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	TSR : Web boards : M/s and D/s : "Not really poly but..." Not really poly but... (1) Mon 29 Jun 09, 5:16 AM PyrcedDom US(OK), 13 mths Y! I’m in need of some advice... My partner and I recently decided to stop our BDsM activities and lifestyle, but since then I've been depressed, bitchy, paranoid, and in some cases downright wrong in my actions... and reactions. We had a sit down together and come to the conclusion that just because she needed a break doesn't mean that I was ready to step away from the lifestyle. I’m a Dom and have been for several years and can’t break away from my Domineering personality, can't just not be a Dom. It’s all I've known in all of my adult relationships. Our decision was that she would help me find another submissive to scene with. That she would help find someone to fulfill that need in my life. It wouldn’t be entirely sexual and defiantly would be strictly an M/s relationship. My question is this. Are there others that can give some insight to this kind of relationship? How do you make it work? What expectations did you come to? What rules did you agree to? "I ask for so little, just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want"- Jareth 1 Jul 09, 3:09 PM ravenkaldera US(MA), 4 yrs My wife and I were already poly when we tried this, so we'd already worked out the poly kinks. That probably made it easier. That and she's not a very jealous person at all. But I did find that when I have a slave, a place to put all the dominance, I can be open and egalitarian to my other partners with much more ease. So it's a good thing in that way. And there are a hundred things that my boy does for me that my wife has no interest in doing, and she does appreciate being relieved of the pressure. I think it's important to decide what relationship your lady and the potential new slave will have, before you go looking, and make that part of the up-front. Will the two of you be co-dominants? Will she have a say in the new slave's time and work shifts? Can she give the slave orders and expect them to be obeyed? When do yours trump hers? What about if you argue over the slave's time and behavior? Who wins? Will they be entirely equals, except that the slave answers to you and she doesn't? Will there be sex between them? Will there be sexual activities that are reserved only for you, for her, or for the slave? You need to work this all out beforehand, or you'll confuse the poor slave, who deserves to know what they're getting into. Start with that. Also, remember that a M/s dynamic is very intense, and can eat your attention, and you will need to work extra hard to pay attention to your partner even when your dick is screaming to just go fuck the slave. Bother to put that work in and you'll head off drama. -Raven Kaldera -If you're in charge, it's all on your head. If it's not all on your head, then you're not really in charge.