This page sponsored by Mr. S Leather, San Francisco    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "Rituals and O&P" 1 2 Rituals and O&P (18) This post is on the O&P web board. 27 Sep 09, 6:23 AM terri_dolly US(AL), 2 yrs Y! Greetings, Sirs, Misses and others i would like to begin by saying that i have read most of the responses that have been made so far and have noted that the Dominants/Owners that have posted have made note that the collar has been devalued over time, have been applied too quickly by many, have been made into a kink for the day players, etc. Mistress crocheted (pronounced crow-shade) me a collar before She met me in person as She and i had met online and had been speaking for some time. i don't wear this collar at this time, but i still have it and it means a great deal to me that She took the time to create this lovely piece of work to place around my neck. For now, i wear Her ring on my left pinky finger. This ring, a token of my submission to Her and Her Ownership of me, She put on my finger and i rarely take it off. i even became frantic when i lost it for a few days, but was overjoyed when i found it again, hiding under the edge of my mattress. i have seen that the collar, though steeped in tradition, has become a plaything for those that wish to be "sexy" or "kinky." i hope to have my collar locked around my neck, thus sealing me to Mistress for all time. i also am going to have Her initials tattooed over my heart, forever branding myself Hers, as soon as i can find a place to do it and the money to do so. Symbols of submission/being owned are created between the Dominant/Owner and submissive/slave as whatever the object, ritual, or other such thing that is used for that symbol is, in many cases, unique to the relationship that each D/s couple has. Of course, there are T/those that keep to the rituals that have been going on since the Hellfire Clubs. Neither are right or wrong, they just are and always will be. W/we can talk about how much W/we despise the demeaning of the collar all W/we wish, but that is not going to change what is happening. Only W/we can change what it is that W/we do to show a symbol of O/our relationships. -hugs- becca i apologize ahead of time for any inadvertant insult or transgression that i will inevetably make. i love my Mistress with all that i am, and i give Her all of my self. 28 Sep 09, 6:29 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs 351-349-664 wrote: ravenkaldera wrote: I'm so sick of the collar being used by people who aren't slaves and who use it as a fetish item - and that includes subs who find it hot and "think" they're slaves - that I no longer use the collar at all as a symbol. It's got too bad a taste for me now. please, please forgive me, for i am very new to both this lifestyle and these forums. i am inclined to disagree in minor ways. If a master collars his worthy slave, then the symbol has specific meaning between them. Does it matter if someone else interprets it slightly differently? Let me make something clear that perhaps was not clear in my last post. I don't give a damn how other people see that symbol. Other people can collar each other as they like and it matters not to me. What has given it a bad taste for me was not seeing it on other people whom I believed were posers. I don't care about that. It was putting a collar on people who were in relationships with me ... who later turned out to be posers. That hurt, a lot. I still haven't gotten over it. I had to let go of that symbol in my personal life. I don't care if there's a collar on you, and what that means to you or your partner. You are not my sub. And I understand that other people use symbols that I don't, just as I understand that the word "trabajo" means work, even though I don't speak Spanish and wouldn't use that term. But I'll be damned if *I* put one on anyone ever again except for decoration. Not elitist. Just intensely personal. Hope that was clear. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 11 Oct 09, 6:01 AM Beardedknight US(AR), 2 yrs Y! Well, personally I think the idea behind a collar and being collared started going down hill with the invention of chat rooms, irc, etc., etc. There are too many wannabe Dom/me, Masters or whatever they want to call themself that have no clue WIITWD in R/l. Yes there have been success stories of people meeting in a chat room and it becoming a R/l relationship. But overall I think there are too many wannabe Masters that as soon as they "walk" into a chat room and see an uncollared sub/slave try getting her/him to accept a collar and there are too many wannabe sub/slaves that accept the virtual collar without any real idea of what it REALLY means to accept a collar in R/l. Then you start having clubs having theme nights; goth, vampirism, fetish wear and it became a big thing for people to go and buy there own collars to wear to these events and then it was wearing it as a rebellious statement against parents and schools, then it was wearing it as a fashion statement, etc., etc. So, yes in some ways all of the above damaged what a collar really stand for, but those of us that are really into this lifestyle can still use collar for what they were meant for. In, "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" by Devon and Miller, they define Collar as: "A symbol of surrender worn by a submissive. A collar is given in a relationship as a profound symbol of a commitment and bond." But each of us have our own definition of what a collar means to us. And just as every relationship is different so may our definitions be. And that is okay, even good. Because difference is what sets us apart from each other and the vanilla society at large. These are just my humble opinions. And truthfully, I prefer the collars I bestow to be a chain with a lock. With respect, Sir Tim the Beardedknight 11 Oct 09, 12:50 PM 946-002-882 NO, 2 yrs Sir Raven - Your writing again shows me you are a very reflected man. Josh is very lucky to be your boy! For me, the collar is not really needed anymore. The bond goes deeper than a mere physical item. I'm rather contemplating getting a more permanent physical mark instead.. And when it comes to online collaring, chatrooms etc.. It's been that way the last 10 years, afaik. At least since I started to venture into "that world". Velcro-collars. Good term.. Maybe for some it is a search for ones identity? Just a bit misguided? 9 Nov 09, 3:35 AM 304-087-179 UK, 2 yrs Y! i think that a lot of terminology used in bdsm is losing touch with the original concept. 16 Dec 09, 4:07 AM marysOwner US(HI), 2 yrs Y! I enforce ritualism with my slave constantly. She wears a collar, which was more for her than me. She wears her wedding ring as a sign of her marriage, but she wears the collar showing her choice to be dominated. Other rituals we have between are whenever I return home from work, she is to immediately go to her knees for 5 minutes as a reminder to her as to where her place is in my house. Another ritual is that whenever I step out of the shower she is to immediately offer herself to me. We have a few others but the few I mentioned are the bigger ones. Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous. ~ Anais Nin 17 Dec 09, 1:33 AM 888-654-361 US(NC), 4 yrs Y! THANK GOD my Dom never needs to remind me of my place...to kneel is an honor given to ur Dom....ones show of respect and knowin their place...one of the many gifts my Dom never need ask for!!!!!!!!!!!! DADDYS BABY GIRL 17 Dec 09, 4:15 AM Ettiennes_slut US(OR), 2 yrs Tanos wrote: Do you have experiences of collars being devalued over time by casual use? W/we recently ran across a couple who know but understand little of O/our relationship. Because he thought he knew what W/we're about, the man, "Jim", made comments about collars and using them for play time as a way to spice up his sex life (he and his wife are rather vanilla.) i have to admit that i was offended at first because "Jim" was in essence devaluing something i find incredibly important. i eventually got over being offended, once Sir reminded me to consider the source of the comments (as someone not in the life.) i am not collared, tho it is something i think about almost daily. If Sir chooses to offer a collar, and i accept, it will be after much deliberation and a much more serious step to me than marriage: more binding than anything i've done before. To directly answer Tanos' question, yes, i have seen evidence that collars have become devalued, but only by the general public. My son's girlfriend wore a collar in high school because she followed the punk scene (bias alert: i think she looked adorable!) One side benefit is that since collars have become more common, if i wear one it won't necessarily cause a negative reaction. IMHO the only people who can devalue a collar are the people involved in giving/wearing it. As long as the collar has meaning to Sir and me, what others do or think means nothing. Ettiennes_slut