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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Where did it go?" Where did it go? (5) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Sun 28 Jun 09, 5:59 PM Kristan US(TX), 5 yrs I am fairly new to D/s. I always knew I liked making people happy, and had a hard time with saying no. I thought I was just a doormat. Through a series of conversations with submissive friends, I came to realize that a relationship with a strong man was what I was seeking, a relationship where I could give, and give. I started out slow, with an online relationship. I know people scoff at this sort of thing, but my main concern was to be safe while I learned. I was really happy, and learned a lot. That relationship ended badly, however, and I was pretty hurt in the end. I was then collared to someone in real life. I loved the man so very much, and worked hard to be a good slave to him. I loved the way I felt with him, like I would crawl to his feet and lick his boot if he said so. I would just do anything to make him happy. He had another girl, and she was very sneaky, doing things behind his back to hurt me. I was as honest as I could be with him about the other girl, without trying to tattle on her. I made suggestions as to how I could make her understand that I was no threat to her. But in the end, there was too much drama, I was released, and I was absolutely heartbroken. I spent some time healing, and now I am trying to be in another relationship. But I am shocked to find that I don't feel submissive at all. I still enjoy making people happy, but when told what to do, I absolutely resent it. I nod, smile, and then do what I think is best. I don't like this. I want to feel the way I used to. I understand a bit of why I have changed, but how do I change back? How do I get to the point where I feel I can submit to another person's will again? 28 Jun 09, 8:47 PM Sklavos_mou_Kyriah 3 yrs Kristan wrote: Where did it go? (snipped) ....He had another girl, and she was very sneaky, doing things behind his back to hurt me. I was as honest as I could be with him about the other girl, without trying to tattle on her. I made suggestions as to how I could make her understand that I was no threat to her. But in the end, there was too much drama, I was released, and I was absolutely heartbroken. (My stressing, - Sklavos) I spent some time healing, and now I am trying to be in another relationship. But I am shocked to find that I don't feel submissive at all. I still enjoy making people happy, but when told what to do, I absolutely resent it. I nod, smile, and then do what I think is best. I don't like this. I want to feel the way I used to. I understand a bit of why I have changed, but how do I change back? How do I get to the point where I feel I can submit to another person's will again? I think the willing slave-self in you feels betrayed and is reluctant to re-emerge in case it gets hurt again. Perhaps when you have learnt in your heart to trust again, - and that will take time, - then that inner slave might manifest itself once more. Good luck! To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 28 Jun 09, 10:24 PM SeanT70 9 yrs This isn't something you just go out and make yourself do - like brush your teeth or go shopping on Thursdays because it's the best day to get a bargain. You need to take time to make sure you've healed properly and not rebound from what happened to you. Once that's done, your will to submit to someone may well emerge as mentioned above. The most noticeable thing though is that you're very likely not going to be able to force it out of yourself; only when you meet that special someone, that you're completely comfortable with and exposed to, will you feel able to do tha again willingly, unless they're one of these characters that can take your submission from you. Look at it from my angle for example; I'm told by a lot of people that I'm controlling and stubborn. That I'm dominant, domineering and a pain in the neck. For Phay? Damn. There is always one that breaks that rule. I can't be any of those things at all to that one person. And what I'm saying is, you'll regain what you're looking for, for that special 'one'. Regards, Sean. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 29 Jun 09, 6:58 AM Malkinius US(IL), 5 yrs Greetings Kristan.... Maybe part of it is the people involved. Your old Master was more capable of bringing out your submission than your new one. This may be especially true since you are still hurting from the previous relationship. Remember, some people are more skilled at being a Master and Owner than others. It is a learned skill after all. Be well.... Malkinius 29 Jun 09, 9:37 AM SeanT70 9 yrs Malkinius wrote: Remember, some people are more skilled at being a Master and Owner than others. It is a learned skill after all. That's the funniest thing I've read in a while Malkinius; it's only 9.30(ish)a.m. here and I'm already due a very bright day because of that one line. Thankyou. A learned skill. If we can't 'be' who you are within yourself at all times within any relationship, whether it be in any specific lifestyle or generally, then we shouldn't be in those relationships at all. Some skills are not learned; they're inate, and just need nurturing - bringing out and rounding. There is a big difference there. Regards, Sean. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 30 Jun 09, 6:54 AM BenevolentTyrant CA, 2 yrs A skill is by definition something that is learned. A talent is latent within. Someone can be talented at something yet still require training, practice, and development. Being a Dom may be part of who you are, but properly handling the wellbeing of a slave or sub? That is most definitely a skill, which may be encouraged with a little talent.