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	TSR : Web boards : O&P : "Authenticity" 1 2 3 4 Authenticity (38) This post is on the O&P web board. 19 Sep 09, 10:36 PM terri_dolly US(AL), 2 yrs Y! i have had situations in which i would be perfectly willing to meet with a potential Mistress and the date would come and go without Her even showing up. When i asked what had happened, each would come up with something that sounded serious at first, but as time went by, i came to realize that each of Them were not truly willing to come and meet with me. They liked the idea, not the reality. then, i met my Mistress. Yes, W/we met online first, and both of U/us were skeptical. Then She took the step and actually came to my location to meet with Me. She also stayed for several days! The only other Domme that had met with me turned around and went home the very next day... visiting only once after that. As for the dynamic of the relationship between Mistress and i, W/we truly love each O/other and know that W/we are genuine in O/our positions. W/we don't need to display it to "prove" that this dynamic is real between She and i as it is instinctual for U/us rather than learned or forced. Sure, She and i are still learning about each O/other, but i believe that if one stops learning, one is dead. But yes, She and i are in a genuine and "authentic" 24/7/365 TPE Domme/slave relationship and i wouldn't have it any other way. 20 Sep 09, 12:54 AM 190-705-119 US, 2 yrs i've read this thread with great interest. recently i have been trying to find a 24/7 TPE relationship with relocation using various BDSM 'dating' sites. (anyone who recognizes the number might know i've been through a couple bad M/s relationships.) in the course of initial correspondence i've been called various things, mostly not submissive enough or not slave material, because i don't believe it would be in my Dom/Domme's best interests to sublimate my entire personality, becoming essentially a mindless zombie clone. i personally think the whole mindless zombie clone thing is a vanilla fantasy. right now i am temporarily living with a Dom friend of mine, with the possibility of beginning a poly household with Him and one other slave in the near future. we genuinely like and respect each other, share much the same viewpoints. He's the most honest man i've ever met and i am likewise honest with Him in all matters. our personalities compliment one another, and if things don't work out, i know that a parting will be accomplished with mutual respect and the friendship aspect of our relationship will continue. the point i am trying to make is that no relationship, whether vanilla or M/s or D/s, can't last without some sort of mutual agreement and respect and honesty. and just because i don't fit your idea of the perfect slave doesn't mean i can't be someone else's... submissive_maria the only difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment. 21 Sep 09, 5:40 AM 888-654-361 US(NC), 5 yrs Y! i agree 100%....any relationships foundation is complete honesty and respect!!!!!!! i too have been searchin for a DOM for almost 4 yrs.....i have come to learn that their r a very small percentage of "real" DOMS/MASTERS period....men that r dominant does not make them DOMS/MASTERS as many think does....they too have to prove they have thier own life in order as collarin/ownin a sub/slave will the the most important and HUGE responsibility they ever undertake...ie...health insurance or the means to pay for medical care not to mention all else any human needs to live a healthy happy life...THANK GOD im a submissive as this would not b something i would care to b responsible for....DONT let anyone telll u that u r not a sub/slave....thats only their opinion and there is a MASTER out there for u and i.....my heart and thoughts r with u my sister MASTER VEARNE'S OWNED SUB AND HOUSE SLUT...TROPIC 21 Sep 09, 3:07 PM 558-214-000 4 yrs Life/people are not just black and white but a rainbow of colors. Every Master has their own personality and varying degrees of mastering their submissive just like every submissive has their own personality and varying degrees of submissiveness. IN MY OPINION, i believe that everyone is born with a certain personality, dominant, submissive, both, etc. Most Masters, as i see it, are born leaders (natural dominants) and submissives are born followers to at least one and NEED that one important person in their life to guide them. i do not believe a Master can be molded into that position except in extreme circumstances and neither can a submissive (they have to already be submissive). Also, a submissive is often labeled a slave when in all actuality she/he may not be. Someone may find themselves in a situation where they love the idea of being a submissive or a Master when really it is only a fantasy, sometimes even they believe themselves to be something they truly are not. Only time will tell if one is being authentic or not. This not only happens in a M/s or D/s relationship but also out in the vanilla world too. There will always be liars, fakes, and cheaters. Unfortunately, one may not find out until its too late and the one person