothing to do with him or our relationship. He is comfortable with not being able to open them, because it's clear boundaries. 4) The fact that he must be 100% open with me while I choose to be (the operative word being choose) 90% open with him is yet another thing that reifies the power dynamic. It drives home that he really is a slave. Really. Not a "slave", but property. Of course, I have earned his trust and he knows I'll not lie to him, which had to happen first. (This is something that I often suggest when I hear a sub complain that "Gee, I don't like it that Master doesn't treat me as an egalitarian partner in X Way." Is it possible to use that as a way to remind one's self that this is proof that one's really what one is claiming to be, and thus make it a positive thing?) As to the OP who asked about how to do it: You did ask whether this is just something that you'll have to move outside your comfort zone for, and my answer would be Yes, that's right. This is a very important thing - perhaps the single most important thing in an M/s relationship. It's worth going outside of your comfort zone for ... assuming your dominant has earned your trust. (As someone who is a fisting aficionado, I often liken transparency to fisting: it requires a lot of work and patience, and a lot of breathing and concentrating on being Open, Open, Open - relaxing as hard as you can, I call it - but oh, how great it is when you actually get there. Totally worth it.) On the other hand, your M-type should be giving you lots of positive reinforcement for being transparent. Examples: Making a safe space for you to speak truth in. Not being judgmental when you say something you were afraid might be unacceptable, thus showing you that you don't need to fear seeming imperfect. Praising you when you open up in a way that's clearly difficult. Telling you when something you've painfully revealed really helped them to do their own job of mastery better. Being clearly interested in your depths, and you as a person. Telling you how close it makes them feel to you, how glad they are that you can give them this. That you are a good slave for doing it. Good luck, and yes, I do recommend the journal thing as well. I also recommend the Evil Question from the dominant, every day: "What did you think about today that you don't want to tell me?" -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 17 Oct 09, 4:28 PM BaseOne UK, 6 yrs A Master MUST be tranparent with his slave / sub, otherwise he has something to hide. Forget the phrase "Master is always right", as only those that impose this phrase on you, are not "men", but bullies. ( no disrespect to those men who have already answered here, as we know they are truthful and honest ) People on here forget, that many a so called master can be a vile person, and hides behind the "master badge / button " to impose their sadistic / immoral ways on weak minded women. Go to vanilla mode, and would you accept your boyfriend / husbands actions of saying "I will tell you nothing, and will not be transparent" -- NO you would not, so don't accept that from a so called Master. It is NOT ok for Masters to not disclose things. It is NOT o.k. for anyone to BLINDLY accept this. TOO many women are blinded by the floggings and the endorphin rush of being dominated that they FORGET ALL that should be in a relationship. And a Master Slave situation IS a relationship. and all my previous contacts have been "relationships", as I am not one of those that just have a slave because they are stupid enough to "just blindly submit to anything" Passwords In relationships that have been long lasting, we have shared email accounts and passwords, and that means they have access to my email acounts AND my passwords THAT'S transparency, and that's how it should be, ( and most women on here would like that to be so,) so I don't want replies saying openness and honesty is not wanted, as too many men are vanilla men using the tile of master to abuse women. Too many women WANT to submit, and if they think they will no longer be in that euphoric state of submission, because they will be without a master, because they can run away from inconsiderate men, or he will release them, they BLINDLY accept that which is "not right" and spend many hours / days / years on here continually complaining and in eternal torment. Again, no disrespect to the original post, or others stating the same complaint, but I have spent many months, painful months "sorting out" women with similar concerns. As a matter of interest to those who don't know me, 3 subs / slaves asked ME to marry them, as I was so open, kind and transparent. I accepted one, but could not convince her that those that were more "Masterful / abusive " than me, were worthy of their submission, so they go off to those, then the complaints come thick and fast. ( every time ) So - there ARE men out there who will be transparent, but because they are normaly taken, you are then left with those that prey on weak women. But Please, no replies stating that slaves are not weak, ( as a lot -can- be ) If your Master does not care ( and 80% don't )find one that does, even if you have to lower your expectations, as stability / no more complaints / happines, is more important than out and out life long torments. BaseOne. 