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	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "Rituals and O&P" 1 2 Rituals and O&P (18) This post is on the O&P web board. Tue 22 Sep 09, 12:10 PM Tanos UK, 14 yrs Y! A ritual is a set of actions mainly performed for their symbolic meaning, rather than purely for their practical result. O&P uses rituals to reinforce and maintain feelings of ownership and possession. For example, if a slave must always ask their owner's permission to leave the room, the purpose is not only to determine whether it is convenient for the slave to be absent, but to reinforce the owner's general authority over the slave's actions. Some rituals are of purely private significance and their meaning isn't readily obvious to others. Others, such as the collar, are more widely understood. As an ancient symbol of slave ownership, wearing a collar is of particular symbolic weight in O&P, where bearing a dominant's collar always signifies that a submissive is in the possession of the dominant at that time. This is not universally true in many areas of BDSM, where collars are sometimes used as fashion accessories, are loaded onto models along with other random items bought at fetish shops by photographers, or take the form of "dom/me collars" sold by some vendors - for which there is no recorded history before the market for "sub collars" became saturated By reserving the collar for submissives in a dominant's possession, O&P not only clarifies its meaning, but reinforces collar-wearing as a ritual because it is shared with others with the same broad intention. It is then the dominant or owner's responsibility to clarify the exact meaning of a given collar beyond that: from a temporary symbol of possession that day, to being collared in a permanent and lifelong committment. It is undignified and inauthentic for dominants to be rushing in to repeatedly collaring submissives in relationshps which are presented as long-term but that don't last. No one can predict the future, and that's why we're capable of caution and patience. Are there rituals you've found effective in this kind of relationship? Do you have experiences of collars being devalued over time by casual use? Regards, Tanos www.tanos.org.uk 22 Sep 09, 11:27 PM Master_Teel US(TX), 4 yrs Tanos wrote: Rituals and O&P Do you have experiences of collars being devalued over time by casual use? Regards, Tanos Excuse me for homing in on this one line in your post, but I've been seeing this as a somewhat bothersome trend. I have seen some of what I would term as hasty collaring of late. The notion of the slave having to earn the collar seems to be often overshadowed by the dominant's need to have a collared and commited slave. While I admit that my pet's training was relatively short and sweet (4 months), I did do my best to push her far enough to get a very real taste of what was to be expected and yet still long enough to get past the 'honeymoon', so to speak before signing an extended contract and accepting the collar. Even then, her first contract was only for 1 year. Once that came due, we renegotiated terms again and her current contract is for 2 years. Eventually I would like her to sign a lifetime contract, but I personally don't think she is totally ready for that. The notion of a trial period or being a slave under consideration seems to have watered down a bit in the larger scheme. It's almost like trying to go from an online matchmaker website straight to marriage and skipping the whole dating step. In my opinion, it might have to do with some newer masters either not knowing any other way or being arrogant enough to think that they can train any slave to work since they're the one "in control". Master_Teel Use Google to search SD: http://www.google.com/advanced_search?q=+site:se... Edited 22 Sep 09, 11:28 PM by Master_Teel 23 Sep 09, 2:09 AM ravenkaldera US(MA), 6 yrs I'm so sick of the collar being used by people who aren't slaves and who use it as a fetish item - and that includes subs who find it hot and "think" they're slaves - that I no longer use the collar at all as a symbol. It's got too bad a taste for me now. For a while I used a little black wristband that said "Raven's Boy". Joshua and I burned that after he got it tattooed on his arm. If we get additional boy, I expect I'll make another little wristband. It passes well at a day job, doesn't need any explanation, and is hard to fetishize. Or maybe I'll just tell him that the job is honor enough. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge. 23 Sep 09, 10:39 AM bastets_daughter 2 yrs ravenkaldera wrote: I'm so sick of the collar being used by people who aren't slaves and who use it as a fetish item - and that includes subs who find it hot and "think" they're slaves - that I no longer use the collar at all as a symbol. It's got too bad a taste for me now. For a while I used a little black wristband that said "Raven's Boy". Joshua and I burned that after he got it tattooed on his arm. If we get additional boy, I expect I'll make another little wristband. It passes well at a day job, doesn't need any explanation, and is hard to fetishize. Or maybe I'll just tell him that the job is honor enough. -Raven Kaldera please, please forgive me, for i am very new to both this lifestyle and these forums. i am inclined to disagree in minor ways. Symbols are open for interpretation. For me, a collar would indicate submission - not necessarily slavery - to a certain person, of course. But also to other aspects of the wearer's life. Maybe to an idea, or a dream they have. I once wore a ring on my wedding finger (which to me is very much in the fashion of a collar) as a physical symbol to myself not to give up on trying to cure my illness. This offended some 'traditionalists' around me, because i was not married. Even in the case of wearing it as a simple fetish, would it not still mean the same to the wearer? Submission, or enjoyment in a lifestyle or idea? I cant help but feel that these posts have an 'elitist' feel to them, as if slavery or submission were a club only the best could enter, and after reading so many people advise others amongst this lovely community to do what feels right for them, its seems contrary. If a master collars his worthy slave, then the symbol has specific meaning between them. Does it matter if someone else interprets it slightly differently? - kitten 23 Sep 09, 12:18 PM De_Luxe UK, 3 yrs 351-349-664 wrote: If a master collars his worthy slave, then the symbol has specific meaning between them. Does it matter if someone else interprets it slightly differently? - kitten I don't think it matters if the giver and wearer are clear about what it represents kitten but it isn't clear to people outside their relationship. 