gets hurt. Only time will tell.............. and it does tell. Written with permission of MasterBLU 22 Sep 09, 9:14 AM Tanos UK, 14 yrs Y! Thanks for all these well-thought out and thought provoking replies Regards, Tanos www.tanos.org.uk 24 Sep 09, 9:30 AM Skruddgemire US(MD), 3 yrs I'd have to say that it is a question of labels getting in the way of what we really are and letting them dictate what we want to achieve. I'll put it on the line. I am a Master and I have two slaves. This is the label that I use when in fact the cold reality is that I am a scene dominant when my wife, friend, and I wish to play and that my "slaves" are scene submissives. For the duration of the scene, I am Master and the girls are my slaves. Beyond that my wife is my wife and she is an equal (though submissive by personality and upbringing) partner in my relationship. Our friend is someone who as she puts it "somebody that needs something between her nethers every now and again that isn't run on batteries and the kinkier the better". For the sake of not having to type "Scene Dominant when my wife and I wish to play", I use the label "Master". But I am not bound to it (a slave to it if you will). And this implied bondage to the label is what often what makes it hard on the Masters out there in the world. The feeling like they need to be 24/7 to live up to this imagined standard. I am a Master from time to time. As a Master, I think of Masterly things to do to my slaves and as my slaves, they think of ways to be the best slaves that they can be. As Raven frequently says, do not allow the labels define you, instead ignore them and just be what you want to be. 24 Sep 09, 2:17 PM De_Luxe UK, 4 yrs Skruddgemire wrote: I'd have to say that it is a question of labels getting in the way of what we really are and letting them dictate what we want to achieve. As Raven frequently says, do not allow the labels define you, instead ignore them and just be what you want to be. I agree. Being who and what you are is preferable to ever trying to fit a stereotype or a label. I respect anyone's choice not to be 24/7 and hope it will not offend but I offer up that it is achievable and enjoyable when not trying to fit into a narrow shoebox of a label. 'Owner' is nearer to describing me within a single word than 'Master', I'm not male, or the female equivalent 'Mistress', while it sounds fine to me for other people who like it, it doesn't resonate for me. 24 Sep 09, 2:59 PM Tanos UK, 14 yrs Y! Skruddgemire wrote: I am a Master and I have two slaves. This is the label that I use when in fact the cold reality is that I am a scene dominant when my wife, friend, and I wish to play and that my "slaves" are scene submissives. For the duration of the scene, I am Master and the girls are my slaves. Beyond that my wife is my wife and she is an equal (though submissive by personality and upbringing) partner in my relationship. Our friend is someone who as she puts it "somebody that needs something between her nethers every now and again that isn't run on batteries and the kinkier the better". For the sake of not having to type "Scene Dominant when my wife and I wish to play", I use the label "Master". The problem is that "master" and "slave" have well-understood meanings, at least on this site but in a lot of other places too. You could just say "dominant" without having to say "Scene Dominant when my wife and I wish to play", and people would have a much better idea of what you're really doing. this implied bondage to the label is what often what makes it hard on the Masters out there in the world. The feeling like they need to be 24/7 to live up to this imagined standard. I think their problem is they think "master" is a cool name to apply to themselves and "slaves" would be a neat thing to have, and they distort the way they present themselves so they can use those words with a straight face. I think it's better to decide what you want to do be doing and pick the most accurate name for that. That's the most authentic thing to do. Tanos www.tanos.org.uk Edited 24 Sep 09, 3:01 PM by Tanos 25 Sep 09, 7:59 AM Skruddgemire US(MD), 3 yrs Tanos wrote: The problem is that "master" and "slave" have well-understood meanings, at least on this site but in a lot of other places too. You could just say "dominant" without having to say "Scene Dominant when my wife and I wish to play", and people would have a much better idea of what you're really doing. But for the duration of scene (and our sessions can range from a weekend to a fortnight) I am the Master and they are slaves. So for me, when we are in the roles, "Master" and "slave" are the closest terms that I can come up with. If you wanted to term us by what we are between sessions...then frankly I shouldn't even be on this board as beyond our sessions we're equals in our marriage and are quite "Vanilla". I think their problem is they think "master" is a cool name to apply to themselves and "slaves" would be a neat thing to have, and they distort the way they present themselves so they can use those words with a straight face. This is true in many areas as well. I run into many people who adopt a title without