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	TSR : Web boards : Internal Enslavement : "Need some Insight PLEASE!!!" Need some Insight PLEASE!!! (3) This topic has been continued on a new thread. Please post new replies there. This post is on the Internal Enslavement web board. Sat 29 Aug 09, 5:25 AM 142-009-661 US(TN), 3 yrs I lost my Daddy today and not because he has passed on but because I am a little brat that doesn't know when to stop. He might as well be dead because the pain I feel is worse than when my real father died. Daddy was suppose to always be there when I needed him & most of the time he was but it got to where he was busy all the time. Daddy started lying to me and that began to cause problems. Instead of him taken control of me, his little girl, he let me get away with my smart elec mouth, let me curse him, let me run free to do as I please. The only time he would discipline me was when I would see him. Which did not work. Daddies have to discipline there little ones even when they're not present. I remember before Daddy, I was made to do things and take pictures to prove that I had did them & yes most of the time I didn't go back and do it again. When Daddy took me in. He didn't like to punish me and I do recall having to write lines for him. Which I hated but it did make me realize what I did wrong and made me not want do it again, at least not in public anyway because thats where i was always bad. The only punishment that he has saw fit for the last couple of months was either the belt or the paddle. The belt just pissed me off because that's what I was always beat with as a child and as for the paddle well it would have been ok but the first time he ever hit me with it he did it with everything he had and I almost threw up. He drew up a simple contract for me to follow and I did obey for awhile but there was one that just seemed a bit much. Having to provide him with 6 to 10 pics a day. That I hated because I never got a thank you unless I ask him if he got them first. I still to this day don't understand why so many and why everyday. Yes I know you're probably thinking he should have been more strict and the contract should have been revised after we continued our relationship for as long as we did. Which our relationship only started out as just play time. I don't really know what to do now that he is gone. My Daddy was my everything & I forgive him for lying to me because I'm just little and still don't fully understand where or what I am to be doing in this life. Yes I am new to this lifestle and have only a couple years under my belt. Im sure most has to do with to do with vanilla feelings coming into play. Daddy is not a veteran to this lifestyle either, so I was hoping to get some insight from others. I need guidance, discipline & love and I don't know where I will ever find that again. No one will ever be able to take my Daddy's place. He was so good to me but he just got to busy for me and let me do as I wanted. I'm lost now and pray I find myself soon. Please someone help me!!!! Edited Sat 29 Aug 09, 5:37 AM by 142-009-661 29 Aug 09, 12:29 PM allalone47 US(OH), 6 yrs seems you daddy was not what he thought he was. Or up to the task of being your daddy.Sorry you had tgo fand that out. You my need to find a new one. 30 Aug 09, 9:36 PM pinklucy UK, 3 yrs I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I can hear that hurt and lost little space you are in and I know it's a scary one. You need to try and find your big space again so you can take care of yourself. Do you have friends who knew about your lifestyle who can help to support you? Can you remember or think of any things to do which will help you reconnect with a more adult headspace where you will be able to take care of yourself? My first Daddy didn't know how to look after a little one either it turned out. In the end I found that I needed to have that explained to my little side in ways she could understand and accept. Is that a possibility for you? Is there anyone who could talk to you? Now I have a better idea of how to look after that little space myself and also where to place my trust around who else can care for her. If there is no one in real life to turn to there is a supportive and friendly online space called 'Guardians Island' where littles can talk and play. Perhaps that would help? You will heal from this I promise. 31 Aug 09, 3:32 AM 142-009-661 US(TN), 3 yrs Thank you very much for the addy and I will go check it out. I try to bring myself back & then I slip again. I have tried to surround myself with friends & family but when the week starts over & I am left alone, its then I really have a hard time dealing. He was my everything!