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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "What to do about a Master..." 1 2 What to do about a Master... (11) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Tue 16 Jun 09, 4:21 AM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs ...who doesn't want to be served? Master frequently seems uneasy when I offer to do something for Him. Sometimes He outright refuses to allow me to do things like cook, clean, or other things if the service is specifically for Him. Sometimes He demands the service; sometimes He asks it politely. Most of the time He just looks at me like I've got three heads or something, as if I'm not supposed to want to do such things because he doesn't want me to feel like I'm subservient to Him. I've been in a few bad relationships and one abusive one before meeting Master. Many of those "men" (and the term is used loosely) DID make me feel subservient, lower-class, and less important as a person, but not in a M/s type of way. They weren't masters, as we didn't have that kind of relationship. They were just bad to me in general. I think Master's biggest fear is that I will slip back into those feelings of worthlessness, and in some areas of our relationship there is a valid concern for that. W/we don't play with some scenes or with certain words for fear that I might relapse into some of my past self-harmful behaviors (I struggled with anorexia for years and under extreme stress I have to be monitored because I'll start restricting again) and be unable to find myself again. However, I find my greatest pleasure in making Master happy. There are many things I have done and continually do for Him that I never would have done in another relationship. I frequently find myself at His feet whether he's commanded me there or not, even if it's just to sew or read. I like to be near to Him, so that if a need arises I can fill it. I have specifically told Him that serving Him makes me feel useful, and that pleasing Him by anticipating His needs and desires makes me happy. Should I just continue to serve Him and hope He stops feeling so concerned about my views and opinions about myself? Should I try explaining my feelings to Him again and do my best to help Him know where His fears are valid and where they are unnecessary? Owned by The_Tesh This post probably edited for spelling/grammar because I'm weird like that. Edited Wed 17 Jun 09, 4:12 AM by slave_of_The_Tesh 18 Jun 09, 8:30 AM 625-564-229 US, 2 yrs Your best bet is to sit down and talk to him. Let him know how your feeling, find out the specifics of what he expects of you, set rules, and follow through on them. 18 Jun 09, 2:41 PM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs You are making your Master happy everytime you do as he asks. If he refuses to let you to do certain things, that is his decision on the way he wishes you to serve him. Master will not allow me to do his laundry. At first this was very frustrating and a bit upsetting to me as I like to do everything I can for him. I did do Masters laundry a couple of times because it made me feel better at the time but of course was told both times I hadn't done as I was told, which made me feel worse. It takes time to get used to not doing the things you would like to do for your Master. It takes conscience thought at times. It isn't always easy stopping yourself from doing something you are used to doing for others automatically. I struggle with this still and am sure I will for some time. Try to remember that this part of your submission and will help to keep you in the right mindset. 333-528-841 Edited 18 Jun 09, 2:46 PM by 333-528-841 18 Jun 09, 3:04 PM Sklavos_mou_Kyriah 3 yrs There are certain tasks I am not allowed to perform. I do not do the washing. I do not do anything in the garden. I do not cook the meals. The reason is that My Lady keeps these three tasks to herself to retain control of her household. She sees my role as dealing with the aftermath of these three which is, putting the washing out on the line and getting it dry, then subsequently ironing it; cleaning up the mess and tools from gardening; washing up and cleaning the kitchen after meals. As I said in a previous posting some time ago, I am a male scullery maid. I see Her point. Were I to do all the tasks in the house I would be in complete control. Who then the slave and who the Mistress? Everything in its proper place, eh? To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 18 Jun 09, 5:43 PM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs Well, another big part of His reluctance is that He isn't used to someone taking care of Him. He remarked today that He's marrying a housewife and He's not sure how to handle that. He's perfectly fine if I'm doing my own wash, or the baby's laundry. Or if I cook for all of us. But someone else doing a chore specifically for Him and only Him is not something he's used to. I told today Him that nothing makes me feel useless faster than to not be able to serve Him in my best capacity. He said He'd try to get used to it, for me. The inexplicable thing is that He'll order me to get to the sewing or some errand - anything that *isn't* a chore - without a problem. Oh, it's confusing! Owned by The_Tesh This post has probably been edited for spelling/grammar because I'm weird like that. 19 Jun 09, 2:57 AM Ou_pais US, 5 yrs It says from your profile that you've only been owned a couple weeks, and it's not clear how long you were growing into that dynamic--but any change takes time to adjust to, on both your parts. (And if your life is anything like mine, as soon as you get used to doing things one way, stuff up and changes.) For me, it's not what to do about Master, it's what to do with my own feelings when those adjustments come along. And absolutely, coping patterns i've used in the past tend to pop into my head at moments of stress, whether or not they're healthy and no matter how long it might have been