considering that they aren't really what they claim to be and as such tend to dilute the titles for those who have made an honest effort to become those titles. Most notably in my experience is within Wicca and other forms of Paganism. We get too many people who call themselves a High Priest(ess) without ever having been formally trained as a true HP(S) would be. So I can see the frustration caused by people who come one to forums like these with no real intent to be active participants in the discussion, but instead wish to practice mental masturbation by claiming to be something they are not. In my case I may not be a 24/7 Master, but when I am one...I jolly am one. I think it's better to decide what you want to do be doing and pick the most accurate name for that. That's the most authentic thing to do. I would agree, but have you ever heard about the "Geek Code"? It's a ridiculously complex way to define one's level of geek. Using Geek Code, one can define every little detail of what they are and be extremely accurate at it. But it has the disadvantage of being so detailed that the average person has to get a translation program to spell it out for them. This is the drawback to labels. When a group of people find many ways to enjoy something (and you have to admit, there are hundreds of ways to enjoy BDSM), the terminology gets more and more complex. Do we really need to come up with a term to define someone like me? Natural progression of this could start off as calling me and others like me "Part-Time Masters". Well then would come those who don't like "Part-Time" because they spend most of their time as Masters, only taking a break on special occasions...requiring it's own term. Then would come the further separation of "Weekend Masters" and one for Masters who take one week out of the month...or every other month. Or those who switch one month as the Master and then switch roles for a month. The list could go on. Do we really need to go into so much detail that we like the geek community would require a "Kink-Code" with Translation programs? Or can we just say "if it walks like a duck for a week, quacks like a duck for a week...for that week, it's a duck"? 25 Sep 09, 1:14 PM SeanT70 9 yrs Skruddgemire wrote: Or can we just say "if it walks like a duck for a week, quacks like a duck for a week...for that week, it's a duck"? I like that, Skruddgemire; tis very similar to something I always use when explaining stuff.. ..which brings me to say this.. I've been reading this thread, and up until now, I chose not to have any input because of the 'way' that the words 'real', 'true', and 'authenthic' have been used at all.. Simply put, it strikes me that so long as we, as a single member (or Phay and I as couple) in a society of members on this forum, in our perhaps closed off world are happy in whichever way we choose to live, it is not upto 'others' to question just how 'true', 'real', or 'authentic' we are for ourselves, given that the rest of you don't know enough about 'us' as people, even for as long as we might have been here - or not. Does that make us fake? Of course not. Does that make us less 'authentic', 'real', or 'true'? Absolutely not. Why? Because none of what 'we' talk or write to you about here actually affects you at all, we're just joining the discussion with everyone else. Ya see, everyone knows (or could if they could be bothered to trawl through my history) just 'why' I came here, and further everyone knows I'm married to Phay, she owned me, we switched (to my topping her..) for a time, and then back again (to her topping me, and that's what the profiles show) I haven't actually gotten round to changing them back, because she hasn't topped (owned) me for some time - really quite incapable of it, and so (with no fake symbolism attached) she's mine..and staying that way, because it turns out, in discussion (and lots of them) I might like to scene bottom, but I'm just plain too controlling to be owned in the lifestyle sense. All that is, is an 'authentic', 'real', and 'true' turn of events - but what I'm saying is, and this is what matters at all, 'we' as a functioning couple or partnership or dynamic (whichever term floats your boat, people), are authentic, real, true, honest and have integrity to each other.. ..leaving here today (I'm not, that's not what I'm saying), could be done in a flash, we all know that; but terminating a dynamic, or ending a marriage (of whatever sort) - is really not that simple; I'm not saying I'm doing that either, that's just in context. Ultimately, I find that community relations become strained when people take discussions just a bit too seriously, and perhaps, then, they should focus on what it is 'they' do, rather than cast the finger of doubt upon others. Offering advice when advice when it's sought, or having an open forum discussion though - is different. As I said, our profiles will be changed accordingly in due course - what I failed to see though, is how people saw a change in posts, I never wrote any differently in any case, and I won't change a thing for anyone. 'Tis half the reason I chose to write this post at all. Have a nice day, Sean. Next page