23 Sep 09, 3:17 PM De_Luxe UK, 3 yrs I'd like to pick up on Master_Teel's post as well as the topic of collars being devalued over time by casual use? If the giver or taker in a relationship isn't certain and committed from the start a collar of any kind is going to be meaningless. The phrase 'marry in haste and repent at leisure' comes to mind but it could be more like collar in haste and get out as fast. Fast-tracking rarely seems to work in the outside world so I don't know why people would think it would work ok in ours but there does seem to be a transference of this eagerness to get to the juicy bits without first bothering about finding out what you are potentially getting or getting into. I think it is plain rude as well as ill thought out which aren't very good traits in a Dominant. Whether there is a formal period of consideration or not there comes a point where both parties are sure about making the commitment. There is no certainty that it will last a lifetime, as intended, but I made my offer of a collar on the basis that at the time of offer both parties a) understood what lies ahead b) would be capable of the effort required c) were able to make that commitment and d) had sufficient trust and confidence to go ahead. People's reactions outside are unpredictable so I would rather it is a discrete collar than risk my boy losing his job. It does have a ritual meaning denoting my possession and on a practical level it is a reminder of that wherever he is. Lawks I've rambled on and a chicken wants roasting. 23 Sep 09, 3:37 PM SirSeven 2 yrs Tanos wrote: Are there rituals you've found effective in this kind of relationship? Do you have experiences of collars being devalued over time by casual use? Yes, rituals are a big part of my relationships because they reinforce my ownership/dominance over my sub or slave. I am a firm believer in keeping a set schedule (as much as humanly possible) and assigning tasks that must be performed a certain way and at specific times throughout the day or night. Rituals, and the enforcement of rules, behaviors, etc., add clear boundaries and structure to my D/s relationships. I often see people wearing collars as fashion statements and nothing more. This doesn't bother me in the least because I know what the collar means to me and my slave(s) and that's what's important. Sir Seven 23 Sep 09, 9:52 PM bastets_daughter 2 yrs Domme_deluxe wrote: 351-349-664 wrote: If a master collars his worthy slave, then the symbol has specific meaning between them. Does it matter if someone else interprets it slightly differently? - kitten I don't think it matters if the giver and wearer are clear about what it represents kitten but it isn't clear to people outside their relationship. possibly not, if the collar is being used by another person to mean another thing. Of course, it CAN point to submission, ownerhip, slavery. if an artist paints a tree thats been in his dreams, or has direct significance to him, it may not mean the same to someone else who looks upon it. symbols and rituals are a very important part of this lifestyle. A lot of people would look on a collar being worn and not tie it to ownership. So they have a different take on it. Maybe the idea of a global symbol is difficult. Everyone is an individual, and will interpret it individually. Culture and upbringing have a large part to play. But to say a symbol only means one thing, to one or two groups of people, is hard to believe. 24 Sep 09, 1:17 AM 918-939-123 US(CA), 2 yrs My master says collars should only be used by owned slaves or subs. Not for fetish sex. It gives people like him and his pet a bad name. A slave of noble character is her masters crown, but a disgraceful slave is decay in her masters bones. 24 Sep 09, 1:12 PM De_Luxe UK, 3 yrs 351-349-664 wrote: Domme_deluxe wrote: 351-349-664 wrote: If a master collars his worthy slave, then the symbol has specific meaning between them. Does it matter if someone else interprets it slightly differently? - kitten I don't think it matters if the giver and wearer are clear about what it represents kitten but it isn't clear to people outside their relationship. possibly not, if the collar is being used by another person to mean another thing. Of course, it CAN point to submission, ownerhip, slavery. if an artist paints a tree thats been in his dreams, or has direct significance to him, it may not mean the same to someone else who looks upon it. symbols and rituals are a very important part of this lifestyle. A lot of people would look on a collar being worn and not tie it to ownership. So they have a different take on it. Maybe the idea of a global symbol is difficult. Everyone is an individual, and will interpret it individually. Culture and upbringing have a large part to play. But to say a symbol only means one thing, to one or two groups of people, is hard to believe. Quite so, art is interpreted and it is no small part of the worldwide fascination. Regarding collars I remember an instance in a club where I wasn't introduced to a woman in a group wearing a collar who turned out to be Domme, there was, to my eyes, ambiguity in her dress also. Thankfully I didn't make a right ass of myself by saying anything that might have offended but it hardly made for free-flowing conversation. I also agree that rituals are very important Edited to Add .....as a tool and structure if they work, but IME formal rituals are much less value to me if they don't have a desired effect. Apologies for the lapse and generalising to begin with. Edited 30 Sep 09, 11:29 AM by De_Luxe 26 Sep 09, 3:44 AM bastets_daughter 2 yrs 918-939-123 wrote: My master says collars should only be used by owned slaves or subs. Not for fetish sex. It gives people like him and his pet a bad name. why would your master care so much for the opinions of others? Edited 26 Sep 09, 3:45 AM by bastets_daughter Next page