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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Poly and Limits" Poly and Limits (8) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board (moved from O&P). Sun 11 Oct 09, 12:39 AM 000-446-713 US(IN), 8 yrs I thought about where to ask this question. CM has a board on Poly, but CM is not, to be honest, all that M/s, O/p, or no-limits friendly. The answer is going to be a very stock 'you get to pick your limits, whatever they are, they are'. I know that, but I am still in my delemia. I have always been, by nature, an extremely poly person. I have had three Masters. All three I came to as the first girl, to a Master that would have been satisfied to have one slave; in all three I begged for and finally recieved, a sisterslave. I wanted a sisterslave so badly, and the special relationship that can only be between two women serving the same Master at the same time. In all three, I was, after a shockingly short time, released to keep the second girl. In two of those situations, the second girl very obviously came to the house, decided to push me out, and did so. So, I admit, I have issues with poly now, reservations, a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak. I believe that poly can work and be a beautiful thing, but I have just about reached the conclusion that there is something about ME that makes it not work. So, I tend not to jump on profiles listing a couple. But, I have talked to a few couples. There is some hope in me, i guess, that if I came in as second girl, any issues the first girl had with not wanting me would not be hidden and used to push me out, but would be visible to me in advance and I would just then not join that house. My question revolves around joining another Master as his only slave. I have talked to several and said that I am not all that interested in a poly household. But, my issue is, with limits. It's all very good and well with me, and I am fine wiht, having limits while I am unowned and chosing my Master. But, once I am owned, I am not at all comfortable setting up limits like that. I guess I just would not beg for a sister next time. But, if my Master wanted one, I am not going to say no to my Master. It's one thing to say that I don't tell my Master who he may or may not fuck. But it goes beyond that - I love to see my Master play with another slave. The issue is with wanting a life of 'apparent managamy', not real managamy. How do I bridge that gap between no longer wanting a poly house - and not wanting to dictate to a Master the terms of his home and his life? This was really highlighted with one Dom I was speaking with regularly - the speaking finally died off because he felt the distance and geography were just too great. He said He doubted if He had any desire to try to juggle two women in the same home - but he in NO way would accept a slave into an O/p relationship with that 'limit'. My delima is, this does not mean we are not a good match. I agree with him entirely. When I find the right match for me, there is a good chance that would be his attitude. Do I just wait it out and have faith that with time, my baggage will shrink and this will not be such an issue for me? 11 Oct 09, 5:17 AM Beardedknight US(AR), 2 yrs Y! As a poly Dom and knowing those that are not poly. My suggestion is that you look for a Master that is not into poly-relationships. Which I believe would alleviate your problem. But you do take the chance that down the road your Master may change his mind. Then again you could look for a situation where you are joining an established Poly-household, either as 2nd or even 3rd. I myself am looking for a 2nd but with the way the economy is today it is very difficult to get slaves to come for visits. I do understand your frustration and hope that you can find what you are looking for and that it works our for you. I hope this will help in some small way. With respect, Sir Tim 11 Oct 09, 1:18 PM SeanT70 9 yrs I suspect there are others that may or may not have quite a lot to say on the subject, but for me, it's not really about poly at all, it's about jealousy. For what it's worth, we could be talking about who gets the last sweetie out of the bag and you walking off with the huff because the person holding the bag didn't give it to you. Really, I find that if you're going to be in a poly situation (and I'm in that now), the then there are going to be times where you simply aren't included in whatever's happening, so the point is, you need to suck it up and get over it. Surely you knew that would be the case by the nature of how many people poly relationships can have in them. The focus shifts, and not always on you, but then the opposite can sometimes be the case; 'if' it always happens to you and not the others girls, I'd suggest you need to look at 'why' this is. Regards, Sean. 16 Dec 11, 6:15 PM MasterCJHebert14 US(OH), 3 yrs £ Y! What your Problem is; Is That you Need To Be A 3rd. girl,Instead of 1st. or 2nd.!!!! 16 Dec 11, 7:47 PM GentleOwner CA, 2 yrs I am going to toss in a few cents worth. I believe it is all about the negotiations and emotions. We can talk all we want about Masters' rights and slaves imposing liimits, but the reality is that it is rarely that simple. If the slaves are simply property in the manner of furniture or a pet, it is relatively. The reality is that this is very rarely the case. The reality is that there will be attempts to manoever for the prime position. In these situations, the Master must mediate and impose order as necessary. Even cats and dogs fight for top spot when there is more than one in a home. Again it is the responsibility of the owner to set and enforce order. Difficulties are not the responsibilites of the owned. 