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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "I could use some input, please." I could use some input, please. (4) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 15 Jun 09, 3:54 AM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs Hi, all. I posted this in the submission board, too, but I thought I might get some input here as well. I'm Sarah, 24, physical therapy student. Fiance/Master is Ritesh, 19, business student. Met in a class at college, started dating two months later, and the rest, as they say, was history! I have never really been "in" the lifestyle; I've had an interest in it, but I've never really been involved with a person I trusted enough to get into it. He has been in it for years; I'm his fifth(?) slave, but the only one he's collared. We're... well... somewhere between "vanilla" and "D/s" in that our public life is entirely equal, but our private life is not. It has to be that way for a variety of reasons. I was in an abusive relationship about three years before meeting him, and because of that I have some very very very super protective parents and friends. So anything that might possibly look like abuse is not tolerated. Open consent on my part would make them think I'd lost my mind, so going public with it is COMPLETELY out. Also, because of that relationship, I spent a long time trying to make myself stronger, someone I could be proud of, someone who didn't take abuse from anyone. I refuse to have someone take that from me on a whim. So it's kept private among the people we know. We have told exactly three people, and only because those three people can be trusted with absolutely anything. In our private interactions, well, we're at a bit of a quandry. Majority of the time, he is Master, I am slave. But the rest of the time, he absolutely insists that we switch the roles. I don't like to be dominant, as I'm not terribly good at it, but he swears that he lives to serve me as much as I live to serve him. He allows me to retain as much of my independent personality as possible, and we set rules well in advance of beginning to get involved in this lifestyle. For those reasons I don't have a qualm with obeying his commands. We had a private collaring ceremony on June 1, at which he gave me a necklace and I gave him a bracelet as a temporary collar/cuff. The idea behind the cuff being that he belongs to me as much as I belong to him. I understand why we do it this way - I need at least a little give and take to keep my sanity, and he loves me enough to allow me to have that. I don't often use my "power" over him because it makes me self-conscious and uncomfortable, being as awkward as I am about playing the Mistress role. I find I can only really be "dominant" when I'm angry, and then I'm not in a mood to play. I don't LIKE being controlling. Is there a single other slave out there whose Master insists on this kind of thing? How do you handle it? How do you play the dominant role and make it seem realistic when it isn't in your personality? So far as the Doms/Masters go, do any of You have this type of dynamic in Your relationship(s) with Your slave(s)? How do You help them make the switch in roles less awkward? Edited Mon 15 Jun 09, 3:55 AM by slave_of_The_Tesh 28 Jun 09, 1:38 PM SlaveNika NL, 3 yrs slave_of_The_Tesh wrote: How do you play the dominant role and make it seem realistic when it isn't in your personality? In my opinion you should never "play" a role, unless of course that's what you both like. Personally i would not like a relationship based on acting. You make very clear in your post that being dominant is not your natural way to behave and you don't like to do that either. So don't! Talk with your Master about it. Explain to Him that you feel you're acting when you have to be dominant and that it doesn't feel good for you. Hopefully He will understand and you can stay submissive from now on. If He doesn't understand or if He really feels the need to be dominated sometimes too, think about your relationship. Talk about how much of the time He needs to feel submissive and then decide if you can do that or not. I wish you well and hope you can both find a way to be happy in your relationship. slave nika ~ My Master introduced me into the world of slavery. A world i have always searched for, but i never knew where it was. Now my heart belongs to Him and His world forever and ever ~ 28 Jun 09, 8:03 PM LS666propertyowner 3 yrs I second her opinion, NEVER "PLAY" roles - as to put yourself in reality in another perons's position(role), unless the beliefs system is married as to hav faith in each other. in other words make sure that yoyu and the other is in totall agremeant with each other as to have respect for the other and the other's property. to play a role must be handled in a very delicate fasjion because of the fact that when you merge roles - you are putting yourself under another skin. and as it is whith every there is a RIGHT and a WRONG! if you play rile in the wrong fasion, then that usually make the other to say somthing like "Would you get yourself out from underneath my skin!"(in a very harsh attirude) or simply, they'll just argue with you as you continue to argue with them! and that as a waste of time and energy. energy is being SUCKED out of you as a reesult and that is why alot of people has sleeping disorders, whereas they go to slepp alot earlier than NORMAL - sometime in the middle of the day! then this affects the night sleeping where as the get up to early and stay awake and thing get rather confusion and depressing. Please believe me! I know what I am talking about because I go throught the samething with my dad, and it drives me crzy to the point that I now hate him which is really had on my becasue while I hate him, I also love him! and as a result, I have attempted suicied about 5 time in my whole life time and I am 42 right now. if you want to know more, please send me a memo and I will answer it as soon as possible, but I am mkaing NO PROMISES Thank You, Best regards 666 If you don't mind, then it doesn't matter!!!... But, if you mind then it matters!!! 28 Jun 09, 8:17 PM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs Hi, folks, Sorry to be getting back to you so late. Been a bit busy with other boards and forgot about this one. We've talked about it a few times since this posting was made. We mostly have a handle on it. We're pretty content in our typical roles. We rarely ever switch, and mostly it's when Master needs it, because I don't really have any desire to be "in charge," as it were. It's not fun for me and He knows that. There are times He genuinely does need it, though. The other day he was feeling inadequate about some non-kink related things, and nothing I did could pull Him out of His funk. I finally decided to try taking over, since He was having trouble focusing on anything. It worked. Thankfully, those days aren't common. I know He's a switch, but I'm not and things feel a lot more... natural when I don't have to play a role I'm not comfortable in. Owned by The_Tesh This post has probably been edited for spelling/grammar because I'm weird like that. 1 Jul 09, 11:15 PM SgtMajorMaam UK, 2 yrs Try thinking of it as you accepting his orders to top him from the bottom. It will never be easy and it will always be something you are not comfortable with if you are not naturally a switch, but it may give you some peace of mind that you are doing it to please him, if you really can't do it tell him so. Good Luck! SgtMajorMa'am