17 Oct 09, 5:56 PM crystalredroze US(OH), 4 yrs Y! @ Master Lars girl, thank you for taking the time and sharing your story with me, it is very much appreciated. @ ravenkaldera- lots of great information and ideas Many thanks. to all- thank you all for your replies. there are some great ideas that i'm sure we will use at least a few of them. i do already journal but its not always on a daily basis and Master does read it but not all that often. W/we have been together for almost 2 years and its been a slow process but this has got to be the toughest part for me, its not that i dont want to open up, i just lave to learn how to. maybe in ways i want to keep just a little of me to myself as a safety net even though i do completely trust Master. UGH, i wish i even understood me more right now when it comes to this. 18 Oct 09, 12:12 AM porcelaine 5 yrs i have studied various eastern philosophies over the years and implement them in my slavery. they've been very helpful in improving my physical, mental, and emotional states. you might appreciate the writings that deepak chopra has produced on the seven spiritual laws. you should be able to find the book at the library. it is a small read and provides concepts that could add valuable insight and inspire greater openness and the eventual transparency you're desiring. you can read an overview of each law on his website. best of luck. ~porcelaine "You linger over what you've acquired, and contemplate her, and penetrate her, and live with her beneath the fire in which she crepitates, yields, moans, giving in to your flesh or to more remote, more inscrutable qualities." ~Homero Aridjis 18 Oct 09, 6:52 PM Master_Odin US(KS), 3 yrs As usual, Raven Kaldera has given excellent well thought out advice, but I would like to emphasize somethings he said that also touch on BaseOne's legitimate concerns. (Raven, I trust that if I inadvertently twist your words you will correct me.) ravenkaldera wrote: <snip> 2) However: I *am* obligated, by my own code, and the agreement that I myself made at the beginning, to never lie to him. This means that if I don't want to discuss something, I make clear boundaries around it, reassure him that whatever it is has nothing to do with our relationship, and say, "That's none of your concern." And I don't lie to him. Ever. My truthfulness is a life raft for his trust. <snip> Joshua's likened it to this metaphor: I can walk into his house whenever I like and go through all the closets and drawers, because I've changed the locks and taken the keys myself. He can knock on the door of my house and I will almost always let him in, because it's useful to our relationship for me to do so, and because we do have an emotionally intimate relationship, and because we are committed to honesty with each other. (He's aware that it is a privilege, not an obligation, and one which I have the right to withdraw if I so choose.) However, there are a few locked closets that he can't open. They are well labeled with the general subject that's inside, and he knows that they have nothing to do with him or our relationship. He is comfortable with not being able to open them, because it's clear boundaries. First of all, Raven's advice is contingent upon having an honest Master in the beginning. If a slave isn't sure of their Master's or potential Master's honesty, nothing Raven said will fix any problem in the relationship. It is also worth noting that Raven and Joshua live together. They see each other face to face, can hear the tone in each others' voice and read each others' body language. They have a level of communication that is simply not possible in a long distance relationship and therefore this advice may or may not be a good fit for that kind of relationship. If you will read Raven's past posts, you will find that it took him years to find Joshua. It was a long process involving several false starts with slaves that were not a good fit. Again, transparency will not fix a relationship that is not a good fit to begin with. And please note the emphasis I have added to these quotes above. They have a solid relationship based on honesty and trust that are the result of Raven's understanding that his own honesty is the life raft (or foundation) of Joshua's trust. If that life raft does not exist, transparency of the slave will not create it. That is something the Master must create. Whether it is Raven's 90/100 or BaseOne's 100/100, transparency will not solve all other fundamental problems of a relationship. To the OP, nebulina was also raised to suppress and repress thoughts and emotions. It took years for that conditioning to take place and there is no 'light switch' to flip that will miraculously undo that conditioning and training. It is a process, not just a decision. Expect to go through several levels, like layers of an onion during this process. (I approached this issue with nebulina in the following manner because I know her, how she reacts and what would work best for her. This may or may not apply to you or any other slave. Other Masters with other slaves may have success differently.) In the beginning, I just had to learn by watching and listening when there was more to the story then probe for more information. As she became more used to me knowing some things (and didn't go running off into the night screaming FREAK or jump down her throat, etc.), we eventually worked to the point that she could effectively journal. We are just beginning to get to the point that she can speak directly to me on some subject. (This is after six years of marriage, a bit over three years training and just over a year after collaring) Changing nebulina's 45 years of conditioning can't happen overnight. It will not be utterly complete for some time to come. Selah There is no authority, only responsibility.