16 Dec 11, 9:02 PM 998-978-777 US(TN), 23 mths Y! With my background, I feel I can empathize with you. My ex husband wanted us to have a mutual girlfriend (which we had) and then eventually said that he wanted her to move in. I allowed this and in retrospect this was probly the biggest mistake of my failed marriage. Eventually she pushed me out of the marital bed. I can honestly say that I have seen poly work....but not often and it takes a lot of work on the part of all the parties. Just my respectful two cents worth. V/R, Sol's Beast Kitten Master Sol's beast. He is my guiding light, the inspiration for my breaths and all the moments that take my breath away. I love you my Master, may your beast never leave your side! 16 Dec 11, 9:30 PM 822-492-813 US(KY), 17 mths At some level I have to agree with GentleOwner. If you are the one following the rules then it is up to the person making those rules to maintain order and help guide the flow of power and attention in the house. My Mistress is not my wife. I obey what Mistress says, but my wife was here first and I love her, so in my mind it is up to my Mistress to work a balance into her plans so that if I follow then plan and behave the drama is kept down. I also have a responsiblity to show my wife I love her and she is important. You go from talking about the importance of having a sister to missing out on a Master in your life. If you Master wanted 2 girls then would you have to talk him into it? Perhaps it would work better to find your sister (or brother) first and bond with them. Then let Dom/es know that you two come as a set. Peace. Ms. Kayla's 822-492-813 17 Dec 11, 7:15 AM 766-003-205 US(CA), 11 mths Y! Many things to consider. One Master suggested entering an already existing successful poly house. They have a system that is working. Perhaps interact for a LONG time with all members to be sure everyone likes everyone else for the long haul. Watch closely for competitive behavior. Even a small amount may reveal a larger problem underneath. There will be some kind of hierarchy,unconscious or not. See who the "lead" Master/Mistress/slave is. Can you live with the reality that regardless of the theory or "official" leaders, someone else may be the ACTUAL leader(s) by default or by design, OR by manipulation. i'm sure you've heard the jokes about who really runs a house. The one who does and the one who THINKS they do. Explore what position in a poly house you would want. Often the first slave is the alpha- but perhaps not. If YOU are the 1st slave- then you need to know what position would be expected of you if another comes. How would the other slave be screened? How would you be in relation to them and what safeguards will be in place to protect you from scheming should it come up. i must say- scheming to bump another is hardly slave-like and a form of "topping from the bottom" in a really bad way. Perhaps you are better off without a Master who can fall for that. What position do YOU feel you want if there is a 2nd slave? Do you want to be alpha? Do you want HER/HIM to be alpha? Do you want to be equals? Do you want to be the 2nd Dominant of that slave or dominated by Him/Her? If you are bisexual- then would you be happy instead of a polyhouse, being shared or allowed to occasionally have sexual contact with another female slave/submissive instead of making it (poly) a living condition? If you want monogamy- would you stay happy with it? If your Master tells you up front (as He SHOULD) that HE may choose to be poly, but requires you to remain monogamous should he take another- can you, will you accept that? Before getting involved maybe having a written list to avoid forgetting concerns that need discussing would be helpful. 17 Dec 11, 7:17 AM 766-003-205 US(CA), 11 mths Y! 998-978-777 wrote: With my background, I feel I can empathize with you. My ex husband wanted us to have a mutual girlfriend (which we had) and then eventually said that he wanted her to move in. I allowed this and in retrospect this was probly the biggest mistake of my failed marriage. Eventually she pushed me out of the marital bed. I can honestly say that I have seen poly work....but not often and it takes a lot of work on the part of all the parties. Just my respectful two cents worth. V/R, Sol's Beast Kitten i have met a couple of former couples who (the guys) pressured their wives into open marriage and they finally capitulated and eventually ran off with the new guy- and ended up monogamous with them!!