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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Taking a break" Taking a break (6) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 15 Jun 09, 4:30 AM PyrcedDom US(OK), 3 yrs Y! Ok so I've been a long time lurker and feel the need to ask a question. My sub and I are, due to health reasons, taking a break from the lifestyle. I have never in my adult life been in a completely vanilla relationship. There has been some aspect of D/s in my life. Im finding it hard to cope with that power vacume. I feel like my partner is becomming more Dominant in her daily routines. Things that she is doing as a "normal" partner that wouldnt raise an eyebrow to anyone else grate against my nerves, and whats worse is I feel like I may never regain control over the relationship again. My question is for D-types that have been in a similar position. How do you cope? How did you maintain that level of control in the situation? Did you regain control or did it ruin your relationship? Did your s-type loose respect for you becasue of the power vacume? Etc... Your thoughts and comments are appreciated. "I ask for so little, just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want"- Jareth 16 Jun 09, 8:36 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 3 yrs I haven't been in the position of illness in some way forcing a temporary abandonment of D/s so I can't say anything about the practicals. My sub has helped me when I have been ill on several occasions. I could have decided that D/s could not flourish when I was not up to the task of dominating but instead decided that no matter what happens in our life the D/s stays in place, constant and as it should be for us. paul would feel lost if I stopped being the dominant one and I would feel a terrible sense of loss of purpose if I was expected to act in an egalitarian way with him. I think D/s can still continue even if it has to be scaled down to accommodate illness and that is a safer and happier path than abandoning it and finding it possibly hard to restart. D/s is such a complex dynamic that just stopping it would seem almost harmful in my relationship. Both paul and I would suffer badly which is why I avoided doing it. However the details as to why exactly you felt you must stop the D/s are not available, nor should they be if they are private and personal but it does make it hard for anyone to know what the right advice is. Mine, for what it is worth, is rekindle the D/s and keep that core dynamic going, no matter what. I have known others who have kept the M/s lifestyle in place when one partner was dying so it can be done if the will is there. 1 Jul 09, 11:46 PM SgtMajorMaam UK, 2 yrs Hmmm, maybe I'm missing something here but surely the D/s or M/s dynamic is in place no matter how each of you are feeling? Occasionally when I am ill, I want My slave to make the decisions about what is best for Me, but unless I am totally incapacitated it doesn't stop Me telling him what to do if he is wrong. I don't personally think you can just put D/s aside, but maybe that is just how I see it. Perhaps I'll only really let go of the reigns when I'm on deaths door, who knows...... I wish you luck either way. SgtMajorMa'am 2 Jul 09, 8:03 PM Sklavos_mou_Kyriah 3 yrs I think there's a two way thing in this. It is in the Dom's interests to look after their slave but the other side of this particular coin is that its also in the slave's interest to look after their Dom. It the Dom is unwell or even just simply having a crisis of confidence, then a slave with unquestioning obedience coupled with a bit of intiative should do more good than harm. Unquestioning obedience and using one's own initiative sounds like a contradiction in terms. That does need tempering with a bit of good old fashioned common sense. To be a true slave is to be truly free Slave/Sklavos 19 Jul 09, 5:09 PM 682-645-503 UK, 3 yrs £ Firstly, I know I'm not a D-type.. but I hope that I can add something to the thread. About the beginning of march this year my Partner and I decided to give the D/s dynamic a break.. Neither of us was very well (I have long-term health issues anyway and He wasn't very well, we both had issues at work and His Mum was dying. He didn't feel He was able to "keep the dynamic going" as He put it.. So we changed the dynamic, I took my collar off and I concentrated on taking more of the "mans" tasks around the home. The stuff that we'd previously done together with Him watching over me, like the household paperwork, finances ect. Even some of the things that He used to like control of, like clothes.. I'd make sure we both had something ready to wear. We stopped having "sessions" together and the time that we did spend together we just relaxed, watched tv ect. In the bedroom things became more vanilla, with either one of us initiating things. He saw this as me taking a break.. I saw it as me serving Him differently. And then the vortex happend.. He suddenly noticed the fact that I was becoming more dominant, more assertive of my ideas and opinions... rather than asking for His opinion, I'd go and do it, or wear it, or whatever. We started arguing, more and more and then we finally sat down and talked about it.. He felt he had lost control, He felt that I didnt or want need His input, His dynamic..and I had begun to feel that I didnt really need it either,that He was a pushover anyway, your everyday, run of the mill, male (no offence meant to anyone)..If I wanted to do something, i just did it, no issues. But we both felt that something was missing, the spark wasn't there anymore, so we decided to start again at the beginning. He would ask me to do something for Him, I'd be doing something else, and I'd shout from wherever I was that I was busy and he should do it.. I'd hear him go do whatever it was, and then I'd feel a sharp tug on my hair. Instantly I realised what I'd done (or hadn't done)..He knew that I knew, and that was enough. Slowly things are building back up again, we still dont have any play sessions, but I sit at His feet when we watch tv, I ask His opinion on things and act on it..I wear His collar when He asks me to. We've found that it's the little things like that, that keep the dynamic going..its not how it used to be, but its still there. I hope this helps in some way, to know that there are others that have gone through things, and are getting back out the other side. "May the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars." ~ unknown origin Property of Master Nid, girl is slave - her purpose is to please and be pleasing. 20 Jul 09, 11:03 AM slavegail UK, 6 yrs Y! i do not know the medical reason for you taking a break. but duing the last 5 years i have been with my Owners they have had illnesses and i have been ill but not once can i say they have ever lost control of me i have sometimes had to make vanilla choices when they have been ill but always after discussion with Owners i see no reason for you to loose control but as i said i do not know your situation or your illness but hope you get well soon. slavegail Property of NG1 20 Jul 09, 2:03 PM destinynh 2 yrs i really think it would depend on what the "Health Reasons" were and who's health it was yours or hers. If it is a physical issue then there could still be a D/s relationship to some extent, certain chores or tasks to be completed by a certain day or time. etc. For me, i would not be able to simply just stop being submissive in a relationship, i would find a way to have it adapt around the issue and keep the relationship satisfying until the health issue was resolved or dealt with. Trust is feeling totally safe and secure while knowing you're totally vulnerable