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	TSR : Web boards : M/s D/s O&P : "Anyone else dealing with both?" Anyone else dealing with both? (4) This post is on the M/s D/s O&P web board. Mon 15 Jun 09, 3:23 AM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs Hi, all. I'm new to posting, but I've been lurking for a few days. I guess since I'm the newbie here, I'd best get to introducing myself! I'm Sarah, 24, physical therapy student. Fiance/Master is Ritesh, 19, business student. Met in a class at college, started dating two months later, and the rest, as they say, was history! I have never really been "in" the lifestyle; I've had an interest in it, but I've never really been involved with a person I trusted enough to get into it. He has been in it for years; I'm his fifth(?) slave, but the only one he's collared. We're... well... somewhere between "vanilla" and "D/s" in that our public life is entirely equal, but our private life is not. It has to be that way for a variety of reasons. I was in an abusive relationship about three years before meeting him, and because of that I have some very very very super protective parents and friends. So anything that might possibly look like abuse is not tolerated. Open consent on my part would make them think I'd lost my mind, so going public with it is COMPLETELY out. Also, because of that relationship, I spent a long time trying to make myself stronger, someone I could be proud of, someone who didn't take abuse from anyone. I refuse to have someone take that from me on a whim. So it's kept private among the people we know. We have told exactly three people, and only because those three people can be trusted with absolutely anything. In our private interactions, well, we're at a bit of a quandry. Majority of the time, he is Master, I am slave. But the rest of the time, he absolutely insists that we switch the roles. I don't like to be dominant, as I'm not terribly good at it, but he swears that he lives to serve me as much as I live to serve him. He allows me to retain as much of my independent personality as possible, and we set rules well in advance of beginning to get involved in this lifestyle. For those reasons I don't have a qualm with obeying his commands. We had a private collaring ceremony on June 1, at which he gave me a necklace and I gave him a bracelet as a temporary collar/cuff. The idea behind the cuff being that he belongs to me as much as I belong to him. I understand why we do it this way - I need at least a little give and take to keep my sanity, and he loves me enough to allow me to have that. I don't often use my "power" over him because it makes me self-conscious and uncomfortable, being as awkward as I am about playing the Mistress role. I find I can only really be "dominant" when I'm angry, and then I'm not in a mood to play. I don't LIKE being controlling. Is there a single other slave out there whose Master insists on this kind of thing? How do you handle it? How do you play the dominant role and make it seem realistic when it isn't in your personality? Edited Mon 15 Jun 09, 3:37 AM by slave_of_The_Tesh 15 Jun 09, 6:10 AM 660-184-352 US(AK), 2 yrs Y! This girl has/d a mantra for situations or scenes that make her feel self conscious or uncomfortable. girl would clear her mind and focus souly on the scene knowing it pleased Master. Focus on your Master's pleasure you might find yourself more comfortable with it. Because, even in a scene where you dominate you are pleasing Him. 15 Jun 09, 1:17 PM SeanT70 9 yrs So what you're saying is....you're between a rock and a hard place in lots of ways? Parents can be a royal pain in the neck can't they? (bless 'em!), but surely, they at their tender age have to understand you're a big girl now and are capable of making 'some' decisions for yourself; I know from your post they have an ample amount of reservation and I dare say you do about entering into a 'full-blown' D/s relationship, but frankly, it's only as bad (and 'is' as oh-so-good..) as ya make it between the two of you. It seems to me that 'if', by whatever nature you want something in life (not necessarily talking about D/s now) you have to go out and get it regardless, but in doing so, be diplomatic - there's nothing wrong with that - it's just as good, if not better than discretion. The primary difference being you get to be free in being 'you'. Now, this thing where you have to dominate Ritesh; I find that quite clever, but did he explain why he does it? To me it looks like (from here, obviously), instead of being a classic switch, or an M-type that likes to be topped sometimes, he's actually trying to use that as a therapy tool for you to reassure you that nothing bad will happen to you while you're with him, because while you're in control of him, you have full control of the situation at all. Make sense? If not, I can explain more. As for the switch time and change-over, and can be as easy or as complicated as you want it or make it (or don't want it; I levy that so long as the one that is going to be 'in control' is the one doing the collaring at the time, and that it remains in place until that time is up, then there shouldn't be too many problems. What I don't see, is how you can have 2 people collared to each other in the literal sense; romantically, yes. Going back to 'how to deak with D/s Vs. Parents', or in public in general, there are many ways you can serve him quite adequately that would seem overtly vanilla and no-one but you guys would know he was controlling you. To put that bluntly, M/s or D/s service isn't all about whips, bruises and blowjobs ya know - I mean, look - ya go to your parents house together? Vanilla says normal across the board; D/s says he told you to wear the clothes you have on, the ring on that finger and that colour make-up today; just something as simple as him teaching you to cross your hands a certain way while sitting at the kitchen table when talking to your mum - controlled in front of her, and you can play it off by telling her that you find it comfy. It's called using your (collective) imagination, rather than looking like you're being abused. But that said, if you're not ready to take on all that the world might have to throw at you for stuff (not just this), then perhaps ya need to look a little more closely at what how and why you're doing it in the first place. I have to say, I can understand your parents wanting to protect you, but ultimately it won't do you any good in the long run; you have to make your own choices in life - and I speak from being a child of parents and a parent to 4 children. Their actions if anything will intimidate you and give you less confidence, making you feel more uncomfy than your M's seemingly do from this angle looking in. Feel free to reply, ask questions, or memo, Regards, Sean. Lovingly Owned by ~Miss Phay~ 15 Jun 09, 2:48 PM allalone47 US(OH), 6 yrs Sounds like he is realy a switch and seeks you to be one as well. But only with him. It could be becouse he wants you to exurt yourself becouse of your past so that you will increese your selfconfidence, and so as for you you to be a better sub to him. As a sub or slave you do need to be able to say no when it is required and to know when that is. 15 Jun 09, 5:48 PM slave_of_The_Tesh US(FL), 2 yrs 000-874-172 wrote: Now, this thing where you have to dominate Ritesh; I find that quite clever, but did he explain why he does it? What I don't see, is how you can have 2 people collared to each other in the literal sense; romantically, yes. Hi, this is her Master. As far as why I make her dom me, there are some times where its because she needs it. She doesn't really have it in her, but the more experience she has with it, the more comfortable she is going to be with playing that role. For most of the time, however, its just because I'm a switch. I can't dominate all the time. It's too bland. Now, to respond to the 2nd comment. I put a collar on her and she put a cuff on me. This is to show that, while we rule over each other, we are also equals. She put it nicely when she said that I belonged to her just as much as she does to me.