This page sponsored by JT's Stockroom    [other banners]

	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "working it out for myself!" working it out for myself! (0) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Fri 26 Jun 09, 4:33 AM 922-378-727 US(VA), 3 yrs Y! This is more of a writing i did trying to get some anger and hurt feelings out. (it was sucessful) Please, feel free to read it and comment on it, block it whatever. i had never given a lot of thought about how to make a poly M/s relationship work. i thought i could walk in and just be given direction i would understand and be able to act upon well. How does a slave serve without direction she can understand? How does a slave live as the slave she desires to be without instruction? i see now that it is hard to walk away from what i never wanted but what i wound up with and decided to work hard and try to be a pleaseing slave to U and friend to her. i thought there would be automatic direction and ways for me to learn what Y/you B/both wanted and expected from me. In retrospect i honestly don't think Your wife ever wanted me to suceed. i did not suceed. i never wanted the type of supposed M/s relationship that W/we wound up having. It is easy to give orders but hard to follow them if they are not understood well. It has definately been one of the most turbulent experiences of my life so much so i almost shy away from the lifestyle all together much less the dream of living as a kajira. i would get good at understanding the rules and then the rules would change, i would get good at trying to please then i was no longer a pleasure. Now i sit here alone with the heat of my need devouring me. So many times i longed for a smile from her as if to put all of her fair and unfair dissatisfactions of me aside, So long i waited and so hard i tried for You to be the Master i craved and needed. i should have put a stop to this a very long time ago, but i wanted to be pleasing, what right does a slave have to say anything. Much less STOP! or even The End