since the last time i tried to make things better with that particular coping mechanism. Do you have a positive way of dealing with it when your desire to serve in one way needs to be channeled into pleasing your master in some other way? Usually i just try some positive thinking and deep breaths, but you know the temptation to act out in less effective ways still comes back sometimes. pais 19 Jun 09, 3:40 AM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs Ou_pais wrote: It says from your profile that you've only been owned a couple weeks, and it's not clear how long you were growing into that dynamic We've been working up to it since practically the start of our relationship, and the actual collaring ceremony bit didn't happen until we'd talked it all out for a week first. --but any change takes time to adjust to, on both your parts. (And if your life is anything like mine, as soon as you get used to doing things one way, stuff up and changes.) Are you sure you're not living in my head? Because that's EXACTLY like me. Do you have a positive way of dealing with it when your desire to serve in one way needs to be channeled into pleasing your master in some other way? I'm sure I could find something, but the thing is that I'm a housewife by nature. I'm almost compelled to do these things; it's a MAJOR struggle not to do them, because it's just part of me. When I want to show someone I love them, I DO for them. It's just that in this case, what I'm compelled to do isn't necessarily what He wants me to do because it's new and weird for Him. Master isn't used to someone doing things for Him. At least after discussing it He's not so much worried about making me feel worthless. Owned by The_Tesh This post has probably been edited for spelling/grammar because I'm weird like that. 19 Jun 09, 7:47 PM 333-528-841 CA, 3 yrs Even if it is weird or new for your Master to allow you to do certain tasks or chores for him, it is still his choice and decision regardless of the reasons. If I only obey certain requests or orders depending on the reasons for them, I would not be submissive. Being submissive sometimes means having to bit my tongue and get on with it whether I like the decision/reason or not. Yes,it is nice to know the reason behind some requests to do or not do something. You are right about how it can make you feel when you want to do everything you can for the one you love. I am glad that your Master has explained his feelings to you, to help you feel better about not always being able to serve him as it comes naturally to you. 333-528-841 Edited 19 Jun 09, 7:49 PM by 333-528-841 21 Jun 09, 2:01 PM Ou_pais US, 5 yrs Do you have a positive way of dealing with it when your desire to serve in one way needs to be channeled into pleasing your master in some other way? I'm sure I could find something, but the thing is that I'm a housewife by nature. I'm almost compelled to do these things; it's a MAJOR struggle not to do them, because it's just part of me. When I want to show someone I love them, I DO for them. It's just that in this case, what I'm compelled to do isn't necessarily what He wants me to do because it's new and weird for Him. Master isn't used to someone doing things for Him. At least after discussing it He's not so much worried about making me feel worthless. Well, one of the things about being a slave is sometimes there are MAJOR struggles we've got to go through! And this is something i've gone through a lot. Perhaps what i was trying to say, but failed, was that on the one hand, as your owner grows into being, well, your owner, he may become more comfortable with accepting/demanding your service. And on the other hand, you may need to learn to accept *his* ideas about which services he wants and which he doesn't. Part of this for me is being the slave Master wants me to be, not what *i* think is a good slave. And at times it has, in fact, been a struggle! So, maybe that's not what your situation is and in fact your owner wants you to be exactly what you are and he just has to adjust. But maybe there's going to be a little adjustment for both of you, and as i see it at that point the question is, again, how are you going to deal with it? Now, i try to deal with those kinds of adjustments with grace and dignity, but generally it involves crying and drama and such, so i can't give much advice as to the how of that. As far as how to help your owner adjust, maybe ask him what would help him? And/or maybe just keep doing what you're doing, to the extent he allows you, and show him how much you love doing it? pais Edited 24 Jun 09, 12:42 AM by Ou_pais 21 Jun 09, 2:43 PM Oysterman US(VA), 3 yrs One of the things that I had a hard time doing when I first collared my slave was accepting service. It was something that took a bit of time getting used to. I was used to doing things for myself and had a hard time allowing her to serve me at times. It was easy enough for me to tell her what to do if I saw something needed to be done but there were times that is was difficult for me to accept her doing service for just me. It was something that I have gotten used to now and quite enjoy. Give him some time to adjust to it. I am sure he will come around. 23 Jun 09, 4:44 PM His_caethes 2 yrs This sounds like a learning curve for the both of you. My suggestions may seem simple or complex depending on how you view them. Anticipate his needs, wants or desires and communicate with him on how he would like you to proceed. Should there be specific things that he expects of you go ahead and carry them out if there is something you are not quite sure of then ask. Your best key here is to communicate with him and see what he is expecting. In the end it boils down to the communication aspect of your relationship. Best of Luck. in the circle of my arms he shall have all my pleasures all his desires fulfilled. in his heart i shall have all the love i need in his eyes i shall forever be his collared one ~ Aaron's Pet Next page